How do you feel about 'fat shaming'

[Tootsietoes 84]

All this talk about fat shaming recently, those who have had surgery and took steps to slim down-did fat shaming play a part in your decision? Should there be more acceptance in fat shaming?

Honestly in my situation, I thought it played a part- but didn't want to give credit to the bullies in my life. I found https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dR7LEQYP4rA and it really changed my whole mindset about it, just wonder why someone like that hasn't gotten WLS yet.

[Dub 9,922]

Honestly.......no.

Arthritis, stenosis, plantar raciatus, ridiculously high blood pressure and back pain are what steered me to this decision more than anything.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

I think it's awful. People need to live and let live. Making someone feel like crap doesn't create something positive. Even on this board you have many people who missed out on life because of being shamed. Still others on this board who are shocked to find that being skinny is not the magic cure all to happiness. I loved me fat and I love me 104lb thinner. It was loving myself warts and all that motivated me to care for myself enough to even consider this surgery.

Shaming had NOTHING to do with it.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Nope, nobody fat-shamed me.

But I hated being fat. I was embarrassed about it. Felt so disappointed in my inability to resolve my struggles with obesity and deal with it.

I certainly didn't need "feedback" to know I was fat, unhealthy, and miserable. And it wasn't like I wanted to live like that.

Duh.

[Elode 8,093]

@@Tootsietoes Fortunately for me I was never fat shamed that I know of. I think I have a "I wish you would" look about me that kept people's mouths shut. I didn't have a lot of the "fat" issues like finding a man, friends ect.. I treat people the way they treat me. I surround myself with good hearted people. I personally think that people have WAAAAY to much time on their hands when they open their mouth up about someone else's life. Everyone has flaws they can spend that wasted time on fixing. One of my favorite says that I love is "If you think you're perfect try walking on water". That will shut people up real quick.

[Elode 8,093]

I also have no doubts that a lot of us were "fat shamed" just not to our faces. Most people are too much of a coward to say it to your face like that Nichole bi*ch that made the YouTube video. She had a whole lot to say to a camera but I can almost bet my left foot she never said it to anyone's face. She's a nasty person and if I had the chance to speak to her I'd have no problem having a come to Jesus meeting with her.

[shellyd88 463]

@@Elode I'd join you in that uh moment,,, some ppl need an attitude adjustment big time ... My WLS decision was mostly based on fat shaming by Drs in the last 4 years I couldn't get Drs to listen to me when I complained of severe and debilitating pain and numbness in my feet and legs was told that if I wasn't fat it wouldn't hurt etc had staff in offices pointing at me and talking about me as if I was deaf one orthopedic dr gave me a referral for WLS same with foot dr and vascular Drs 2 no orthopedic told me point blank get out of his office and quit wasting his time that I need to loose weight and if he has to be an asshole and tell me then so be it it was humiliating I knew I was fat it had not escaped my notice considering it went wherever I did it's not as if I could forget for 4 years went from dr to dr recommended by ppl I know to be blown off time after time we'll finally this year after losing over a 100 lbs by spring I was able to be at least listened to and tested for possible causes of pain I never had before and wasn't going away and found out I have neuropathy venous insufficiency and severe arthritis in left foot and ankle with no cartilage in ankle or midfoot joints and severe bone spurring through out foot well now I've had 4 years for it to get worse thanks to these Drs I've lost over 170 lbs and the pain isn't going away so apparently even if I'm not fat it still will hurt Now they say I'll probly have to have a fusion but I'm the breadwinner here I can't not work for months I hate that they seem to be able to treat ppl that way and get away with it we aren't deserving of basic respect it really pisses me off sorry for the rant

[pink dahlia 2,513]

The only " fat shaming " I got was from myself ! I hated being overweight ! Slim to medium until around 30 years old, then the weight piled on !! Add in sleep apnea, hurting joints and hating the way I looked and felt was not a very good way to live my life. The band was a Godsend, and gave me a 2nd chance to live in a strong , healthy body. No fat shaming from anybody else !!

[B-52 7,113]

People would make comments to me, mostly with humor but pointed nonetheless. Such as "Wow..I can't beleive you ate all that" or "Doin't leave it where he can get at it or it will dissapear"

Now, that I have lost all my fat, I realize just what those jokes really meant....I see things from a different perspective. From the other side.

I go to resturants and can't believe my eyes how people can eat like there was no tommarrow.

I see morbidly obese people at buffets, etc, and notice the junk they have on their trays and say to myself "No wonder they're fat"

I see TV commercials on how disgusting they can design a pizza or the latest burger...and wonder "Who eats that stuff? It must be popular or why else would these companies keep competeing with each other?"

I also say to myself, when I see an obese person, that's there is no reason for them to be that way...years ago I would say it is i mpossible for somee people, as myself, but now, I KNOW there are solutions if they want it...if they cannot diet (like myself) then there is always surgery. And surgery does work where everything else does not. And surgery is not that bad.

I don't shame people directly, but as with anyone reformed/cured from an addiction - sickness, you come to despise it.

