Because of various reasons I have kept my lapband surgery confidential to all but two friends and the immediate family only. Everyone else believes I have just been following a very strict diet.

I am finding that my lapband secret is getting harder to keep since my last fill. I don't know what to do. Last weekend I was invited to a small barbecue dinner with friends. Instead of a choice of foods, steak was the main dish. I cut a 2" piece off a larger piece of meat and could only get down about a 1/2" of it very uncomfortably after 2 hours of picking. I ate a couple of small pieces of soft potato to try to minimize what was on my plate and was so uncomfortable afterward. I couldn't touch the corn on the cob or other goodies she had to offer. The host said to me "Are you sure you didn't get your stomach stapled, Gail?" This is the second time I have been asked this. We have been getting together every week or two lately. Dinner, lunch, or brunch seems to be a constant factor of our get-togethers. I'm afraid I am going to have to tell my friends that I lied to them because I can't keep making up excuses. I don't know how to tell them because I already lied in detail about my surgery. They have been making such a fuss about my terrific willpower and weight loss. I also work with one of these ladies. I know that she will confide in at least one other person at work that I am not very friendly with. Obviously that person has no loyalty to me and is likely to pass the information along discretely to others I work with, especially the office manager. I wouldn't want this to get back to my boss because I lied to him as well. I took a long time off from work for something they thought was neccessary, not optional. My daughter also brought up Thanksgiving and asked how would I hide it then as well. My aunt, uncle, and cousins all think I had a repair for the acid reflux and hernia. I told them I went to a dietitian and was following a strict diet. They are bound to notice something is wrong at dinnertime. Now I know why I never usually lie. You have to tell five more to cover the first one! Any advise is welcome.

Gail

Whew, AudreyZ, righteous post.

I couldn't have said it any better.

Originally posted by Gail

[b

We are all so fortunate to have been able to have had this surgery. I go to sleep and wake up every day feeling happy and lucky to have gotten the band. I am even happy on my very worst day when everything is going wrong! My pre-band rising weight was making me so miserable that I can't remember when I had a truly happy day just to be alive! Now I look forward to each new day. I LOVE giving away my baggy clothes.

Gail:) [/b]

Gail, I think you've summed it up wonderfully! Just do what you feel is the right thing to do for you. I can tell you are a wonderful person, no matter what physical weight you are or were at.

P. S. I hope you get your fill adjusted and start to feeling better immediately. We don't want you having any band-related problems that can hopefully be avoided.

Audrey, there is an old saying, "Don't judge someone until you've walked in his mocasins." Your post could only have been written from someone who's been there. Please go ahead and get all of those tests done. Then you'll know that you have a clean bill of health. (Certainly nothing wrong with that!) I had to go through numerous tests also (after ins. denial, appeal, 8 mos. wait for approval). But it was certainly worth it! Best of luck to you! And keep up that exercising! That's wonderful!

I should hav

Gail, u just reminded me to change my signature - i have a date now!!!!!! 14 October!! Thanks, reading and soaking in all the good stuff whilst being aware of the downs too.

I'm just going to add my two cents Gail. First, you wouldn't be lying if you told them you definitely did not have your stomach stapled. They didn't ask if you had it banded did they? Our bands are our business and if you choose not to tell people that is our right. I told the people in my department that I was getting the band. My boss chose to tell someone from another department while I was home recuperating. This man lives around the block from me and his daughter and my daugher are friends. He has told everyone we are having a contest to see who can lose 100 first (he was banded 3 weeks ago). He has been on liquids since April because he had to lose 10% of his body weight before they would do the surgery. Him and his daughter are driving me crazy. If I had to do over again, I would not tell any co-workers or my boss. Good luck in your decision.

What a great post, Audrey. Big applause from me, too!!

