So I'm 26 now I recently sleeved, and this topic is WLS related. But since there are a lot of women here who are/were overweight and struggling with their weight, I thought I would ask a question about MEN. Can anyone relate to this problem?

I have been everwight since I were a child and this really affected my confidence. I'm still kind of a pretty-face girl, and men do hit on me from time to time (not that often, but it does happen). And yet i usually reject them right away, even when there is a certain physical attraction. I just assume they are approaching me cause the think I'm an easy target - 'obviously a chabby girl won't miss that kind of opportunity' kind of thing. I know it's pretty stupid sometimes, but then, it seems to me men often are much bolder and daring with overweight girls.

So from time to time it makes me think how many opportunities of meeting great men I missed because of my low self-confidence. Does anyone have/ did have the same issues?

It sounds like you have a lot to offer and they can sense that. Some guys like chubby women, some don't care. I didn't get hit on when "chubby" but that's just me. I'm not one of those people that others say "you have such a pretty face".

I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit.

I always felt the same way. I guess it's hard to know a guy's true intentions, since very few would come out and say they are just scamming for an easy target. I bet some had genuine good intentions though! Maybe give some of these guys a fair chance, and you might be able to tell fairly quickly who is interested in you as person. But, consider being aware of men who "like big women". If that's their preference they may not be supportive of your weight loss process.

@@meggs353 Great point about the men who like big women and may not be supportive!!

@esskay77 thanks for the support and words of encouragment

@meggs353, yes, I can see what you mean about the weight loss. I'm actually not that interested in men at the moment, since I'm mostly interested in myself and my diet, which may seem egocentric but I find it healthy. So I'm not exactly looking for guys, may not be the best idea to get involved while there are drastic changes coming... That being said, if someone interesting happens to be there, I will try tu give him (and myself) some credit.

Thank you girls!

I understand what you are talking about. I have struggled with weight all my life. I have been told that I am beautiful, hot, gorgeous....but I don't see that. I have always avoided looking into others eyes because of my lack of confidence. Sometimes, I feel pretty when my hair is done, makeup on, and dressed up. Then I see other healthy thinner women and say to myself "what was I thinking, I don't have a chance" I have an extremely hard time with taking compliments. I have been married for the past 10 yrs and my husband loves me for me and is supportive with anything I do. I don't feel sexy or desirable at this weight and he knows that and he compliments me all the time, but I don't believe what he says. I am working on trying to love myself, but when I look in the mirror, I see so many flaws and wonder if others see those too. It would be nice for once to walk in a room and turn heads just to feel desirable. I have tried therapy, and don't feel like I get anywhere with that. Some men, love bigger women, or women with meat on their bones. My husband met me and I was more overweight then, than what I am now. He told me he didn't like anorexic women. Self confidence will improve once we see the physical changes. The part that is harder will be the psychological changes that will need to match.

This is a topic that really speaks to me. One of my reasons for getting lapband is that I felt it was vital that I experience life in a normal sized body, the body that I "should have had." (Sadly due to band complications this did not happen for me; I'm still fat and will not revise so I am resigned to never knowing what it will be like to be thin.)

However, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my choice in partners would have been much saner had I not been an obese woman during my dating years. I consistently "settled" and never partnered with a man who treated me in the way I deserved to be treated/honored/loved. Men who expressed interest in me were few, as is often the case with obese people. I settled, plain and simple. I do have two great kids so at least there's that. But I constantly wonder what kind of life I would have had had I been able to go through its important stages in a normal-size body.

Your sleeve will allow you to get to a normal weight. If you do some work on the mental side and clear out the consequences of what the years of obesity have done to your confidence, I'm certain you'll make choices that are good ones. Pat yourself on the back for doing this while you are young...you've just spared yourself a lifetime of physical and mental complications (hopefully).

Men hit on slim women just for sex all the time.

What a man wants from you is what a man wants from you, slim or fat.

Retro, there are men who LOVE big women...your curves are luscious and your bigness is very desirable to them. I found myself one of these men. And he fell in love with me, as a big women (I started the post "My man loves big women"). Just because society says that men should go after the women who look a certain way doesn't mean there aren't men who say "to hell" with society's standards. There are also some men who aren't ready to overtly acknowledge their love of the rounder woman so they stay in the closet watching big babes doing the nasty in porn (yes there are BBW porn stars - it is actually quite a popular.genre) and watch us from afar. Of course there are men who think big women are so desperate for attention that they are easy targets.. But I would wager a bet that most of those men were truly interested in meeting you.

@betrthnever, thanks for the words of encouragement. I guess your head is always your worst enemy. I hope I'll manage to work on that as I go on.

Edited September 17, 201510 yr by RetroGirl

removed. I did not mean to intrude on a women only thread.

Edited September 2, 201510 yr by BigViffer

...

I guess what I am saying is this: when you do decide to enter the dating pool and you fear that someone will notice your flaws, they may be looking at them and it is exactly what they are wanting. We like people for their qualities, but we love them for their defects.

Well put, Big!!

Security! There's a man in the ladies room!

@BigViffer, I appreciate your good intentions, but what part of female-only-for-ladies-only don't you get?

No offense, of course.

Security! There's a man in the ladies room!

@BigViffer, I appreciate your good intentions, but what part of female-only-for-ladies-only don't you get?

No offense, of course.

Oops! I did not see that. That was not intentional. Since you are still new here, you'll soon see that men's only and women's only sub-forums are not always clearly marked when looking through unread threads.

I'll remove the post.

Edited September 2, 201510 yr by BigViffer

It was a good post! I like what you had to say, big!

I agree with this sentiment.

Not sure the right approach but I assume an interested man is interested. It's up to me what I am interested in and how I respond. I have definitely "missed out" since becoming slim by rejecting men whose motives I didn't trust or understand. In hindsight there are a few I wish I had handled differently.

Men hit on slim women just for sex all the time.

What a man wants from you is what a man wants from you, slim or fat.