Really disappointed in myself, thought I was doing better at battling these demons...

[BlessedBeyondMeasure2012 296]

So today has been a rough day and we haven't even hit 1 PM yet. This morning, instead of having my normal 3 turkey sausage links for Breakfast (100 cal, 13 gm protein) I decided to have a ham, egg and cheese croissant with only 1/2 the croissant from our local donut shop. I have done well lately and have been seeing the scale move which has made me really happy. I have been craving one of these croissants which I haven't had since before surgery so I figured this morning I would stop and get one and then do REALLY good for the rest of the day. I don't mean skipping meals, just getting the most out of what I would eat for the rest of the day. Anyway, things got hectic at work and I didn't get in a morning snack, by 11 I was so stinkin hungry and with no end in site for lunch I grabbed what was easiest and closest, 1/2 a donut... and then the other half. I haven't eaten a donut since well before surgery. Then the boss went out and bought hamburgers and fries from Burger King for lunch. I ate mine with only half the bun, and only one fry but still, not my good planned lunch that I was counting on. He also bought me a chocolate shake and I can't remember how long its been since I had one of those. One drink of it and I knew if I kept going I would feel bad because of all the sugar. It went down the drain. I haven't had a drink out of a straw since surgery and I even drank the drink of the chocolate shake through the stupid straw. I know better. I know better than all of it. I'm disappointed in myself that I let myself fall off the wagon like I did. I'm a food-a-holic, I have to watch myself just like an alcoholic does. I feel like I have failed miserably today. I also feel like I missed the good feeling of the "drunk" and went straight to the hungover feeling. None of what I ate made me feel better. In fact I kinda feel gross right now. I know it is a lesson in learning. I've been really proud of myself with how well I have done over the past 5 months. I thought I was getting to the point where battling these food demons was getting to be second nature and it wasn't so hard anymore. I don't want to do anything to screw this up. I don't want to start gaining back what I've lost... I've worked too hard. Nothing about this journey has been easy but I have been living it. I've been making it and making it work for me. I just feel really defeated. I told my sister about all of this (she is in the process of getting approval for the sleeve) and told her that tomorrow would be better. I can't wait until tomorrow, starting from this minute the rest of today has to be better.

Sorry for the vent/whine. Praying for a better rest of today and for better decision making...

[laners777 145]

I'm sorry you have had such a bad day. Reading your post makes me think of how that guilt ridden circle of eat something forbidden, regret it, then do it again, regret it and so on....I think we will be plagued with that forever. You are right, good lesson learned and I know you can get back on track. If you didn't have the desire to do better with the rest of this day and start again tomorrow, you wouldn't be here posting, you would be searching for you next sugar/carb fix. I will be thinking good thoughts for you to forgive yourself and move on, back to program and maybe you could walk at the end of such a horrible day and clear your head.

[Roo101769 742]

Do NOT beat yourself up. We are all bound to have moments when we are weak and eat something we wish we had not. And yes, there will even be days where we wish we could rewind and try again. But you know what? You know it makes you feel bad. You know you do have craving control issues. And you know next time you will look back at today and remember how it feels. Don't let the food monster win. It isn't just a battle with the scale, it is a battle in our hearts and minds too. This is NOT an easy process for any of us. If it was easy to be thin and healthy for us we wouldn't be here. ( As if we would choose to be heavy and carry the burdens we have) Chalk it up to a learning experience, part of life. This is a marathon, not a sprint. If the majority of your days are spent making wise and healthy choices then the occasional slip is not going to be your undoing. This is forever. Do not let one day bring you down...

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

dust yourself off and get back on the horse..this will not be the last time you will fall..But you have not failed..Making it a habit and giving up and doing it every day is a failure....we are not steel or stone...We all have a food addiction...We all fall....You recognize that in yourself.....throw the day away...And like you said restart NOW!!!!!...Tonight eat Protein and veggies and a bit of fruit to get rid of all that crap....

Make sure you drink lots of Water to flush out your system....

