My friend told me tonight I should write a letter to each of my kids telling them things I want them to remember me by incase something g happens, because they won't remember me ( they are 2 and 3 1/2)

I am a total wreck now.

I feel like I am vain and selfish because of what she said. The last thing I want is to jeopardize my life and leave my children with out a mother and my fiancé alone to bring up our children alone.

I know the risks are small, but still there.

I really need some advise

Please

Pardon Me!! But shame on your friend!! Be proud that you are strong enough to take hold of being obese

and are doing something about it. All surgeries have complications, I had a few of my own.

Write a letter to your friend for when she can't recognize the strong beautiful woman you will become.

Have faith you are getting well for your family and good luck.

I think we all think about what can happen during surgery and specially when we have little ones. My son is seven and he knew I was going to be in the hospital and one friend told me the same thing which made it hard on how I felt the days before surgery. I just prayed for a good outcome and I did leave a post it saying mommy loves you!! And after I came home the note was in the same place but I hadn't told anyone I left it for him incase of anything but just stay positive and you will be fine. Just relax and think about the way you will feel after surgery because you want to be around much longer and see them grow and run after them. Things will be ok trust me????

Ummm, that's not a friend.

Thank you for all your advise. I started double thinking evertthing

Friends, real friends support you, lift you up, pray for you. I'm so sorry that you had to get that smack down. She should have kept that to herself.

Surround yourself with positive, supportive people. It will make the journey easier and fulfilling. It will be fine.

I have 9 year old twin girls, and a 6 year old son. I am having wls so that I live to walk my girls down the aisle when they get married, to play with my grandchildren, and all the other milestones that I might have missed if I did not make this change! The benefits out weigh the risks! My doctor says I am adding 10 years to my life expectancy, I'll take that!

I don't think your friend was meaning to be hurtful to you (I also don't know the rest of the conversation). I wrote a note to my baby the night before I had my sleeve done, per the suggestion of a friend who had bypass about two months prior. I was already flipped out about leaving him without a mother, and it was a good exercise for me. My friend did try to calm me down (I hope yours did too!) and said that you have more of a chance getting into a car accident then dying during the surgery. While it did put it in perspective for me, the note helped too.

You are a great mother for doing something to help yourself while your children are so young, so you can enjoy a better quality of life with them as they grow older.

The morning of my surgery my mother in law asked me if it was worth my life!!! If I stay MORBIDLY OBESE it will end my life. The nerve of some people!!!!

Thank you

Steph,

She didn't console me, I didn't let her know it bothered me.

I hope she was being concerned when she said it. But, I guess that's the support I get from her.

I have people who support me, but don't know the struggle I've gone through since I was a kid with obesity

I did the same thing. Got my affairs in order best I could and wrote a letter to my mom and my son. I think anyone going under major surgery should contemplate those things. Hopefully she meant it in a good way.

Amper02-wow, nice

Mother in law lol

Everything went ok though?

Yep! Tfar my mother in law! Everything went good. She doesn't agree with my decision. I guess her opinion will matter when it is her body.

My mother died unexpectedly when I was 9 years old. To this day I learn something new about her evry day from family members. Sometimes the information sends me over the edge

Last week someone told me my m suffered epileptic attacks until she hit puberty. grand mal seizures every day.

Like devastating information. Something withheld from me and my children.

I also miss her evry day it's been ovet 30 years. I will tell you had she left me a letter of any kind id treasure it

I actually did write my kids a letter.

I wasn't prosaic and it wasn't war and peace but certainly how I felt about them. That they are loved.

The plan is to keep it updated regularly. Maybe give them these letters later in life and if something does happen to me, well they won't have the same pain I do every day.

I would agree your friend is tactless, but I don't disagree that there is anything wrong with writing a letter to your children. You are not going to die in surgery- you're more likely to die in a car accident on the way to surgery, however having your affairs in order is important. I wrote my parents a letter before my sleeve surgery and before my plastics surgery and I made sure my best friend knew where all of my account information was in the event it needed to be taken care of. You are not selfish for wanting to have a surgery that will change your life, and if anything maybe writing those letters will remind you of exactly why you are having surgery- so that you can really enjoy your children's childhood, so you can run with them and play with them and be able to truly live the life you deserve.

Jersrose43-

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum when you were so young.

I will take your advise, I will write both of them letters, and often. Because you are right, we never know.

My biggest fear since I became a mom is to die and my children not remember me. The thought of it kills me inside. So when my friend said that to me ,it hit a spot inside that struck fear.

I will write them letters often now. Your words give me a sense of peace actually. I appreciate it a lot