I would like to get a discussion going about this. Any takers?

Sex lately has been very....jiggily. Especially the loose skin on my belly. I secretly decided to avoid a certain position because I just couldn't stand the jiggling. I'm sure my husband didn't even notice, as we've been married for almost 26 years and is just excited to be getting some

How's that to start it off??

No relationship right now. No sex. The only thing messing up my hair right now is me taking a nap in the middle of a Sunday afternoon! Dang it!

I am starting to think about dating and sex once again.....its been about 2 yrs for me. I am hoping I can deal with this body once I'm closer to goal. Its a scary thing for me. I'm also a divorced, single mother of a 13yr old boy....we're very close. Dating is not something he wants me to ever do again as long as I live lol. So I have some things to work on, I guess.

I'm curious how the relationships are holding up long-term with the tranformation. My husband is super supportive and has been from the beginning, he was more worried about my well being than anything and seems to not ever lose sight of wanting me healthy. I'm very fortunate in this respect, I was married, once upon a time, to a violent monster who used every opportunity to try to tear me down. I couldn't have attempted this journey with such a partner.

That being said, my current husband sacrificed, without complaint, something he wanted. He was attracted to, fell in love with and married a woman who weighed over 400 lbs. To him that is and always has been the ideal of feminine beauty. His encouraging the surgery and weight loss was an act of love and selfleseness - he saw the toll it was taking on my health and wanted me to feel better.

During this process our love and trust for each other has grown. Our communication is deeper and more meaningful. In many ways our partnership has been strengthened and has become beautiful and lovely. There was a price to be paid, however, and that price is high and sometimes hard to pay.

He misses the big, soft me that he found so sexy and exciting. I miss being that to him. I'm not worried he'll stray or stop loving me or anything like that... once upon a time, not too long ago, I was his Goddess. That's gone now. Through the years, with ups and downs we always had that. When we got tired of putting up with each other or life's disappointments were too much to even talk about we always found our way back to understanding through the bedroom. It always brought us back to intimacy and communication and the profoundly compassionate friendship that has sustained our marriage.

It's hard not feeling guilty taking that away from someone who loves you so dearly but it isn't there anymore. The emotional attraction and love is but...

It's a struggle to figure out where to go from here.

Peace

@@Folly I hope you posted that in the valentines thread for Alex. Fantastic story.

Ok I'm open for this conversation.

I have been with my husband since I was in my 20's. Sex was amazing then. We got older and my weight increased and my health declined. Sex honestly became a chore. I lost my drive. My amazing husband has stuck it out through some tough times with my health issues. To have me back means more to him than the weight loss.

Don't get me wrong. The weight loss has been a great thing for our sex life. He has seen me at my heaviest weight so loose skin is nothing to make me self conscious. I'm loving dressing up for him and going out on dates. I'm still getting used to him telling me I'm hot. Very sweet but I don't see it. He has taken me to Victoria's secret and walked out with size small pantie's big NSV. I'm very open, adventurous, loving life and in love with my husband. The sleeve has done a big turn around in our lives. SOOOOO thankful.

The hair issue...Pulling my hair in bed in my 20's was hot..Now that I'm loosing hair with weight loss hair is precious to me.

Omg love the title!!!

not sure if

husband supportive

@@Folly

messes your hair

OMG

i need new glass or a hearing aide??

am i seeing and hearing right that you have lost 214 lbs??

holy moly girlfriend

you are doing amazing

spouses react differently to weight loss of their better half

spouse/significant other might become insecure

some people even worry their spouse (the person who lost weight) will leave them

other person gets insecure when they see their better half becoming independent et al

looks like you have a keeper

standing by you/supportive

you've already lost so much weight and he is thrilled with your progress

no worries probably for you

it only gets better

my husband has been supportive from the beginning, helpful

3 years post op he is thrilled with my weight loss

i never had plastics after i lost my weight - so i do have lose skin

both hubby and i are very "actively" pleased that making love is so much easier and better

what more could a "sexy cute as a button grammy" want?

keep up the great job for the rest of your healthier, happier, longer life

who deserves it more?

kathy

enjoy

Edited January 25, 201511 yr by proudgrammy

am i seeing and hearing right that you have lost 214 lbs??

holy moly girlfriend

you are doing amazing

Lol yes you read correctly but it has been 16 months since my surgery. I've had plenty of time to lose it. Thanks for the praise though, it feels good to get it.

