My son called for his daily chat, a time I really look forward to. He says, "How was your day?"

Well I've had a lovely day. I got to go into the office, work with a team of 6 very smart people, we all got some great thinking and work done. I was able to join them in the lunch I ordered for us, and I've extremely been productive all day. What were the first words out of my mouth in response to my son's question?

"Well, I'm still stalled."

WTH?? That's all I can think of to tell him about my day?? So he's a very insightful smarty-pants and he says to me, "Mom it was one thing to rely on the scale when you could say 'oh maybe I should cut down a bit tomorrow' and use the scale to monitor and adjust your eating habits. But really, what role does the scale play in your life now??"

For a change, I was speechless. Well he wasn't about to stop there. He carries on saying,

"Maybe you should ask yourself if it's healthy to let what you see on a scale determine your feelings of success for the day? After all you're doing what you need to, and you told me you were going to focus on process vs. the outcome. Would anything change in your process if you just threw away the scale for 3 months?"

No of course it wouldn't but can i throw away the scale for 3 months? I cannot. Why? Because maybe I'm sick in the head and I associate my self-worth with success or failure at pounds lost. Not what I do to succeed, but whether the scale says I've lost weight today.

Unlike a lot of people here, over the last few years i could NOT lose weight. I could control my calories, my cardio-vascular health, what I put in my mouth, but I couldn't control my weight. Yet I continued to judge myself by my ability to lose weight. Not by my ability to do what was healthy, but whether or not I could lose weight. I may have been sleeved, but apparently that way of judging myself still persists.

So really, I ask all of you.... if we are eating our Protein, drinking our Water, and exercising to the degree that we can, what role does or should the scale play in our lives when we're trying to lose weight? Should we not focus on the process, monitor the crap out of the protein and water and calories, and let the scale go off on a long hike to TImbuktoo? And can you do that? Why not?

what do you think?

(Note, I'm in the dreaded 3-week stall, I know this, I accept it, so it's not about the stall. It's about how we judge ourselves by using criteria or outcomes that are outside of our control).

I weight myself daily.....have done it for many years. I was away for 5 days, and the first thing I wanted to do when I get home was get on the scale.......sick, huh?...........I've had days and up to a week where it didn't budge, so I was anxious to see it move....but I don't let it get to me......my clothes fit, I'm down nearly 2 sizes....today I'm wearing a dress I've had for years but could never fit into it....Last week I couldn't fit into the next size down......now I can.....woohoo.......I'm exercising regularly, and loving it......thought that would never happen......so your dear son is right....we have other things to focus on.

Your son has a beautiful mind and a wonderful mom! You done good!

I want a scale but my weight fluctuates because of water retention, I don't stress about it.

I weigh myself every morning. Just like the girl said, bathroom first, then scale. Tomorrow will make 4 weeks since my surgery. My whole day is based on what that scale says each morning. If its down, then I'm up...if it's up, then I'm down. I have lost 17 pounds since surgery. That seems so little. The only thing I'm not doing right is exercise. I am very heavy and also have RA and fibro, so just moving around a little is painful. I know I have to start, but I keep putting it off. I HATE THE SCALE.

My son called for his daily chat' date=' a time I really look forward to. He says, "How was your day?"

Well I've had a lovely day. I got to go into the office, work with a team of 6 very smart people, we all got some great thinking and work done. I was able to join them in the lunch I ordered for us, and I've extremely been productive all day. What were the first words out of my mouth in response to my son's question?

"Well, I'm still stalled."

WTH?? That's all I can think of to tell him about my day?? So he's a very insightful smarty-pants and he says to me, "Mom it was one thing to rely on the scale when you could say 'oh maybe I should cut down a bit tomorrow' and use the scale to monitor and adjust your eating habits. But really, what role does the scale play in your life now??"

For a change, I was speechless. Well he wasn't about to stop there. He carries on saying,

"Maybe you should ask yourself if it's healthy to let what you see on a scale determine your feelings of success for the day? After all you're doing what you need to, and you told me you were going to focus on process vs. the outcome. Would anything change in your process if you just threw away the scale for 3 months?"

No of course it wouldn't but can i throw away the scale for 3 months? I cannot. Why? Because maybe I'm sick in the head and I associate my self-worth with success or failure at pounds lost. Not what I do to succeed, but whether the scale says I've lost weight today.

Unlike a lot of people here, over the last few years i could NOT lose weight. I could control my calories, my cardio-vascular health, what I put in my mouth, but I couldn't control my weight. Yet I continued to judge myself by my ability to lose weight. Not by my ability to do what was healthy, but whether or not I could lose weight. I may have been sleeved, but apparently that way of judging myself still persists.

So really, I ask all of you.... if we are eating our Protein, drinking our Water, and exercising to the degree that we can, what role does or should the scale play in our lives when we're trying to lose weight? Should we not focus on the process, monitor the crap out of the protein and water and calories, and let the scale go off on a long hike to TImbuktoo? And can you do that? Why not?

what do you think?

(Note, I'm in the dreaded 3-week stall, I know this, I accept it, so it's not about the stall. It's about how we judge ourselves by using criteria or outcomes that are outside of our control).[/quote']

I'm really loving this post!!

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I weigh myself every morning. Just like the girl said, bathroom first, then scale. Tomorrow will make 4 weeks since my surgery. My whole day is based on what that scale says each morning. If its down, then I'm up...if it's up, then I'm down. I have lost 17 pounds since surgery. That seems so little. The only thing I'm not doing right is exercise. I am very heavy and also have RA and fibro, so just moving around a little is painful. I know I have to start, but I keep putting it off. I HATE THE SCALE.

