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Shame in sharing WLS with friends/family?



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I'm less than a week post op and i'm doing GREAT! I've had a fantastic experience so far, i can only hope the same for future sleevers.

On to my topic: Any one else feel embarressed to tell the people in their lives that they were thinking about or even ended up having WLS? I've heard a million comments from coworkers, family, and even close friends who have said, it's the easy way out, etc. I was surprised to hear my parents advise me to not tell my extended family if it came up. But I wouldn't want to lie when they see me 100lbs lighter (here's hoping!) So since this became the right decision for me, I havent found a way to justify myself to the opinionated nay-sayers. I'm 300lbs...but I wasnt 600lbs, i was pre-diabetic, but not type 2 diabetic, etc. so i feel like I'm going to be looked at as the dude who just took the easy way out to get skinny when health was a sincere reason for surgery. I'm just having a hard time feeling the confidence in telling the people in my life that I had this surgery and i feel great already. Hope i'm not the only one feeling this way.

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My mom has said, "if I ever get it done NO ONE would know". But I actually have told my coworkers, friends and family. I have personally found a lot of cheer leaders who are very supportive. Sure the are a few negative ppl and I'm SURE there are conversations about me taking the "easy way out" when I'm not around but overall I've had a good experience sharing my journey. I KNOW I have worked hard and I KNOW I will continue to work hard after my surgery. I have confidence that after my surgery when I'm in the best shape of my life and able to exercise regularly, those results will speak for themselves. Imo don't be ashamed for taking control of your health.

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@@mataz78 thanks for the advice. I appreciate it

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I've only told my parents and a few of my close friends, I mentioned to a co-worker I was thinking about having it done and she was very negative about the whole thing and she me told I was wasting my time and money and was taking the easy way out and I should try harder when dieting, so from then on I decided I wasn't really going to tell anybody!

I don't feel like I've taken the easy way out - I've done the only thing that will work - for my happiness and health.

I think too many people are quick to pass judgement.

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I'm only a 33.3 BMI and I'm having a sleeve done today. My husband is supportive and the three friends I've told are also behind me. I can't tell my family because they are all judgmental and weigh a lot more than me. I may look just a little "plump", but at age 53 my blood pressure, sleep apnea and high cholesterol were constant reminders I need to lose weight. I tried many times to lose weight, but it just won't come off since my thyroid was removed. To hell with those who think this may be easy! It's not easy at all.

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@sleevenv good luck with your surgery today! I'm 14 days post op and am very happy with my decision of getting it done.

we definitely haven't taken the easy way out - we're doing what is best for our health

and if dieting was as easy as what some people make out - there wouldn't be an overweight person any where!

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I told only my husband and two close friends who live 1,000 miles away -- in different directions.

I knew beforehand, based on things both family members and other close friends said, that they knew nothing about WLS and weren't supportive of it. Just imagine how much time you've sunk into educating yourself about WLS and then consider whether you want to put that much effort into educating every Tom, d**k and Harry you know about WLS.

For the record, I've lost / gained weight many times in my life. This time around, my friends / family think I've just finally "succeeded." I've lost 90 pounds in the last year and am 5 pounds under my weight loss goal. Doing great. Feeling good. Looking good. And not having to field any goofy, snarky comments from anyone either. :)

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I've only told a select few outside of my immediate family. But honestly the ones I didn't choose to tell were based more on things like: knowing they can't keep a secret, or the nature of our relationship is professional not personal, or in one case that they'd had the surgery a long time ago and failed to keep the weight off so I didn't want to rub salt into the wound, or I simply don't want a bunch of peripheral people observing me in silence like an animal in captivity to measure how much I lose, how fast I lose it, and then pass judgment on what I'm eating.

But probably the biggest deciding factor is that I'm a big girl (pun intended) and I did my own extensive research before making the leap, and that's all the opinion I need on the subject.

There's also the fact that I'm a very private person outside these boards, and my life choices are not, and never will be, up for discussion or debate. Period.

