haleytrim

Years ago when I was in my early 40’s I wondered if it was possible to be considered grateful while still wanting / seeking more in my life. That presented such a conflict in my mind and heart. I felt that I was truly grateful but at the same time driven and desiring so much more.


Years ago when I was in my early 40’s I wondered if it was possible to be considered grateful while still wanting / seeking more in my life. That presented such a conflict in my mind and heart. I felt that I was truly grateful but at the same time driven and desiring so much more.
I pondered this each Thanksgiving for a number of years then, I just let it go. Just last week as I was browsing Pinterest, this thought popped up.

“Gratitude is what turns everything into enough”


This beautiful sentiment touched my heart, filled my spirit and answered my question from long ago. I heard and understood something different about gratitude. I suppose that I see many things differently now, now that I am in my mid-50’s. My priorities have changed my attitude has improved. I am happy, content and grateful beyond measure. Perhaps I have gained an understanding that only time can teach. Or perhaps it is simply about pausing long enough to count my blessings. So this season, I am grateful to be grateful!
Please take a moment to enjoy one of my favorite poems:

Drinking From My Saucer



I've never made a fortune
and it's probably too late now.
But I don't worry about that much,
I'm happy anyhow.



And as I go along life's way,
I'm reaping better than I sowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.



I don't have a lot of riches,
and sometimes the going's tough.
But I've got loved ones around me,
and that makes me rich enough.



I thank God for his blessings,
and the mercies He's bestowed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'cause my cup has overflowed.



I remember times when things went wrong,
My faith wore somewhat thin.
But all at once the dark clouds broke,
and the sun peeped through again.



So God, help me not to gripe about
the tough rows that I've hoed.
I'm drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.



If God gives me strength and courage,
when the way grows steep and rough.
I'll not ask for other blessings,
I'm already blessed enough.



And may I never be too busy,
to help others bear their loads.
Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer,
'Cause my cup has overflowed.



~ John Paul Moore ~


My wish for you this Thanksgiving is that you will find contentment in our current circumstances, whatever they maybe. May you find joy and happiness in the simple blessings life and may everything you have be enough.

Mom taught me the greatest lesson I’ve ever learned:
Self-acceptance and the desire to change are not mutually exclusive propositions


