Sabotage!

Kynekke · December 20, 2006

Sorry about the grammar, 1 hand typing so shortening it.

Long story short... had surgery on Friday on my right elbow, I am NOT ambidextrous! 6 hours from home at my parents house so they can help me and keep my kids.. hubby has mandatory overtime for 2 weeks.

Mom is fat too, had failed "stomache stapeling" about 25 years ago. We are now the same size and she gives me TONS of praise about weight loss. By lunch she had offered me fudge, banana bread, choc. cherries and divinity, I turned them all down and reminded her that I am trying to lose weight.

Take a nap and Mom and my kids are gone when I get up. They come home from the store and brought me a treat... 3 kit kats! Not 1, but 3! Mom says "I know about the band but these are your favorites" :hungry: ok ok, turned those down too.

I cannot keep this up! My willpower is shrinking. This woman put me on a grapefruit juice and vinegar only diet when I was 10 to "help" and now I realize why with all of the diets she put me on as a kid I never lost weight.

I'm so at her mercy until I get out of this cast. Ugh... must resist... 7 days til DH comes to save me. :help:

AngelaT · December 20, 2006

Sorry about the grammar, 1 hand typing so shortening it.
Long story short... had surgery on Friday on my right elbow, I am NOT ambidextrous! 6 hours from home at my parents house so they can help me and keep my kids.. hubby has mandatory overtime for 2 weeks.

Mom is fat too, had failed "stomache stapeling" about 25 years ago. We are now the same size and she gives me TONS of praise about weight loss. By lunch she had offered me fudge, banana bread, choc. cherries and divinity, I turned them all down and reminded her that I am trying to lose weight.

Take a nap and Mom and my kids are gone when I get up. They come home from the store and brought me a treat... 3 kit kats! Not 1, but 3! Mom says "I know about the band but these are your favorites" :hungry: ok ok, turned those down too.

I cannot keep this up! My willpower is shrinking. This woman put me on a grapefruit juice and vinegar only diet when I was 10 to "help" and now I realize why with all of the diets she put me on as a kid I never lost weight.

I'm so at her mercy until I get out of this cast. Ugh... must resist... 7 days til DH comes to save me. :help:

Ask her kindly to not have any sweets around you at all. Not to offer you any...be firm. Good luck!

ser123 · December 20, 2006

My dad is the opposite kind of saboteur. He constantly comments about my weight and what I eat. He says crappy things about fat people. He makes fun of fat people. He used to make fun of my mom for being fat, even after she divorced his ass. He used to make fun of me about being fat, even after repeated requests not to.

I have sat down with him and talked to him like a rational person. I have made it about me and not about him. It doesn't matter. Finally, one time me and my dad and my sister were driving in the car and he made a joke about me being fat... about 3 hours after I had had one of our rational conversations about how I find his jokes hurtful. I stopped the car in the middle of heavy traffic and put the hazards on. I told him if he wouldn't stop making fat jokes, that was fine, let me know. I would turn the car around and stay home and he and my sister could go somewhere without me. We sat there for 5 minutes in the middle of a lane of traffice. I didn't say anything and neither did he. It was one of those situations where the first person who talked was going to lose. He finally said, "Fine, I won't make any more jokes" and he hasn't and that was 3 years ago.

He is still indirectly very passive aggressive about it. But I do not take direct abuse anymore.

Sometimes you have to be a real hard ass and sometimes being rational and nice and calm doesn't work.

Good luck, and keep us updated on how you handle your mom...

ser123 · December 20, 2006

It takes a lot of work and effort for me to be thin. I have to constantly count calories, write down what I eat and in general be very diligent.

I have found that there are a lot of people who will say, OH come on and have dessert! or Why do you be so picky? It happens a LOT with people who I don't know very well (my friends have seen me fat and thin and are very helpful and supportive)... like at a business lunch. There seem to be a lot of people who really don't want you to be good if they are being bad.

I don't know what I would do in your situation. I would try to somehow have a negative consequence for your mom that you can really stand behind. That way her sabotage affects her. I would say something like, "if you keep bringing me sweets after this then I am going to X. If you feel that you are going to keep bringing me sweets, then that is fine. Please let me know now and I will just go ahead and do X now... what are you going to do?" and then don't say one word until she tells you what she has decided.

That is the only thing I can think of. I think she thinks she has you under her power because she is helping you right now and you are sort of trapped. Don't let her hold that over your head!

