did you tell people?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

The best answer to your question is under "rants & raves". Go to post titled

by"lipsticklady" she has the best information I have read on this subject. And one I wish I had read before I opened my big mouth. Can't remember exact title but go to one started by lipstick lady. She's brilliant.

Will you marry me? Or at least follow me around and tell me this every day? You tickled my warm fuzzy.

This thread? http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/322277-why-i-am-choosing-not-to-share-my-wls-with-the-world/

[LipstickLady 25,682]

And just out of curiosity .......... someone please explain this to me !! I ate like a horse until I was about 25, normal weight. About late 20's the metabolism slowed down, I ate less food and healthier food ,still gained, but now supposedly this means I have "food issues "???? Nobody told me I had food issues when I was a skinny teen living on fast food, but now that Im an adult who gaines weight easily, and doesnt lose it easily, I have "food addiction " or "food issues "??? Just a little confused ! Opinions ?

If you don't feel you have food issues or food addictions, it's OK. It's my opinion that most of us who are/were morbidly obese do/did, but you know what they say about opinions...

[samanthar 46]

I told EVERYBODY. I still do. It's amazing how many people have questions or don't understand. I look at it as though a good percentage of Americans are going through the weight issues I did. If I can help somebody in some way to better their life then I'm going to keep talking.

[MrsSugarbabe 727]

Once I made the decision to have the surgery, with total support from my husband, I did tell my boss because I was going to need time off for the surgery and recovery. I had already talked with several co-workers who had been through either the RNY or sleeve themselves so they knew I was considering it. I told my sister (our parents are deceased), a beloved uncle, cousin, and aunt, a long-time friend, and my bonus daughters (3). I DID NOT post it on Facebook. Everyone I told was super supportive because they knew I had to do this for my health, it is more than just about weight loss. I did not want the complications that can come from having a fatty liver to be what takes me out of this world. Now that I've lost enough weight to be really noticeable and am back to work (after dealing with some post-surgical complications and a 3 week stay in the hospital & inpatient rehab), when someone compliments me and asks what I'm doing, I'm happy to tell them about the surgery......it is a TOOL to help facilitate weight loss and a healthier lifestyle, not a shortcut to weight loss.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

And just out of curiosity .......... someone please explain this to me !! I ate like a horse until I was about 25, normal weight. About late 20's the metabolism slowed down, I ate less food and healthier food ,still gained, but now supposedly this means I have "food issues "???? Nobody told me I had food issues when I was a skinny teen living on fast food, but now that Im an adult who gaines weight easily, and doesnt lose it easily, I have "food addiction " or "food issues "??? Just a little confused ! Opinions ?

You know, I definitely have food issues and consider myself an addict. I was raised by overeating non-drinkers who were raised themselves by alcoholics. Food addiction is all around me.

I live with my mom right now, and it's a challenge. We don't eat together. She's a retired widow. I wanted to have supper together when I get home from work at 5pm, but we tried that for a few weeks after I moved in, and she got angrier and angrier at me. Finally I got the reason out of her. She said it's the "3 bites" of food I eat that makes it not worth her waiting for me. She eats "one big meal" at around 2pm each day. Ok. Not a problem. We will just eat separately. Well, one day I came home after half a day at work and let's just say I got between her and her food. Just by showing up, I interrupted her "big meal". Holy crap is all I can say. Seeing this flashed me back to my childhood. I haven't lived with my parents since I was around 21 years old. It all came back. Every one of us would hole up in our respective bedrooms with loads of food each night. We each had a tv as well. Now I literally can't eat with my mom unless we're at a restaurant or unless it's a holiday with company. And that's okay. It is what it is. I go to OA and I get what I need there. She supports my WLS for the most part, but we can't eat together peacefully.

HOWEVER. My best friend has been a normal size her entire life until recently. She is cute, my height and wears a size medium top and has a nice waist. She has never. Dieted. A. Day. In. Her. Life. Never ever ever. I don't think she would even know what to do if she was handed a diet. Her older sisters have been both morbidly obese their entire lives. Not my friend. Small top, cute waist. Wide hips. She has her mother's build. "Birthing hips", they used to say. My friend has gained about fifty pounds since her wedding 28 years ago until today, going through menopause at age 55. Every ounce of it is in her rear. She's not happy about it, but she's never once expressed a desire to diet. Right now she weighs more than I do. She pointed that out because I've shared my WLS process and progress with her every step of the way. She's my number one supporter and always loved me, fat or thin. She does not have food issues. She has a fat butt. She'd like to wave a magic wand and make it thinner, but other than that, issue closed. So she's a person raised with obese overeaters, technically obese herself, but free of food issues and addictions and free of any desire to change her eating.

So I'm a food addict. But my friend -- nope.

