Because of various reasons I have kept my lapband surgery confidential to all but two friends and the immediate family only. Everyone else believes I have just been following a very strict diet.

I am finding that my lapband secret is getting harder to keep since my last fill. I don't know what to do. Last weekend I was invited to a small barbecue dinner with friends. Instead of a choice of foods, steak was the main dish. I cut a 2" piece off a larger piece of meat and could only get down about a 1/2" of it very uncomfortably after 2 hours of picking. I ate a couple of small pieces of soft potato to try to minimize what was on my plate and was so uncomfortable afterward. I couldn't touch the corn on the cob or other goodies she had to offer. The host said to me "Are you sure you didn't get your stomach stapled, Gail?" This is the second time I have been asked this. We have been getting together every week or two lately. Dinner, lunch, or brunch seems to be a constant factor of our get-togethers. I'm afraid I am going to have to tell my friends that I lied to them because I can't keep making up excuses. I don't know how to tell them because I already lied in detail about my surgery. They have been making such a fuss about my terrific willpower and weight loss. I also work with one of these ladies. I know that she will confide in at least one other person at work that I am not very friendly with. Obviously that person has no loyalty to me and is likely to pass the information along discretely to others I work with, especially the office manager. I wouldn't want this to get back to my boss because I lied to him as well. I took a long time off from work for something they thought was neccessary, not optional. My daughter also brought up Thanksgiving and asked how would I hide it then as well. My aunt, uncle, and cousins all think I had a repair for the acid reflux and hernia. I told them I went to a dietitian and was following a strict diet. They are bound to notice something is wrong at dinnertime. Now I know why I never usually lie. You have to tell five more to cover the first one! Any advise is welcome.

Gail

Gail, I'm a "closet bandster" also. I just feel like this is a very personal decision that each of us has to decide. I had several co-morbidities and feel like this surgery was necessary (not optional). I'm also very thankful that I had insurance to help make this a reality. Consider our alternatives...keep gaining weight, keep increasing our health problems, end up in a wheel chair, heart attack, stroke, early death, etc. This is not a cosmetic surgery, to change our nose just because we don't like the way it looks. This is a chance to live a physically, mentally, and spiritually better quality of life. I don't feel like putting up with those who think this is "an easy fix." We certainly know it takes a lot of physical and probably even greater mental work on our part to succeed. I'm sure I will have to make the decision to tell eventually. But I'm just not ready yet. One thing to remember, once you tell, you can't "untell." Best of luck to you! You're doing a fantastic job!

Hi Gail,

It is very nice meeting you. Do you think you could have a little too much of a fill? You really should be able to eat solid foods comfortably. If you are overfilled you are causing more harm than good. Unlike Marie, I was VERY open about my surgery to everybody. I don't know or deal with people who would think less of me for having had the surgery. Everybody I know realizes I have dealt with major weight issues my entire life and it was getting to be too much. My family, friends and associates were mostly VERY concerned because I was having the procedure done in Mexico. I did months of research before I told anyone, but their skepticism and fears only made me do more research so I was able to alleviate their concerns. In the end there wasn't a question they asked that I couldn't answer or show them pictures of. I am glad I told because now I have a huge support team and they all are very excited for me. I have never felt 'less' because I told a lot of people either.

Like Marie, I agree that if your weight was a serious issue then the surgery was not optional, whether those issues were mental or physical. Obviously if your doctor and insurance agreed that you needed the surgery, then it must have been neccessary. Are you on good terms with your boss otherwise? If so, maybe rather than tell your closest friend first maybe you should just go and have a private conversation with your boss about it. That gets that part out of the way. Then I might consider telling your friends. If they really love you, they could be a wonderful support team. As for the co-worker who isn't your friend, who cares? Let her think whatever she wants to. You are only a few months post-op so its not like you have been lying for years or anything. I would just tell them that you didn't want to be looked at any differently or with great expectations and that is why you didn't tell them immediately. I was certain the lap band would not work for me but I had great hopes that it might. Now 63 lbs lighter I am thrilled I had it done. I considered not telling people because I didn't want to be constantly scrutinized but honestly nobody has done that at all. I can eat whatever I want in front of whomever I want without judgement.

Honestly though you really should be able to eat solid Protein comfortably. When was your last fill?

Many people on this forum have kept their banding confidential (at least at first) and I can understand their fears and reasoning but like you are now discovering, it does get harder and harder to back out of lies. I sure wish you the best and I hope we get the chance to get to know you more on this forum. You are welcome anytime with any question. Best wishes, Teresa

Hi Gail,

Just wanted to say "Hi" since I am one of Dr. Geiss' patients too. Don't cha just love him? Were you at the meeting this Tuesday? Kinda interesting watching the operation.

As far as the secret, I told and still tell everyone I had the surgery. Most people who know me know that my weight has been a problem for quite a long time. I'm actually proud that I made the decision to have the surgery and not fool myself any longer that I could try another diet. But I can understand other people want privacy.

