Trying to understand

[starspring 30]

I've been on this forum since before my surgery in April. I read A LOT of posts and find that many, definitely not all, of the regular posters are quite judgemental. We each walk our own journey, in relationships, religion, and weight loss. No one has the right to tell another their way is the best or only way and that one shouldn't eat a certain way. I've frequently been left with a bad taste in my mouth by something someone said, because let's face it...posting here is leaving oneself quite vulnerable. I truly feel for those with no support system who are looking for guidance and get scolded. I ask you please, if you don't have something nice to say, stay quiet.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Geez, not this again!

For the life of me, I cannot figure out where all these horrific examples of "judgmentalism" are lurking. No one who ever complains about this EVER cites a specific example.

Who hurt your feelings? Seriously? Where? Who?

[Kissifur 244]

Geez, not this again!

For the life of me, I cannot figure out where all these horrific examples of "judgmentalism" are lurking. No one who ever complains about this EVER cites a specific example.

Who hurt your feelings? Seriously? Where? Who?

Found one!!

Edited September 1, 2014 by Kissifur

[alyce 61]

I've been on this forum since before my surgery in April. I read A LOT of posts and find that many, definitely not all, of the regular posters are quite judgemental. We each walk our own journey, in relationships, religion, and weight loss. No one has the right to tell another their way is the best or only way and that one shouldn't eat a certain way. I've frequently been left with a bad taste in my mouth by something someone said, because let's face it...posting here is leaving oneself quite vulnerable. I truly feel for those with no support system who are looking for guidance and get scolded. I ask you please, if you don't have something nice to say, stay quiet.

Very well said starspring. Alyce

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Here's what I think. I think this forum has attracted a segment of members who aren't actually on a WLS journey.

The only reason I am here is because I am on a WLS journey. Here, I'm seeking inspiration and advice from others who, like me, are on a WLS journey.

Maybe we need a new forum. We could call it:

"Seeking only sympathy. No actual WLS advice, insights or experience wanted."

Edited September 1, 2014 by VSGAnn2014

[starspring 30]

Maybe you should read some of MY posts before judging MY personal experience. If you don't like my posts about my journey don't read them. I happen to have had a very hard time after surgery. We all can't be perfect.

[Kissifur 244]

Here's what I think. I think this forum has attracted a segment of members who aren't actually on a WLS journey.

The only reason I am here is because I am on a WLS journey. Here, I'm seeking inspiration and advice from others who, like me, are on a WLS journey.

Maybe we need a new forum. We could call it:

"Seeking only sympathy. No actual WLS advice, insights or experience wanted."

Thank you for judging people's journey and scolding them on their reasons for joining the site. Looks like the OP might be on to something.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I'm far from perfect. And my journey (am only 2 weeks out thus far) has not been "perfect" either. But my own journey has nothing to do with the opening post.

I do find it so odd that there's a camp here that seems committed to being offended by others' comments.

Maybe we'll just have to agree to disagree on what's offensive to us.

Starchild, I just read some of your earlier posts and do see you've had a tough time. That can't be fun.

[Thinkingthinner1109 485]

I too have had a hard journey and I am only one week out, I have had numerous issues.

Edited September 1, 2014 by tbahm

[haleytrim 244]

IMO when you post publicly you are leaving yourself open to the "public's" opinions. I was taught to do my utmost to spare other's feeling (the old Southern Hospitality thing). However as I have aged, I have learned that there are many different people with many different schools of thought. I must either develop a thick skin or stay away from things that may pierce thin skin.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

loved Gmans comment on another thread like this one:

At times in this life we are thrust into the inescapable presence of unpleasant people: the rude clerk at the DMV, the soap-allergic olfactory offender in the grocery line, the sulphuric mother of the sweet woman you are hopelessly in love with.
Everything here is behind glass, it cannot hurt you without your permission, you can defeat any attack by the simple tap of a finger or voice command and go on unscathed with your life.

Other than regular rules moderating by hosts and admins lecturing folks on being nice is an exercise in wheel spinning. The bad people are bad so they won't listen, the good people don't need to hear it.

In my life the offensive people that I have the freedom to escape are normally dealt with by employing my best defensive tactic.... not being there. When I see their name, when I hear their voice, I occupy other space and experience other environs. My life is fraught with trouble enough without subjecting myself to self-torture.

Forums like this remind me of a guy working quality inspection on a conveyer belt of peanuts. You occasionally see a bad nut, don't eat it, put it aside, move on.

[agirlnamedfrankie 69]

Not to roll out the cliches but when you're dealing with this many people, the best thing to remember is that bit about how you can't change people, you can only change how you react to them. If you approach a forum knowing that you're going to encounter a vast variety of people from different backgrounds, with different experiences, with different ways of communicating, you can learn how to scan for the bits of advice that are helpful, ignore the ones that aren't, roll your eyes at people who deserve it and get the best out of this resource without having to feel negatively about it.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

@, I remember that thread. in fact, I just re-read it:

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/318315-scared/page-2?hl=+scared%20+tbahm

You and I really, really, really differ with regard to what is "non-supportive" or offensive. I'm not saying you're right or I'm right -- I'm saying we really see this differently.

Do you know what's non-supportive? When people don't respond to your questions or concerns. What's responsive is when people who don't know you at all and will never meet you are going to the trouble of actually offering ideas to help you out.

If you go back and read that thread again, you will see the OVERWHELMING AMOUNT OF SUPPORT YOU GOT IN THAT THREAD.

You will receive so much more value from this forum if you can focus on that.

Edited September 1, 2014 by VSGAnn2014

[Thinkingthinner1109 485]

O

Edited September 1, 2014 by tbahm

[docbree 199]

@, I remember that thread. in fact, I just re-read it: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/318315-scared/page-2?hl=+scared%20+tbahm You and I really, really, really differ with regard to what is "non-supportive" or offensive. I'm not saying you're right or I'm right -- I'm saying we really see this differently. Do you know what's non-supportive? When people don't respond to your questions or concerns. What's responsive is when people who don't know you at all and will never meet you are going to the trouble of actually offering ideas to help you out. If you go back and read that thread again, you will see the OVERWHELMING AMOUNT OF SUPPORT YOU GOT IN THAT THREAD. You will receive so much more value from this forum if you can focus on that.

I still stick by my previous post where I said there are some demeaning, rude and hurtful comments that are sometimes (rarely) posted on this site. That having been said, I completely agree with VSGAnn2014 in this case. There were quite a few responses to Scared and all of them were considerate and helpful (IMHO). Just my two cents worth