I just had one of those nights

[chocolate_snaps 3]

Why is it that just because you are fat people think that you are a joke? Im a college student and tonight I went out with a friend to Celebrate our impending graduation. The night was the normal stuff till we left the bar and went to the dance club. Besides the usual being touched by strangers (which grosses me out) I was "hit on" by a fratboy type, aka a TOOL. I say "hit on" because it was an obvious dare or whatever between he and his toolbox buddies. Of course I recognized this from the start and firmly dismissed him at which time I heard him say to his friends "awe she said shes leaving". WTF!!! I am not anyones plaything or pitycase. It makes me sad though to think that people are so meanspirited and would stoop so low as to include someone in their chest-beating, penis lengthening game. I am not a joke. This hurts because this exchange made me feel as ugly as them. It was not random, I was targeted. The good thing is that after the VERY chilly borderline hostile reponse (stinkeye and all) he received will make him never try that crap with me again and hopefully never with anyone else. Groady jerk.

This is so infuriating because this is the armour Im going to be asked to give up when I start losing weight. This armour is helping me deal with being scammed on, talked about, and being made into a joke.

I am so afraid of what is going to happen once this weight is gone. Am I gonna become a victim of a**holes such as these? Am I gonna seek out guys like them to prove to myself and them that I am worthy of their "whatever"? Am I gonna keep a tight grip on my heart because I am terrified of being used. Is my Hyper-awareness of these possibilities gonna paralyze me? This surgery and this situation are opening up a huge can of worms that Im not sure I can control or deal with adequetly.

Im still fat, guys still dont like me, toolbags still target me for jokes but Im still trying to get over all of it. The problem is that I was forced into the role of a victim, made to feel that something was wrong with me and that I dont belong here. Im tired of fighting other peoples insecurities along with my own. Im tired of trying to prove that I am good enough. Im furious, how dare they. WTF!

I KNOW it doesnt matter what other people think of me. I KNOW I have to love myself first. I KNOW all of that, I even KNOW it is gonna get better but KNOWING all of that is not helping. Im just as self conscious as anybody else who looks like me in a place like this. Ive been working on it for years and years and I am where I am...frustrated.

if you cant follow this pls forgive the rambling and typos.

Its 230AM and Im pissed but I still want to be perfect. when will I learn.

[Alexandra 55]

I am so afraid of what is going to happen once this weight is gone. Am I gonna become a victim of a**holes such as these? Am I gonna seek out guys like them to prove to myself and them that I am worthy of their "whatever"? Am I gonna keep a tight grip on my heart because I am terrified of being used. Is my Hyper-awareness of these possibilities gonna paralyze me? This surgery and this situation are opening up a huge can of worms that Im not sure I can control or deal with adequetly.

chocolate snaps, my heart goes out to you. I was there, too, in high school, college and beyond. I know how hard it is to be treated differently than your friends. It sounds to me though that you are already WELL on your way to dealing with it; you have recognized that others' actions are NOT your responsibility or problem. Your "hyper-awareness" of possibilities is what's going to protect you. Your perspective will keep you in the right mental and emotional place to enjoy your victories as you lose weight, and because you're examining your feelings you will be able to process new ones as they come along.

You're a very smart woman, chocolate, and you will do just fine. :hug:

[Banded14yr 2]

Alexandra, very well said and I totally agree.

Chocolate_snaps as I read your post I thought to myself that you're going to be just fine. Like Alexandra said you're a very smart girl and that will get you through these kinds of obsticles in the future. Even though you were hurt by this episode, you learned even more by it. I also think you'll be just fine, and I also know that because of incidents like this, you will expect to be treated with respect by any future boyfriend, and that can only be a good thing

[Devana 0]

Ahh, Cocolate, I don't have anything to say beyond what Alexandra and Tricia so eloquently put, other than my heart, too, goes out to you.

You have all my good thoughts and support.

