struggling Totally Off The Wagon

[deedeemuffin 346]

Let me start off by saying I am not looking to be yelled at or coddled...something in between might be helpful. As some of you know I landed in the hospital 2 weeks ago because I got severely dehydrated. They also ran a pregnancy test which came back positive, but it was a false positive. I am definitely not pregnant.

I do not know what is going on, but I have been totally out of control since then. Prior to that I had been drinking & getting in my Protein just fine. (Aside from a bread incident many a month ago in case NurseGrace is lurking ) I am full blown eating whatever I want with no problems. I am a vegetarian so no meat binges. I have not been drinking Water & I have been straight up eating , garbage...crackers, chips, pop corn with butter, Pasta, Cookies, candy, ice cream & so on & so forth. I have no desire for anything except carbs & sugar. I'm not eating bread or anything that will cause physical pain to my sleeve, but things that if eaten slowly enough cause no problems.

I'm not drinking water or exercising. Today the only liquid I had was 2 cups of coffee this morning. I still weigh myself every day. Although I haven't lost any weight, I haven't gained any weight either.

I have been under a lot of stress lately...waiting for our mortgage to approved, looking for work, struggling to finish my semester which I was given an extension on. At this point I am ready to just give up on everything. I am ready to give up on school, looking for work, cleaning & packing up our apartment. I am feeling like I just completely lost control & I don't know how to get it back.

I don't want to go to OA. Been there, done that. Therapy is not an option either. Has anyone else been through this? I feel like I'm so lost that I just don't even know where to start to get back some semblance of normality.

[No game 14,436]

It does get a little harder as time goes by huh?

I know that like me you have battled with the addictive quality of food.

Remember that book I gave you? It sounds like you are in thick of it with trigger foods

It's so hard to break it off once you start back up again. I just came back from vacation where my eating has been less than stellar and I'm having a tough time kicking the Snacks..

But the bottom line is we have to keep fighting this.

Might I suggest getting the crap out of the house?

Tomorrow make a commitment to get your Water.

I use a 32oz bottle and make sure I get at least two of those a day.

[Sleeve Goddess 75]

You have multiple stressors in your life which I can definitely relate to you and understand. Take baby steps to get back on track and focus on living a healthy lifestyle.

[Sleeve Goddess 75]

It does get a little harder as time goes by huh?

I know that like me you have battled with the addictive quality of food.

Remember that book I gave you? It sounds like you are in thick of it with trigger foods

It's so hard to break it off once you start back up again. I just came back from vacation where my eating has been less than stellar and I'm having a tough time kicking the snacks..

But the bottom line is we have to keep fighting this.

Might I suggest getting the crap out of the house?

Tomorrow make a commitment to get your Water tomorrow.

I use a 32 bottle and make sure I get at least two of those a day.

Do you mind sharing the name of the book?

[No game 14,436]

Do you mind sharing the name of the book?

Anatomy of a food Addiction: The Brain Chemistry of Overeating

This book does have a "diet" plan that goes with it. Here's a overview...

If you have struggled with compulsive eating, dieting, and the guilt and conflict they bring, your life will be changed by this important, life-affirming, and astonishingly wise book. Anne Katherine, a Certified Eating Disorders Therapist and former compulsive eater, explains the chemical reactions in the brain that work in conjunction with lifelong emotional conflicts to make food—particularly sugar and refined carbohydrates—such a comfort.

[liteNsun 58]

Remember "One bite is too many, a thousand is not enough". Find serenity somewhere in your life and release the anxiety that makes you eat. Even if it is looking at a peaceful scene and breathing in and out to release the anxiety. You can't control everything, so just do the next indicated thing and let it go and take care of your self by putting only the allowable foods in your house and work. Good luck, YOU CAN DO THIS!

[NancyDec20 212]

ok back to square one with you missy.. get back on the Protein shakes...

get off of the slider foods... you have control of this situation.. no matter how much stress you have.. I have had so much stress in the beginning... my son was killed on the day of my surgery.. my mom died 5mo before that.. in jan after wt loss they found some masses in my legs.. had them removed.. they thought they were cancer.. but they were not thank goodness. with all this going on.. not one time did I fall off the wagon... we have control of our lives.. we cannot blame this on anything but ourselves.. you have to take responsibility of your actions.. you can do this.. you did it before.. you can do it again.. get back on the protein shakes.. get all the crap food out of the house.. I even managed to lose 4lbs on a cruise no less.. if I can make it thru this.. you can too.. im on my way to wonderful things.. im 3/4 of the way there... I did it by making smart choices.. do I eat things im not suppose to? once in a great while I treat myself.. but I dont let it get out of hand.. I stop.. I dont want to go back to the title of being Obese.. not one I enjoyed at all.. im not longer the fat girl anymore..and never never will I go back to that.. my life means much more to me now... im healthy and I look great now.. never have I ever been able to tell myself that.. I have very low self esteem.. low.. never thought much of myself... but now I have that chance.. a do over if you will.. im not screwing this up... I love my life now.. you will too if you just get back on track.. dont let food rule you.. you rule your life..not food.. re direct.. get back on track.. get to the gym.. call a friend.. come on here to chat we will get you back on track.. if I can do this.. so can you.. best of luck to you

[deedeemuffin 346]

It does get a little harder as time goes by huh?

