I don't take anti depressants and I dont think I am depressed but I do at times struggle with blasts of feeling blue. I wanted to talk about it here because I am trying to understand what is happening to me and think you are all tremendous resources.

What happens is that I get short lasting periods of feeling pretty down. It might last 30 minutes ....extreme case it might last a day. Weird thing is it is never triggered by bad news or some concrete clear reason but there must be some cause. My situation is getting better, not worse but I want it to be gone...lol...So I am asking for advice. I also went through a period of really bad anxiety but that is pretty much better too (ie I get infrequently anxious over things that scare me rather than unknown so I consider that normal)

Counslor I sometimes see thinks it is a sign of growth. I buried alot of pain under obesity and food and now I am wrestling with"meaning of my life" type questions rather than worrying if I will fit in a chair or airplane seat. I have moved up the maslovs needs hierarchy. I think she is right because I do find myself examining my life, eliminating people and activities that are negative and adding people and things that are pleasing. Good stuff but a truckload of change. I find myself working hard to let go of my grown sons and accepting that they need to make their own mistakes (I just ask they make different ones..Haha). I find myself facing that my life is almost unrecognizable from say 5 years ago. It's only partly weight loss related much of this change is age related normal life progression and some of it is me fixing some pretty broken things (work in progress).

My medical doctor thinks it is mostly hormone related. I wake up every night and somtimes have serious sleep issues. She thinks hormone things are triggering adrenal surges which is why I am sometimes wide awake for hours. that is under much better control now but I was up most of Saturday night with a tummy problem and was just depressed all day Sunday. I slept great last njght and feel great emotionally and a little better physically so it was excellent evidence that sleep deprivation can trigger the mood swing. The fact that I am sleeping better in general AND that my little blasts of the blues are reducing is also more evidence for this.

A close friend is absolutely convinced it is hormonal too because of experiences with other women my age. I went through menopause in my early 40s...very young. I have always believed it was triggered by the devastating tragedy of my sister's horrible illness and eventual death. We were like twins...very bonded...and losing her lin 2007 left a hole in my life. Oddly I did not really experience menopausal symptoms until after weight loss. I think my fat was like taking hormone replacement. I don't have hot flashes but do now experience some other menopausal symptoms so it could be that this is absolutely the cause.

Anyway I am not dead set against taking anti depressants except I am not depressed and I don't want to mask symptoms I want to resolve them so my remaining years are the best they can be. Would love to hear how others have experienced this. I look back and I do feel in my heart that I am getting better and more resilient as time goes on. I am less concerned with how others see me and really developing a stronger inner confidence. I hope this means that I will work through this issue too. I am not sure it is weight loss related EXCEPT I know I used to go around pretty numb much of the time and life is in Technicolor these days. It's good, it's GREAT but it's also alot if you know what I mean.

That sounds very sane actually. For me the problem is when my actual daughter and my inner child both need me at the same time.

Ah. Don't forget what's best for you will be best for her. Yoga together, pedicure together, paint really bad portraits of one another. Teach her how to address her needs so she doesn't have to do it as an adult. Unless she's a baby. Babies have enough problems.

Like right now she's throwing a fit about her homework and it's time for dinner.

She's nine but it seems like she knows when I'm upset and she has to throw tantrums.

Oh man. I do that. Lol. So if we apply our theory she is either waiting for you to placate her with something OR there is something she needs that she isn't getting. Or homework sucks. If I remember correctly it did just that.

She just hates homework!

The best advice I got about sad spells was just to lie down and let yourself feel it without distraction, and then you'd get bored in a few minutes and want to move on. It works a lot of times.

I'm not a vet, but I joke about how I will feel a bit adrift at goal weight--it's like dieting was my life's work, and what will I do once it's been accomplished? (I'm sure I'll figure it out,lol, it's just weird to think that such a big, consuming thing will be checked off my list!)

I can totally relate, my daughter had homework tantrums too, okay not just about homework either. My inner child stuffed it with food, so I have been determined not to keep up that pattern with my girls. I think one of the best lessons they learned from me was that it was okay to have an occasional tantrum about something that sucks, BUT we all have things to do that we don't like, but we still have to do them, "even the queen" we used to say! And yes, sometimes we just need to lie down and have a cry or feel sad, and then get up and face the rest of the day.

I went to a horse related obstacle course clinic. The horses had to do some things they initially did not like. I loved the trainer's response "too bad, if you don't like it you shouldn't have been born a horse - get over it"

The point being is that real life we all have sh*t we don't want to do, it isn't always fun and we need to just deal with it - our lot in life you might say.

