When does it get better?

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I'm glad you posted again. This is such a hard piece of the journey. I'm reading the posts from others further along the road and now my sights are set on the day that my band will actually start helping me feel normal. Right now I'm just struggling along, and it's no different from any other diet -- except that I have that magical day ahead to look forward to when it WILL get easier because the band will get filled and I won't be starving! You know why you're going to succeed? Because you came on here and TOLD everyone you were going for pizza. LOL. You've got what I've got, and that's a self-preservation instinct. We've got this!!!!

And stop cooking for others, at least for now. Good Lord, I'd even make them eat elsewhere! LOL

[valarie kk 103]

Thank you. I feel like canceling this altogether. I don't think I've lost weight on the liquid diet and just know I'm setting myself up for failure. I need peace and help.

This is not easy!! Wanna know a secret. I cheated I had 2 tacos while on my preop diet, but I picked myself up and jumped right back on it, and my doctor said I was one of the easiest patient' he's ever had. Do not give up on this. Remember what made you do this in the first place. It does get better and you will eat again. That's what scared me. I was like oh my gee I can't do this forever. You won't have to I promise. I know your discouraged but you have all of us rooting for you and I believe in you.

[Luka Beth 78]

Fake it till you make it. That's all you can do.

[cccv4 85]

Friends, I want to take the time to thank you guys for being there for me. It feels great to be apart of a group where I feel loved and where I belong. It helps to know that so many of you understand what I’m going through. Yesterday was such a battle, not just with the mental hunger, but with so many things going on in my life. I haven’t shared with this group of friends, but I am recently getting over very big losses in my life. My aunt passed away in January at the age of 54 and it was an unexpected death due to pneumonia complications. My uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer and just died a month ago. His death was rapid and very emotional, and I helped care for him during his last days. A month ago, one of my very best friends (or so I thought) totally walked out of my life. It has been so painful. The only thing I have had to hold onto is my faith, my husband, and the fact that this procedure is around the corner. Yesterday was a battle of emotions, mind, body, spirit, and I totally lost…to some degree.

I felt in a very lonely place, despair, and felt very lost after I logged off of here. I went to the refrigerator, opened up a gallon of milk, and had a cup of milk with a donut. I wasn’t satisfied, so I hopped in my car and went to the pizza parlor and ordered a small pizza all to myself. I had made my mind up that I was not going to have this surgery. The pizza came out and I was determined to eat the entire small pizza, all to myself. I read the sign and it said that it was suitable for 1-2 people, but I assured myself that I’d take it all on my own.

That’s when it started…

What I expected would be an explosion of joy and comfort was totally dead. Not what it used to be before. Mentally, I felt all screwed up. Why was I not getting a thrill like I usually would? I thought, “Maybe it’s the size of the slices being so small. Maybe the 2^nd piece will make me feel better.” Second piece goes in, and still, nothing. It was like leaving your wonderful partner and going to have a cheap and quick affair. You’re only left empty and feel like crap. Entertaining the thought might be a thrill for a second, but you soon realize it’s not worth it.

And it wasn’t.

I realized that what I was doing wasn’t satisfying me, and even if I TRIED to eat the entire pizza, I couldn’t. I could barely get to pieces down. I had already made my mind to call my doctor today and say I was cancelling my appointment, but the moment I tried to get out of the booth, I realized how uncomfortable I was (and always am). I have to do the awkward sideways turn so that I can get out since I’m overweight. I thought to myself, “Is this worth a few seconds or minutes or gratification? It’s not.”

I went home and the entire drive I felt like I was going to puke. I was torn between crying and puking. My body hasn’t been used to eating like this for the week and so not only were my emotions and mentality knocking on the door, but my body was screaming that something wasn’t right. I barely made it in the house before I ran to the restroom and threw up. I couldn’t handle all of this food for the first time in so many days.

I wiped my tears and realized that I don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life. I looked in the mirror and told myself that I could do this, even though I fell. One part of me was disappointed that I was so weak. The other part of me is thankful that I did this, so that I can see that what used to gratify my desires no longer does. I long and desire for something much more than a few seconds of pigging out. I don’t want to live like this anymore.