I hit 300 pounds by the age of 18. Dating back to early childhood, all my efforts to diet had failed, and always left me heavier than I’d been when I started.
In my 20s, I decided to accept my body - fat and all. No more diets. No more wasting time feeling bad about my size. From now on, I was gonna work on loving the body I had. If I remember correctly, about 10 minutes later, my mother broke the news:
“Sweetheart, I’m having weight loss surgery.”
A chorus of ‘No!’ started singing in my head. Every reason why surgery was a bad idea tried to elbow its way to the stage.
“It’s dangerous!”
“It’s expensive!”
“It’s a cop out!”
“It’s society that needs to change, not you!”
“You’re beautiful just as you are!”
“It’s their problem, not yours!”
“NO!”
My mom had gone through periods of consistently eating nourishing foods in nourishing ways, exercising every day, and sleeping well. And as a result, she knew what it felt like to be more comfortable in her own skin, and to move through the world without the burden of 150+-pounds of excess fat.
I, on the other hand, was young, and had always been overweight and out of shape, but I wasn’t gonna let that stop me from believing I knew what was best for my mother. I was an idealistic feminist college student who’d just stumbled upon the solution to suffering: loving myself just exactly as I was.
To my mind, by choosing to have surgery, my mom was being a narrow-minded, self-hating fool.
“Mom, you need to love yourself! Don’t let society tell you how your body should look!”
“I do love myself," she said. "That’s why I’m doing this. I want to be comfortable. I want to be able to do things I’m not comfortable doing at this weight. And I want to be alive and healthy for when you have babies.”
I could hardly believe the depth of her ignorance.
“There’s a support group for post-ops that’s open to the public. Please come with me,” she said.
Fine, I thought. There was bound to be some post-op there who’d almost died, or someone that couldn’t swallow...All I needed was one flesh and blood person to base my argument on, and then my mother would have no choice but to come to her senses.
“I’ll come on one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“I want you to listen to everything that gets said in that meeting. I’m not going if you’re gonna ignore the truth.”
“It’s a deal.”
My mom drove us to the meeting in Englewood, NJ. There was a facilitator, and just under 50 people in the room, mostly women in their 40s and 50s. Some had had surgery already, some were scheduled to have it, and some were just thinking about it.
I sat against the wall in silent protest. While waiting for the meeting to start, I invented a life and a personality for the facilitator, compared her to me, and decided I was superior. She started with some house-keepy details and then launched right in.
“Welcome, everyone,” she said. “First we’ll hear check-ins from the post-ops, and then, if there’s still time, we’ll take some questions.”
The post-ops shared personal stories ranging from the straightforward: ‘I had surgery, I lost a lot of weight, I feel better, and here I am,’ to the gripping: ‘I had surgery, had a bunch of post-surgical complications, and here’s what life has looked like since.’
Everyone’s story was a little different, but one thing was universal: these people hadn’t gone under the knife to get hot; they’d undergone surgery because they wanted to live as fully as they could in the time that remained, and for them, that meant being a healthier weight. Dieting had failed them, like it fails most of us, but surgery felt like it might be the answer.
The facilitator called a break. I watched as my mother got up and introduced herself to a post-op who’d shared that losing weight meant getting her blood pressure, cholesterol, and type 2 diabetes under control. The woman was older, she was not meeting any popular standards of beauty, and appeared positively vibrant. I hadn’t realized how down my mom looked until she started to brighten up talking to this woman.
The moderator called us back. People were smiling and whispering, quietly exchanging cards and phone numbers. She thanked everyone for their shares, and opened up the floor, as promised.
“Does anyone have any questions for the post-ops?”
Now was my chance. I raised my hand.
“How many of you wish you hadn’t had surgery?”
Not a single hand went up. Maybe they’re embarrassed, I thought. Surely the ones who’d had complications felt foolish for having had surgery, but maybe peer pressure was keeping them quiet.
I needed to ask a better question, get them to talk about the danger.
“Uh...can I ask one more?” the facilitator nodded.
“What’s the biggest, scariest risk to having surgery?”
There was a tiny pause. My brain fired off all kinds of answers: Vitamin deficiencies! Pain! Death!
“Judgement.”
What?
“Being criticized.”
Wait, what?
“When people think surgery’s the easy way out, or a sign of weakness, or just a stupid idea, and they never stop letting you know." Huh.
According to a roomful of WLS post-ops, having to deal with my criticism might be the biggest, scariest risk my mom would face if she had surgery. Compared to daily, holier-than-thou judgement, even post-surgical complications might seem trite and manageable.
My mom do go ahead with her surgery. In under a year, I watched her regain much of the health and livelihood she’d lost. A little over a year later, I went to the same surgeon.
Ever since I opted to have gastric bypass surgery myself in 2003, I can tell you that the folks at that meeting were right.
I’ve worked my tail off to get well, to get an honest handle on my relationship to food, and to create a body I love. I became a personal trainer, coach, and educator to help others do the same. As a wellness professional, I’ve been judged for having had surgery in much the same way I was judged for being the fattest kid on the playground, except now, it’s often by other fitness “professionals.”
I’ve since apologized to my mother for the grief I tried to give her when she first started exploring surgery as an option. And I’ve thanked her for sparking the greatest lesson I’ve ever learned - the lesson that I’ve dedicated my career to teaching to others:
Self-acceptance and the desire to change are not mutually exclusive propositions - they can co-exist. In my experience, and that of countless clients and students, the only way to make lasting, sustainable, positive change is to begin from a place of love.

Standing outside this morning I looked about and all was quiet. Moments later a light breeze started to affect one of the Maples we planted thirty years ago. It drew my attention because it was a soft rustling noise that came from no where and sounded peaceful and pleasant. Suddenly in the distance I could hear the rumbling of thunder and it felt ominous. Approaching my peaceful moment with the ability to give me cause to worry. It hit me that the entire experience of a few moments was comparable to the journey of weight loss surgery.


