Keeping it a secret?

[txteachingirl 1]

So my friend who was originally supportive but changed her mind called me tonight. We got into a dicussion about it and I told her I was not going to argue with her about it that it was my decision. She then went on to explain how she sees people on Oprah who are like 600 pounds and they are losing weight the "right way". I told her she never sees the thousands of people who lose it with the help of WLS and she said thats because it is more admirable to lose it on your own. I was SO furious! I lost it. She said she hopes I know that its just because she is scared and cares about me but I told her she can be scared but be my friend too and that means supporting the decision I have made.

[taismommy 0]

I was banded 12/13/07 but I've only told close friends, 4 close co-workers & my family. I can always say something later, but once I "out" myself I can't undo it, so I keep silent. I work w/a group of caddy people & they would have a field day with the information... I also would have a problem w/critisism such as; "you took the easy way out". After all I went through to have this procedure; the appointments, the liquid diet for what seemed like forever, and the surgery itself, NO, I didn't take the easy way out! I did it so that I would live longer. I tell people that notice my 39 lb weight loss (in a very short period of time) that I am under my doctor's care for weight loss; and also have a nutritionist at the hospital that I am working with. The rest is none of their business. I'm not lying, but I'm not sharing more than I want to.

The ladies i work with would absolutely LOVE to talk about this! Especially the one with a gym in her basement but she is as big as me and always trying to tell me what i need to do. Lord knows that chick irks my nerves. Its so bad that I bought new eyeglasses and she couldnt even admit that she notice them. Everyone else said how nice they are but not her. She walked around my cube a few times to chat but not one word. I cant wait for her to notice my weight loss its going to kill her. :mad:

[Doddie63 6]

Hi TedOB. Doesn't matter in the least what others think, it is what you think of your decision. When and if you wish to discuss it with others, that too is your decision. I don't point fingers or look down on people that tell a little white lie because that is their decision and as long as they are comfortable that is all that counts. I just have cautioned people that telling a lie has a way of coming back at your. Better to say nothing or give as little information at possible.

The

[Doddie63 6]

Hi TedOB. Doesn't matter in the least what others think, it is what you think of your decision. When and if you wish to discuss it with others, that too is your decision. I don't point fingers or look down on people that tell a little white lie because that is their decision and as long as they are comfortable that is all that counts. I just have cautioned people that telling a lie has a way of coming back at your. Better to say nothing or give as little information at possible.

In Canada, we have had a major Victory. Obese people can now buy a plane ticket for two seats at the cost of a single. How long that will last after Air Canada appeals is a guess. The editorial in the paper today say why should thin people be penalized supporting a fat person who has just not made the effort to control their weight. I am seething mad that this attitude exists today. So everyone whatever you want to say or not say is your right. Good Luck Doddie

[Mac the Knife 1]

I have made an absolute decision to keep it between myself and my wife. (I'll be banded on Feb 12). I have already told the lies at work. I've started my Protein Shake diet now so they won't be able to point out that I began drinking them after that "week I took off". Is it deceptive? Yes. Is it sleazy? No. I know I've been judged and discriminated against for years. I don't have any obligation to those who feel I am weak. I feel bad about not disclosing those I feel are friends, but even well meaning friends have their own weaknesses about secrets.

I'll play it by ear, and if there are other points of view, I'm open to them.

Ted

Y'know what, Ted? It's no one's business but your own. Tell 'em whatever you want to.

I've deliberately kept my planned surgery to those who are on a strictly 'need to know' basis only - if they aren't directly impacted by it in some fashion, they aren't being told a thing. Not because of any fear of potential backlash from friends or family members, but simply because it's no one's damned business but my own.

Down the road, if someone asks me how I lost weight (and presuming they aren't in similar straights as I am), I'll simply say, "I'm eating less than I used to." There's no reason to elaborate if you don't want to, or to profess the wonders of LapBand unless you're inclined to.

What you do with your body is your business. And no one else's.

[Mac the Knife 1]

So my friend who was originally supportive but changed her mind called me tonight. We got into a dicussion about it and I told her I was not going to argue with her about it that it was my decision. She then went on to explain how she sees people on Oprah who are like 600 pounds and they are losing weight the "right way". I told her she never sees the thousands of people who lose it with the help of WLS and she said thats because it is more admirable to lose it on your own. I was SO furious! I lost it. She said she hopes I know that its just because she is scared and cares about me but I told her she can be scared but be my friend too and that means supporting the decision I have made.

Next time you speak with your friend, ask her if she thinks it'd be prudent for someone with coronary artery disease to refuse undergoing an angioplasty or heart bypass operation, extending their life by perhaps as much as a quarter century, because of how it'd be perceived by others. Or if she feels that someone is better off dying of cancer rather than having a small tumor removed surgically upon its discovery.

