Because of various reasons I have kept my lapband surgery confidential to all but two friends and the immediate family only. Everyone else believes I have just been following a very strict diet.

I am finding that my lapband secret is getting harder to keep since my last fill. I don't know what to do. Last weekend I was invited to a small barbecue dinner with friends. Instead of a choice of foods, steak was the main dish. I cut a 2" piece off a larger piece of meat and could only get down about a 1/2" of it very uncomfortably after 2 hours of picking. I ate a couple of small pieces of soft potato to try to minimize what was on my plate and was so uncomfortable afterward. I couldn't touch the corn on the cob or other goodies she had to offer. The host said to me "Are you sure you didn't get your stomach stapled, Gail?" This is the second time I have been asked this. We have been getting together every week or two lately. Dinner, lunch, or brunch seems to be a constant factor of our get-togethers. I'm afraid I am going to have to tell my friends that I lied to them because I can't keep making up excuses. I don't know how to tell them because I already lied in detail about my surgery. They have been making such a fuss about my terrific willpower and weight loss. I also work with one of these ladies. I know that she will confide in at least one other person at work that I am not very friendly with. Obviously that person has no loyalty to me and is likely to pass the information along discretely to others I work with, especially the office manager. I wouldn't want this to get back to my boss because I lied to him as well. I took a long time off from work for something they thought was neccessary, not optional. My daughter also brought up Thanksgiving and asked how would I hide it then as well. My aunt, uncle, and cousins all think I had a repair for the acid reflux and hernia. I told them I went to a dietitian and was following a strict diet. They are bound to notice something is wrong at dinnertime. Now I know why I never usually lie. You have to tell five more to cover the first one! Any advise is welcome.

Gail

I thought about keeping it a secret too and it got out. The way I handled it was that I started telling people about this great journey that I was on and how excited I was. I told them in no uncertain terms that it is MY money, MY body and MY decision. I then told them that I would keep them informed on my progress. I know it went around like fire on hay, but I could care a less what any one thinks about it now.

It was only pride keeping me from wanting others to know about it. Heck, if I could have done it without the band I would have by now, lol.

Good luck.

I'm having surgery this Friday in London and so far, have only told one friend who has just gone on holiday - to Antarctica! So he's not much use! I haven't even told my mother, to whom I regard myself as being close. However, she is a terrible worrier who usually manages to turn most of my problems into her own which results in me spending all my time reassuring her rather than the other way around. I know I'll get the 'I didn't sleep a wink' treatment from her if I do tell her. On the other hand, I am terrified that something goes wrong and she'll end up finding out anyway and she'll be really hurt. But at some point I'll have to tell her and I think she'll be hurt anyway. I've almost told her 100 times but she had her own medical problems just before Christmas and it didn't seem like a good idea. She also lives a long way away and I would have to tell her on the phone, which isn't ideal. I would like the support of someone but I feel all my friends, good as they are, would judge me somewhat. The person I told understands because he too has struggled with his weight all his life. Everyone else in my immediate circle is pretty gorgeous and 'normal'! I don't know what the point of this posting is really! But i have been reading the message boards a lot recently and so admire all the support you give each other. I'm looking forward to becoming part of the community. Any words of comfort at this, the difficult 3 day out stage, would be very, very gratefully received.

Scotty, how about going to the introductions section and starting a new thread about yourself...and any ?? that you might have? I know you'll get a lot of feed back and support on here. Best of luck to you!

Scotty-

Good Luck with your surgery. I'm sure you will do great-like all of us. This board is great and wonderful for support. I did tell my friends even the "gorgeous" ones. One of them recently lost 50 pounds doing WW and looks great. The other friend is very slender and could blow away in the wind some days here in SD. I guess what I am saying if you really are close to them and you need the support-I would tell them. I am very involved in a small community to it is easier for me to be up front with them all as we have a lot of get togethers and food and drinks are always a plenty. It is easier for me now-there is no questions at the event. They all know what I can or shouldn't have because I have been very open with it. Some even make sure they bring something both the hubby and I can have. Hope this helps a little and Again best wishes on the baning. I look forward to hearing how your experience goes.

Hi Gail, I chose to only tell my immediate family and two close friends about having the

surgery, I thought that I would need some support from those friends. When I got home from the hospital I found out that one of these "friends" had told several people at a gathering about it. I was so upset, mostly because at that point I had to realize that this person really did not want me to succeed. I just wanted the time to adjust to having my band and then decide for myself when or if I wanted to share.