[Lap_dancer 8]

Why is it that just because you are fat people think that you are a joke? Im a college student and tonight I went out with a friend to Celebrate our impending graduation. The night was the normal stuff till we left the bar and went to the dance club. Besides the usual being touched by strangers (which grosses me out) I was "hit on" by a fratboy type, aka a TOOL. I say "hit on" because it was an obvious dare or whatever between he and his toolbox buddies. Of course I recognized this from the start and firmly dismissed him at which time I heard him say to his friends "awe she said shes leaving". WTF!!! I am not anyones plaything or pitycase. It makes me sad though to think that people are so meanspirited and would stoop so low as to include someone in their chest-beating, penis lengthening game. I am not a joke. This hurts because this exchange made me feel as ugly as them. It was not random, I was targeted. The good thing is that after the VERY chilly borderline hostile reponse (stinkeye and all) he received will make him never try that crap with me again and hopefully never with anyone else. Groady jerk.

This is so infuriating because this is the armour Im going to be asked to give up when I start losing weight. This armour is helping me deal with being scammed on, talked about, and being made into a joke.

I am so afraid of what is going to happen once this weight is gone. Am I gonna become a victim of a**holes such as these? Am I gonna seek out guys like them to prove to myself and them that I am worthy of their "whatever"? Am I gonna keep a tight grip on my heart because I am terrified of being used. Is my Hyper-awareness of these possibilities gonna paralyze me? This surgery and this situation are opening up a huge can of worms that Im not sure I can control or deal with adequetly.

Im still fat, guys still dont like me, toolbags still target me for jokes but Im still trying to get over all of it. The problem is that I was forced into the role of a victim, made to feel that something was wrong with me and that I dont belong here. Im tired of fighting other peoples insecurities along with my own. Im tired of trying to prove that I am good enough. Im furious, how dare they. WTF!

I KNOW it doesnt matter what other people think of me. I KNOW I have to love myself first. I KNOW all of that, I even KNOW it is gonna get better but KNOWING all of that is not helping. Im just as self conscious as anybody else who looks like me in a place like this. Ive been working on it for years and years and I am where I am...frustrated.

if you cant follow this pls forgive the rambling and typos.

Its 230AM and Im pissed but I still want to be perfect. when will I learn.

If it's any consolation, TOOLS never make upper management. They are too worried with trying to fit in and never stand out as leaders. So find consolation in passing them by on your way to the top.

Ten years from now they won't matter and you won't even know where they are.

Celebrate! You just got your degree baby! WOO HOO!

[chocolate_snaps 3]

Thank you all for your kind words. I sure needed them. Its just that sometimes those idiots out there get to you. That night they got to me.

[Krystal 4]

Im still fat, guys still dont like me, toolbags still target me for jokes but Im still trying to get over all of it. The problem is that I was forced into the role of a victim, made to feel that something was wrong with me and that I dont belong here. Im tired of fighting other peoples insecurities along with my own. Im tired of trying to prove that I am good enough. Im furious, how dare they. WTF!

quote]

First of all.....AMEN to your comments about penis lengthening game!

Secondly....what makes you think guys dont like you? Believe it or not there are guys out there that truly love big girls....i know this for a fact... i married one!! You have to have that "I look better than your ex girlfriend" attitude. Guys dig that!!! There are personal sites dedicated to big women.....BBW Match sites..... A guy who can appreciate you nomatter how big you are is a real catch.

My husband is 6 ft 6 and 230lbs. He is not fat AT ALL...but not skinny either...he is perfect. He works his azz off and keeps up the slack in the house when i loose my motivation. Now he works out with me and motivates me to lose weight. He married me when i was a size 32. (aaarfgh--still am).

Point being....dont let these jerks piss ya off....they are the kind of guys thAT get married and divorced in 2 years....they cheat on their wives...and think of marriage as a joke. Some of the HAPPIEST couples i've seen have been overweight couples.....people who appreciate their mates for more than looks.