Kennedy....I'm there with you with the RA.....Exercise is a real challenge. I have just decided that my goal exercise wise is to do something each day more than I did before my surgery. Before my surgery, just getting out of bed some days was more than I could manage. The first week or so after surgery my goal was to walk around my yard. I managed it 3 out of 5 days. I'm on to week three and my goal this week was to be out walking with my dogs and either my husband or son every day. I don't make it far....usually just the block....but that is more than I was able to do before surgery. Try setting for yourself small manageable goals and give yourself permission to not hit the goal line every day. If you are too tired the day after doing it....go for every other day, ore every third day.....baby steps.....That's what I'm doing...... Good luck on your journey!!

I weigh myself every morning. Just like the girl said' date=' bathroom first, then scale. Tomorrow will make 4 weeks since my surgery. My whole day is based on what that scale says each morning. If its down, then I'm up...if it's up, then I'm down. I have lost 17 pounds since surgery. That seems so little. The only thing I'm not doing right is exercise. I am very heavy and also have RA and fibro, so just moving around a little is painful. I know I have to start, but I keep putting it off. I HATE THE SCALE.[/quote']

The surgery seems to have helped with my RA pain. I hope that happens to you as well.

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Guess what?? It's 3 pm here...and I have still not weighed today!! Yay me!

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Does focusing on the number on a scale somehow devalue the ground-breaking surgery you had? Did you really just go through major surgery, so a number on a scale would be lower? Wasn't the reason you went through all of this (insurance approvals, 6 months of dr appts, nutritionists and pre-op tests, liquids only liver reduction diet, surgery, post-op pain and exhaustion, nausea, gas pains, vomiting, failed food experiments, etc) for something more important than what a hunk of metal says?

I've (obnoxiously, I'm sure) never had a stall, because I only weigh about once a month at doctor's office. I am nearly 4 months post op, and 3 weeks ago I was 52 lbs down. I weigh again this week or next, so I will know then how much more I have lost. Following my plan -- not perfectly but much better than I have in the past. Today I put on a pair of shorts from last year, and laughed when they slipped off! Much better feeling than what a fickle, lying scale says!

To me the scale is just another weapon that I use to beat myself up. I gave up tying my self esteem to the scale many years ago, when a doctor I was seeing said that he never weighed women before their appts -- because if he did, it was all they could think about during their appts.

Maybe it's also important to remember why you had this surgery. Was it just about the number on a scale? Probably not. For me it was about saving my life. It was about controlling my diabetes, high blood pressure and coronary artery disease. If I focus on the improvements I have made in those areas, then the number on the scale takes on much less importance.

Cindy,

Thank you!!! I to did my surgery for health reasons! You are so right!

GG, irrespective of weight loss, you are already a major success - you have raised a son who's thoughtful, bright and sensitive!

Having spent a lifetime stressing about everything weight related (but rarely saying anything out loud so I always felt like a pressure cooker about to explode), losing weight steadily seems to have brought more of a calm. Four months out and I can actually forget to weigh myself. It's a great feeling of relief and release :-))))

We need to put down the sticks many of us use to beat ourselves with - whether it's the tyranny of the scale, the need to compare our weight loss/food intake/exercise habits with others or just because the voice in our head says "are you sure you can really do this?".

You're doing great, stick with it.

Having spent a lifetime stressing about everything weight related (but rarely saying anything out loud so I always felt like a pressure cooker about to explode)' date=' losing weight steadily seems to have brought more of a calm. Four months out and I can actually forget to weigh myself. It's a great feeling of relief and release :-))))

You're doing great, stick with it.[/quote']

That sense of release? That feeling of control and peace? THAT is why I had this surgery. I was tired of feeling harassed and out of control over this one issue in my life. I'm really glad to hear you say that it has come to you as you continue to succeed. I am ready for that

Maybe it's also important to remember why you had this surgery. Was it just about the number on a scale? Probably not. For me it was about saving my life. It was about controlling my diabetes' date=' high blood pressure and coronary artery disease. If I focus on the improvements I have made in those areas, then the number on the scale takes on much less importance.[/quote']

Cindy you are so right. I didn't yet have comorbidities, but I could see them coming. I could see my life getting smaller and smaller as I grew larger and larger. That's not anything a scale can capture.

The scale has made me its b*tch

I weigh multiple times per day

Do you find it helpful to weigh yourself that much? Doesn't make you crazy? I find that doing that makes a person neurotic. I weigh myself once a week at most. Keeps things in perspective. My weight is going to change with food, Water, and intensity of my workout.

I have spent the whole day thinking about the scale! This thread has been so supportive! Thank you all for your thoughts, perspective and wisdom. I did this because I was becoming a cripple! I need total knee replacement, degenerated disks in neck and back,sleep apnea , high blood pressure and more. I did not do this to be a model or more beautiful ( I know that I am beautiful already ). I want to be a happy, positive person, not in pain, and light enough that I might hold off.knee replacement for years. The scale it not a tool I am going to use at this time. I am only going to weigh in with my doctor for now. I just want to heal well, get off the liquid diet and start my road to true mobility!

Thank you all my VS friends. It feels good to be able to be related too.

With ,y deepest gratitude

Moira

Do you find it helpful to weigh yourself that much? Doesn't make you crazy? I find that doing that makes a person neurotic. I weigh myself once a week at most. Keeps things in perspective. My weight is going to change with food' date=' Water, and intensity of my workout.[/quote']

I believe it may be my transfer addiction. If I don't weigh, I feel anxiety. My husband tried taking the scale, and I was on edge all day until he got home from work.