My mom and I are very close - she's my best friend. However, she is totally against me getting sleeved. In fact, I saw the surgeon in February, and haven't done any of my "assignments" yet because she talked me out of it. Today I scheduled my sleep study and NUT. When I told her, I got the same negative responses I always get.

Aside from the what if's she keeps throwing at me (what if you die, what if you waste away to 80 pounds...) - what I keep getting is: "Why don't you just put all the time and effort you'd be spending after surgery on WW and exercise?"

Arghh! I have been trying that for over 30 years! Why can't she understand - and how can I try to make her? I really need her support on this.

Well I was going to say your first mistake you made is being very close to your mom!

My mom is kept at a very long arms distance!

That b***h is crazy!

But really you know everything she is saying is out of worry. But you cannot let it stop you from doing the things you need to do for yourself.

Talk to her tell her that this is a done deal and you need her support because it is a big deal.

It's not a dumb thing but its a BIG thing and you don't want to do it alone.

That being said?

If she can't get on board you may have to not involve her until its done...

Well I was going to say your first mistake you made is being very close to your mom!

My mom is kept at a very long arms distance!

That b***h is crazy!

But really you know everything she is saying is out of worry. But you cannot let it stop you from doing the things you need to do for yourself.

Talk to her tell her that this is a done deal and you need her support because it is a big deal.

It's not a dumb thing but its a BIG thing and you don't want to do it alone.

That being said?

If she can't get on board you may have to not involve her until its done...

LOL, and thanks for the great advice! I really think she will come around when she sees she can't talk me out of it

You might not get it.. but don't let that stop you from doing what you know is best. After the fact she will have no choice to accept what is done, and at that point hopefully she will move from trying to stop it to supporting you as you need.

I would sit down and tell her that this IS what you are doing, and her negative talk and be more supportive.

I didn't tell my mom a word until everything was done and I had a surgery date!!

So she couldn't say much. As a matter of fact she felt so out of the loop she begged to at least be able to come down and drive me to the hospital.

Be your own person and fight for yourself. But also, stop talking to her about it. Other people have other agendas for us, even if they mean well. But stop all the background noise from one or others. Get some calm moments for yourself and make your own decisions on which direction you want to go. You need to go through the surgery by yourself and the recovery and weight loss management yourself. So don't give your energy and power away, but save it for yourself to find what is what you want for yourself.

Best of luck

I too had a what-iffer as a Mom - she drove me nuts alot - but obviously your mom taught you to think for yourself and make your own decisions. Thank her for that and tell her that you're doing what you feel is best for you. Right now I wish I could talk to my mom and have her drive me crazy with her what-ifs

WW is great for many. For guys like me it's like driving up a steep, icy road. Lotta spinning, eventually going backward. Sharing was great in the commune but for losing fat it was like p****** on a forest fire.

My mom was the same way. I just sat her down and explained to her how I felt being so heavy and I got very real and very emotional during the conversation. I don't think she had any idea how much it impacted everything in life. I'm lucky she's been very supportive since. Good luck. I agree, once she refuses to be supportive then stop including her in that part of your life. Life is too short to give naysayers a voice.

I would sit down and tell her that this IS what you are doing' date=' and her negative talk and be more supportive.[/quote']

Thanks - that's what I'm going to do. I've never followed her advice in the past - so why start now.

You need to go through the surgery by yourself and the recovery and weight loss management yourself. So don't give your energy and power away' date=' but save it for yourself to find what is what you want for yourself.

Best of luck[/quote']

Wise words! Thank you

WW is great for many. For guys like me it's like driving up a steep' date=' icy road. Lotta spinning, eventually going backward. Sharing was great in the commune but for losing fat it was like p****** on a forest fire.[/quote']

Lol!

I didn't tell my mom a word until everything was done and I had a surgery date!!

So she couldn't say much. As a matter of fact she felt so out of the loop she begged to at least be able to come down and drive me to the hospital.

Oh em gee! We might be the same person. I did the same.

My mom was the same way. I just sat her down and explained to her how I felt being so heavy and I got very real and very emotional during the conversation. I don't think she had any idea how much it impacted everything in life. I'm lucky she's been very supportive since. Good luck. I agree' date=' once she refuses to be supportive then stop including her in that part of your life. Life is too short to give naysayers a voice. [/quote']

I'm so glad your mom came around! If mine doesn't, I'll just have to accept it.

Oh em gee! We might be the same person. I did the same.

Ha!

And I finally said "yes you can come down and drive me" ( didn't really need her I have a perfectly good husband at home)

So the crazy b***h (gotta love her) shows up on my front porch the morning of the surgery, with not 1 but 2 platters of Cookies in her hands and a cookie hanging out of her mouth because she was "starving"

I really don't know how I got fat...

Docbree,

Do not let your mom be involved in this unless she is going to be a support to you. I did not tell my mom I was having surgery and she still does not know. She would have never wanted me to do it and she would've tried her best to talk me out of it and I just didn't want to deal with it. Go forward, be strong, it will change your life. You will never regret this. I am just 11 days postop and I can't tell you how much better I feel and I know it's only going to get better. I wish you strength and perseverance.