I have been wondering, especially after reading the direction this thread is taking about something. As a kid, i wasn't really allowed to have an opinion, thrown tantrums or talk back. I stuffed alot of pain (neglect, abuse etc) with food. I wonder if on some level, what i am going through is that inner need expressing itself. I have been a responsible mature adult since about age 8 and I wonder if on some level, i have some growing up to do. I wonder... I really do... if I have that childlike view at an unconscious level, that life should be wonderful.

Well, life is wonderful, but just not 100% of the time...

Anyway, it is a mystery to me still but I do hope that I work through it all soon as it is not alot of fun. What is strange to me is that I did not go through the emotional rollercoaster due to food deprivation during the weight loss phase - or if I did it was minor. It is quite a delayed reaction for it to show up 28 months post op, but it fits with my personality. What I mean is I learned to really "push through" hard times through my life and most likely deny some deep emotions in the process... showing up now??? Who knows.

Anyway, it is a mystery to me still but I do hope that I work through it all soon as it is not alot of fun. What is strange to me is that I did not go through the emotional rollercoaster due to food deprivation during the weight loss phase - or if I did it was minor. It is quite a delayed reaction for it to show up 28 months post op, but it fits with my personality. What I mean is I learned to really "push through" hard times through my life and most likely deny some deep emotions in the process... showing up now??? Who knows.

Funny, (or not) I also think I had NO issues at first. I also know how to really push through hard times - I am truly one of the strongest people I know in times of difficulty. I'm not short sighted, I know how to set a goal and achieve it, and I don't wallow in self-pity. However, as I'm settling in for the less focused, less deprived stage, I find myself wondering what the heck. I can not take a break from this - EVER. I have made a decision that will alter my choices permanently, and I'm a bit surprised that I find that surprising! Don't get me wrong, I'd do it (surgery) again in an instant, but I wasn't not dealing with things...just never struggled with the concept of eating less. I loved it, and still do. Maybe I'm thinking this way because yesterday on Easter I was determined to eat what I wanted, but I couldn't physically do it. I would have expected that at 16 months out I would already have that concept down, and mostly I do. But if I'm truthful, I have to admit I wanted to just eat what I wanted for a few hours. At the time I was irritated and kept trying anyway. Today, I'm glad I had something to force me into compliance. I expect that I'll spend the rest of my life cycling with these thoughts about weight loss and diet.

It's like we're sleeve twins! We ate our Easter dinner at a wonderful Italian restaurant. I had a salad with lobster and crab. It was good but I really wanted some pasta, just knew I'd end up bringing most of it home where it would become a science experiment in the back of the fridge, unless the Hubs ate it. On the up side it laft me room for dessert, chocolate gelati! Yummy! Is it good or bad that ice cream is a slider? That's a rhetorical question. If I'd ordered the pasta dish I wouldn't have gotten the Gelati. Much as I enjoy a good salad, and this was supposed to be an appetizer not an entree, I did feel somewhat deprived as I watched the Hubs snarf down his amazing filet mignon in wine reduction sauce. (He gave me a bite and it was delicious!). However, the reality of the finality of this choice to forever limit my ability to pig out has indeed set in. It's what I want but it isn't always easy. Not complaining really but the never ending struggle, which is almost completely mental/emotional, is so old at this point. It has been my whole life.

It's like we're sleeve twins! We ate our Easter dinner at a wonderful Italian restaurant. I had a salad with lobster and crab. It was good but I really wanted some Pasta, just knew I'd end up bringing most of it home where it would become a science experiment in the back of the fridge, unless the Hubs ate it. On the up side it laft me room for dessert, chocolate gelati! Yummy! Is it good or bad that ice cream is a slider? That's a rhetorical question. If I'd ordered the pasta dish I wouldn't have gotten the Gelati. Much as I enjoy a good salad, and this was supposed to be an appetizer not an entree, I did feel somewhat deprived as I watched the Hubs snarf down his amazing filet mignon in wine reduction sauce. (He gave me a bite and it was delicious!). However, the reality of the finality of this choice to forever limit my ability to pig out has indeed set in. It's what I want but it isn't always easy. Not complaining really but the never ending struggle, which is almost completely mental/emotional, is so old at this point. It has been my whole life.

I love steak. Usually, hubby orders a bigger steak and we share. I eat the dinner salad, he eats the fries and it works perfect for us.

Lynda