I am literally at the end of my rope here and don't know what to do. I've gone to the seminars and scheduled my consultation appt in 2 weeks for sleeve surgery. I've not told anyone about this because "my weight" has become such a huge issue within my marriage and family. My husband views weight gain as a result of being weak and "giving up fighting for life". I've been my heaviest the past 2 years and they have been absolute misery. I've tried every diet known to man, only to plateau or loose so slowly that I end up giving up. I don't work outside the home so hubby thinks I should be "fighting for my family" everyday by going to the gym for 6 hours. Every morning I'm met with the "so whats your plan for exercise today?" instead of good morning or i love you. His nagging and negative comments about my weight have led to most of my unhappiness, which I counter balance by eating. I've tried and tried to talk to him about how he makes me feel, but he feels this is a black and white situation....I either want to loose the weight and will go full force with an exercise plan or I don't. Simple as that. If only, right?

So secretly I've been going through the steps and researching the sleeve surgery, getting my thoughts together on when and how I can make it work and as usual, he asks me first thing this morning what my plan of attack was with exercise today. I reply "eliptical" to which he starts the normal lecture about how that's not enough, its not gonna give me the results I need, I've gotta go hard, he thinks I would've had more results by now......so I decide to broach the subject of "getting some drastic done" to which he boldly tells me gastric bypass is nothing but giving up, taking the easy way out, how will the kids react knowing their mother wouldn't fight for her family, fight for her marriage. I said I wasn't doing bypass and he asks "what then"? and I refused to tell him. I said I didn't trust him, obviously I don't have his support, and there was no reason for him to know. He asks "well than why are we together" and I'm left thinking I really don't know.

I refuse to let him see me naked, we haven't made love in over a year because he makes me feel like a fat slob, so theres no way I'm down for giving myself to him in that way. I don't work, so I have no income of my own. Insurance won't pay for this, so I'm left wondering how I will pay for this without having to go to him and ask for the money.

I was finally proud of myself for being selfish for once and I do view this as a total fight for my family and children. Im trying to think big picture and make a true lifestyle change and because it's not a "6hr in the gym" change HE wants, it's not worthwhile.....

what to do? What to do?

Force him to attend a seminar for the surgery options? Make sure the seminar explains obesity as a disease that once obese your body's set point makes it nearly impossible to lose and SUSTAIN weight loss or ever get to a healthy weight. And how the surgery will reset your set point from day one down to a healthy weight in which the body can cope and be satisfied from the small portions. I am still doing my nutrition supervised diet and prob 5 more months before surgery. My husband said he supported me all along but since he never has had a weight issue (he has other issues trust me), he didn't get it either why I couldn't just eat one healthy meal a day and do some moderate exercising. I learned soooo much about this set point concept when I attended my seminar earlier this month and it finally clicked for me! I plan to make my hubby (even though he doesn't want to) go to that same seminar one of these next few months just for his education. Maybe consider doing that???

Yeah! I was happy to read your last comment after reading the whole post. I would do it. Wait I did do it. It's been good for my family because I am not miserable anymore. People ask me what changed and I tell them well I lost 60 pounds and they are like it's not just that. I think they can see I am free of the weight. I have more control over what happens with it. I am happier. It's not an easy way out. It's work every day.

Yoyolifechange: You go girl, you can and should do this!! It is not the easy way out by a longshot. It is a LIFETIME commitment, and it is just a tool to help you achieve your goal. Show your husband the before and after photos from gastric sleeve....that should convince him as well. Your kids are old enough to pitch in....mine are 15 and 16, and they are completely on board, along with my husband, for my March 31st sleeve surgery. They see how my weight gain over the past eight years has changed me, my personality, my health....they want the old, thin, healthy me back!!! Show him the positives about this surgery; include him so he'll understand. I pray you are successful in your Quest for the you YOU want to be!!

@@yoyolifechange11 I read this thread and it made me unbelievably sad for what you are going through. It truly bothers me that your husband, for some reason, feels it's okay to repeat the same mantra to you each morning. It also bothers me greatly that you are in a situation where you do not have any power. What I mean by that is, you put yourself in a precarious position when you have no way of supporting yourself. Your husband can walk out the door tomorrow. What would you do to support yourself and your children? I volunteered at a battered woman's shelter throughout college. I read your post & unfortunately it takes me back there.

