Feeling hopeless

[carleycatz 1]

I got the Lap Band done when i was 14 years old, i weighed 245 pounds standing at 5'1. I wasn't prepared for the mental change I had to make in order to lose weight. The surgery was suggested by my mother and I, being bullied and overweight, excitedly agreed to have it done. Im 20 years old now, and i weigh 165. I am still considered obese. My journey has been a roller coaster ride to say the least. I lost maybe 30 pounds in the first year, i was around 200-190 until i was 18. I ate fairly healthy most of the time and i went to the gym religiously always running on the treadmill and lifting weights. My biggest problem was i would binge, i would binge until i had to throw up i couldnt handle any more food. I didn't tell anyone this and my mom thought my lack of weight loss was because my band wasn't at the sweet spot. I went and got a fill, i cannot remember how many cc's but it was tight. I couldn't eat barely any food, and sometimes i would throw up just because of fluids. I was still working out like crazy and i got down to 139, but i was very unhealthy. I kept telling my mom i needed to get some taken out but she said i was doing good. Eventually she cracked and took me to a doctor in toronto- not my regular doctor. The doctor took out quite a bit and i was finally able to eat again. I went back up to 180 pounds over the course of a year and i hated myself. I had a spout of 6 months where i was completely and utterly healthy with the balance of food and exercise, but it did not last. I haven't seen a doctor in over a year, my fill isn't that full and i binge regularly again. I moved to a different province and I don't really know what to do, i never had a strong follow up since i began due to getting the surgery done in Mexico, and having my doctor in the US while i lived in canada. It's been 6 years and i am no where were i thought i would be and i am feeling hopeless and depressed.

[Bandista 7,466]

@@carleycatz I'm so glad you found this forum. There is so much support here. Please don't beat yourself up; I think you've done really well under the circumstances. I am some one who really benefitted from seeing a therapist to get at my food issues once and for all. If we are using food to shove feelings down, then we need to understand what's underneath all of that. For me it was anxiety -- well, lots of things, but that was primary. Now I recognize the feeling when it's coming along and I don't tamp it down. It turns out the feelings themselves are okay; I don't need to try to make them go away with food, which didn't really work anyway. It really helped me to learn to identify my triggers (my mother, the phone, conference calls, going to meetings, etc.). Try not to beat yourself up. It sounds like getting in to see the doctors I'll be very helpful -- as we know,mots about the right fill but also recognizing the signals. The links below in my signature really help me understand how my band works and I like to review theme rom time to time. I didn't use Dr. Simpson but he has great info on his site, and those Eight Golden Rules are great. You are a beautiful twenty year old with your healthy future in front of you. Know that you deserve all good things.

[Bandista 7,466]

Sorry I can't edit the typos above on my iPad -- getting in to see your doctor and getting the fill right will be very helpful....best wishes.

[carleycatz 1]

I watched the 8 Golden Rules and i am very happy i did so. I forgot what having the band was all about, and this reminded me. Thank you so much for replying, i already talked to my mom about seeing a therapist and she is helping me with that. My one concern i have now is to follow the rules, i must have already stretched out above my band like crazy im hoping i can repair it! Thank you again i already feel a sense of comfort just talking about it

[gowalking 10,790]

Oh @carleycatz...where to begin. First of all, considering what mom did...even if it was with good intentions...you are obviously and strong and intelligent young lady to cope with such a difficult set of circumstances. I agree..you need both band followup and emotional follow up. I too see a therapist to get at the root causes of my obesity. I have done well with the outside changes but now I must focus on fixing the inside just as much.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing. As Bandista says, we are a very close group of folks who mostly support each other through things that only we understand. Even our families don't always help and often do the opposite.

Wishing you all the best.