Shame never once came into my decision process. I'm proud of what I'm doing. I'm shining in a way I never have before and I'm reveling in the limelight. I feel like I've spent the last 45 years in prison and I'm finally being granted a pardon for a crime I never committed. This is the type of feeling I wish I could bottle and sell because I'd make a fortune! My days of living in the shadows will be officially over on 07/29 and I have no plans to ever look back again!

Why on earth would I allow any naysayers or pompous bags of air in to ruin the high I've been flying on for the last year, while going through the approval process? I made a purposeful decision to only surround myself with people that I knew would support me 100%. And I don't regret it one bit.

Edited by The Candidate

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I've only told a select few outside of my immediate family. But honestly the ones I didn't chose to tell were based more on things like: knowing they can't keep a secret, or the nature of our relationship is professional not personal, or in one case that they'd had the surgery a long time ago and failed to keep the weight off so I didn't want to rub salt into the wound, or I simply don't want a bunch of peripheral people observing me in silence like an animal in captivity to measure how much I lose, how fast I lose it, and then pass judgment on what I'm eating.

But probably the biggest deciding factor is that I'm a big girl (pun intended) and I did my own extensive research before making the leap, and that's all the opinion I need on the subject.

There's also the fact that I'm a very private person outside these boards, and my life choices are not, and never will be, up for discussion or debate. Period.

Shame never once came into my decision process. I'm proud of what I'm doing. I'm shining in a way I never have before and I'm reveling in the limelight. I feel like I've spent the last 45 years in prison and I'm finally being granted a pardon for a crime I never committed. This is the type of feeling I wish I could bottle and sell because I'd make a fortune! My days of living in the shadows will be officially over on 07/29 and I have no plans to ever look back again!

Why on earth would I allow any naysayers or pompous bags of air in to ruin the high I've been flying on for the last year, while going through the approval process? I made a purposeful decision to only surround myself with people that I knew would support me 100%. And I don't regret it one bit.

STRONG post! Love it.

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I'm such an open book that I never even considered keeping it to myself. But what was weird is that my parents and husband automatically expected me to keep it a secret. I told one of my friends and she said that I was taking the easy way out but that didn't bother me enough to keep it to myself. If my story can inspire someone else then I would rather take the chance of helping one person rather than keeping it to myself to protect myself from a negative comment or reaction. I've always marched to the beat of my own drum and never really cared what people thought about me. I can't wait until I have my surgery! I've over the moon with excitement!!!!!!!!!!!

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I told my boss because I would need preop appt. Coverage,and my husband,and u recently told my sister but that is foinf to ve about it

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I have told some people but I preface it with "I will not debate nor hear any negative talk. If you can't support me then say nothing at all." So far I've only had one comment that was the least bit negative and once she understood I wasn't doing it just to be thin but for my health she switched up and completely supports me doing it now. I did find out that one of my closest friends spent time discussing whether or not I was up to committing to the changes needed. But I let it slide past me because she is speaking from HER choices - not mine. It's for me and mine that I am doing this. Their opinions are the only ones who matter. Everyone else can take a flying leap.

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its your life, YOU have to live it NOT them. I did it because of the same reasons, pre-diabetic, HBP, and hit the scale one time and it read 282...I didn't want to wait and find out IF I COULD be 300lbs. I KNEW I could. I had been putting on about 10plus pounds a year.

screw them - I got your back!

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WLS is a personal decision; emphasis on "personal"! You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to, nor do you have to justify your decision to anyone (wether it's for medical reasons or not). My sister and I are doing this together, and we always knew we weren't telling anyone other than our mom and my husband. We are very private about every aspect of our lives (which isn't easy to be in a large Southern family). This is no different. We expect the questions , whispers, and speculation. However, we don't give it any weight in our lives.

Don't feel guilty about your decision to be healthier. If anything, those people who are trying to make you feel bad should be the ones feeling guilty! Surround yourself with people who support you; even if it that means you have to re-position a few people. If others have a problem with your weight loss, it's just that; their problem!

Continued luck on your journey!

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