Hi Gail...

You know... If you had done the surgery to correct the acid reflux problem... you would likely be having some of the same issues with eating... soooo... there shouldn't be so many questions about your eating difficulties! THis journey is about you and there isn't a reason in the world that others need to know about it... and I agree with Teresa...you should be able to eat solid foods without pain if everything is chewed well.

You are protecting your privacy and there is not a thing in the world wrong with that. I also agree that this is not an "optional" surgery although I do think that thin people view it as that. Wishing you the best and hope you will be able to look at the situation as protecting your privacy instead of lying. Let folks titter and whisper... just give them an innocent smile.

Darcy

Keep Lying!!!

You are only responsible for yourself and if you don't want to tell you don't have to!

Next time you are eating just a bit tell them you are taking prescriptopn appetite suppresants and are not very hungry.Make sure you find a name on the internet.

Can you eat salads?

You can always bring one if you think they won't serve it.Again since they think you are on a 'strict' diet, they'll think you are amazing for only nibbling the other goodies.

Have a big salad and 2-3 oz of steak and you'll be good to go.

C,

That is part of the problem, Gail seems to be unable to eat much steak at all. I think she said she could only manage a 1/2 inch of it with a lot of pain. I agree though that people do have every right not to tell others, but I am glad I chose to share my experience with people around me. Best wishes, Teresa

OOOO:eek

I am at work at read the post quickly!

I agree that you might be too tight.

If i eat a salad first i can eat about 4 oz of meat and i am stuffed.As long as it's not tough meat!In that case i could not eat it.

You should check with your doctor

I also gave some thought to trying to keep it a secret, and tried for awhile- Partly because I manage a site that includes a fitness center, and theoretically I should've been a poster boy for discipline. But at the end of the day, I shared it with friends because to me, by nature, lying has it's own baggage and issues that I'd rather not have to worry about. I also care about my credibility with them.

Coming clean and admitting that I lost the diet wars and was embarrassed to admit it wasn't even too difficult. It's been truly amazing how supportive people have been, and what a relief it is not to hide it.

Your post-banding discipline is awesome! I hope I can do as well with a great piece of steak....

I also gave some thought to trying to keep it a secret, and tried for awhile- Partly because I manage a site that includes a fitness center, and theoretically I should've been a poster boy for discipline. But at the end of the day, I shared it with friends because to me, by nature, lying has it's own baggage and issues that I'd rather not have to worry about. I also care about my credibility with them.

Coming clean and admitting that I lost the diet wars and was embarrassed to admit it wasn't even too difficult. It's been truly amazing how supportive people have been, and what a relief it is not to hide it.

Your post-banding discipline is awesome! I hope I can do as well with a great piece of steak....

Hi Gail

difficult one isn't it? If you really feel backed into a corner could you not mention that you had the band at thesame time as the other much-needed treatment - i wouldn't normally advocate prolonging an "untruth" but it is only your business and you shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone but if you truly feel you want others to know this may take the sting out of it a bit and they wont feel you've been dishonest, just witholding a little extra...? Maybe.... Good luck whatever u decide.

My surgeon DID say that the band would help with reflux and hiatal hernia. There must be something to that. Because I only take Prevacid now if I'm taking a Celebrex (arthritis) to protect my stomach. I used to take it twice a day for bad reflux and hernia.

Hi Gail. I'm sorry you were backed into a corner by the person who asked, "You're sure you didn't have your stomach stapled?" It's really no one's business. And telling people about your band can feel kind of like coming out of the closet (something I have experienced!) in that you become vulnerable by telling people this very personal information, and you're rightfully worried about becoming the subject of gossip, especially at work. Gossip we can't control, and unfortunately for us bandsters, a lot of people think this is a juicy topic. No way around that one. But there may be many people you'd rather keep in the dark, because there's no real need for them to know, just as they wouldn't need to know about any other intimate medical procedure.

I respect your initial decision to keep your band a secret. And you should be proud of having a strong moral center that makes you feel guilty about "taking credit" for weight loss you may feel is not totally earned. But (as I'm just beginning to learn) the band is not a panacea for obesity, and requires a lot of work. You can still be proud of those pounds you have lost, and anyone who dismisses your progress as "easy" is ignorant. Whether you feel it is worth your time to educate such people is solely up to you.

If you do decide to tell more people about the band and it gets back to your coworkers and boss, you can still save face. First, this is a medical, not cosmetic, procedure, and you can hold your head high when you say you needed it. Second, there's nothing wrong with saying that you don't feel comfortable discussing personal medical topics. That can be the explanation for both your initial lack of disclosure and your current reluctance to talk about the band.

I was banded just over two weeks ago, and at first, like you, I told just a few close friends. I went off to Mexico in secret; people at work (including my boss) knew only that I was taking a few days off for a medical matter. Since I gave no details, I think they assumed it was gynecological, and I did nothing to dissuade them. But when I came back I was so excited that I started blabbing to family and more friends, one of whom lives next door to a coworker. Sure enough, last week this colleague obliquely asked me about my "surgery goals." I kept my answer vague. Since I'm so recently banded, my appearance hasn't changed yet... but, alas, word is getting out.