TRUST ME I KNOW THIS....I WORKED FOR A DATING SERVICE FOR 3 YEARS!

Keep your head up! If your looking for a man...he will come....and hopefully the next guy that hit on you isnt a fratBOY.

:biggrin1:

[Lap_dancer 8]

Im still fat, guys still dont like me, toolbags still target me for jokes but Im still trying to get over all of it. The problem is that I was forced into the role of a victim, made to feel that something was wrong with me and that I dont belong here. Im tired of fighting other peoples insecurities along with my own. Im tired of trying to prove that I am good enough. Im furious, how dare they. WTF!

quote]

First of all.....AMEN to your comments about penis lengthening game!

Secondly....what makes you think guys dont like you? Believe it or not there are guys out there that truly love big girls....i know this for a fact... i married one!! You have to have that "I look better than your ex girlfriend" attitude. Guys dig that!!! There are personal sites dedicated to big women.....BBW Match sites..... A guy who can appreciate you nomatter how big you are is a real catch.

My husband is 6 ft 6 and 230lbs. He is not fat AT ALL...but not skinny either...he is perfect. He works his azz off and keeps up the slack in the house when i loose my motivation. Now he works out with me and motivates me to lose weight. He married me when i was a size 32. (aaarfgh--still am).

Point being....dont let these jerks piss ya off....they are the kind of guys thAT get married and divorced in 2 years....they cheat on their wives...and think of marriage as a joke. Some of the HAPPIEST couples i've seen have been overweight couples.....people who appreciate their mates for more than looks.

TRUST ME I KNOW THIS....I WORKED FOR A DATING SERVICE FOR 3 YEARS!

Keep your head up! If your looking for a man...he will come....and hopefully the next guy that hit on you isnt a fratBOY.

:biggrin1:

Hey, great post!!! How about the ones that love ya even when you get really round.

I weighed 135 at my wedding.

My presurgical weight was 365. My sweetie loves me still because on the inside, I'm still the same. I love him for the two babies he gave me, the years of wedded bliss and for pushing my wheelchair!

Sweetie, it's all good. Really. I wish I could climb through the monitor and hug you. Just find a new place to hang with more intelligent individuals. Sounds like they are all low browed knuckle draggers anyway.

[chocolate_snaps 3]

Secondly....what makes you think guys dont like you? Believe it or not there are guys out there that truly love big girls

Well honestly when I typed that it was a weak moment. However underneath it all is that that is one of the things I believe unconsiously. Its the automatic self hate machine I know most of us have. I know its not true but that fact that I have not found any suitable takers in 27 yrs, added to years and years of being the "funny fat girl" have not helped. The guys that like me are usually creepy old men or greasy short guys looking for a challange. Im much bigger than most big girls. Im 6"1 and 330lbs, pretty intimidating to most guys. Im not as big around as I am vertically and my height hides alot of that 330 but the combination is immasculating to most men. I still wouldnt trade an inch of height for a pound. But I do tower over everybody. Ive never even been on a date, its sad really. Even those few guys normal guys who have shown interest have lost interest by the time i finally realize that they had it in the first place. I dont look for those "signs" because I dont trust myself to interpret them correctly. Ive been the joke too many times.

Still I do my best to look nice and socialize. Here at school I am very popular, as a friend. I am very well dressed, I have a fat girl's dream wardrobe. My fabulosity is unmatched but I have more work to do on my selfesteem. I know I have a lot of things to be proud about and a heap of people who look to me for guidance and direction, Im a queen bee type (a nice one though). I also have a lot of qualities that a weak man couldnt handle such as i dont hide my intellect, I expect respect, I am very independant, and am not looking for a father figure. Then again maybe they shouldnt because Im not looking for just any guy. It would just be nice to have some options.