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I never really experienced fat shaming, that I know of, but I do know it exists, and it's wrong. There is also discrimination against obesity, that shows itself in many forms. I think fat discrimination is one of the last acceptable types of discrimination. I may or may not have been on the receiving end of that, though I never thought so when I was fat.

I always felt like I had a lot going for me and a lot to offer, and I always made it my business to be liked and succeed. I also probably come across as one of those people who isn't going to tolerate bad behavior from anyone. I'm happy with my personal and professional success, despite being overweight/obese most of my adult life.

However, I have to say I was recently sort of shocked, and somewhat irritated that strangers are really nice to me now. They want to chat, compliment my clothes, my bag, etc. I had great fat clothes and great bags before, but get way more compliments now. It makes me wonder if maybe I was discriminated against in some ways before and was just too obtuse to even know it.

Then I have to consider that maybe something in me has changed, too. I seriously HATED being obese, and was miserable physically from it. Being fat not as much fun, in general, no matter what you are doing - even eating! So, perhaps some of the "improvement" in the way strangers treat me is due to an increased openness or happy projection from me.

That was a really long answer, but in general, it's never OK to treat people badly!!

[newmebithebypass 713]

ive been fat shamed from my dad from an extreamly early age and it sucks but thats part of my motivation to show him i can do this also i hate being fat i absolutley hate it

[dbfn 67]

All this talk about fat shaming recently, those who have had surgery and took steps to slim down-did fat shaming play a part in your decision? Should there be more acceptance in fat shaming?

Honestly in my situation, I thought it played a part- but didn't want to give credit to the bullies in my life. I found https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dR7LEQYP4rA and it really changed my whole mindset about it, just wonder why someone like that hasn't gotten WLS yet.

There could be any number of reason NOT to have weight-loss surgery ... cost (not everyone has insurance cover), health issues (once I made the decision that I wanted to have the surgery, things were delayed by a year because of another health problem), or even just the fact that they aren't yet ready for the surgery. Personally, I think someone is bettter to wait until they are in the right headspace before going ahead, because it is a big step. Who know why someone hasn't made that step? I waited until I was well into my 40s before I talked to my doctor about it, many people wait longer. It's such an incredibly personal journey (ugh, sorry for using that cliched term "journey"! I hate that phrase but in this case it just seems to fit).

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

There is a BIG difference between someone expressing concern & being shamed. No I was never fat shamed. I would never have tolerated and obviously people knew that. My WLS was about loving me & taking care of me. Wanting to prove something to others had nothing to do with it.

Shaming which is making people feel bad about themselves is wrong. What good comes from making someone feel unworthy?

[Babbs 14,680]

People who smoke know it's bad for them. People who are fat know they are fat. It does NO GOOD to shame, berate, make fun of anyone because nothing will he done about it until THEY are good and ready to do something about it. So people need to keep their damn mouths shut and let people live their already hard enough lives and treat each other with respect and dignity.

[dbfn 67]

@@Elode I'd join you in that uh moment,,, some ppl need an attitude adjustment big time ... My WLS decision was mostly based on fat shaming by Drs in the last 4 years I couldn't get Drs to listen to me when I complained of severe and debilitating pain and numbness in my feet and legs was told that if I wasn't fat it wouldn't hurt etc had staff in offices pointing at me and talking about me as if I was deaf one orthopedic dr gave me a referral for WLS same with foot dr and vascular Drs 2 no orthopedic told me point blank get out of his office and quit wasting his time that I need to loose weight and if he has to be an a*****e and tell me then so be it it was humiliating I knew I was fat it had not escaped my notice considering it went wherever I did it's not as if I could forget for 4 years went from dr to dr recommended by ppl I know to be blown off time after time we'll finally this year after losing over a 100 lbs by spring I was able to be at least listened to and tested for possible causes of pain I never had before and wasn't going away and found out I have neuropathy venous insufficiency and severe arthritis in left foot and ankle with no cartilage in ankle or midfoot joints and severe bone spurring through out foot well now I've had 4 years for it to get worse thanks to these Drs I've lost over 170 lbs and the pain isn't going away so apparently even if I'm not fat it still will hurt Now they say I'll probly have to have a fusion but I'm the breadwinner here I can't not work for months I hate that they seem to be able to treat ppl that way and get away with it we aren't deserving of basic respect it really pisses me off sorry for the rant

It's awful that the people you should have been able to trust for your healthcare were so dismissive, so your rant is fully understandable. Unfortunate, so often doctors see one problem or illness in a patient and every other issue they have is blamed on that ... my mother was a type 1 diabetic and her main doctor was always quick to blame any and every heath problem she had on that, often things that had nothing to do with the diabetes. I guess they get complacent and see us as an illness a lot of the time, rather than as a person.

And of course the other issue with "fat shaming" is that those who indulge in it (whether it's because they are an a**hole or because they think they are helping open our eyes to our problems) aren't telling us something we don't already know. When you're obese, you know you are obese and you know it's not healthy. Obviously. We might be overweight but our brains still work! We don't need some sanctimonious prat telling us how fat we are. I guess the upside is that we can lose weight through surgery ... but there's not a surgeon out there who can fix the ugly nature of the judgmental idiots out there!