I understand about feeling a little defensive about being banded; in general I don't tell people I don't trust to take a kind view of it. And even then I've been unpleasantly surprised. But over time I've decided that no one's opinion matters except my own, and if anyone is going to have the b*lls to express a negative view to my face they don't deserve my respect either. There's never any way to control what people say to one another outside of my hearing, but I know that those are the people who will be eating crow as I actually lose weight.

Do whatever makes YOU comfortable. I've ended conversations with "friends" if I think they're taking a negative turn. I'm the one going through this process, I'm the one who knows what I went through during the 40 years prior to it. I just don't care at all what anyone else thinks. (Most of the time.)

Hi Audrey Z,

Stick with all those tests. They are a real pain in the neck, but very necessary. At one point I had to schedule three different doctor appointments in one day because of my work schedule. One test actually led to another not originally requested because it showed an ulcerated esophagus and 3 polyps in my stomach that had to be removed prior to my banding. These tests are all to make your banding safer. Hang in there!

NEW HOPE said it best, "Don't judge someone until you've walked in his mocasins."

The friend of the group that would blab (even if told not to, because she just couldn't help herself) is thin and very concerned about health issues. She means well, but is way too opinionated. The people at work that it would eventually filter down to are underweight and mostly in their 20's. One older dentist in the office that is well respected and considered a "God of knowledge" (also a Yale graduate) once made a comment to me that, "Anyone could lose weight if they just ate less." So anyone could see why I wouldn't want my personal issues discussed around the office. These people are just ignorant. Even doctors from Yale! In addition, I asked my office manager to ask my boss to accomodate me with a 15 min. lunch break on the days they make us work an 8 hr. day without any break at all (no one is allowed to talk to my boss directly about office matters). I told her that my surgeon said if I don't eat food slowly now (not gulp a bite here and there in between patients) that it would undo the "corrective" surgery that he had done. No one else in my office is allowed any break without a doctor's request. There would certainly be animosity among the co-workers for me getting special priviledges for a surgical choice they do not understand. Everyone there rightfully should be given a lunch break regardless of the reason. I find it just better to avoid the truth with those who are so opinionated.

Joanne,

Congratualations on your surgery date. You will be well prepared after listening to all of us. HA HA!

Well, I have every intention of being a closet bandster. However, I know there will be questions, especially at work. I intend to answer those questions by looking them square in the eye and saying: "I am not comfortable discussing my surgery with you now. When I decide I am comfortable with discussing it, I will let you know." If the person is persistent with the questioning, I will keep looking them square in the eye and repeating that same response. One of my bosses is the Director of Health Services and you can bet your boots I will have to do this with her, LOL!!! Just remember that nobody, but NOBODY!!! has the right to invade your privacy unless you allow them to. Sure they can talk and speculate behind your back, but you will at least have the satisfaction of knowing that they won't know for sure what’s going on unless you tell them.

Same thing goes for questions about your weight loss. IT'S YOUR PRIVACY, if you don't want people to know about it then don't tell them. Over the years I have gone on countless diets and lost countless pounds and I always got the same questions, "How much weight have you lost?" and "What are you doing to lose all that weight?" Usually, most people mean well when they ask, but it always made me feel uncomfortable and I have learned to be pretty blunt in my answers. I usually say something like, "I'm really not comfortable discussing my weightloss." And immediately change the subject. Yeah, they may think I am rude, but in reality, I am no more rude than they are for asking such personal questions. Corner, what corner?? LOL!!!

I may have bottled out here, bjut i didn't want to just go sick and leave my boss in the lurch as she relies on me quite heavily and i didn't think it fair, so i emailed her (lol) when i got my date and told her i was having abdominal surgery, didn;t feel comfortabble talking about it at the moment and that no-one else in my team knew about it, may be off for up to 2 weeks but would definitely come back before if i felt up to it which is the truth. Also apologised for the timing but couldn't be helped and i would perform much better post op. She was fine about i, she's lovely anyway, just seemed concerned i was ok, may confide later on, dont want her thinking i've got something serious like cancer, so we'll see. Have yet, however to tell my oppo - who's also a registered nurse, and keeps the school absence records (sending sicknotes onto HR etc lol) dont want to lie to her, but if i make up some other ailment, will have to be bloomin sure of the symptoms lol, plus i dont want her to worry either. tricky.

