Relationships after--pre surgery anger

[starrliina 12]

I'm preparing myself for this surgery and the fact that a lot of people aren't ready for the smaller me. I think all the sass and fire I have now will annoy people when I become 'socially acceptable'. Confidence now will seem like pompous bitchiness then. I'm angry though because I have this friend that I love. I adore him and I know he loves me too. It's very clear but he doesn't love me enough to brave the talk and shit that comes with dating a bigger girl. And I'm pissed because now that I'm on this journey he's going to start being all up in my face and shit an I'm sitting here like, oh NOW I'm worth your time? Like why should I be excited that a man I've loved for 5 years is suddenly interested in me? I'm still the same bird, I'm just shopping for a new cage. But nobody buys birdcages just to look, they buy them for the bird and if you don't like my bird now, what makes you think you're going to like it in my new cage? Make sense?

[hittpants11 18]

I feel ya. But honestly, this surgery is going to change you so much, you might not even want him after the fact. The whole world is gonna be your oyster to shuck.

[Sparklette 381]

I'm preparing myself for this surgery and the fact that a lot of people aren't ready for the smaller me. I think all the sass and fire I have now will annoy people when I become 'socially acceptable'. Confidence now will seem like pompous bitchiness then. I'm angry though because I have this friend that I love. I adore him and I know he loves me too. It's very clear but he doesn't love me enough to brave the talk and shit that comes with dating a bigger girl. And I'm pissed because now that I'm on this journey he's going to start being all up in my face and shit an I'm sitting here like' date=' oh NOW I'm worth your time? Like why should I be excited that a man I've loved for 5 years is suddenly interested in me? I'm still the same bird, I'm just shopping for a new cage. But nobody buys birdcages just to look, they buy them for the bird and if you don't like my bird now, what makes you think you're going to like it in my new cage? Make sense?[/quote']

Since I started this journey I have understood that I will end up losing friends . This is something I've accepted . There's gonna be so many changes in such a short amount of time that not everybody is going to be able to keep up and they will end up getting lost.

About the guy who you like. It's really up to you if you want to risk a relationship which at that point seems like you would pretty much be based on Looks. This is a problem I been thinking about for a long time. when I'm attractive or socially acceptable as you said, how will I know if someone likes me for me or if someone likes me for my new appearance.? How will I know if its real?

[Gurlygirlrcr80 95]

I COMPLETELY understand. I met this guy that ive been playing volleyball this year with since September...I knew he had a girlfriend and once I friended him on FB and he found out I was having this surgery...he has been all over me!! He's so excited about how I'm doing and he said to me that when I was thin (in my college days that are on FB) that I could have been miss America....I was like...what r u saying about how I look now cuz I think I'm still hot! My feelings of it is that I am starting a new life...who says I want old toys. Keep your options open and make him suffer.

[music1618 879]

So I have thought and thought about what to say to you. My advise will be a little altered as I am married and I did not want to post to come off sounding like an after school special - so here it goes!

If he is not mature enough and secure enough in his own manhood to ask you out now than he is not worth your time and does love you the way you love him.

I am 8 months post op and just celebrated two milestones. I lost over a hundred and met my personal goal. I am happily married for 10 years and for the first time in our relationship I am the skinny one. Our relationship has changed so much this past year and all for the better. I understand the feeling of well if he can accept me this way then he must really love me. I have had those thoughts many times. I often felt my hubby deserved someone thinner and better looking, but while thinking about responding to your post I realized my husband loves the inner me. He was mature enough to look past my wrapper and see the inner me.

Now that my outer me is not so squishy I have confidence like you would not believe. I have always been a confident woman, but this took it to a whole new level. You are going to have men hit on you like crazy now and what is important to realize is that although they may like the new package you are presenting none of that matters. For a relationship to be strong it has to be about more than the just the physical attraction.

I have wondered many times is this person only talking to me because I am skinny - maybe so. Once I get to know them I show them the before pictures!

Bottom line after you start losing weight and trying on new clothes and feeling good - this boy will not be able to keep up!

[SoccerMomma73 1,867]

I feel ya. But honestly' date=' this surgery is going to change you so much, you might not even want him after the fact. The whole world is gonna be your oyster to shuck.[/quote']

Agreed! Don't think he's gonna be an issue cuz you wot let him be. If he was worth a damn he'd love you no matter your size.

HW 312, pre-op (lap-band) 294, pre-op (RNY) 255, surgery date 2/11/13, goal weight 154, current weight 226.6

[Olivereindeer 30]

You know, people cant help they way they feel. They can help how they act but not how they feel. As sad and seemingly prejudice as it appears I too have issues with dating certain people due to a particular trait that I find off putting. I don't have problems with someone's weight but certainly I do with other traits. It's not that I'm not able to handle the shut that goes along with it - it's just that the attractiveness of a person does not always outweigh the part I find off putting.

Don't make assumptions about him 'not bring able to handle it' - maybe he adores you but your weight us something he finds off putting and that might be something he can't help but feel.

I'm not making excuses for prejudice but I think we need to make allowances for he fact hat our feelngs are influenced by society's distaste for being overweight.

[starrliina 12]

Yes, I agree with every reply. I'm grateful to you guys for hearing me out. I think I'm just not going to stress about it. I'm not going to be around anyone that makes me doubt myself and I know that at 400lbs or 100lbs, I'm amazing and if he doesn't, his fcking loss.

[erikaloftin 62]

I can't put myself in your shoes, because I'm married, but because I am married to such an amazing supportive man, I encourage you to wait for somebody who loves you inside first. They're out there. He makes me feel more beautiful than I could imagine, and my weight loss will only enhance that.

[douchewafflebear 160]

Your life is going to change is so many ways - and if its meant to happen it will - don't over analyze yet

[kiwiladydee 402]

You deserve to be with someone that's it in for the long haul. When someone loves you they see you as a person and not as a size. What happens - god forbid- u gain weight back? Is he going to leave you? What if you got disfigured or disabled? You want a man, not a boy looking to play with toys.

Sent from my iPhone using RNYTalk

[starrliina 12]

You deserve to be with someone that's it in for the long haul. When someone loves you they see you as a person and not as a size. What happens - god forbid- u gain weight back? Is he going to leave you? What if you got disfigured or disabled? You want a man' date=' not a boy looking to play with toys.

Sent from my iPhone using RNYTalk[/quote']

OMFG YES!!! This is exactly what I was trying to say but I was so emotional it came out a complete mess lol.

[padlrd 183]

I'm going to tell something a man said at our Valentines support he got up and said he couldn't wait till the girl he had meet 20 years ago came out of her shell felling that she didn't deserve him cause of all the weight she had gained over the years he said she was the girl he fell in love with 20 years ago and still loved even thought she didn't feel worthy of his love he said he couldn't wait till she felt better about herself and he could meet that girl again and the could fall back in love all over again this man had everyone in the room in tears because he could get up and say all of this in front of about 75-100 people that he truly loved his wife at whatever weight she was. We need to find someone like him

[padlrd 183]

We asked if he had any friends like him

[iverina 33]

Girl I know how you feel.

This guy that I use to be very close with (now I am in a new relationship and things are different).

Anyhow suddenly he wants to be talking, texting and "hanging out" not to mention he sayd stuff like "your cute know but your going to be a knock out when you get skinny".... Excuse me??? F off!

I am who I am skinny or fat! You dont like it welcome to the past!

Anywho, you know what is right to do. You do what you feel inside! But they should make you feel beautiful no matter your size!! (Becuase you are!!!)