We get to a point where we give in and think that we have reached the bottom of our life. There is nothing left and we think there is nothing for us out there to help or offer us an option to turn our lives around. But through gentle words and in the form of encouragement by family, friends and the medical field we learn about Bariatric Surgery. We are offered a tool that can assist us to find a new path to good health and well being. A fear builds deep within us but we know inside that this is the only option left. This is make or break it time and we have no where else to go. We see our mortality and the future looks dim. We are willing to do what it takes to find ourselves on the other side which offers a new life without food addiction.
We can't even imagine how that would feel to be thin and in good health. Finally having the real control of our future and our lives. Not being the object of well intentioned or intentional comments or opinions that hurt so deep we feel wounded and or scarred for the rest of our days. But it is not to be. We have an option. A gentle breeze overcomes us as we realize we do have an option. We do have a future. One that will keep us around long enough to enjoy the rest of our lives as the person we always wanted to be. Being able to watch our children grow up and then the grandchildren. Not to mention doing all the things you thought you would never do. Making a bucket list of experiences you want to have and places you want to go. Not to mention the effects this new and improved you will have in a positive way with your family and friends, work acquaintances and yes even strangers. This is the gentle breeze of realization that is engulfing your spirit and giving you hope for a better life ahead.
When does the thunder roll in the distance to threaten this new found peace you are experiencing? When you realize that it will take real effort on your part to accomplish this. When you take the time to really start changing how you view food and figure out why you used food as a comfort in good times and in bad. We are conditioned to believe that food plays a much bigger roll in our lives then simply giving us the proper nutrients to keep our bodies in good working order. By well meaning parents who told us how it was so important to clean our plates to the diet industry that makes millions off of failed diets. The false comfort in the form of food related slogans that advertising companies use to make us think that food equals happiness. That food is the backbone of our lives. Here are a few.
Help yourself to happiness – Golden Coral
Come hungry, leave happy – IHOP
Unwrap a smile – Little Debbie's
Comfort in every bite – Mars Bar
Life tastes better with KFC – Kentucky Fried Chicken
Little nuggets of joy- McDonald's Chicken McNuggets
Double your flavor,double your fun – Double Mint Gum
Feels like home – Sarah Lee
Get your smile on – Lay's
And on and on, teaching us that food is the answer to all our woes and will bring us happiness. But we know from our own personal experiences that this is not the case. And yet we battle these feelings of needing food as the drug of choice to fulfill in us an emptiness every single day. We find ourselves reverting back to the habits that has brought us momentary relief only to find that it did not help at all.
This is the thunder that we all experience in our journey. The fight to stay on course and not give into the heavy winds and booming sounds of habit or the artificial comfort of using food to make us feel better. We are in a war. We will win a battle at a time. We will get there. Maybe not today or tomorrow but we will control this disease. Weight loss surgery is our tool to learn new life long habits and choices that will once again bring the gentle breeze of hope and then success.

Why not just use the diet fruit drinks, like welch's or v-8 splash?

16 months post op, down 135 lbs!
Sent from Gaye's iPad Mini using VST

Thanks!!! I am 5'6" and not sure what my shape is since it was technically always "round." Always had to find jeans to fit over second stomach and shirts to fit over boobs and cover stomach! LoL! I can laugh about it now, never so much in the past.
Sent from my iPhone using VST

I have not posted any before and after pictures... so here are some for ya. I've now officially lost 102 lbs and I had my surgery 12/12/12.

[ATTACH]16832[/ATTACH]

[ATTACH]16830[/ATTACH]

Down 102 lbs. in 11 mos.

168 lbs down high weight 451

I'm almost 9 weeks out and down 64 lbs. 32 before surgery and 32 since. I have about 55 lbs to go. You all look so amazing!!!

Sleeved on 9/11/12
Starting weight: 294
Current weight: 191

This is 11 weeks post-op, 60 lbs down

Thank you. It's not a huge difference but every pound counts. I've been in a two week stall so I'm trying to stay positive.

I am a few days shy of the two month mark... i am down 76 pounds so far

Down 65 pounds at 12 weeks post op

Everyone looks great! Congratulations.

This is the first time posting any pics. I am a couple days shy of 2 mos post op. Down 46lbs.

This is me, 7 months post-op..79lbs lost

Thank you for the wonderful compliment. However, I have plenty of loose skin. My arms are quite jiggly, my tummy has a bunch of loose skin. I also have a really droopy thing I sit on. But you know what? I'm going to be sixty one in September and even though I am not really happy about the gravity issues I am extremely happy about my overall health, energy and future health. I am also extremely happy about my ability to care for my wife who is seven years older than me and in extremely poor health. But thank you for the wonderful compliment I appreciate it so much.
Mark Thomas, Edmond Oklahoma

Six months after 10-14-13, I am at GOAL! I really didn't believe it would happen, and I would've been happy to be within 10 lbs of my original goal... but I made it! I debated even getting the sleeve at my age (60) and weight (60 lbs to lose), admonishing myself that I *should* be able to do it on my own! Now I am Sooooo Glad I made that trip to Mexico!



I feel GREAT, and I look forward to healthy years ahead, which is why I did this. It's an extra Plus to look better, too!!! I post this pic just as an encouragement for anyone considering the sleeve, whatever your age. If you're 50 lbs or more overweight, it's worth it, even if insurance won't cover the cost.





p.s. The other day, my 9-year-old grandson described someone to his mom as "tall & thin like Grammy" ~ which made me realize my grandkids will never remember me any other way!!! That made me smile all week long! :-)