I am literally at the end of my rope here and don't know what to do. I've gone to the seminars and scheduled my consultation appt in 2 weeks for sleeve surgery. I've not told anyone about this because "my weight" has become such a huge issue within my marriage and family. My husband views weight gain as a result of being weak and "giving up fighting for life". I've been my heaviest the past 2 years and they have been absolute misery. I've tried every diet known to man, only to plateau or loose so slowly that I end up giving up. I don't work outside the home so hubby thinks I should be "fighting for my family" everyday by going to the gym for 6 hours. Every morning I'm met with the "so whats your plan for exercise today?" instead of good morning or i love you. His nagging and negative comments about my weight have led to most of my unhappiness, which I counter balance by eating. I've tried and tried to talk to him about how he makes me feel, but he feels this is a black and white situation....I either want to loose the weight and will go full force with an exercise plan or I don't. Simple as that. If only, right?

So secretly I've been going through the steps and researching the sleeve surgery, getting my thoughts together on when and how I can make it work and as usual, he asks me first thing this morning what my plan of attack was with exercise today. I reply "eliptical" to which he starts the normal lecture about how that's not enough, its not gonna give me the results I need, I've gotta go hard, he thinks I would've had more results by now......so I decide to broach the subject of "getting some drastic done" to which he boldly tells me gastric bypass is nothing but giving up, taking the easy way out, how will the kids react knowing their mother wouldn't fight for her family, fight for her marriage. I said I wasn't doing bypass and he asks "what then"? and I refused to tell him. I said I didn't trust him, obviously I don't have his support, and there was no reason for him to know. He asks "well than why are we together" and I'm left thinking I really don't know.

I refuse to let him see me naked, we haven't made love in over a year because he makes me feel like a fat slob, so theres no way I'm down for giving myself to him in that way. I don't work, so I have no income of my own. Insurance won't pay for this, so I'm left wondering how I will pay for this without having to go to him and ask for the money.

I was finally proud of myself for being selfish for once and I do view this as a total fight for my family and children. Im trying to think big picture and make a true lifestyle change and because it's not a "6hr in the gym" change HE wants, it's not worthwhile.....

what to do? What to do?

Ask him every morning what his strategy is for the day to be a respectful, loving husband. Sounds like to me he has just a hard of time doing that as we all on this forum have had a hard time losing weight. Geeesh! I have been i. Both a physically abusive relationship and a verbally abusive relationship. Neither is acceptable but the bruises healed the mental abuse never did. Now I have the most awesome husband ever! He supports me in everything I do or want to do!

What you are going through sounds so terribly painful and I am so sorry you are having to deal with this kind of situation. The only thing i can say is leave your uncaring insensitive husband get a job that offers insurance and get this done for you. He does not deserve you. Im sorry but he makes me very angry. i wouldnt ask him for anything but a divorce.

I am trying to keep up with Suzanne Sommers, but it's a full-time job!

lol!

Ask him every morning what his strategy is for the day to be a respectful, loving husband. Sounds like to me he has just a hard of time doing that as we all on this forum have had a hard time losing weight. Geeesh! I have been i. Both a physically abusive relationship and a verbally abusive relationship. Neither is acceptable but the bruises healed the mental abuse never did. Now I have the most awesome husband ever! He supports me in everything I do or want to do!

i can relate to an x ..its taken 10 plus yrs of talk therapy to realize he was a sick man and that i carried the responsibility of everything his and my issues..but i moved on remarried 16 yrs ago to my best friend he is a special man my biggest support! Happy for you!

I agree with everyone! You are in a tough situation, but you can do anything! Just remember that the weight loss is for you and your health!

Look in the mirror and remind yourself at how strong and independent you are, get a job, do some exercising and go girl!