Keeping it a secret?

[WendyLap 0]

DH is aware, not sure what I shall do about work as I will require time off. Funnily enough I was going through photos on the site and recognised an acquaintance, I emailed her asking about her situation and she mentioned 2 others I know who have had , one lap and one gastric bypass, surgeries. I was really surprised, I think it really is no one's business but mine. I also work in an enviroment where I would be most uncomfortable about people knowing about my surgery

[Coo 1]

Well,for my second post to this thread.

I don't take offence exactly, but I certainly feel your point of view judgemental - just as those I didn't tell are.

I thankfully, made my decision for secrecy long before an incident convinced me I was right.

I was only 8 weeks in and a co-worker, who is also overweight and fights the same struggles as us, commented on my starting to lose weight. No problem. We had this in common. No problem. Then she said that her friend is have that surgery, and how pathetic her friend was, and the invasion in her body, and why can't she just do it like us, the proper hard way. This woman had/has no idea I had a band, that my weightloss was anything but "hard" (which of course I feel it is because its an addiction) and had I told her, I had no doubt whatsoever she would then be talking abe MY DECISION to everyone she met.

I should say, I had worked with this girl for 2 years, enjoyed her comardarerie (? appalling spelling sorry) and often had chats over the photocopier. So unlike others, there was/is no animosity to consider.

No no no - privacy is my right, just as it is everyone else's right to share their innermost secrets and vulnerabilities with anyone they choose.

I also believe it is NOT my responsibility to educate others.

[zeama 0]

I am pretty excited about finally getting this done and I have shared it friends and family.

[valstar 0]

Hey all, I wanted to share an experience.

A dental hygienist told me she was having WLS (RNY) and I told her I had had LB. This came up during a dental appt. It was our first meeting. A month later I went back to the dentist and thought I was talking to the same person. When i comment on her weight loss she thanked me and I asked her how the surgery went. The person I was talking to responded very smugly, "Oh, your thinking of my coworker. I just lost 60 lbs over the past year but I did it the good old fashioned way." I responded by saying,"Congratulations but you know, it the good old days they removed bullets without anesthesia (sp?). WLS is a tool that has proven very effective for some people." She looked shocked at me response and sheepishly walked away. people can be very judgemental. I don't usually care. I tell those that ask because they are looking for a way to lose themselves and some I just say I'm working hard at it.

I agree with ceredad but it is a personal choice. I don't know if I would want to deal with attitudes like this women's everyday.

Val

[Ceradad 10]

I don't take offence exactly, but I certainly feel your point of view judgemental - just as those I didn't tell are.

I was only 8 weeks in and a co-worker, who is also overweight and fights the same struggles as us, commented on my starting to lose weight. No problem. We had this in common. No problem. Then she said that her friend is have that surgery, and how pathetic her friend was, and the invasion in her body, and why can't she just do it like us, the proper hard way. This woman had/has no idea I had a band, that my weightloss was anything but "hard" (which of course I feel it is because its an addiction) and had I told her, I had no doubt whatsoever she would then be talking abe MY DECISION to everyone she met.

No no no - privacy is my right, just as it is everyone else's right to share their innermost secrets and vulnerabilities with anyone they choose.

I also believe it is NOT my responsibility to educate others.

You're correct, it is judgemental. Just as everyone's on here is.

And, you are correct that privacy is your right. That is a God given right.

However, by letting this woman continue on with the assumption that you are losing the weight "the right way" you are leaving her ignorant. You also left that other woman who had the surgery out to dry. You abandoned her to be the only one talked about behind her back. That would be like me leaving a fellow officer to face a suspect by himself. We need to have each others backs. In this you are incorrect, imo.

Ultimately, that's what it comes down to here, opinions. The question was asked about keeping it secret. I gave my response. I contradicts most opinions in this thread. To me, if you are keeping it secret, you are embarrassed about having to rely on a tool to help you lose weight. By keeping it secret, you are simply prolonging peoples stupidity about the process to lose weight. But, that is your right and I respect that.

No hard feelings?

[HarleyGirl 1]

I don't think it's my responsibility to educate people, it is my priviledge.

We lament our treatment as overweight people, but when we have a chance to really do some good and work towards changing attitudes, we've been beat down and sometimes choose not too.

For me, I am telling people....I am creating a support structure that reaches out beyond the walls of my home....will they talk behind my back? Hell, they do now so why would it be any different later?

Do I care? NOPE...... Again, this is about ME!

