Dh had a RNY in 2005 and a revision in 2013. He initially lost a ton of weight (166 lbs) and then regained about 70 lbs (lifestyle/back injury related). He was having stomach issues and went back to our bariatric surgeon who basically ended upmaking a sleeve of dh's pouch. During the regain period, his dad and brother just made rude comments about his weight (neither of them are thin and they are both severe diabetics).

Fast forward 2 months, as I'm approaching surgery and dh tells me that he would rather we not tell his family that I was undergoing WLS. I really didn't care, so we didn't tell them. I'm now 4 weeks post op and we STILL haven't told dh's family. We don't see them very often and are now actively avoiding them until I lose more weight (I'm down 35 lbs).

My parents, sister and one aunt knew about my surgery pre-op. I've since told other aunts (on my side) and both of my grandmas.

Did anyone else not share their WLS with family? Did you eventually tell them?

Only my husband knows. Didn't tell my kids or parents.

Same here. Hubby only knows. No parents or kids

I am scheduled for surgery in May, self-pay in Mexico. I don't plan on anyone but my husband knowing. I'm 51 years old, 5'1" with a large frame, and weigh 187 lbs. I am sure people would judge me because they think I'm not overweight enough to offset the risks of surgery. Well, I'm obese, and without surgical intervention that will never change. I'm pre-hypertensive and have been hypothyroid for 14 years, just went through menopause which added more weight. Yes, I should be able to lose the weight with diet and exercise. I probably could, but I know from experience I can't KEEP it off. I see no reason why I shouldn't prevent future medical problems by using this tool to help me. But, even my husband says "Oh if you would just get out and walk a few miles a day you'd be fine". No one but an obese person understands the unhappiness, frustration, and even shame of being obese. I'm tired of being obese, and tired of trying to justify my weight to myself and others. I refuse to even discuss this surgery with friends or family. Sorry for the rant, but I think we should be able keep our surgery private for as long as we want.

Unhappiness, frustration, shame is what I deal with on a daily base..I hate going out..cause I know everything don't fit in my closet. .good thing I wear scrubs to work. .always with a sweater to cover up. My sisters and a couple of us friends doing a weight loss challenge. They all losing weight except for me..only my sisters know I will have WLS, haven't told my friends. .I know for a fact they will think I not big enough (243) 5'4..my sister also don't support my decision. .they don't bring it up. I don't also..it funny cause one of my sister. Was all for it in the beginning of the process. Even encourage me to look into it. Cause sh know for years I have problems losing weight. .now she is against it..I feel so hurt cause I have n friends or family to tell my process and I was approved. Really hurt especially since my mom and one of my sister was the ones that encouraged me in the beginning. .glad my husband told me he will support me 100%.

I did not tell my sons or their wives. I only told a few close friends 2 of which had the RNY, I had the sleeve. If someone says I lost weight I just say thank you. If they ask how I just say I cut my eating portions way down and doing low carbs. I leave it at that. I'm 5ft 3 and weighed 199. Just made the 35 BMI for surgery. In the hosp one CNA told me I didn't look big enough for the surgery. We all carry our weight differently and I knew the extra weight was affecting my health. Since surgery my BP is normal, my cholesterol has gone down and I feel lighter after 17 lbs.

I researched a lot and picked a Dr who was at the top in her field. I've had no problems since surgery. I feel good. I get fatigued but as one Dr said it will get better after 3 mo's. Make sure the Dr you choose is one of the best your health and life depend on it.

I gave this to myself for my birthday. I turned 67 last week. Yep, I'm an older boomer but going to be one with a healthy weight and body.

Good luck.

My husband and youngest son who still lives at home know and they are the only ones I told. The family never asked why I gained weight or what was behind it so why tell them about how and what I am doing to loose it.

I have only told my husband, two sons, mother and brother. I now really wish I had never told my mother and brother. I live a distance from the rest of my family so the losses will seem huge to them but as other posters have said- When asked I will say I am low carbing with portion control. I just want this to me my journey for now.

Edited March 24, 201412 yr by BeeLee37

I only told my husband and two grown kids, no one else in the family. Too much drama. So glad I chose to stay quiet, it's been great, especially when I read about all the cr@p other people on here post about their family issues with WLS. The surgery is hard enough.

Only my husband and youngest son know. The son knows because he lives with us. Our oldest and daughter in law have not been informed. No family, no friends. Its just personal and it is not anyone's business besides mine and who I choose to share with.

You don't owe anyone any kind of explanation. Period.

Do what is right for you.

Hearing all your stories is inspiring; thank you all for posting. Choosing WLS was a tough decision for me, and this board has helped me feel better about it.

Lenae

I started my journey 6/13, and was sleeved 3/14. Only people I told was my mom, husband, 1sister, and two older kids.

I have two other sisters and family who I decided not to tell. I do not intend on telling them either. Just my personal choice because I'm not really close. My reasoning, you didn't care enough to intervene when I was obese, why include you in my choice to do something about it??

I don't need negative nannies (family/friends/acquaintances) in my life passing judgement or asking me questions I don't care to respond to. They can see my success from the sideline .

I told my husband an a few friends. I did not tell my brother. He lost a ton of weight without surgery and has turned into an exercise fanatic. He documents every bite he eats and has kept his weight off for 8 or 9 years. He would be one to say 'if I could lose it without surgery, why did you have the surgery'. He asked me the other day how much weight I lost. I told him, but I didn't mention that 25% of that was lost after surgery.

I won't see him for a few months. I'll see what I decide to say when I see him. Right now, I'm not up to being judged; and that's what I think would happen with him.

Initially I told my parents. Then bro and sis in law. One close friend. Didn't tell other brother who lives out of state. Also didn't want to be judged since he is also a diet and exercise fanatic. I felt bad at first for not telling more people, but then decided it did this for me and not them. I'm ok with it.

UPDATE> after meeting with the surgeon for the first time today we just told our 17 yr old son. Since we are hoping to have this done at the same time (my husband and I) and will be in the hospital for 2 nights he will need to step up and be 'guardian' of our 10 yr old twins during that time. He drives so he can take them places and come visit us. This may change though and we can call my mother in law to come for a visit but I'd rather her not. It would stress me out too much.

Only my husband knows and that's how it will stay. People are too judge mental and mouthy and I know that it is better this way.

I told my fiancé and my parents that's it. I didn't want future mother in law to know because she has made nasty comments about wls. And I didn't tell my siblings because frankly we aren't very close. I told my closest friend and my son so a total of five people know. I'm very private and don't like to put myself out there. It hasn't caused any issues at all everyone just thinks I'm doing calorie control and exercise. No one has said it's suspicious. I'm almost at goal, have lost 120 pounds and neither sibling has commented on the loss. So that makes me feel even more confirmed in my decision to keep it private.

We'll I live in a small town and unfortunately when you tell a select few the world knows. I could care less about anyone knowing but my fear is failure and getting made fun of worse then the fat jokes.