Oh, what did I do with the box of pizza that was untouched? I took the pizza and went to a parking lot where many stray dogs are. They thanked me for the dinner.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

One day at a time. Wow, that's a lot of challenges in a short time. I feel for you. I'm under stress now too, and the surgery was and is giving me a light at the end of my tunnel. No matter what life throws at us, we can handle it better if we're healthier and in control. Your honesty helped me today. Thanks for posting.

[valarie kk 103]

Oh honey I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I would recommend calling the surgeon keep him updated on everything that's going on. If you need someone to talk to or just listen I'm here.

[FitSmash 8]

I had my surgery last week and I am all too familiar with the pre op fast. I had the same thoughts of doubt and wondering if I made the right decision but trust me I would go back and do it again. Once you wake up from surgery you will feel no hunger. These two days of pain and sickness are setting you up for a lifetime of success. Fight through it, you can do it!

[cccv4 85]

I don't know how else to thank you guys other than share with you that you've all been my closest friends during a very difficult and challenging point in my life. Your ongoing encouragement is what makes me put my foot forward and take a step. Right when I feel that I've screwed up too much, I feel that there is still hope. Thank all of you!

Me falling down on my ass when I wrote that emotional entry was just what I needed to give myself a kick in the ass. It put a fighter's spirit in me. I told myself that I would push myself to see the scale clock in below 300. I started out at 327 and today I weighed in at 316. I can't believe I'm nearly 15 pounds from being UNDER 300. That's HUGE, and I haven't even had the surgery yet!

Tomorrow is my pre-op appointment. Let's see what the doctor says. I'm so nervous that he's going to ask if I cheated. I have to tell him that I did. Hopefully, all will be well.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Cccv, thanks for the update and good luck tomorrow. I'm sure you're right on track, and surgery will be here before you know it. I'm in week 5 of a total of 7 weeks of liquids, one preop and 6 post-op. It's getting OLD, but I was doing fine with my boring Soups until yesterday. My husband brought home turkey chili, with pieces of turkey meat, and I thought, hey, it's close to a Soup, so I'll just chew it real well. Guess what. Not a liquid. I had two cups of it and followed it with a big glass of milk a half hour later, and it just SAT right under my breastbone forever. Okay, not forever, maybe 45 minutes. But I felt like crap the rest of the night and woke up today still feeling "off". Mind you, I have no fill yet. I figured what must have happened is a bunch of factors. I'm still not eating slowly enough. I have to learn to slow this down big time, but with Soups, it hasn't mattered so far. Well, those pieces of turkey, even well-chewed, are not liquid. They need time to pass through the pouch. I didn't give it time. And I ate double what I should have. My goal for the next two weeks is to treat my creamy soups (no more chili) like a real meal, and slow it down, and wait between spoonfuls. It was the first time I could really tell I had a band. And if that's what happened with no fill, I'd better learn to respect the rules of band eating before I go on solids, and then four days later, get my first fill. This is sure a learning process.

[cccv4 85]

you're totally right! this is a learning process and it seems that it is all trial and error. if we don't know what it is like to be at the bottom of the barrel, then how will we know when we are at the top? i've learned that most people struggle, and no one is perfect with weight loss. if we were, then we wouldn't be on this board, and we wouldn't need a lap band. some, more than others, are more open about their struggles. kudos to the people on this board who are real, honest, vulnerable, and transparent, including you!

[cccv4 85]

you're totally right! this is a learning process and it seems that it is all trial and error. if we don't know what it is like to be at the bottom of the barrel, then how will we know when we are at the top? i've learned that most people struggle, and no one is perfect with weight loss. if we were, then we wouldn't be on this board, and we wouldn't need a lap band. some, more than others, are more open about their struggles. kudos to the people on this board who are real, honest, vulnerable, and transparent, including you!

[Mikee57 699]

I have seen on here loads of people who had to go on a liquid diet before surgery, I was told to go on the Sugar Busters diet...it wasn't hard at all and I lost on it too...sorry you are having such difficulities. It does get better though...just have to understand somethings are just never going to be the same!!! But hang in there you'll do great!!!

[valarie kk 103]

Just wanted to check and see how the appointment went. Keep us posted amd congrats on the weight loss. Super proud of you!!!

[Tomander 614]

Hang in there !!!

The end results will be with it... six months from now you will be so thankful and happy.

It does get better!!!!

Tom, Toronto

Banded July 6 06

Wt. Loss: 160 lbs

[Mikee57 699]

How did your appointment go?