[Ceradad 10]

I don't think it's my responsibility to educate people, it is my priviledge.

We lament our treatment as overweight people, but when we have a chance to really do some good and work towards changing attitudes, we've been beat down and sometimes choose not too.

For me, I am telling people....I am creating a support structure that reaches out beyond the walls of my home....will they talk behind my back? Hell, they do now so why would it be any different later?

Do I care? NOPE...... Again, this is about ME!

Somebody that says the same thing as me, only BETTER! Thanks.:rolleyes2:

Here's what I believe. We have been constantly kicked around by "normal" people and overlooked due to our size. By not educating others, we are leaving our friends behind. To me, that is not an option. By letting others think we are losing weight w/o the surgery, we are making other overweight people feel lower and spiral downward and enhancing stereotypes.

[yokes1 0]

I had my band put on Febr.25. Ive lost 8lbs. and yesterday my Dr. told me to stop taking 6 meds that were meant to lower my blood sugars. They were always in 100-159 range and now they are in th 90-120 range. This is awsome and if you think I can go without telling anybody and everybody! Your crazy!

later

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

I just didn't want people constantly asking how much I have lost now.

I have lost a lot slower than most people with the band. I don't think

I need to tell people anything other than I exercise 6 days a week, I eat smaller portions and I count calories. All of that is true.

I get really angry when people say things like "so and so lost weight but she didn't do it on her own"

[horns10 0]

I've told people I work with and family members but for some reason I haven't bothered telling my friends that I still keep in touch with from high school (that i'm still close to).

One of them pointed out that she noticed I had been losing weight and was surprised at how much better I looked but I tried to avoid talking about it altogether, why I honestly don't know.

I don't mind if I hear (every once in awhile) that i'm looking great, looking 'better'...etc. But I just HATE it when I go in to get weighed at my wife's office (she works for the county health clinic) and they call me 'skinny mini', i'm like "call me that when i'm closer to goal"...lol.

[Bandsternan 0]

Crazy but true...I haven't told a soul. Not my boyfriend, my grown kids or my friends or family. I am embarassed that I had to resort to surgery. I already have self-esteem issues and don't want to deal with any more guilt. I did this for me...to feel better about myself and to possibly live a healthier life. I went to Mexico, scared to death, all by myself and I had the surgery. I told everyone that I was vacationing with a girlfriend, told her not to call my house that I was having a fling for a week. When I came back, I told everyone that I had a gall bladder attack and had to have it removed. That explains my diet for now and I've got the scars to prove it. It's my decision. I guess I will tell my family dr. I have no intention of telling anyone. If I hear of anyone needing information, I will definitely share all I know but would just say that my girlfriend had it done. I do actually have a friend that had it done. I might tell her but I might not in case she slips up and tells someone. I only had my lb on Feb 13. I have only lost 10 lbs. I think I will be a slow loser because I only have 60lbs to lose. I'm hoping that talking with other bandsters on this forum will give me the support that I need.

[saleel22 0]

Hi Bandsternan,I totally understand how you feel. I was banded on the 16th Jan 08. The only one that knows is my husband. As yet I haven't told my children. I think like most people that have lost and gained weight for years I just want to make sure it is going to work. So far in the 7 weeks I have lost 10kilos which for me is good as I loose slowly. It is so much better than putting it on. Good luck on your journey. I'm sure you will find lots of support on the forums. Keep in touch with how you are doing.

Saleel22

[Bandsternan 0]

Thank you for your support.

[Doddie63 6]

Hi: When people tell me "i have lost 60 lbs (or whatever) the old fashioned way" I give a big weary sigh and say, "been there done that so many times I have lost count. See me in a few years and tell me you have kept it off". Now I have the band that helps me never to feel hungry again so I know with this tool I won't put it back on. The person looks at me and sadly agrees. The statistic prove weight loss is alway put back on and more so.Although I lost my sister when telling her, I still tell anyone that asks. I am so proud of the band and what it is doing for my life, I just want to share it. Most so called judgmental people are simply jealous and are talking about something they know nothing about. So keep it quiet if that is your wish, it is a personal choice and nobody faults you for doing it. I just hope I am helping someone get out of this horrible rut of gain and lose. I wish that on nobody. Doddie

[LiseSeattle 0]

I'm out and proud! I started a blog where I post everything from the photos of my surgery to my Constipation to my favorite liquid "foods". At first I was going to tell a handful of folks but then decided- what the heck. if i can help one person feel more comfortable then why not. it's been really great and taken a burden off of myself. couldn't be happier!