Gail, aren't you "allowed" a lunch break by law? I'm surprised they don't have employees keeling over just from not being able to pause and eat a descent lunch. Doesn't anyone's blood sugar go haywire without proper meals? And the comment "Anyone can loose weight if they just eat less." Grrrrrr. He might have a degree, but apparently he doesn't have any common sense and/or compassion (both of which are necessary in the "Real World"). I say get a little unfill so you can eat comfortably and just continue to get healthier and healthier. The "mystery" will kill them. But, really, this time next week they'll be worrying about somebody else's business.

Blossom, I don't think you're being rude in the least. The gall that people have to pry eliminates any reason to be polite.

I've just been saying that I'm eating healthier (Protein first, veg., lots of Water (not w/ meals), and exercising. I simply "forgot" to mention my band. So if they're really interested in a healthier lifestyle, I've given it to them. All for free!

I am having my lap band done in October and I have no intention on telling anyone. Only my husband and one of my wonderful sisters know. That is why I joined this site. Most of the people here are great and very supportive. I am counting on them to be there for me post op.

Your procedure is your business. I hope that you do not expose it, if that is not what you really want. Best of luck.

A big brava to all you ladies (and bravo to Whippledaddy). As Billie Holiday said, "Ain't nobody's business but my own."

Gail, you might want to check the US Dept. of Labor web site; your employer may be violating the law by refusing to give anyone a break during an 8-hour work day.

Just yesterday I had to contend with an obnoxious acquaintance who overheard me talking about mushy food to a friend who is in the know. She kept pestering me -- "Why can't you eat anything else? What happened?" -- and I kept refusing to answer. Finally, after the fifth question, I left the room. Luckily, most people I know aren't this rude, and the dunderhead in question is moving across the country in a few days, probably (as Blossom suggested in her post) thinking that *I* was extremely ill-mannered!

Whether we keep our bands a secret, a semi-secret, or are totally open about them, I think we're all going to hear ignorant, malicious, nosy, or just plain silly questions sooner or later. The trick seems to be finding a graceful way to handle it while keeping a sense of humor. I'm still working on it, and probably will be for a long time. Meanwhile, I feel great, I'm still not hungry, and the gossips and buffoons can do what they like!

Gail, I hope you can keep the people you don't trust from (1) finding out, and (if they do) (2) using your private information against you. Remember, if they had real lives of their own, they wouldn't need to feed on yours.

My boss does know that not giving his employees a lunch break is in violation of the law. But his defense is that the majority of my co-workers (those that sit at a desk and can eat while they work) voted to leave work earlier while working through their lunch. Those of us who work with patients on a strict time schedule do not have such a luxury as to eat while we work. I did call the Labor Dept. when I first started working there almost 6 yrs. ago. I was told that a small business under a certain number of employees can not be regulated by the Board.

I chose to stay at this office because the benefits outweigh the negatives. It is a very difficult office to work in, and many, many employees have come and gone. If it weren't for working where I am, I would not have been able to get my lapband surgery and have a paid vacation to recuperate. It is rare for dental hygienists to find full time employment with benefits. So I put up with some garbage. My band was certainly worth it.

Gail, I can certainly understand! My husband just retired after 32 years w/ a state institution. The pay wasn't always the best and he put up w/ a lot of crap, but the benefits made it worth it. A round of bad health problems (kidney transplant, open heart surgery) left him off of work for 18 months. We were so thankful that he had accumulated sick time. Good health insurance helped him use the necessary tools to recoup. Sometimes you have to do what is necessary to provide for yourself and your family. I do hope things will settle down for you at work. Take care.