[Krystal 4]

Well honestly when I typed that it was a weak moment. However underneath it all is that that is one of the things I believe unconsiously. Its the automatic self hate machine I know most of us have. I know its not true but that fact that I have not found any suitable takers in 27 yrs, added to years and years of being the "funny fat girl" have not helped. The guys that like me are usually creepy old men or greasy short guys looking for a challange. Im much bigger than most big girls. Im 6"1 and 330lbs, pretty intimidating to most guys. Im not as big around as I am vertically and my height hides alot of that 330 but the combination is immasculating to most men. I still wouldnt trade an inch of height for a pound. But I do tower over everybody. Ive never even been on a date, its sad really. Even those few guys normal guys who have shown interest have lost interest by the time i finally realize that they had it in the first place. I dont look for those "signs" because I dont trust myself to interpret them correctly. Ive been the joke too many times.

Still I do my best to look nice and socialize. Here at school I am very popular, as a friend. I am very well dressed, I have a fat girl's dream wardrobe. My fabulosity is unmatched but I have more work to do on my selfesteem. I know I have a lot of things to be proud about and a heap of people who look to me for guidance and direction, Im a queen bee type (a nice one though). I also have a lot of qualities that a weak man couldnt handle such as i dont hide my intellect, I expect respect, I am very independant, and am not looking for a father figure. Then again maybe they shouldnt because Im not looking for just any guy. It would just be nice to have some options.

Seriously....most guys in a bar are looking for a babrie doll....but there are alot of guys that are online that have some of the same insecurities and are good looking. ONLINE you can be honest and true to yourself and who you are without any rejection. If they dont like your picture they pass you up. It's actually one of the best things!! Im so serious when i say you should consider looking at the possibilities of dating online. A big girl site like these

www.bbwpersonalsplus.com

http://bbwdatefinder.com

http://www.bbpeoplemeet.com

All these sites are for BBW and Big guys as well....ALSO...for regualr sized guys looking for BBW or regular sized woman looking for big guys. No one is going to get on these sites and now know what they are looking for.

I met my husband off of AOL...from a chat room and we are going on 5 wonderful years and have a daughter together.

There is hope. You just have to explore out a little bit.

Let me know what happens!

[Wheetsin 714]

I had a big long response to this typed out and lost it when the site went down, so you just get the short version.

Don't ALWAYS assume that you're just the butt of someone's joke. Even at my highest of about 380, I was still sincerely hit on. Even by guys that didn't make me vomit. :girl_hug:

How you carry yourself can overcome a lot of how you look. I was always told, "You don't act like a fat person" or "You don't walk like a fat person." What does that mean? I wasn't sure, so I asked. And here are some of the things I was told that made me "stand out". I hold my head up, and I make eye contact with people. I don't submit and look away or go out of my way to walk around people. I don't move like a fat person. I had to probe a little more on this one, and was told that often, someone as heavy as I was walked like a little more of their self esteem is dripping out with each step, and I never had that look, I always looked extrar=orindarily confident and sure of myself. I would say hi to people, hold doors for them, etc. I never put myself on the outskirts of social situations (because I'm a deeply expressed introvert I would try to avoid them alltogether, but when that didn't work, I was never the wallflower).

Anyway - that's how it was described to me by other people, so take it for what it's worth. Remember that it's at least 80% attitude. Don't let yourself get beaten down.

And in the meantime, start thinking about how you're going to make the mental change from "butt of someone's joke" to "attractive woman".

I was out with a girlfriend this weekend and two guys were following us around, staring at us, smiling, etc. Of course in the back of my head was, "they're laughing at me." I commented on this to my friend and she was like, "What?? Whatever. You're a cute, tall redhead. OF COURSE guys are going to smile at you!"

And it was kind of like an a-ha. Yeah, I'm still fat, but I had no problems attracting men at this size on the way up, so why not on the way down? to me, I'm still the fat girl trying to cram myself into a size 32 or 34, but I'm not that person to anyone else.

[Krystal 4]

I had a big long response to this typed out and lost it when the site went down, so you just get the short version.