Edited January 16, 2015 by JustWatchMe

[pink dahlia 2,513]

LipstickLady, don't take this personally, but I think I love you. Im very open minded, and I thought very carefully about what I eat, past and present. Nope, nope, don't think I have a food addiction....................... um, well, that depends........... I love to grocery shop, watch cooking/food shows, new to cooking and loving it, talking about cooking, read cookbooks for fun, live on Pinterest.com , mostly for the "food and cooking " section..........have a sweet tooth thats hard to control.................. hmmmmm, maybe this IS a food addiction, or just an enjoyable hobby.........? Either way, im okay with it. And JustWatchMe ? I love you too, but I dont.know. what. to . say.about.your.mom....................I never had any of those issues, my mom was a great cook, normal eating at the table every night, no obesity in my family except for my grandmother and of course, ME ! (In adulthood), so I don't have any advice for your Mom situation, other than Im sorry you have to go through this with her. Hugs !!!!

[Kindle 8,667]

Interesting off topic discussion.....So what defines an addiction? I, too, ate whatever I wanted in large quantities my entire life. No problem in HS or my 20's. But then I turned 30 and gained 50 pounds. Then I turned 40 and gained another 50 pounds. I could usually lose 20-40 but then gain it back plus some. And yes, I ate to Celebrate, I ate when I was sad, I ate when I was bored. And my brain NEVER said, "that's enough, you're full now". I overate every time I ate.

Let's talk about alcohol....Starting in college, I drank to celebrate, I drank when I was depressed, I drank when I was stressed, I drank when I was bored. Nearly every social and recreational event involved alcohol. I drank every single day for a year and a half after my brother died. By every definition out there, that made me an alcoholic.

And now for smoking....I'd say I was more of a "social" smoker because I mostly only smoked when out with friends when we were drinking. Occasionally I'd smoke after a stressful day at work or on my way to a board meeting. Probably not more than 1-2 packs/month depending on my social calendar.

Then I decided to have WLS and to get healthy. I stopped smoking cold turkey 3 months before surgery and haven't touch a cig since. I quit drinking the day I started my 2 week preop diet, followed my pre and postop diets to a tee and had no cravings for all the bad stuff I used to eat. I no longer drink or eat when I'm stressed or depressed. I don't use food or alcohol to celebrate or make myself feel "better" when I'm down. I have an alcoholic drink maybe 2-3 times a month, (except when I went on vacation) and I never drink after a bad day at work. I stick with a food plan that works for me and have no problem getting "back on the wagon" after eating off plan while on vacation or over the holidays. It's been a little over a year and I did all of this without the help of a nut, a counselor, a therapist, or rehab. I simply decided to do it and I did. So whose to say if I had a food or alcohol addiction.....maybe I just liked the taste of food and liked to be buzzed. Seems to me it would have been harder to stop if it was truly an addiction. Or maybe I'm just in denial ????

[ItsMe2033 143]

^{I had surgery 18 months ago, and I've told four friends, one family member, and my girlfriend. I've been very happy with that decision. You should make the decision based on what suits your needs. One thing lots of people agree on is that even if you are going to eventually let everyone know, it's often easiest to limit the number of people who know about the surgery beforehand to a bare minimum.}

^{I've only had one twinge of regret about not telling everyone. For the most part when people noticed that I had lost weight and asked how I did it, I told them that I was carefully watching what I was eating and that I had increased my exercise substantially. I know for the most part those people are just asking that as a superficial question and I don't mind giving them a superficial answer. I had one guy who works out at my gym quiz me much more in depth about my weight loss. He's very overweight and he was looking for a real solution that he could use. I gave him my best, in-depth diet advice including a lot of the eating techniques that we learn about after surgery. If there had been an easy way to tell him about the surgery without his telling others I would have, but I didn't think he would keep my secret, so I didn't mention the surgery to him.}

^{The tone in this thread has been generally very supportive, but you need to be aware that some people will attempt to shame you unless you are willing to be a goodwill ambassador for WLS. I've seen many threads where posters imply that if you aren't telling people it means that you're ashamed of having the surgery. For most people who don't tell, nothing could be further from the truth.}

Edited January 17, 2015 by ItsMe2033

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I know I'm not addicted to alcohol or cigarettes, although I do enjoy alcohol occasionally and years ago smoked socially.

However, I do have trigger foods--the more of which I eat, the more of which I want. Those are highly processed foods made from sugar, flour, oils, butter, cream and include chocolate, cake, ice cream, Cookies, breads, pizza, and pastas. They "light up" the parts of my body and brain that are not satisfied with just one taste but want to be numbed.

Is that addiction?

Edited January 17, 2015 by VSGAnn2014

[georgiare 63]

I think in this forum there are a lot of diverse opinions on this. And really, what I've found, is that whomever you tell, you are going to have several conversations with that person about your surgery in the future. They get curious, or want to compliment you, or get judgmental, or just want to see how your doing, or whatever. But the topic of weightloss will enter the conversation, more commonly in my opinion, than prior to surgery.

Now, for me personally, I told my whole family because I needed the support with my daughter during recovery. Most of my family is super understanding and would support me through anything. My younger sister is not a very nice person and although she struggled with being overweight herself she is very rude to me about my having surgery, but that's really 1 out of many and she's rude in general so to me it's to be expected and I can avoid her easily enough.

