You know what I don’t understand? We all get that you can’t urge an alcoholic to have just one drink. We wouldn’t dream of doing that.

But we routinely urge self-confessed bingers, sugar-carb addicts, grazers, and cheaters to “go ahead!” because “I do that and it doesn’t hurt me”.

Well maybe YOU can, but whoever posted in a panic about it clearly thinks they can’t control it and are panicked about falling off the wagon. That’s WHY they’re posting, right??

So why do we do that? Why do we tell bingers it’s okay to overeat once in a while? And that cheating on a pre-op is okay? Or that everyone should be eating everything in moderation including junk when the person is clearly saying “I’m trying not to eat junk?”

I’m not trying to be confrontational, I’m really intrigued as to why we don't see this an enabling behavior.

Thoughts?

I'm glad my post made some sense because I wrote it half asleep.

But tell your husband this. I too was determined to never eat sugar again. I basically spent 25 years living to eat high carb and sugar foods to prevent the next blood sugar crash. How I never developed diabetes I'll never know. It's some kind of miracle. Perhaps due to the fact that I was always extremely active. But nevertheless, I resolved to never slip back into that terrible cycle. But eventually.....about a year post op, I had a little slip. It started out as a slight treat. Which turned into another treat 2 weeks later, then another 1 week later....until very quickly it was 2 or 3 candy bars a days. This whole process took less than 2 months and caught me completely by surprise. I was able to cut it out. But I realized I could not go cold turkey forever. And frankly once I hit goal didn't really feel I wanted to. But my compromise to it is I only have sugar in the form of high quality sweets or desserts, not the stuff I can get everyday...nothing I can buy in a grocery store. I'm talking MILs red velvet cake at Christmas, really good pecan pie from Pappas (in Houston)....something 5 star. Short of that, I just say no. And when I do have something sweet...it's really good and worth it.

This in an interesting perspective and more in line with what I'd like to do. I don't think I want to go forever without a taste of flan or my husband's black forest cake. But I agree, maybe some line needs to be drawn and not crossed that enforces moderation. Good thought.

The problem for us is we both like to cook and we are both decent cooks unfortunately I think our new line that we draw is that perhaps we only make deserts when we have company--and then we send the leftovers home with our guests.

Kind of a twofer because it will force us to be social too We haven't had anyone over for dinner since we got sleeved and we used to do it all the time.

I'm not sure that it's necessarily enabling' date=' but more letting people know that we've been there - it happens to people. I usually try to tell them to just move on, because dwelling on something like that will only make it worse. Not everyone has those moments, but most of us do, so most of us can relate to someone new to the sleeve that is going through that kind of thing. I don't see it as enabling, but as supporting.[/quote']

I agree,

But what I'm seeing more and more is a mentality of rules "why do we need rules" and a willingness to cheat those "rules" and brag that "look I'm still alive and I lost a pound come on everyone else do it too!!!" And those of you that don't (sometimes even being called food nazis) are not living!

Then you have created what a lot of us are subconsciously looking for, permission and acceptance to go off plan... Look ma everyone else is doing it!

The beginning of the end for some.

It is distressing to me.

After the last round of fun food confessions I saw three new threads started by people that hadn't been here in awhile with help I'm 4 months help I'm 7 months help I'm 9 months and I've been eating like "normal" (junk) again and I've lost only a little and now I'm gaining again.

I want everyone that went through this to succeed. But the sad fact is that not everyone will...

Sorry but I'm frustrated today...

I logged on and saw it again. It should not be us against them..

Oh to my defense, I've not had my morning coffee yet

I agree,

But what I'm seeing more and more is a mentality of rules "why do we need rules" and a willingness to cheat those "rules" and brag that "look I'm still alive and I lost a pound come on everyone else do it too!!!" And those of you that don't (sometimes even being called food nazis) are not living!

Then you have created what a lot of us are subconsciously looking for, permission and acceptance to go off plan... Look ma everyone else is doing it!

The beginning of the end for some.

It is distressing to me.