Don't ALWAYS assume that you're just the butt of someone's joke. Even at my highest of about 380, I was still sincerely hit on. Even by guys that didn't make me vomit. :girl_hug:

How you carry yourself can overcome a lot of how you look. I was always told, "You don't act like a fat person" or "You don't walk like a fat person." What does that mean? I wasn't sure, so I asked. And here are some of the things I was told that made me "stand out". I hold my head up, and I make eye contact with people. I don't submit and look away or go out of my way to walk around people. I don't move like a fat person. I had to probe a little more on this one, and was told that often, someone as heavy as I was walked like a little more of their self esteem is dripping out with each step, and I never had that look, I always looked extrar=orindarily confident and sure of myself. I would say hi to people, hold doors for them, etc. I never put myself on the outskirts of social situations (because I'm a deeply expressed introvert I would try to avoid them alltogether, but when that didn't work, I was never the wallflower).

Anyway - that's how it was described to me by other people, so take it for what it's worth. Remember that it's at least 80% attitude. Don't let yourself get beaten down.

And in the meantime, start thinking about how you're going to make the mental change from "butt of someone's joke" to "attractive woman".

I was out with a girlfriend this weekend and two guys were following us around, staring at us, smiling, etc. Of course in the back of my head was, "they're laughing at me." I commented on this to my friend and she was like, "What?? Whatever. You're a cute, tall redhead. OF COURSE guys are going to smile at you!"

And it was kind of like an a-ha. Yeah, I'm still fat, but I had no problems attracting men at this size on the way up, so why not on the way down? to me, I'm still the fat girl trying to cram myself into a size 32 or 34, but I'm not that person to anyone else.

Nicely put Wheetsin

[Wheetsin 714]

Oh, I'd posted to you too, Krystal (and lost it as well). How tall are you? We were almost the same starting weight, and have almost the same goal weights.

[crabcake 0]

I was "hit on" by a fratboy type, aka a TOOL.

Bless your heart Choco. But just think, you'll lose your weight. He can't lose that which makes him a small weenie of a man!

Hang tough kiddo!

[Lap_dancer 8]

Well honestly when I typed that it was a weak moment. However underneath it all is that that is one of the things I believe unconsiously. Its the automatic self hate machine I know most of us have. I know its not true but that fact that I have not found any suitable takers in 27 yrs, added to years and years of being the "funny fat girl" have not helped. The guys that like me are usually creepy old men or greasy short guys looking for a challange. Im much bigger than most big girls. Im 6"1 and 330lbs, pretty intimidating to most guys. Im not as big around as I am vertically and my height hides alot of that 330 but the combination is immasculating to most men. I still wouldnt trade an inch of height for a pound. But I do tower over everybody. Ive never even been on a date, its sad really. Even those few guys normal guys who have shown interest have lost interest by the time i finally realize that they had it in the first place. I dont look for those "signs" because I dont trust myself to interpret them correctly. Ive been the joke too many times.

Still I do my best to look nice and socialize. Here at school I am very popular, as a friend. I am very well dressed, I have a fat girl's dream wardrobe. My fabulosity is unmatched but I have more work to do on my selfesteem. I know I have a lot of things to be proud about and a heap of people who look to me for guidance and direction, Im a queen bee type (a nice one though). I also have a lot of qualities that a weak man couldnt handle such as i dont hide my intellect, I expect respect, I am very independant, and am not looking for a father figure. Then again maybe they shouldnt because Im not looking for just any guy. It would just be nice to have some options.

How can I say this without sounding Bi. I would SO go out with you because you sound so together, so much like a woman who knows who she is, and where she is going. That is such a turn on and so hot!! Really. Maybe this doesn't help but there are women out there who are shaving their heads for attention and front page still wasn't enough, others telling the press that "rehab was cool, I went, the room was white the floor was parquet"... and here you are such leaps ahead of it all and TALL to beat it.

**Note to self. Send Chocolate-snaps a pair of six inch cherry red patten leather stillettos when she reaches her goal***