This is a hard thread for my to write and I am sorry if it is long. I truly feel lost right now, as in... I have lost my way and I do not know how to get back to "Band Land"! I was banded one year ago Oct the 4th and I have not done a correct thing since I woke up out of surgery! I originaly only lost around 20 lbs... of which I now keep putting back on and loosing again. One of my many issues I will not bore you with, is I am bulimic. I can control the purging ...but I still have a big problem with the bingeing. So like I tell my therapist it is a wonder I am not afraid of eating all together now! Name one bad habit with the band and I will tell you I am sruggling with trying to stop it. I could be a poster child for what NOT to do when you get you band! I am really ashamed of this year and I do not want or expect sympathy! This whole big mess all came about based on my choices! I fully aknowledge I have made pretty much nothing but bad ones and this is all of my own doing. I also am starting to understand there is a part of myself that feels I do not deserve the happiness my band has to offer me when used correctly. But I truly believe I am stronger than that, I know I can do this. There is still enough self repect left that I think I can get a handle on this. I am up for the hard work it will require. But right now I just need some direction to help get me back on the straight and narrow! Where in the world do I begin? Who better to ask than all of you that have already taken this road to success in Band Land. Thanks in advance!

You have already taken 3 steps in the right direction. You got the band, you are seeing a therapist and know you are reaching out for more help from your banded family.

Here is my suggestion, find a weight loss support group near you. Is there a lap band meeting near you from OH or LBT?

Every day you wake up you have another chance to get it right. I've had my band a while and certainly did my share of don'ts with the band. All it takes is an act of will to start following the band rules. Think about what you need to do that you aren't and make a plan. I'm a jump-into-it kind of person but if you want gradual change, plan to do one additional thing right every week. Like no drinking with food this week, no grazing next week, whatever.

The beauty of the band is it's quite forgiving (or I wouldn't still be losing after 4 years). You can stop and start (by your own free will or because of issues) and still be productive with the band.

Keep seeing your therapist. Mine has been a life saver. Start journalling about:

Why you feel the need to break these rules, why you might be sabotaging yourself.

What are you afraid of?

How did your bulimia serve you?

Why you are ready to let your bulimia go now.

What feelings to do you have about being fat and thin that might surprise you?

I can tell you do value yourself enough to give the band a chance. That's more than half the battle. Good luck. Remember the mistakes you made with the band were yesterday. Today is your chance to do it right.

Keep in touch and message me if you want. I know the ups and downs with the band more than almost anyone. I'm not bulimic but I sure do have food issues.

Yes thank goodness the band is forgiving! It is patient in that it sits back and waits for us to make the right choices! I just need a combination of tough love and motivation right now from some of you that have already traveled down this road. No matter how small the advice I will gladly take it and be very grateful for it!

Terrilen

My advise...breath...dont be so hard on yourself...you are doing what you can to rectify the emotional/physical issues that you have. Live each day at a time...you always have tomorro.

Becky

Terrilen, it really sounds like you are on the right track. Have you thought about revisiting your surgeon and combined with your therapist be completely honest with him regarding your purging. If you binge maybe you need a good fill so you cannot. Just a thought.

Yes Julie it is already set to see both Drs. I will be filled in or around the 6th I believe. Thank you!

I am so sorry your having such a rough time. Could it be you don't have good restriction? I know that I was hungry and could eat around my band before good restriction and now with a good fill I just can't eat too much. I would just start all over. That's what is so great with the band is that anytime you want to start over your band is there for you just waiting to be used. Why don't you get a good fill and just start all over. I bet in no time at all you can resolve this problem. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I had lost 50 pounds in 4 months and then got to tight of a fill and eat around my band as nothing healthy would go down. Last week I got my first slight unfill but still no loss so I am hoping time will tell. I will keep you in my prayers.

I think you need to forgive yourself first! Since you are taking steps now to get things back on track, you need to wipe the slate clean and make a fresh start. You won't help yourself by continuing to beat yourself up about things you've done in the past. I agree with everyone else that you need to keep working with your therapist and find a support group near you.

Hang in there!!!

You have received all good advice I believe. My Great Grandma used to tell me "To change anything you have to change something." It was one of her favorite phrases...I used to always ask to hear it and then ask her what it meant!!! She explained to me that in order to change anything--whether it was your attitude or a tire on the car, you had to change something. You HAVE to start somewhere to execute any kind of change in the end. So if it was your attitude, maybe you would start by smiling at your Mom in the morning (don't forget I was a kid!!!), if it was the tire needing changing, then maybe the something to do, would be to get out of the car!!!

Anyway---maybe a baby step....concentrate on one meal. All day may be overwhelming. So in the begining, one meal, say breakfast, you will not binge, you will not purge....you will just eat a healthy breakfast. You don't have to worry about lunch or dinner or snacking or anything, just follow band rules for breakfast. When you see you can do that, you can add another baby step. If you keep making baby steps, you will still get where you are going! And you will be moving in the right direction until you can see your Dr.'s.

Glad you decided to share, so we can try to help!!! Just let us know!

Kat

Your GGM was a very wise old woman! Thank you for your support Kat!

Does anyone else have anymore words of wisdom? I would love to hear them! I really need them right now..Thanks!:help:

I know there is someone else who has something to share. At this point I need all the help I can get!:cry

Hi Terilen,

I havent' been banded yet, but like all of us, I have struggled and struggled with weight loss forever. It is really hard to accept that obesity is a disease. One of the things that society wants us to do is TAKE RESPONBSIBILITY for ourselves. Sometimes it is really hard for me to differetiate between lack of willpower and having a disease process.

Trying to control the disease of obesity and bulima has to take a supreme amount of mental and physical energy. So you havent' gotten quite gotten where you want to just yet, but you will. You are working with your doctor and therapist. You have recognized some of the mistakes you have made with the band. The key is that you keep trying. One day at a time and NO GUILT.

I don't know if you have thought about maybe doing a different type of surgery, like Geezer Sue did. She had a lot of problems with the band and ended up going with a different type of surgery and did really well with it.

I am not saying the band is wrong for you... only you can say that along with your doctor.

My surgeon recommended that if you have a problem with sweets to go with one of the bypass surgeries. I chose to go with the band for now...because it is the least invasive. But if I have problems or if I don't lose weight over a couple of years then I would consider a different surgery.

In other words if the band doesn't work for me, I am not going to beat myself up about it. I know that I have a big sweet tooth and that my surgeon says that increases my risk that the band won't work for me. I would think bulima is a disease that would increase your risk of having trouble with your band. I would also think the band may increase your risk of having trouble with your bulima since it is so easy to PB with the band.

I am sending good vibes to you....