Keeping it a secret?

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

Crazy but true...I haven't told a soul. Not my boyfriend, my grown kids or my friends or family. . I have only lost 10 lbs. I think I will be a slow loser because I only have 60lbs to lose. I'm hoping that talking with other bandsters on this forum will give me the support that I need.

You have come to the right place! You will find all the support in the world here!

I didn't have as much to lose as some either. I have been a slow loser. I told my two closest friends. I am glad that I did because it's hard to eat with people who don't know that I have the band. I go out to eat with them often. So basically, my two kids know, and my two friends.

One of them wants to get the band too, but there is no way she could follow the rules. She lives on candy, Cookies, brownies, etc. The band isn't going to help her with that, because unfortunately, those things go down like there is no band.:crying:

[JSOTO 0]

Trust me, there are not enough people out there that are really that interested in inspiration, or help. People will really act funny about the band issue, unless they love you, and are your faamily-support group. All of the sudden, they want to know how many pounds you have lost every day, what and how much you eat, does it hurt? and you 'TOOK THE EASY WAY OUT" why you just didnt do it on your own, get more excercize...on and on...I think you should NOT tell one person....word travels very fast, and it isnt always positive...gradually tell people if they show genuine interest in your weight loss.....other wise, keep it to yourself, because it is an intimate issue....just keep it in your family. I told family members only, and it is the best decision i could have made.....i have told a total of 3 other people, because they showed real concern, and support, and wanted to ask me about possibly getting it done themselves.

good luck with your choice.....its a hard one!

[anniedub 0]

Hi there,

I am five days post-op, and I struggled with the decision of whether or not to tell people about having the surgery.

My parents both know, as well as my brother. I still live at home, so it would be pretty hard to hide it from them! They are all supportive. It took a while for my Mum to come around to the idea, but then again, she has never had a weight problem. It was actually my Dad who convinced her

Some of my friends know that I have just had a small operation on my stomach - I have long standing digestive system "issues" and so they think it's related to that. Otherwise, I don't really feel the need to let anyone else know at the moment.

I think it's a fear thing, you know? Like, say I don't lose any weight. Then i'll have to deal with all the people I told asking me "What happened?" Maybe when I get close to goal I will let a few people in, but that's a while away yet. A lot of time to think :eek:

Thanks for all your posts, banders. It feels so good to get other people's views, and "get things off your chest".

Even though I haven't posted much, I've mostly just been lurking, you have been my support system!

Cheers,

Annie xox

[Ceradad 10]

At first I was going to tell a handful of folks but then decided- what the heck. if i can help one person feel more comfortable then why not. it's been really great and taken a burden off of myself. couldn't be happier!

Lise, that was my plan as well. Just a few people. Then, as I started telling more people, the better I felt. I don't care what others think about me anymore. I am not doing this for their approval. I'm doing this for me and my family.

Like you said, if I give one person education on another option, I'm going to do it. I've had several people ask the initial questions I had asked of my fellow officer when I was considering it. Why would I want to make them feel like a lesser person by denying the help I've gotten?

Good luck with your weightloss. I've looked at your blog and will be keeping track of it.

[reqgoddess 0]

I have had my lapband for a year now and still have only told a few folks. I too used the stomach surgery "excuse" and in my profession, most are too polite to ask exactly what kind of stomach surgery (thank God)lol. I just feel that I need encouragement, not jealousy. I already see some in a couple of friends I have told. I don't want to tell them now when I have lost more weight because instead of being happy for me they sort of make a face and very quietly say congratulations, etc. so, i tell my family, especially my kids are always happy for me and very supportive.

[Blund 0]

I won't be banded until April or May, but have only told my DH and 1 good friend and am keeping it that way for now. I just got insurance approval, and told these 2 people to keep keeping it to themselves.

Who knows how I'll feel as time goes by.

I love Valstar's comback to her hygenist about the "old fashioned way of removing bullets..." Thats great! Something that occured to me too, was that many smokers get "medical help" to quit smoking....pills, the patch, etc. And you DONT HAVE TO SMOKE after you quit. But you DO have to keep eating! That said, I don't want to seem ashamed about the LB, but at this point I don't think my emotions are ready to share the information. This will most likely change as time goes by, and things calm down.

:smile2:

[ReadySteadyGo 8]

I told all my friends, all my family, and one person at work and the next thing I know this lady who I have said nothing but Hello at work too comes up to me and tells me she heard I was having WLS which I have NO problem with, but then asked me who my Dr was and started telling me horror stories that her '"friend" in the "medical Field" told her about the surgery and esp. my surgeon. Thankfully, I had done a lot of research on the right Dr and hospital and the surgery so it didn't affect me too badly...still it was a horrible thing to do to someone who is having surgery in two days. Now she keeps asking me questions about the surgery. I think she was just jealous, being a larger women herself. When she was just done I lied and told her thanks for the info and I will really think about what she said. I haven't been working here long and wanted to avoid confrontation.

