Middle of the Night Worries/2nd Thoughts

[choosehope 233]

I was scheduled for surgery on Wednesday but have had to postpone due to illness. After more than a week of being sick, I ended up in the ER and was admitted with pneumonia and asthma.

There have been times as I've laid here in this bed hooked up to things, being poked and prodded that I wonder if I've lost my mind for having signed up for gastric bypass

I still want and need it more than I can possibly describe - I'm desperate. But I'm also remembering what feeling helpless and out of control is like; of being in constant pain and I'm afraid of the surgery. How unfriendly and undignified hospitals can be even with the very best of care.

I don't know if I could handle being constantly ill with possible additional surgeries for strictures or ulcers or hernias. I hope it's just my mind scaring me because I'm overloaded on steroids and other meds.

There's also that part of me that wonders why I'm this sick right when I was suppose to have surgery. I'm never sick like this. Can't help but wonder if God is trying to tell me something.

Guess I just needed to vent. Needed someone to hear what's rolling around in this overactive mind of mine as I lie in a hospital bed. Sure could use some reassurance; some cheerleaders; some reminders of all this (bypass) can be.

Thanks!

[Elode 8,093]

@@choosehope Well I didn't have GB I had the sleeve but for what it's worth it's the best decision I have ever made in my life and I was scared to death and backing out up until it was over. Surgery is scary period. This surgery Is life changing. You are valid to worry it's human nature. As far as why you're sick now I don't know, have you been stressing about this all along? Stress can cause you to become sick. You may just really be sick. It happens. Sorry that your not feeling well and I know hospitals aren't like being at the Reggis but it's all for a wonderful purpose. It's hard to Imagine that right now I'm sure. Make a list of the reasons why you want/need this surgery. I can't tell you everything is going to be flawless and you won't have any issues ect.. But I can tell you from my own personal experience it was worth every twist and turn of the journey. I feel as though I've been reborn into who I was always meant to be. I hope you start feeling better and find peace and contentment in your decision. Godspeed.

[Dub 9,922]

I'll bet you are having doubts.

Getting so close to your date and in the hospital....just not for the planned reasons......and not for anything that you've directed or were in control off. This is not at all what you were gearing up for....not what you were wanting.

You are most likely exhausted and unable to get any semblance of rest. Hard to think clearly under circumstances like this.

I see that you are working mighty hard on your weight loss...79 lbs already.

I hope that you can heal up.....get well.....get rested and then be able to put everything into perspective and move forward in the direction that you want to go.

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

Remember your name! Choose Hope! Now is the time to do your research, know what you're getting yourself into, and ready for that date. IF you are not ready, that's ok. Take your time, heal up from your illness, and give yourself a fighting chance at this. If you still have doubts, don't do it. But take time to get well...one hundred percent...before you jump in. God bless and get well soon!!!

[Buh Bye 63]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this! Being in the hospital and feeling helpless is a test for anyone, let alone someone with a life changing plan coming up! I've always been a believer that right before you make an amazing, positive change in your life. . . .it gets harder. Darkest before dawn type thing. Maybe when you have surgery it will be cake and you'll be pleasantly surprised. Maybe this is actually a blessing in disguise. I worried too about any additional surgeries, complications, etc especially since I'm self pay and it was NOT cheap! I thought about how I would handle it but. . .then. . I also considered my alternative of staying at 307 lbs and what my future would look like with those problems. I took a leap of faith and thought I would rather deal with "possible" problems post op than a lifetime of definite problems. Anyway. . .sorry for rambling. I'm working nights and was philosophical. LOL! BTW, I'm 5 weeks post op and no complications, doing well. Big hugs to you in that hospital bed!

[Mountaingal 322]

So sorry this has happened at your surgery time and now you are facing two hospitalizations and recoveries. As you start to recover it will be easier to think about the WLS. Right now you are sick, worried and probably very tired. A different illness should not change your plans for WLS and your long term health goals. Remaining overweight will greatly increase your chance of other illnesses and more hospital visits down the road. When you go in for you WLS you will be healthy and ready to snap back. Right now you are battling illness. As others have mentioned you have worked hard towards the WLS and possibly were just exhausted from it and that contributed to your current issues. Good luck with your recovery and I hope this has not derailed your WLS for long. Stick with your name and ChooseHope. I am sure lots of us here are rooting for you.

[The Candidate 3,215]

Of course you're worried, stressed, and second guessing yourself. I think everyone who has, and will, under go surgery would be doing the exact same thing. More so in your case because of all you're going through.

I can tell you that I'm seven weeks out from my bypass, and like so many others, am thrilled that I decided to go through with it. I wouldn't go back for anything. Yes, I still have a long way to go, but the progress I've made so far, the positive comments I'm already receiving, the way I feel, and most importantly, the life I'm regaining day by day, are worth it all.

My surgery has been complication free. But in the end only you can decide what is best for you. Weigh all the pros and cons and search your soul, just don't let fear be the deciding factor. I hope you feel better soon!

[Babbs 14,680]

I hope you are getting better. That's really a bummer about you being sick.

Like Dub said, you're sick, you're tired, and I'm sure just done with it all. I had foot surgery just 3 weeks before my sleeve. I was NOT looking forward to another surgery. But I was also excited to get on with it.

Look at the big picture. The surgery and the couple months after are a pain in the butt, but relatively speaking such a small blip on the radar in the grand scheme of things. Believe me, a year from now, this will all be a distant memory and you will be loving your new life!

[joatsaint 2,814]

Feel free to share your feelings. That's part of what this support forum is all about.

I had the Sleeve, but 3 of the ladies I work with had bypass.

They are 2, 5, and 11 years out.

We are all happy with the outcomes and the weight we've lost.

I don't think you can go wrong with either surgery.

Get my free eBook - The Top 10 WLS Fears and How to Kick Their Butt!

[IncredibleShrinkingMan 437]

I would take the time to get as physically healthy as possible, including possibly some more weight loss (though you're doing great already). That should clear up your mind to make a more confident decision about the RNY. If you feel you can do it without surgery, then certainly don't go for it. But if you have tried before and are ready to step up the game, don't second guess yourself. If you made the decision while thinking clearly, it is probably a good one, and don't let these passing conditions cast doubt on it.

[Daisee68 2,493]

​Absolutely reasonable thoughts and fears! You poor thing! I would say this though - what you are going through now is very likely worse than going through the RNY. And as to complications - I have had a bit of a rough go with a tough time diagnosing stricture, but once they did, the fix is quite easy. It was a very simple EGD and I was out maybe 10 or 15 minutes each time (had it dilated twice now). This is definitely not easy so I am not going to blow happy smoke at you, but I promise it is worth it.

As a little insight, there are still days that I question "what the heck have I done"? A couple of weeks ago, I said this to my therapist and she asked what my fears still were and I said "what happens when I am 80 - will whomever is taking care of me know that I need extra Protein and take Vitamins and everything" and she said "well look at it this way - at least now you will live to be 80". Fair enough....

Hugs! Hope you get better soon! Meanwhile, try to sleep as much as possible (near impossible in hospital I know) and let people take care of you while you recover. Once you are strong again, you can move forward with making this decision.