Kids, fear and what to say!

[hmjdreamingbig 93]

I have 3 kiddos, my youngest is 9. She is terrified of me having surgery. She just keeps saying "what if something goes wrong?" I don't really know how to calm her fears as I have those same ones. Any advice?

[Teachamy 1,042]

I assured them that everything would be fine.( they are 6 and 8) I also set them up for the 3 days of school they would have while I was away. I laid out their outfits for the 3 days, I prepared their school Snacks, I showed my DH how to brush our daughter's hair, and I explained to them how Daddy would pick them up from school, cook dinner, and take good care of them. As far as the surgery goes, I spared them a lot of details, and tried to remain very matter-of-fact in front of them. (I kept my anxiety to myself)

The best thing you can do is stress to your kids that everything will be fine. (And try to tell this to yourself too!) And kids are naturally very concerned about how your absence will affect life at home. Try to make this as stress-free for them as possible by setting up in advance what you typically do for them. It helps calm their fears.

Best,

Amy

[Sofficial 162]

I have three kids myself (6,8,&11). My children had the same concerns, but after seeing how excited I am, it started to make them believe that this is a good thing and now they have little to no worries. They feed off our energy and reactions, even if your worried don't let her see it. Maybe you can all of the success stories an this site and how ALL of these people came out of surgery just fine and while it is possible that something could go wrong however the chances of anything happening to you are very, very low. Best of luck

[hmjdreamingbig 93]

Thank you both! I do need to keep my fears in check. Thank you for the advice!!

[BellaHugz 331]

I have a lil girl 8 yr and she has been worried too. I told her not to worry mommy will be fine and we will do skype from the hospital. The only fear she has is being at a friends for 2 days instead of 1 night. It helped her knowing I will leave her with my pillow and she will give me one of her stuffy's (stuffed animals) to snuggle while I am in the hospital. Also we have been praying for eachother for peace and for mommy to return quickly so that has helped.

[LouiseC 1,029]

Tell them the truth - kids are smarter than we often give them credit for. Tell them the what and why of it all. For older kids, Talk about the risk comparatively, for example, the risk compared to driving. Talk about the risks being higher of you don't have the surgery because of your health. It's actually a great opportunity to discuss risk assessment and mitigation with your kids, tools they are going to need in their own life.

Allow them to ask questions, and answer honestly and without any strong emotional reaction. If you can't answer a question, tell them it's a really good question and you need to find out the answer. Then come on here or get online or talk to your surgeons office and get that answer.

Create opportunities for them to participate in your recovery, start talking about that prior to surgery, about how they can help you 'get better'