I know that like me you have battled with the addictive quality of food.< /p>

Remember that book I gave you? It sounds like you are in thick of it with trigger foods

It's so hard to break it off once you start back up again. I just came back from vacation where my eating has been less than stellar and I'm having a tough time kicking the snacks..

But the bottom line is we have to keep fighting this.

Might I suggest getting the crap out of the house?

Tomorrow make a commitment to get your Water tomorrow.

I use a 32oz bottle and make sure I get at least two of those a day.

Laura,

Thank you. I did read the book & of course am totally not thinking about it right now. Thanks for the reminder. I definitely need to go through it again. You are the best!

[newgrandmother 725]

tomorrow is a new day. for your stressers write down your short term goals and long term goals. take it step by step you cant stress about tomorrow tomorrow is not here yet. when you wake up in the morning you are blessed to do it all again. get back to basics try try try again if you have to.

we got your back ok.

[DeezJeanz 1,065]

Sweety I sympathize w u bc we know that food nd stress, unfortunately go together for those of us w a food addiction. It is no different for an alcoholic whose been wo it for many yrs, nd then life hits them in the butt nd they turn to their old comforts. One thing they both have in common, a support group. Ik u said that its not possible but pat urself on the shoulder bc u r asking for help when u cuda stayed in ur misery. With all of that said, and Idk how u feel about this but I'm going to suggest you gt a private room and speak out ur issues to God, He knows yes, but speak it and ask Him for strength nd mercy, be humble but bold in what you need from Him. I am a true believer nd ik that if u were not going to be successful, He wud not have allowed u to get this far. Next, do as the OP said, start small. Start w the Water issue, only. Try it for a week, pray for strength! I'll pray too for you:) next, stop eating one of the trigger Snacks nd add a Protein Drink in its place, pray nd I will too. Then try the next thing to stop, just one thing at a time. But believe in what ur doing nd y. As you r doing these few things, pack ur boxes to distract u, pray that God will give u ur New home, if it be His will, I will pray too. Pm me if u want to pray together:) id be honored. As for ur job, again, instead of totally stressing, give it to God, nd believe He will deliver to u, a job w ur name on it! Again, if u don't believe that u can do it alone, ADD God and know, He wants to help u. Also know that there are many here who want to help but u gotta start by helping urself nd uve started tryn bc u posted here. Proud of u. As UK, u ended up in the hospital alrdy, nd u don't wanna keep doing that bc of the infections u cud get there, the bills to worry over, u get what I'm sayn. I just want u to STOP, look at where u were preop nd now postop. Stop, take a breath, nd just take one day nd problem at a time, don't add to what u feel is the end of the world bc its not. Just be still. Sorry for long post but not for trying to help u. I truly hope that som1 says somthn to help u:)) u r awesome, brave, strong, beautiful nd human...dont keep beating urself up! It won't be worth it AT ALL. MAY GOD cont to Bless u. {{{{Hugs}}}}. Dee

[No game 14,436]

Laura' date='

Thank you. I did read the book & of course am totally not thinking about it right now. Thanks for the reminder. I definitely need to go through it again. You are the best![/quote']

If you ever get board I've got all my ramblings about my crazy addictions on a thread with some other people called big fat people..

You'd have to be really bored its a bazillian pages long.

But the fact remains the same I still deal with it daily as do a lot of us

[heatwhip 166]

Tomorrow is a new day! Just because today was a bad day doesn't mean tomorrow has to be. Good luck!

[HappyCat 70]

You have reached out in a time of need and you know by the responses that you are cared for and supported. I'd like to add my support and hope that your stress will be less very soon. Specifically, I want to urge you not to give up on school. I went back to school in my thirties to finish my bachelor's degree (actually restarted the whole thing, but that's another story!) and graduated at 38. It was not easy being non-traditional plus being overweight, but I surrounded myself with good, supportive friends of all ages and backgrounds and was so proud of myself when I graduated. It was one of the biggest boosts I could have had to my flagging self esteem. Plus it helped me to get my second career started. Please don't take that chance for raising your confidence away from yourself, no matter which degree you are pursuing. Whatever troubles you are going through will pass, but you will still be you. Be kind to yourself and get back onto that wagon ~ many are reaching toward you with virtual hands to help you get back on board!

[JIllette 57]

Think about the big picture and how far you have come. You have to find another way to deal with your stress. I understand you under stress I too fall apart and plan to conquer it by developing a new way of dealing. Take one day at a time, one meal at a time and keep faith you will get through this consider this a test.

[BKLYNgal87 503]

May I suggest a Mindfulness Eating log? I started one up since my psych evaluation pre-op on the psychologist's suggestion. Keep a journal of what you eat and when during the day, but also track how you feel (hunger-wise, emotion-wise) before, during, and after eating. Stress and hormones definitely triggered my compulsive eating. I found this log to be so helpful in understanding the connection between how I feel and what I shove into my mouth. It has helped me make more conscious food choices. Hey, it's cheaper than therapy!

It's not too late to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You can do this! Also log your liquid intake and make sure you are getting enough - don't end up back in the ER for dehydration!!