After the last round of fun food confessions I saw three new threads started by people that hadn't been here in awhile with help I'm 4 months help I'm 7 months help I'm 9 months and I've been eating like "normal" (junk) again and I've lost only a little and now I'm gaining again.

I want everyone that went through this to succeed. But the sad fact is that not everyone will...

Sorry but I'm frustrated today...

I logged on and saw it again. It should not be us against them..

Oh girl, I agree whole heartedly with you on that!!

I STILL have issues with food - and I have to watch every little bite otherwise I gain or stop losing. And I do agree that there comes a point when people allow themselves to "mess up" more than they should - again - GUILTY!

I am having to start all over again on my own journey b/c I've fallen back into old routines by allowing myself to "go there". That once became twice, that twice became three times, and that three times became a daily routine. And I have to get better. I can't teach others and help them unless I do.

I agree with you about enabling addictions.

I just got told by someone that "they don't like me" because I do not believe in rewarding myself with food. I believe that this is our golden opportunity and "honeymoon period" to change our behavior. Evryone is losing weight in the begining and it does it matter how much we lose, but what does matter is our relationship with food. Since we need food to survive it is so hard to beat this addiction. I have to treat food like fuel for my body. Not a reward for a good workout or a reward for an accomplishment. These posts are to help each other and not to be haters. But I will not urge people to do the wrong thing, because I want everyone to succeed.

You know what has happened to me... over time. I care less and less about my food addiction and more and more about the rest of my life. That doesn't happen overnight and I am FAR from perfect.

I am a person who definately has "treats". I probably have one or two alcoholic drinks a week for example. I go out with friends and we sometimes like happy hours etc. I didn't do that during the loss phase, but now that i am in maintenance - it is something I really enjoy - it is a social event and in my world, "normal" behavior. I however KNOW that ice cream is a demon with a red dress on. That stuff is like poison to me... I eat it and can't seem to stop at a reasonable quantity... and then i feel physically sick.

So, I don't want to tell people... go ahead and have that martini - because I don't know YOUR world and if you can control it appropriately. I do what works for me and one of the reasons I do 5:2 is so that during my non fast days I don't have to be quite so careful. I don't go crazy, but I feel normal ... and comfortable.

I do really believe that people who want to get to goal should take seriously being pretty hard core in those early months... first year or so. My opinion... to each his own though.

Oh girl' date=' I agree whole heartedly with you on that!! I STILL have issues with food - and I have to watch every little bite otherwise I gain or stop losing. And I do agree that there comes a point when people allow themselves to "mess up" more than they should - again - GUILTY! I am having to start all over again on my own journey b/c I've fallen back into old routines by allowing myself to "go there". That once became twice, that twice became three times, and that three times became a daily routine. And I have to get better. I can't teach others and help them unless I do.[/quote']

Yes!

some will say I'm wound a bit tight...

And perhaps I am? But I have lived with myself for 47 years and if I know one thing? It is that I'm sneaky being! It starts small and harmless then balloons. Do I eat stuff I shouldn't sometimes?

Yep. Just did on a vacation and I made the choice and yes it was really REALLY hard to stop after I got home, because that door was thrown open again.

I am living. but I know that I can never be completely "normal" in regards to food.

I will have to watch what I eat and not have everything I want. Because let's face it, having everything I wanted got me here!

My surgeon also told me from the get go Laura even when you get to your desired weight you will never be able to eat like that woman standing next to you at the same weight that NEVER had a weight problem... The fact of the matter is my metabolism works differently and I will always have those extra fat cells laying dormant and waiting...

Ok drinking coffee now and getting ready to go shopping

I have to buy a dress for a wedding... I love getting smaller sizes but I hate to spend my money on something I will not wear again

Macy's here I come

Edited October 10, 201312 yr by laura-ven

I just got more hate posts in the "popcorn forum" . I need to stay positive and talk to people who understand that slippery slope of rewarding one's self with food. I know my food triggers and I know personally I can not go there. Maybe they don't have food addictions, but they are very angry about popcorn and pizza.

I agree,

But what I'm seeing more and more is a mentality of rules "why do we need rules" and a willingness to cheat those "rules" and brag that "look I'm still alive and I lost a pound come on everyone else do it too!!!" And those of you that don't (sometimes even being called food nazis) are not living!