Banded 1/7/05

In my eyes you ARE NOT lying.... you have simply choosen not to share at this time. Which is 1000% exceptable. Good for you!

Don't feel bad about keeping it a secret. I had my band put in in Aug of 2003 and my mom still doesn't know. (That is an issue in itself lol)

My friends pretty much know. I don't care, but, my husband didn't want anyone to know about his surgery. Of course I had to keep mine a secret around his friends. It was tough, because one couple wanted to go out to eat all the time. It is embaressing when you have to burp when things start going down slow. And, people look at you funny thinking you are choking. My husband had to have his surgery redone, and was worried about what he would tell his best friend, because he didn't want him to know he had it done in the first place. He realized finally that he was going to have to tell him because his friend wanted him to help with a remodel the same weekend.

He finally just told him,and when his friend asked why he never told him? My husband said, "I was embaressed that I couldn't lose weight on my own, I didn't want anyone to know, because I thought they would think I failed on my own" His friend was very supportive. I think because my husband was honest about his reasoning, his friend could relate, because, everyone has insecurities, whether it be weight, a receeding hairline, no boobs, an addiction etc. His friend said "I think it is great" and he really meant it.

Thank you Zoe for your very wise remarks. I wish you much happiness with your new band. Remember, the band is a "tool" only if you choose to use it wisely. The cravings do come back when the newness wears off. I have learned that it is easy to bypass the band when you learn how it works and your overwhelming desire for the wrong snacks haunts you. Be strong, and I wish you much success and a quick recovery from surgery.

Gail

Thanks, Gail. You are absolutely right about how easy it is to bypass the band. For ice cream lovers (like me), it's a real danger.

I wrote my original post just a few weeks after surgery. It's been almost nine months now, and I'm down 65 lbs., occasionally frustrated by the band (PB after chewing a piece of salmon 50 times!) but generally loving it.

Since this thread was started in 2004, many people have raised questions about whether or not to tell people about their bands. I thought your original post was so thoughtful, and the responses so interesting, that newbies should have a chance to read this thread.

Gail, I wanted to put my two cents it. First of all, I think you are doing a lot of this on your own!!! I understand that you can gain weight with the band also. So you have to still make a big effort on exercising and watching everything you eat. And you don't get to eat much at all! Of course, it does make it harder to cheat with the band. You are still doing this on your OWN TOO! I haven't been banded yet; but I don't want to tell anyone either. Medical issues are very personal. Really if you want to lose weight on your own, you should eat very small portions also! That's where I have a hard time, because really you can't eat much at all. I ran into someone who did have their stomach stapled. It sounds like it was hard to eat with that too. But the band is still a better surgery to have. The hardest part for me, will be chewing everything a 100 times. I eat too fast any way, my kids are always telling me to slow down!

Lea

I say keep lying. I know that sounds awful, but you have way too much at stake! Especially with the boss thinking something else. You could always ask your friends if you all can hang out without eating. For example going bowling, a movie night, something other than eating.

I have found that most people surround every function, get together around EATING! You can use your "diet" as an excuse.

I am a closet bandster and I have so many hardships from the people I told. I even helped one person on the road to getting banded and got kicked in the teeth.

Take it from me. You will feel better if you tell, but your friends may feel betrayed. I also confided in someone that confided in someone....you get my point! I was not friendly with that person either, so now I have to wonder who she told! She is a know gossiper!(sp?)

I hope it all works out for you!

Birdee, I found that some people, even close friends and relatives, have preconceived notions and opinions, and no one is ever going to change them or make them believe otherwise. My band is still a secret after almost 1 year to those I did not wish to tell, including some close family members. By now I have learned how to eat without blowing my cover. Unfortunately I am having great difficulty sticking to my diet because those old cravings are back. I may not be able to tolerate the garlic bread, steak, or pizza, but the pasta in olive oil, ice cream, and cheesecake go down all too easily to let on that I have had surgery. In spite of many efforts to get together with my friends over functions other than for food, they enjoy that type of relaxed atmosphere too much to give it up. As much as I wish I can be honest and share with everyone, especially when I run across a dental patient at work that has had banding or gastric bypass surgery, I found it is best to keep my personal affairs to myself and just be supportive as a bystander. I can appreciate what you have gone through, Birdie. That is why I have used discretion with whom I choose to tell.

Thanks for your input,

Pam