Husband rant!

[dhrguru 1,238]

So while my hubby was supportive of me having surgery- he mentions NOTHING about my progress. Not a word, peep, high five, good job, keep it up-- NOTHING. I figure its typical male head in the rear type thing so I use the forums, my sisters and kids as my motivators.

So my 11 year old is obsessed with developing six-pack abs. He's downloaded a few workouts and was doing them last night in front of my husband. I came down and my hubby immediately chimes in "if I had dedication like that I'd be a supermodel by now" (referring to our son).

Ummm-- so he notices and speaks to his dedication, but I'm chopped liver?!?! I'm up in the mornings jogging my still obese body around my neighborhood-- I'm eating 800-1000 calories a day, having NO JUNK (while still ensuring they have their likes & wants available to eat),doing circuit training in the gym and am slave to the alarms on my phone to remind me to take my Vitamins.

But my son's 100# soaking wet body and his now and then effort for abs is what he notices and acknowledges?? Seriously?? Ugh. MEN,

[dancingqueene 182]

Hmmm... the only few things that come to mind are these:

1. he is jealous of your success and doesn't want to bring attention to it. if he's not as healthy or fit he may be jealous that you are taking care of yourself by getting healthy and fit.

2. Fear- some men are scared but either don't realize it or don't want you to know. In some of my support groups women have said that their marriage has struggled b/c their husbands are jealous and fearful their wives will get fit, etc and then want to leave or that the wife will get so much male attention.

Try to sit down w/ him and talk...see what is going through his head and why doesn't he acknowledge your success.

But regardless...congrats to you for doing this for YOU!! Love yourself for all you are doing for you and your family regardless of their 'interest' in the new you

[dhrguru 1,238]

Thanks dancingqueen. I'd sooner guess there's a slight bit of jealousy, since he is obese too, I used to weigh more than him, but now the tables are turned.

I'd be shocked if he were fearful, he has a huge ego... But I guess that could be a cover.

I don't think our marriage is threatened to any degree, just would like a kudos every now and again. But that's been a long going battle in my marriage, I've long complained he never acknowledges me personally (ie-nice dress) or for my contributions to the family (great dinner, house looks clean etc)

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

My hubs is a big man too. He struggled with supporting me when I decided to do this. I did it. I didn't ask him for permission to do it, or his approval to do it. I just did it. He can love it or leave it. This is about me. Well...the other day we were in the kitchen, and I was dressed in some tight black capri pants, and a longer tunic, and he said his first supportive thing...."you're disappearing! Turn sideways and I can barely see you"... I'll take that! HA! Sounds like jealousy to me, though @@dhrguru Just take care of you, and he will climb on board. In his head he is thinking all the things you need to hear....but he hasn't found a way to speak them yet.

[Elode 8,093]

@@dhrguru This made me laugh! Only because I had a incident similar to your the other day. My husband has been supportive too and does comment on my progress when I shamelessly prompt him to. The other day we were watching the news and our local weather lady has lost some weight which he was quick to bring up and say how much better she looks. That was an instant "WTH" moment! I said some snippy comment, shut the TV off and tossed the remote on the other couch. Ha! Without even thinking, I felt kinda dumb afterwards for snapping Like that because I know he didn't even put two and two together. Men are different creatures, they don't think like us. I do whole heartedly believe at times they don't want to give too much praise because they don't want us the get a swollen head and look start looking elsewhere. That wouldn't happen in my case but I can see how it would cross a mans mind. I know he loves me and is proud by the way he acts more than what comes out of that big yapper of his. Men, smh!

[KristenVSG2014 1,872]

My husband has always struggled with complimenting me. He likes to playfully make fun of me instead. Which is fine but every now and then a girl just wants to be told she's sexy. After surgery I didn't get any comments for a long time. He didn't start complimenting me until the last two months or so and even now his compliments aren't really compliments.

Here's what happened last weekend. *Grabs my butt* "Your butt has gotten so small. My butt is bigger than yours now!" At a romantic dinner, he says, "You're so pretty now." I couldn't help but laugh and say, "As opposed to...what before?" Then later in bed he grabs my boob and says, "Your boobs are so much smaller now!" (They are still DDD).

I know he's trying to compliment me. He just struggles with it. Maybe yours will come around eventually.

Edited September 5, 2015 by krisrpaz

[Sharon1964 2,530]

But that's been a long going battle in my marriage, I've long complained he never acknowledges me personally (ie-nice dress) or for my contributions to the family (great dinner, house looks clean etc)

Sounds like you two could use some work with the book "the five love languages". Seems like your love language is "words of affirmation" and he isn't speaking it.

[dhrguru 1,238]

But that's been a long going battle in my marriage, I've long complained he never acknowledges me personally (ie-nice dress) or for my contributions to the family (great dinner, house looks clean etc)

Sounds like you two could use some work with the book "the five love languages". Seems like your love language is "words of affirmation" and he isn't speaking it.

I've read it... We started a couples devotion using that book... I dropped it once I saw he wasn't taking it seriously. For him the only book worth giving any credence to is the bible.

[MrsKitz 20]

Men are weird sometimes. Mine hesitates to say things because he just doesn't think about it, and if he does think about it, he's not sure how to voice it. Women in his past have made him fearful of possible responses, so he says nothing. We're working on it.

