To tell or not to tell mom and dad....that is the question

[rome 156]

Any others out there reluctant to tell their parents that you are having this procedure done? I know they will not be happy only because of the fear of the unknown and yet I can't see myself keeping it from them and just having the surgery. I think that would really upset them. Any suggestions?

[Unbesleeveable 110]

I would tell them as they are your parents(who is listed in the event of a medical emergency) Though i am grown, married and live in my own home...my mother just found out a week ago and i am having surgery in 11 hours. I simply told people that this was my choice, not their opinion hour. I refused to listen to what others had to say and i am TOTALLY ok with my decision. I am uncertain as to the type of relationship that you have with your parents, but if you call or visit them prior to surgery, perhaps you tell them that you would like to advise them of some choices you made...Best wishes to you

[huskerrn 7]

I know this probably isn't the norm, but I told everyone! Honestly, family, friends, co-workers. . . . .What I learned was how much I was loved. I can honestly say that 100% of them were very supportive and glad to think I might be around longer. I didn't know how many of them had been worried about my health. My Dad was the only one who asked, just once, "Are you sure?" When I answered, "Absolutely, without any doubts," he didn't bring it up again. I did tell him about potential complications but again with the caveat that I was certain about my decision and why.

Its such a huge change in how you eat and what you eat that I can't imagine trying to keep it a secret. Why add extra stress?! And, yes, I do know how fortunate I am to have the family and friends that I do!
Kim

(surgery 1/29/14)

[rome 156]

Unbesleeveable and Huskerrn: Believe it or not, I am a 51 year old woman with a grown daughter! Guess it doesn't matter how old you get you always want your parents approval ha! I just know they will be so nervous and scared and will tell me all the reasons why I don't need this and shouldn't do this. However, I agree with what you said, "This is My choice".

I know once they know and it is done that i will have all the support I need. That's just how my family is. I am blessed to have a great family!

I know once it is over I will be telling everyone as well! I think it's just the fear that the "opinion time" will sway me too much.

Thanks for the support!

[rome 156]

I will be thinking of you in 11 hours! Blessings!

[Sdunn1980 33]

I told my parent the day before. Not because they would be against it but because I didn't want to answer a million questions before the big day.

[CrazyJaney 775]

I'm scheduled for March 13th and I'm telling my mom tomorrow. I am 45 years old and I love my mom dearly but she is going to be sick with worry. She won't even take a steroid dose pack for a herniated disc. She's definitely not comfortable with surgery for weight loss. I'm dreading it but I know I should tell her. Not telling my dad. He's got early dementia and severe anxiety issues. I need cheerleaders, not nay Sayers or worry warts. I have enough of those feelings in my head as it is! Lol

[rome 156]

Your mom sounds like mine :-) If I'm honest I would have the same worries and reactions that I know my mom will have if it were MY daughter doing it! It is the fear of the unknown and the risk of any surgery. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow! Be sure and post how it goes....give me any pointers or things I should be prepared to hear :-)

[Kerri Bear 0]

I know how you feel. I was terrified to tell my family. I waited until the day before surgery to tell them. I was afraid they would try to talk me out of it and I wasn't going to let that happen. This was the first thing I had ever done just for me!! But, in the end, the were supportive because they could see how much it meant to me.

[jdillon 355]

I'm scheduled for March 13th and I'm telling my mom tomorrow. I am 45 years old and I love my mom dearly but she is going to be sick with worry. She won't even take a steroid dose pack for a herniated disc. She's definitely not comfortable with surgery for weight loss. I'm dreading it but I know I should tell her. Not telling my dad. He's got early dementia and severe anxiety issues. I need cheerleaders, not nay Sayers or worry warts. I have enough of those feelings in my head as it is! Lol

My exact feelings! My mom had a friend that she worked with who had by pass surgery that went wrong so I am fearful she will connect that with what I am doing (the sleeve) and freak out. I am 45 as well and terrified to tell my mom.

[Kindle 8,667]

We 45 year olds are such chickens! . I was not going to tell my parents because I knew they would be sick with worry. Not to mention having to explain the going to Mexico thing. When I told my sister (who went to Mexico with me) that I wasn't going to tell them she agreed at first, knowing how they'd react. But she called me a couple days later and convinced me to tell them. She said, as a mother, herself, she would be very hurt if one of her kids didn't feel they could talk to her about something like this. And we both knew how pissed they would be when they found out afterwards. So I told them once I paid my deposit and bought plane tickets. Of course they freaked and asked tons of questions, trying to figure out why I needed to do this. I shared my research on the procedure as well as my choice of surgeons. They ended up being very supportive and very thankful that I told them. Now My mom "brags" to her friends about what a great experience I've had so far. My dad even confided in me that my mom wishes she had done something like this when she was younger.

It's so hard to know what to do, but in my case, my parents were rock stars!

[newlysleeved 4]

This is how I look at this question. For what is worth. Most people seek their parents approval and when we don't get it is hard. During my experience my mom was super supportive and happy I made this choice and my dad was not supportive, but then I lost my mom she past away from cancer. Then my dad came around and he has been very supportive even though he says he would not have the surgery for himself. Of course this is not everyone experience. Your parent may surprise you and be supportive and again they may not. They do want you to be happy and you have to tell them that. Ok so here is my other thought. Even though they worry about you getting the surgery there is a 0.1-2% chance of complications (not to worry you) and they would be hurt if you didn't tell them you were going in for surgery. Also how would it make you feel if they didn't tell you one of them had surgery and told you afterward? How would it make you feel if their surgery ended up having complications? I know that I would want to know if my parent was undergoing a big surgery.

[RunningA5K 645]

I did not, and still have not told anyone in my family. I only see them twice a year, so I'm sure it will be interesting when I see them next.

[jdillon 355]

I might just not tell them until after its all done and I am thinning down.

[TatiB 12]

Okay - Here is another 44yr old adult that did not tell her parents at first either! I had my consultation and Psych Evaluation and met with the nutritionist well before. I told my mom and sister in law first and then a few weeks later my dad. One of my mom's bst friends passed away from a bad gastric bypass (Several years ago) and I was very much afraid that she would try and talk me out of my decision. I have not told many of my friends or co-workers. The majority that know I am having surgery only know 1/2 of it. I told them I was having a hernia repaired.....then I will let the weightloss be an extra surprise.

My surgery is Tuesady March 4th