Then you have created what a lot of us are subconsciously looking for, permission and acceptance to go off plan... Look ma everyone else is doing it!

The beginning of the end for some.

It is distressing to me.

After the last round of fun food confessions I saw three new threads started by people that hadn't been here in awhile with help I'm 4 months help I'm 7 months help I'm 9 months and I've been eating like "normal" (junk) again and I've lost only a little and now I'm gaining again.

I want everyone that went through this to succeed. But the sad fact is that not everyone will...

Sorry but I'm frustrated today...

I logged on and saw it again. It should not be us against them..

This is exactly what got me started. I'm really concerned that every vet on here tells us that the hunger will return and you will want junk again and the weight will return. And then there are all these threads saying, the hunger HAS returned, I DO want junk again, the weight HAS returned. But we're not always drawing good connections between those.

I also worry about telling pre-ops or new post-ops that it's okay to break rules because they could of course, DIE from breaking rules. I worry when we tell them to ignore their doctor's orders because our doctor's orders were different. Well with all due respect, first we are not doctors (most of us anyway), and second, we have no idea how our doctor's complications rates differ from their doctor's rates. Their doctor's advice could be spot on. My husband and I were sleeved by the same doctor on the same day, and had different pre-op diets! We have to believe there's a reason behind the differences.

I know this is just my perspective and I'm presenting it as such, but there are days when I sign onto the forum (entirely too often every day!) and feel like I'm an alcoholic in a bar because we're all taking about cheating and eating fun stuff.

All I need is to give myself permission, or for someone else to give me permission, and it will be off to the races with me unless I'm really vigilant.

So I too am a bit frustrated and I've had several cups of coffee and have no excuse. Thanks for listening.

I just got more hate posts in the "popcorn forum" . I need to stay positive and talk to people who understand that slippery slope of rewarding one's self with food. I know my food triggers and I know personally I can not go there. Maybe they don't have food addictions, but they are very angry about popcorn and pizza.

is it wrong that the last part of your sentence made me LOL? I can NOT reward myself with food. Food has to be fuel, not reward for me. I totally get where you're coming from.

I didn't touch the popcorn thread ...

Not in the mood today, LOL.

I just got more hate posts in the "popcorn forum" . I need to stay positive and talk to people who understand that slippery slope of rewarding one's self with food. I know my food triggers and I know personally I can not go there. Maybe they don't have food addictions, but they are very angry about popcorn and pizza.

Lol! Yes a bit angry...

This is exactly what got me started. I'm really concerned that every vet on here tells us that the hunger will return and you will want junk again and the weight will return. And then there are all these threads saying, the hunger HAS returned, I DO want junk again, the weight HAS returned. But we're not always drawing good connections between those.

I also worry about telling pre-ops or new post-ops that it's okay to break rules because they could of course, DIE from breaking rules. I worry when we tell them to ignore their doctor's orders because our doctor's orders were different. Well with all due respect, first we are not doctors (most of us anyway), and second, we have no idea how our doctor's complications rates differ from their doctor's rates. Their doctor's advice could be spot on. My husband and I were sleeved by the same doctor on the same day, and had different pre-op diets! We have to believe there's a reason behind the differences.

I know this is just my perspective and I'm presenting it as such, but there are days when I sign onto the forum (entirely too often every day!) and feel like I'm an alcoholic in a bar because we're all taking about cheating and eating fun stuff.

All I need is to give myself permission, or for someone else to give me permission, and it will be off to the races with me unless I'm really vigilant.

So I too am a bit frustrated and I've had several cups of coffee and have no excuse. Thanks for listening.

Triple like ^

I don't see too many threads praising those who cheat. I've seen confessions and advice on how to overcome these challenges. It's a reality of this journey. At some point we're going to give in to temptation. We are all human. "Newbies" (gaw, I hate that word) are new to the sleeve, not children. Most are adults and hopefully not completely unable to make their own decisions. I think people either take this way too serious or not serious enough.

For me, life still goes on and I'm choosing to enjoy this process rather than make it stressful.