Work on the other hand is more complex than family. I told just a couple people at the job I was working when I initially got the band, and they were all counselors so very supportive and inquisitive but no issues. I told my closest coworkers at the job I was at when I modified to the sleeve, and many of them had also had surgery so they understood and those who hadn't had surgery were inquisitive and constantly brought up the surgery. And finally, I started a new position where I don't feel I know everyone well enough for it to concern them. My previous jobs and coworkers had to deal with me being out for the surgeries, so I felt no need to avoid the topic, but that's not the case currently. I've told my closest coworker only in my current position, and she responded with "I just don't know why you would do that to yourself, you're tiny". To which I laughed off the backhanded comment and replied "well then I guess it worked!". She is not a small woman but apparently has issues about it. I only told her because she likes to express affection with food and I wanted her to know why I was always declining her offers for lunch or baked sweets.

So, my biggest recommendation would be to consider how you anticipate the conversation working out for you. With each person, do you feel they would be supportive, or not? Could they keep your surgery private if you asked them to? And do you want a lot of conversations to be about your weight loss in the future with that person?

Hope this was helpful

Edited January 17, 2015 by georgiare

[Big_Mama 511]

Initially I didn't want anyone(but family) to know, but I didn't want rumors to start flying around. I work in a dept with 11 other people. One day, during break time I just started talking about it and let them all know sat the same time. A 15 minute break turned into almost an hour, because of course everyone had questions, but everyone was very supportive and happy for me. I also told a few close friends, but have chosen to not tell select few, negative & jealous people who are not important or too active in my life.

[Kindle 8,667]

I know I'm not addicted to alcohol or cigarettes, although I do enjoy alcohol occasionally and years ago smoked socially.

However, I do have trigger foods--the more of which I eat, the more of which I want. Those are highly processed foods made from sugar, flour, oils, butter, cream and include chocolate, cake, ice cream, Cookies, breads, pizza, and pastas. They "light up" the parts of my body and brain that are not satisfied with just one taste but want to be numbed.

Is that addiction?

"Addiction is a state characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences. An addiction can be physical (nicotine, alcohol, sugar, cocaine) or behavioral (gambling, shopping, sex, exercise)

Addiction - there is a psychological/physical component; the person is unable to control the aspects of the addiction without help because of the mental or physical conditions involved.

Habit - it is done by choice. The person with the habit can choose to stop, and will subsequently stop successfully if they want to. The psychological/physical component is not an issue as it is with an addiction."

So Did we eat (and in my case drink) the way we did preop because we were addicted or were they bad habits we didn't want to stop. the argument could be made that the physical limitations of the sleeve was the "help" I needed to control my food addiction. And Despite its potential for physical addiction, for me, I gotta throw alcohol into the habit category. I stopped by choice because the sleeve didn't really restrict that. And I have no problem having just 1 drink....it doesn't make me want more.

But It's all very "grey area".

Edited January 17, 2015 by Kindle

[MisforMimi 760]

Kindle, I think if you can stop and stay stopped at will, you were never an addict to begin with. Addictions do start with habits, so it's advisable to be careful as you know.

VSGAnn2014, same boat. Sugar in the afternoon / morning will most assuredly land me making poor food choices into the evening. Same with alcohol, I always end up making food choices I regret when I have too much to drink or end up drinking later into the evening.

Edited January 17, 2015 by MisforMimi

[Jersrose43 837]

I posted it on my Facebook page when I checked in at the hospital.

So far all but one has been supportive. That one should have it as well but believes she can do it with diet. But alas were no on her friends so I can't support her in that belief

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

not telling people

@

hubby was with me during the whole process before surgery and after

came to "meetings" surgeon, NUT etc

one month before WLS i told my entire big family

we all live in different states, and we get together for thanksgiving

thats where i decided to make the "bold" (for me) decision about telling them my "secret" of the WLS

everyone - aunts, uncles, 4 siblings, cousins were happy for me

they knew i had struggled most of my life with obesity

i've mentioned i always have had "issues" with my mom (she was 81 at the time)

like i said - everyone was happy for me!!

but in my mothers case ----

she was TOO happy

she was ALWAYS critical about my appearance/ "excess" weight

her actions when she heard about surgery was more of a RELIEF that she would no longer have a daughter that was the F word (won't say that word)

wouldn't feel embarrassed being seen with me

NOT over reacting - making a true statement

moms excitement had nothing to do with my health (diabetes, high blood pressure etc)

never concerned about the act of surgery (possible complications)

just happy i wouldn't look so F...

kindof lost it for a sec

thinking about my past

i have talked to a therapist about my situation

oh dear guys

thanx for not interrupting my rant

of course you had no choice LOL

btw - don't worry about me

seeing a therapits about my "mom" and food issue"

issue that i need to deal with

back to initial question....

the main reason i chose not to tell many people about WLS was that i didn't want people to keep looking at me to see how much (or how little) weight i was losing

didn't want to go there

mid way while i was losing i chose to tell a few friends that were supportive

other people, what they don't know.............

whether you decide to tell lots of people/a few people/no one

your choice for you is just that - YOUR choice

good luck with your decision and your pending surgery

kathy

Edited January 17, 2015 by proudgrammy