Good luck

Terrilen · December 20, 2006

You have more will power than you ever dreamed possible! You can do this! There is no reason to let her win! that cast can be used as a weapon...kidding... I am kidding..HA!!

TracyinKS · December 20, 2006

STAY strong! She is jealous of your success (even if she doesn't realize it) Prove her wrong, HOLD ON you are doing GREAT!!!!!!!!!

barbara465 · December 20, 2006

I think your Mom doesn't know how else to show she love's you and cares about you. Think about it. She probably shows her love through food. I found myself the other night when guests were over making sure there was enough for them to eat. I was pushing food - my way of showing I cared. I wasn't eating any of it. Next time she "brings" you a token of love, just tell her I love you too Mom, but I'll pass. She will have to find a new way to show you she cares. Don't be so hard on her. She doesn't know any other way.

Fauxnaif · December 20, 2006

I'm feeling generous today so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she probably thinks she is comforting you with these foods. Just consider this practice for turning down treats. If she is someone you can really talk to, sit down and have a serious talk. I don't know...tell her you are already feeling down and you need to eat healthy to feel better or that your doc says you need healthy food to heal the elbow. Tell her it's too stressful for you to be around all these sweets. These are all probably true anyway.

I hope there is actually some decent food in the house in addition to the treats.

Good luck with the elbow. Hope that heals fast. The time will pass and you will get better.

kwhenrykerr · December 20, 2006

Saying NO to food can be like talking to the wind. The words that you say are gone as fast as you can say them. It has been a constant challange for me. At one point after saying No Thank You to a plate loaded with Good Food for the third time I took the plate to the trash can and droped it in. I told my loved ones that if they did not start hearing the polite No then we would soon be out of plates. Lots of hurt feelings later it is still a problem. How do we get the message across?

Woodys · December 20, 2006

Oh my goodness.....you poor thing! Can't say why she is doing this to you but you definately need to hang in there and stay strong, you have shown already that you can do that. Even though you are in need of her help right now you need to take charge of YOUR house. Tell her that you appreciate what she thinks is being thoughtful, but from now on anything that goes against your band is forbidden and she is to decline immediately from offering.

Huh.....easier said than done.....good luck.

Carol

CCBSTX · December 20, 2006

OH my goodness, are you sure this isn't MY mother? I am 15 months post band and she is doing better. I told her...Mom, please don't bring junk to the "kids" I eat them and most of the time they don't like the stuff (they're picky). She kept doing it. Finally, I asked her if she wanted me to succeed? "Yes, of course I do" she replied. "Then, PLEASE don't bring the junk around me, I need all of the help that I can get." She doesn't hardly every do it any more, but still occassionally bring the "kids" junk. Not nearly as often.

Stay firm and strong. Tell her how it hurts your feeling, that she keep offering the junk to you. Tell her how important this is for you. Play to "mother guilt" if you have to.

Stay strong. Shawn

juliegeraci · December 21, 2006

Kynekke, I would definitely talk to your mom about it. I know she doesn't want to change but I would let her know that you need to continue to eat healthy. If that doesn't work always be prepared with healthy food choices. Go to the store while you are staying with her and stock up on good alternative foods. Good luck. I know how hard that is.

Kynekke · December 22, 2006

Thanks for all of the posts! I spoke to my Mom about it and she admitted being an unconscious enabler and admitted that being from the South, people feed everyone. Sooo... the next day she made a huge new batch of peanut brittle and was nice enough to break it into small pieces and hand me a bowl. *sigh*

Soo... this is what I did. She went to take a bath and I snuck a piece of peanut brittle from the big bowl so she wouldn't know I did it and it was SO good! After having my small taste of the candy I found it was a LOT easier to turn it down when she offered and with her not knowing I stole some, she didn't win LOL Maybe not the best way but it's kept me off of sweets for 24 hours now.

kwhenrykerr · December 22, 2006

good job you snich, LOL

ReneBean · December 22, 2006

My MIL was from the south, too. It really is true - that woman would practically force feed not just me, but EVERYONE who walked into her house. You practically had to slap her to get her to stop offering food...

And she did it at all hours of the day. 2 am? She would cook anything you wanted - and anything different that my husband might want...

Stay tough - it's only a week... And even if you succumb once or twice - it's only a week. You will survive it in the long run.

Hugs!!