In general, as with coming out of the closet, I have been delighted and moved by the support of people I care about, and I can't be bothered about the rest. But I realize that's a luxury not everyone can afford, especially if their work situation is precarious.

Whether, when, and whom to tell about the band is initially up to you -- then, yes, it might become public information. Whatever you decide, don't be hard on yourself for first electing to keep it secret. You've taken a big step in your life, and it's not easy to share the news with people you may not fully trust. Good luck.

That's what i meant to say! Seriously though, excellent advice from Zoe there, couldn't have put it better myself (and didn't lol)

Teresa,

My last fill was one week ago at my request (3 weeks after my first fill of 1.5cc). I am now filled to 2cc. My band holds 4cc. I agree that the band is too tight. 1.5cc felt like nothing. I am going to ask my surgeon to back it off by .25cc and see if that makes a comfortable difference. Then I won't find it neccessary to tell anyone anything because I won't be struggling at the dinner table anymore. Everyone can just think I am eating Weight Watcher size portions like before.

My boss is very stiff and unapproachable to conversation. I would rather not discusss my personal business at work. I've heard enough gossip about boob jobs and everything else that is nobody's business there.

WOW! 65 lbs. gone! When was your surgery done?

Chris L.,

Congrats on your weight loss. Yes, I agree. Actually everyone on Dr. Geiss' staff are so-o-o very nice. We chose well.

Darcy, Hope, and ~C~,

I agree with you. I am so glad to have a wonderful support system with all of you. WOW! Those are lbs. you will never see again. Congratulations!

~C~, when was your surgery done?

Maurice,

Thanks for sharing. I knew all of you would understand. When was your banding? Are you happy with the way it is working?

Joanne,

"Being MID banded in UK very, very soon" When is your surgery date? I wish you much luck and happiness. You will never regret doing this. Thanks so much for your support.

Zoe,

You speak volumes of wisdom. I hope you are feeling and doing well so soon after your surgery.

Thank you all for being so wonderfully supportive. We are all so fortunate to have been able to have had this surgery. I go to sleep and wake up every day feeling happy and lucky to have gotten the band. I am even happy on my very worst day when everything is going wrong! My pre-band rising weight was making me so miserable that I can't remember when I had a truly happy day just to be alive! Now I look forward to each new day. I LOVE giving away my baggy clothes.

Gail:)

I hope all of you don't think I am out of line for saying this, but here goes.

I don't, for one moment, think that weight loss surgery is the "easy" way out of losing weight. I've tried Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, numerous other diets as well as exercise programs (I STILL exercise daily- at least 2-5 miles worth of walking or jogging or dancing, depending on the time I have). I've tried it all, even diet pills, fasting, Cabbage Soup diet. Cripes, I have no idea what I HAVEN'T tried! Yet, I have family and friends who are less active than I am, eat whatever and how much they want, and they don't gain a pound, or are minimally over weight. Diets work for them, they don't for me. If they did, I sure as heck wouldn't be over 120 pounds overweight!

People look at me in awe, when I walk/jog around the track with either one of my daughters, while they are having soccer practice. After I do about 2-3 miles of walking, I bring my large Exercise ball, and play volleyball with my youngest daughter on the side, or help one of my kids practice for soccer. People ask me where I get my energy, and the looks they give are priceless when I am doing any physical activity- as in, a fat person can MOVE, LMAO!

Right now, I am in the process of having more tests done, my damn doctor just won't let me go for this surgery until every test in the medical profession is run on me! He would much rather have me take a 24 hour urine test for coritisol and thyroid- both which I have been tested for in the past year and came back negative. Tuesday, I am off to a gynecologist. After the gynecologist of his choice runs all these other tests on me, and finds out nothing is wrong, other than I am fat and just can't lose the weight no matter how hard I try, then MAYBE he will consider me for this surgery! This is the easy way out? Right! Two months later, and I want to give up and just stay fat! Know why I don't? Because all of you keep me motivated to keep the faith, that's why!

How is this taking the easy way out? Because we don't have faster metabolisms, or a chemical in our brain does not function the way it should, and let us know our stomach is full when it should so we can stop eating, we're not motivated? Do people think we love going for tests after tests, meetings with doctors, counseling, etc, if we could just simply walk away from the table full like themselves, and stay thin?

Hold your heads up high- this is NOT the easy way out! Not only going for surgery, but then refills, not being able to eat like a thin person without having to worry about whether or not you chewed up your food enough, or why you can't eat more than you should, or eat too much and do you have leak, and on and on, isn't the easy way out. ppppppppfffffttttttt to those who think it is.

I've already written enough here, though I could say more. If you don't want to share with others what you are doing, then don't. It's personal, and it's your business how you are losing weight.