What you - what all of us - are doing is ultimately aimed at one goal: extension of, and perhaps enhancing the quality of, life. Nothing more. Explain how obesity has so many impacts on overall health (off the top of my head I can think of cardiac issues, respiratory ones, motor skills and mobility, not to mention early onset of arthritis and other ailments), and how the steps that you're taking - easy way or not - are going to help relieve whatever symptoms you're having.

In short, ask your friend if she'd rather have you around to age 80 by taking the 'easy way,' or dead by 50 instead? That might change her point of view a little.

[TedOB 0]

I'm convinced by what I've read here. There is nothing to be gained from wide disclosure.

[Ceradad 10]

Before the surgery, I kept it quiet. Wasn't necessarily that I was ashamed of getting the band, I was ashamed that I had to get one. Understand? Little confusing even to me.

Since the surgery, I tell almost everyone. I get people almost on a weekly basis that I haven't seen for awhile ask me if I've lost weight. When I tell them yes, they say I look great. I tell them about the band. Once I open up to them, if they are overweight and start asking questions, I answer all of them. IMHO, it works better than expected. Especially if you commit yourself to working with it and use it as a tool.

To me, it's like keeping a great secret all to yourselves. My asst. directors wife had one done. I talked to him numerous times about the decision I had to make. He never once told me his wife had it done. Or, her mother. He still has never told me, someone else told me about it after my surgery. There are alot of people at my workplace that have "miraculously" dropped weight. This made me feel worse about myself that they could lose the weight and I couldn't. Sharing it can help someone.

[Valerie617 1]

I told only my husband, kids and sister. I'm losing slower than I thought I would, so I'm really glad I didn't tell anyone else. When asked how I lost the weight, I tell my friends that I'm eating a lot smaller portions, eating more Protein than carbs, and exercising a LOT - all true. When I lose more weight, I might tell my friends, but right now I'm more comfortable not having people watch what I eat!

[Sandy Beach 4]

I was banded 3 weeks ago (01/21/08) I am from a family of tall thin people. Parents, siblings, cousins, all thin. I was the one that suffer from chubbyhood. Always the biggest in class, church, work etc. I was lucky I did not have to experience nasty coments from family or friends. Everyone was just non expressive or polite because of my family standing in the community. I was the class ghost.

I am married to a wonderful understanding-supportive husband. We have a beautiful 28 yo daughter. I will share my banding with my husband, and my daughter went with me to banding. No one else will be included in my happiness. Let them guess or gossip. I joke with my husband... I tell him I must have been adopted from "MARS" hehe. I love my life, and I like a little secret.

[ugagirl 0]

I just returned to work today and it was funny having everyone ask me if I enjoyed my "vacation." I never said what I was going to be doing while out from work but I was quick to tell them I was NOT on vacation. I only said before I left I would be out to attend to personal matters. I work with nosy, NOSY women! I admit I took some pleasure in knowing the curiosity was out there and I did nothing to squash it.

[readytolive 0]

i was this close today telling my aunt i was planning on getting the surgery because she had gastric bypass years and years ago. but i decided not to, my family is way too nosey anyway. i've only told my mom so far, and i will tell my dad when i actually have a date.

i just don't want to feel judged as i'm trying to get healthier.

[austinglobe 0]

I was band Nov 2004. Initially, I told only my mother, father, boyfriend, sister and 1 friend. Since that time, I've only told one other person, my aunt.

I am very glad I told no one else. I had band problems and gained all but 4 lbs back. I've been battling band issues for 1.5 years (slippage, reflux, and emptying my band 2x.)

[JoanieP 2]

In the beginning only my husband, my daughter and 2 of my closest friends knew. Several months later I told my sister, since I can't keep a secret from her especially when she was so impressed with the weight I had lost. Which, by the way, I love to tell people who don't know that I just cut back on what I was eating....no lie, right? haha Now, after almost 2 yrs. I guess almost everyone knows, except my dad cause I didn't need to have him worrying about me. He's 85 yrs. old.

ps: a few months after I told my sister, she had a lapband done.

[kathystrick 3]

I originally posted that I was keeping it secret. Now that I am in the process of getting approval, I am having to leave work or miss days entirely for testing, classes, etc., so it has become harder to keep it to myself. I have even discussed it with a couple of people here who are also overweight and it turns out, all 3 of them have been doing research on the surgery. So am I going around proudly waving a banner that this is the choice I have made for myself? Not hardly. But I am sharing my story more than I thought I would.