Edited September 5, 2015 by MrsKitz

[Awjones28 320]

Thanks dancingqueen. I'd sooner guess there's a slight bit of jealousy, since he is obese too, I used to weigh more than him, but now the tables are turned.

I'd be shocked if he were fearful, he has a huge ego... But I guess that could be a cover.

I don't think our marriage is threatened to any degree, just would like a kudos every now and again. But that's been a long going battle in my marriage, I've long complained he never acknowledges me personally (ie-nice dress) or for my contributions to the family (great dinner, house looks clean etc)

I think he's like most husbands, just unappreciative, takes us for granted since we are super women, and slightly jealous since you said he's overweigh too. Also, our men tend to shy away from mentioning ANYTHING about our weight- be it positive of negative, for fear of getting their heads ripped off. If you're like me (crazy), I could turn a compliment into an argument just from my own insecurity. "Oh honey looks like you've dropped a lot of weight" translation in my head : you aren't that fat anymore! Lol I know I'm fat but if he said it , it was going down! So now I'm trying to encourage him to encourage me again. Funny how this thing works. My first week I texted him that I was down 10#. His response "ok". I went clean off! Lol needless to say I had to apologize after he explained his position.

[Babbs 14,680]

Have you tried actually talking to him about how you feel? I mean, I know you need to rant, and yes, by all means rant away, but none of us are going to help him understand what you need from him. Only you can do that.

Talk to the guy. Just let him know in a non accusatory way how it makes you feel when you don't get acknowledgement from him.

It's sad we have to actually do that, but men are dense sometimes. But on the flip side, they aren't mind readers either. Even though they SHOULD be, dammit!

[KristenVSG2014 1,872]

But that's been a long going battle in my marriage, I've long complained he never acknowledges me personally (ie-nice dress) or for my contributions to the family (great dinner, house looks clean etc)

Sounds like you two could use some work with the book "the five love languages". Seems like your love language is "words of affirmation" and he isn't speaking it.

I've read it... We started a couples devotion using that book... I dropped it once I saw he wasn't taking it seriously. For him the only book worth giving any credence to is the bible.

Then show him Proverbs 31:28.

"Her husband rises up and praises her".

Also, pray about it. Sometimes we as wives have to set the example and show respect for our husbands then they will reciprocate.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

My boyfriend of nine years (I call him my "hubby man") has never said "I love you". But he DOES "I love you" every day. He brings me flowers that he planted in his garden just for me. He is a much better cook than I ever hope to be, so he does not leave me to struggle.

He does the cooking and picks up anything thing at the store that I want. He cooks according to my dietary needs and has adjusted himself to eat the same foods so as to not trip me up with temptation. He comes directly home from work every day and is glad to provide for me.

He has stayed by my side through some serious illnesses and has been completely supportive of my weight loss experience. Yesterday, he left out for errands and asked e for a kiss before he went out the door. That's a new one, because I am always asking HIM for a kiss before he leaves for somewhere. He is always bringing home little "surprises" from menards. When he goes away on business trips, he calls me every evening. He even took me on the last business trip with him (which was a three-day conference held at a lovely wooded resort).

There a so many little things that he does that I will accept as support, because he just does not express himself verbally. I love men, but they are sooooooooo hard to train!

I hope your man comes around and acknowledges how hard you are working on improving your health and quality of life. In the meantime, keep your antennas out for the non-verbal clues. And, get more playful yourself. Show him that these improvements are giving you some energy and spunk that will be to his advantage in the dark.

[dhrguru 1,238]

Thanks dancingqueen. I'd sooner guess there's a slight bit of jealousy, since he is obese too, I used to weigh more than him, but now the tables are turned.

I'd be shocked if he were fearful, he has a huge ego... But I guess that could be a cover.

I don't think our marriage is threatened to any degree, just would like a kudos every now and again. But that's been a long going battle in my marriage, I've long complained he never acknowledges me personally (ie-nice dress) or for my contributions to the family (great dinner, house looks clean etc)

I think he's like most husbands, just unappreciative, takes us for granted since we are super women, and slightly jealous since you said he's overweigh too. Also, our men tend to shy away from mentioning ANYTHING about our weight- be it positive of negative, for fear of getting their heads ripped off. If you're like me (crazy), I could turn a compliment into an argument just from my own insecurity. "Oh honey looks like you've dropped a lot of weight" translation in my head : you aren't that fat anymore! Lol I know I'm fat but if he said it , it was going down! So now I'm trying to encourage him to encourage me again. Funny how this thing works. My first week I texted him that I was down 10#. His response "ok". I went clean off! Lol needless to say I had to apologize after he explained his position.

LOL, I try not to let the crazy show too much. But you have a point, he may be shy due to my past crazy tendencies.

[VDB 800]

As Red Green said: "I'm a man, I can change, if I want to...I guess"....yep, it is a man thing. Simplistic solution (we men like it simple). Catch him at a quiet moment and say "Hon, I need you to notice the changes in my body. Complement me, give me support, your noticing is very important to me". Try it, can't hurt. If he does it, give him a reward of some kind... men like that.