And since we're on the topic:; over the last 3 or 4 months my libido has completely went haywire! This has been an alarming development. Outwardly I may be a middle-aged woman but on the inside? I've been posessed by a horney 17 year old male! I'm actually hoping this passes quickly, my husband already gets that panicky dear-in-the-headlights look enough. I was cautioned women may have an increase in fertility after surgery but no one said anything about the libido going off the charts! Is this happening with others?

@@Folly

I had to laugh because I'm having the same libido increase. Yes off the scale and my husband is enjoying. I'm also wondering when or if this will level out to normal. I agree. No one mentioned the libido issue. Hope to get more input on this..Any takers????

16 months since surgery.

@@Folly

yeah

your point

it took me almost 1 year to lose my 105 lbs

(not complaining)

it took you 16 months to lose 214 lbs!!!

do the math!!!

you are aces

keep up the good work

i know you will!!

kathy

congrats

Cowards! LMAO,

@@Folly

yeah

your point

it took me almost 1 year to lose my 105 lbs

(not complaining)

it took you 16 months to lose 214 lbs!!!

do the math!!!

you are aces

keep up the good work

i know you will!!

kathy

congrats

It's been a lot harder than I thought it would be. Letting go of the safety I felt in being my own island turned out to be the issue that has over and over come up to level my pride and make me feel vulnerable and afraid. Some days I feel free and unburdened. Some days I feel adrift and without anchor. Most days are somewhere in the middle.

I used a bowling analogy recently while talking with someone about these issues and it seems appropo. When you can't hit all the pins and get the strike you just gotta say "fuck it" and go for the spare. Most days I go for the spare.

Peace

Perfect conversation for a miserably snowy day here in NH! I am a new member, pre-op, finishing my labs and meeting w my surgeon next week. Folly, my husband married a slimmer version of me, then acted like he didn't notice 5 lbs/year over 25 years of marriage, bless his heart. Still attracted to me as is, but my drive is lower than his. I wasn't aware of this potential side effect, but he'll do a happy dance when I suggest the possibiity. Jenn, I fear the saggy skin but figure I'd rather be unhappy with sags then unhealthy with bags. Thank you ladies!

Yes, libido improves immeasurably with weight loss, exercise and a quality diet...and it just keeps getting better . I added yoga to my workouts two months ago...<giggles> - my girlfriend really noticed (and loves) the difference it makes. Give it a month 2-3 times a week. A little flexibility can be a very sexy thing.

OK, I'll quit smiling now.

I am 1 week shy of the 2 year anniversary of my bypass and I'm gonna say yes to the increased libido. Day of surgery I was 317, I got down to 195 and held for 8 months. I am 41 and way passed the horny teenager stage of life, or so I thought. Those 8 months my sex drive just kept increasing and increasing. My husband, who I have been married to for 17 years, was beginning to struggle to keep up. I felt better physically and emotionally, I was a whole new person and we couldn't be happier.

As you can imagine or maybe have experienced, with a 127 lb weight loss comes a whole lot of extra skin. I was very self conscious but my new needs were stronger. As many of us do, I started looking and praying for the day I could see a plastics doc. A very long story goes along with that part of my journey but I sit here tonight 5 weeks post op from a major plastics surgery. I had what they call a circumferential body lift, basically a tummy tuck that covers my entire abdomen, down to my pubic line and 360 degree around. I look like someone cut me in half, pulled all the skin tight and sewed me back up. I also added some light lipo under my bra line and chin. Before surgery my doc predicted he would remove between 5-7 lbs of skin and tissue. When I woke up he informed me it was actually 14.9 lbs. I am not one of those people who has bounced back and feel great. I have had zero complication (thank God) however the pain and discomfort have been off the charts for me. 5 weeks out I still have major swelling along my pubic line and my 2 remaining drain tubes are emptying between 70-90 ml of Fluid, daily, each. I did however wake up this morning weighing 178. With all this swelling and fluid still draining, I think I will get down a few more lbs before I can start exercising again at 8-10 weeks post-op. So circle back to the original topic, my sex drive is now 0. I went from wanting to have sex twice a day for 8 months to 0 desire. Anybody been through this? I hope and I pray my body is too busy healing to be bothered by pesky hormones but everyday that I don't feel "it"I get more and more worried. My husband has been so supportive and understanding, he tells me everyday how amazing this change has been and how hot he finds my new shape (I think that makes it worse). I've got my weekly appointment with my surgeon on Wednesday, I am going to have to break down and ask him, fingers crossed it's all part of the process and I didn't make a big mistake choosing plastics.

Christy

I've attached a side by side face shot of 1 week before bypass and 1 week ago and a silly selfie I took this morning.