Everyone else has been super supportive. At home, and at work. They ask me how I'm doing and stuff like that. My friends and family couldn't have been better.

[nana811 0]

I told DH, my mom & sis and few close friends. They have all been very supportive. The only people I haven't told are my in-laws. They are really good people and love me very much, but I feel they will see my band as weakness. So I prefer not to tell them right now. My DH is always asking me when are you going to tell my parents and I reply WHEN I"M READY. There is really no need for them to know. 6 days post op I told them I was feeling ill that I couldn't eat anything just broth, now I will tell them I'm on a diet and that's it. Why do they need to know NOW? I may tell them later, just not now. So DH is cool with that.

And even by DH knowing, I feel he is looking at everything I eat now. He asked me the other day, HOW MANY SF JELLO'S CAN YOU HAVE AN A DAY? BECAUSE I ALWAYS SEE YOU EATING A Jello? ???? I LOOK AT HIM AND SAY "DOES IT BOTHER YOU THAT I EAT JELLO????? I CAN EAT AS MANY AS I WANT? I AM ON A CLEAR liquid diet HERE AND I THINK EATING MY JELLO IS SATIFYING MY HUNGER? DO YOU HAVE A PROBELM WITH THAT????? He just looked at me and "OK, BABE I WAS JUST ASKING" and left at that. So I PUT HIM IN HIS PLACE....lol.......Don't tick me off when I'm HUNGRY....grrrr.

[pd1007 0]

Well I wanted to tell everyone, I figure I need all the support I can get. I don't care if some people are ashamed of me or embarrased about me. I know who truly loves and care about me. And to me that is what is important. (that and losing weight) But if you don't feel comfortable then don't tell everyone just tell the people you are closest to, because you will need some support from your family.

[cori in wa 0]

I work in a small unit in a large hospital and I've told those in my unit, as well as my husband. Actually, several of the folks in this unit have had WLS and are, in large, the reason I decided to pursue it.

I'm having my GB removed at the same time so for those "outsiders" that ask I'll respond with the GB info.

I'm a fairly private person and feel more comfortable with only a few knowing all the details.

[femme35mm 0]

I wanted to keep it a secret from some of my more abrasive family members, because now that they know I have it, all they have to say to me are negative things. Like at Thanksgiving, they made the entire discussion about how I was an idiot to get a surgery for weight loss if they only expect you to lose 1 Ib or 2 Ibs a week.

And another time, someone who used to be a trusted friend became angry at me when I wouldn't let them borrow money, and told people in my company that I constantly had to go to the doctor to "have my band fixed" because I gorged myself on fast food and ate so much I threw up all the time. It just made me angry that I was trying so hard and am halfway to my goal, yet people always feel the need to attack me on my weight, since it's definitely a constant struggle. And no, I've never had to have my band fixed.

I'm just careful who I tell.

[Bergdorfblonde 3]

I got together with a new guy I've been seeing the other night. He felt my big scar and said "Whats that?" I told him I had gallbladder surgery. Honestly I am too shy to tell most people about the band. I think when I lose most of the weight I will have no prob telling people. My friend had laproscopic gallbladder surgery and has the same scars on her tummy like us. It just leaves it so they know you had surgery, it's not something horrible, and they don't have to ask any follow up questions or make any judgements.

[myturn0421 0]

I have my consultation with my surgeon tomorrow, and I know I have to wait at least 6 months because of my insurance. My DH and I are in this together. We have told my mom and his mom, and thats it. We will tell everyone later - probably - but not until closer to the surgery date. He has a very judgemental family and my sister would be very jealous. DH was 421lbs on surg date and we had discussed me having surgery. I'm 260 and my sister is about 300, and she voiced her opinion then about things not being fair. I'm doing this for me - MY HEALTH, but I don't want to stir up anything until I have everything in order.:confused2:

[Jo Skinnie 0]

I'm not ready for any negative comments, so I have told a very limited amount of people about getting the band. These are the ones who know:

DH

Brother, SIL and niece (she's in college)

About 4 people at work

[Rubyjade 2]

I will tell anyone who wants to know, I am very proud of my achievement. The only problem I have had is with someone my Mum told. This woman had a daughter the same age as me and we went to school together. All my life she compared me to her daughter (skinny) and always had to make smug remarks about my weight. So my Mum saw this woman after 20 years and told her all about my surgery and showed her pictures of me. I know my Mum just did it out of pure love and pride but I was really really pissed off this woman knew all the details!! Geez Mum!!!