[BellaItaliana 57]

It's a good thing tomorrow is another day! Feel guilty for a minute because you know you shouldn't have eaten all that, but then shake IT OFF. Start new tomorrow. You sound pretty dedicated overall, and we are all human and imperfect. Just make sure those "imperfect" days are VERY minimal! You're going to do great, in my opinion. :-)

[angry 158]

Aww girl I am proud of you. I dont know your story but you ate one fry and I usually dump the bag out looking to see if there are more. You removed part of the croissant which was supposed to be your victory meal, and poured out your shake. Was today your best day? Sounds like a no, was it your worst? Im willing to guess that answer is the same. Have a Protein Shake for dinner and do some exercise. You didnt ruin anything, its one portion of one day of your life, it can be fixed. Just think at some point you ate like this, didnt feel bad about it and did it again.

[suejersey 263]

Also look at what you DID do better. You dumped that shake down the sink after only one sip. You only ate half the bun and one fry. Before that wouldn't have been the case, right? So you slipped up, but you have improved and you will CONTINUE to improve.

As the saying goes....doesn't matter how slow you go, you're still lapping those on the couch!

It's all part of the process.

[JerseyGirl68 1,172]

I'm going to jump on the dust yourself off bandwagon here. There is nothing you can do to change what happend. Do your best to remember how you feel about it and hopefully that is motivation enough to not take that first bite. I know I can't even try some things.. not because my sleeve has a problem.. its all me. One bite of certain things just makes me want more. There will always be people around who belive one bite won't hurt you. And for the most part they are right, unless you are a food adict and then all bets are off. Start fresh now, and begin tomorrow with a plan for the day and make the best choices you can.

You can do it!

I hope the rest of your day is beter.

[DeniseM 238]

You also have to remember that life happens, and the "perfect" foods are not always available. Sometimes we have to eat what is convenient, and at least you had Protein for Breakfast and lunch- you could have just had a donut. So while it might not have been ideal, it was still protein, and all protein counts. I'm not sure if the food demons ever really go away- mine haven't, but every now and then I give in and have a few bites of whatever I am craving, and I do not allow myself to feel guilty about it. The fact that I can eat a few bites of something and throw the rest away is an amazing feeling to me when previously I would eat every last bite- like you and your shake- have you ever before taken one sip and thrown the rest away? I certainly never did. To me, it is not about depriving myself of all the foods I love, but having the power to control myself.

[acampbell1318 58]

I appreciate reading your post, I am sorry you went thru this today but this is the exact thing I am scared of. I am just in the pre-op phase of getting all my testing done and will not be sleeved until January but this is my biggest fear. I admit I don't know how to control myself when it comes to eating bad food and plenty of it. I never have liked fruits and veggies. If I can't have something bad for me I would rather not eat but I manage to find the bad stuff.

[Ernestine 13]

Its okay, just get back on track!! Do a little more walking today. We all have bad days.

[LouiseC 1,029]

Congratulations! You have sat upright at 1pm and realised your choices are not the best for you or your health and decided to finish the day differently. I would guess that in pre surgery diets, a bad morning could lead to a bad afternoon, which could lead to a bad week..........

I know. I have been there.

I still have days where I make f'd up choices. The trick for me is to not let it de rail me. Recognise I had a choice, I made a poor one, and then move forward carrying the learning. I no longer beat myself up over it. I will often then calculate the calories and actively burn them off, making a connection in my head of 'well, it is okay to have that second (or third, or fourth) glass of wine if you are prepared to keep this elliptical machine rocking for another twenty minutes'. It has been a powerful learning process for me and I no longer allow self sabotage.

When I screw up, I own my poor choice(just like you have done with this thread!) and then I try and recover it or fix it. I use the disappointment in my actions as a reminder to remain present in the moment and in control of what I put in my body.

I also know I am going to continue to make poor choices. Why? Because I am human and as a human I am imperfect and will do dumb things sometimes. Making mistakes, failure, is all part of being a human being. Know this, be okay with this, and I have found success actually comes closer to me, not further away. Just because I make a poor choice, just because I failed at lunch, does not make me a failure in my life. It was just a poor choice. I can make a good choice to recover from it through working out, and I can carry on with my day being more conscious, more present and making better choices for my health.

Good luck.