15 Things Jesus Did Not Say

[gamergirl 4,609]

15 things Jesus Didn’t Say:

“For God was so disgusted with the world and you that he gave his one and only Son.”

“I have come to bring you a new religion.”

“By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have correct theology.”

“If anyone would come after me, let him disparage all other religions and their followers.”

“If you love me, you will regularly attend a church of your choice… within reason.”

“Blessed are the tithers for they shall be called the children of God.”

“Thy kingdom come, thy will be done in Heaven after the earth goes up in flames and destroyed.”

“You have heard it said, ‘Love your neighbor,’ which means the people with whom you attend church and relate to in your Christian sub-culture.”

“In my Father’s house there are a limited number of rooms. But no worries, there is plenty of room in Hell.”

“The kingdom of God has come!… Well, not exactly. I mean, not completely. Let’s face it, the really-real kingdom comes after we die. Hang in there. It won’t be long.”

“And you will know the truth and the truth will make you superior to all the other simpletons who never learned Greek or Hebrew.”

“You are the light of the world… well… in a sinful-filthy-scum kind of way.”

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you a checklist of things to do and not do in order to remain in God’s favor.”

“For God so loved the world… you know like theoretically… as in, God loves the big ‘W’-world. But when it come to you specifically, that are quite a few things that would need to change for God to actually and specifically love… or even like… YOU.”

“He appeared to his disciples over a period of 40 days and spoke about how to incorporate his life and teaching as a 501©3, and go into all the earth to build mega-churches in his name.”

http://jimpalmerblog.com/2012/12/14/15-things-jesus-didnt-say/

[Butterthebean 8,146]

OMFG....I'm dying here.

I would like to add....

"Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the gays."

[gamergirl 4,609]

OMFG....I'm dying here.

I would like to add....

"Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the gays."

I'm lol'ing hard on yours. good one!

[gamergirl 4,609]

I'm bumping my own dang thread because if was funny! And more people should get to laugh with me on it! And the forum is still a bit jacked so maybe you missed it.

[Sleevie J 130]

This is too funny! I love it. I got one. "The meek shall inherit the earth's leftovers."

[gamergirl 4,609]

This is too funny! I love it. I got one. "The meek shall inherit the earth's leftovers."

I love this!

[southernsoul 773]

OMG, this is hilarious! I wish I could think of a clever one to add, but I'm drawing a blank.

[Fluffnomore 1,235]

There was a family in my town that had one of those huge Mercedes SUVs with the license plate FRMGOD. I always use to say to it as it passed by, "Nope. I am SURE that's straight from the dealership over on the boulevard."

[Sleevie J 130]

Ok. I just had to do one more just for us.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled with tiny portions.

[gamergirl 4,609]

Ok. I just had to do one more just for us. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled with tiny portions.

You are scarily good at making these up

[Butterthebean 8,146]

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and Facebook.< /p>

[No game 14,436]

Aw I wish I knew scripture so I can make a funny!