Hello,

I am an introvert and like to keep alot of things to myself. My brother had sleeve surgery 1 year ago and is doing absolutely fantastic! My mom and him are very open with everything about themselves and are the type of people that will tell a stranger their life story!

I am ok with that but I just told my brother and he was very supportive but doesnt understand why i wouldnt want to tell the world ( we have a huge family )

I told my mom last night and she immediately started crying and didnt understand why I can't lose it the natural way.. said I am showing my daughter to take the easy way out.. and then made a rude comment and said " wow, so you will just end up being skinnier than I am''

She also said how could I just drop something like that on her and than tell her I am not telling anyone else and she needs to tell people. WTF?!!

I am beyond words! I dont want to tell my WHOLE family and the 12 aunts and uncles and the whole city my business.

I had seriously contemplated not telling anyone except my best friend and husband.

I dont want to feel guilty for choosing to be healthy, I dont think that this is a cop out or I am being a bad example for my children. Such BS and I didn't even feel like explaining anything for her..

thanks for reading, needed to let that out!!

OK, that was not cool of Mom. I too don't want people to know either, just a few. Hang in, you are doing the right thing. SOunds like your Mom is just bummed that you will be skinny and not her

.

Don't say another word and just go do what you have to do.

I don't understand why it was ok for your brother and not you in her eyes. Smh. I feel for you. I am a private person too.

Edited December 16, 201411 yr by Sassy Little Redhead

just take care of you. My mom (85 years old) think she knows it all too, and tries to convince me that if I have the surgery, I'll just gain it all back anyway, because she saw a program that said these people gained it all back, so that means everyone does. geesh. Mom's are great, but sometimes we just have to love them, and then just take care of ourselves, Mom's are the BEST with dishing out guilt. I think my mom could teach a course in it. lol

My husband and mom have said the same thing...about...you'll gain it all back, etc. I just reply with the statistics that less then 5% of people who are obese will lose and keep it off the "natural" way. I like the 95% odds that I have with choosing surgery. At least we have a fighting chance. Hang in there and think how good it will feel to prove them wrong.

This seems simmilar to a way a narciscist would react. Making it about her and then not honoring your personal boundaries request. My mom is simmilar and I have decided I can't tell her. She isn't a positive influenece and would tell everyone in town related or not.

So sorry your mom made you feel bad. She's not right for that - and she's kind of a jerk for not being supportive of your decision or at least keeping her mouth shut if she couldn't think of anything nice to say.

Just because you are related to a person, doesn't mean they have the right to treat you poorly.

This is not the easy way out - that would be staying fat for the rest of your (shortened) life! I am so mad that people think this decision is easy!

I honestly wouldn't tell your mom anything else unless you think through first how she could twist it up or use it as a weapon/reason to judge you - if it is something sensitive or that you are worried about, don't tell her because she is only going to make you feel bad and that is the last thing you need in your life. She doesn't sound like a very nice person, so maybe pulling back and keeping your relationship with her light and superficial (like you would with a causal friend) would make it easier to deal with her and have her in your life.

I haven't told anyone but my husband and my mom, and fortunately my mother was very supportive - she said she wishes she had done something like this when she still had a chance before her health got really bad, and that she knows it isn't an easy decision and she was really supportive.

She did tell my sister without asking me if that was okay (I live several states away, so sister would not have found out I had even lost weight for months unless I told her). And I'm a bit miffed about that as sister is a flake and I had not planned on telling her. But I did tell my mom to not do things like that without checking with me in the future.

Really sorry your mom is such an asshole.

I like the theory @@piaffe3 advanced that Mom's a narcissist.

Trouble is, they never change and never "get better."

Your mom sounds like she is making it about herself. Is she overweight? Projecting her weight issues onto you? Incredibly selfish. Do your thing and don't look back.

Thank you everyone! I've always had this feeling that she was competitive with me or something, although she would never say so. She is always putting me down and that is why I have distanced myself from her in the past and kept her at arms length.

I thought she would have been supportive especially because my brother had surgery but of course she said " you dont want to be THAT skinny, he doesn't look right" RUDE!!

I am going to just focus on myself and my family, I have a very supportive husband and brother and will just keep it to myself!! I had ankle surgery recently and will be out of work 8 weeks total so my work knows I am out on ankle leave. I will just come back and live my active healthy lifestyle I can't wait for!!

Thanks again everyone! Guess you can't get everyone on board but I know I do not need negativity in my life!

That's a really crappy response, and honestly, I think she's jealous. Her one comment about how now you'll be skinnier than she is was very telling. Good for you for moving forward anyway. Don't let anyone or anything get you down!