My mother was a stay at home mom. She saved money in her own account for years...a little here, a little there, begins to add up. My parents have been married for 55 years. But, she has always had her own money and told all of us girls to never rely on a man to "take care" of us. life's too short, and you can be poor & miserable by yourself. I was also a stay at home mom for my little ones untl they got to kindergarten. You'd better believe that I had my own money that whole time.

Edited March 21, 201511 yr by ProjectMe

Perhaps the husband is a big part of the unnecessary weight you are dragging around? No one deserves to be spoken to in that manner. Go ahead and have the surgery. You'll discover that the issues your husband repeatedly brings to your attention will diminish - specifically your weight. And with every pound you continue to lose you'll find that he comes up with new ones to complain about. You don't need to listen to a rude, uncaring hypocrite. My vote is lose both of your issues. The weight AND the husband.

Some ppl are just jerks..I mean i recall when my ex said some smart remark about my weight...I just looked at him like he's not there....Knowing full well what i had plan in December...And now one bloody pic he saw of me and he's all over the moon. Gain some independence for your self worth ,you are more than just your WEIGHT...Maybe its worth just telling him how you feel if he's the type that would listen and i mean really listen..Good luck and heres a virtual hug!!!!

My husband never EVER would have hurt me with the words your husband uses, maybe you need to drop 180 pounds of unsupportive man. My husband loved me thin, FAT, OBESE and will love me thin again, because it is me he loves not my weight, I hope he comes around but I also hope you make the right choice for you and what will make YOU happy, lots of love and I I pray for you to make the right decision for yourself, support is a big deal because this surgery is a very big deal. Good luck.

Thank you everyone for the advice and tough messages. I guess I never really realized how alone I have allowed myself to become over the years. I appreciate the insight and will be thinking about it a lot. Still moving forward with my consult on April 2, although I'm so on board with doing this I don't see how I can wait 6 months!! Insurance will pay but it seems like 6 months of hoop jumping to get there. I'm ready now....

Instead of thinking....I love him, so why does he treat me this way? Start thinking.......Why would Iove someone who treats me this way?

My boyfriend of nine years (he is 64, I am 63) loves me any way I am. I weighed 185 pounds when we met, and gained another 50 pounds due to orthopedic and mobility issues. Even though he has never asked me to change anything about myself, he has been supportive of my sleeve surgery and recovery. One thing I love about him is that he sees me as sexy and voluptuous at any weight. Even at our age, we have our rowdy time with the lights on. (At least once a week) I don't need to hide in the dark because he makes me feel loved and wanted, no. matter. what.

Whether you are big or small your feelings and nerve endings still work, and you guys are missing out on one of the best exercises there is. Tell him the first exercise you want to do every day is to throw him on his back so you can get on your pony and ride!

My other concern is ....when did you give away your control over your body, medical care and mental health? How is he in the kitchen? While he is berating your food choices, is he bringing in pizza and Krispy Kreme Donuts? Is he willing to take a morning or after dinner walk with you? Stand up for yourself. Don't give up on having a voice for yourself.

The six months will go by faster than you think and I was thinking about the things your hubby says. Maybe he just needs you to be fat and insecure and knowing that you are making moves to be thin he is scared that you will learn what you have known all along. you are a strong, beautiful woman with confidence. You are a super threat and maybe he needs you vulnerable, I think the way you have been thinking it through will be good for you in the end. I watched every youtube video I could find, the good, the bad and the ugly but I prepared and it sounds like you are doing that too, all of your appointments in these upcoming months will make you learn and become a pro Good luck lots of prayers for you and your family

@@Miss Mac....u are tooo adorable and right!!

I am trying to keep up with Suzanne Sommers, but it's a full-time job!

@@Miss Mac

I heart you

The next six months are going to fly by and stand still at the same time. Take advantage of the time and learn everything you can about the life change and dietary requirements you are about to embark on. Read the forums and educate yourself. Do THIS FOR YOU. I have a feeling you are entering an enlightening phase of your life, in many aspects. Get ready for it and be prepared to soar.

I know one thing @yoyolifechange11 you are a lot better woman than me because I would have kicked his ass to the curb a long time ago. No one deserved to be emotionally abused, and you my dear are in a very toxic relationship.

And one other thing that I know is that his ass better have six-pack abs and you can bounce a quarter off of, and not one ounce of body fat. He better be a damn ADONIS!!!