Since Novemeber, I have been planning this surgery. I only told my husband and my friend who is picking me up from the airport. I intentionally left my parents out of the information loop because they are older and I was worried how they would receive the news. Well, last night they showed up on my front doorstep at 9pm. My husband, who unbeknownst to me was desperate to keep me from going (he couldn't tell me this?!), had called them and told them I was going to Mexico to have an organ removed. They were crying and begging me to reconsider. They said they would help me find an alternative and they would pay for health services my insurance wouldn't cover. For two hours I cried and tried to explain to them what I was doing and where I was going and how safe it actually was compared to other kinds of surgery...but to no avail. They even suggested that the people who had recommended my doctor to me were fake profiles of people creating fake blogs to trick me into a scam.

My plane ticket is booked. My arrangements are made. Everything is ready to go.

I'm lost. I have no idea what to do. My husband and parents are the most important people in my life. I told them the only promise I could make is to call my doctor and see if he would allow me to reschedule. If he consents, I have to find a way to exchange my plane ticket.

I cried so much last night that my eyes are almost swollen shut this morning.

Please advise.

Bee

I also Am a self pay who went to Mexico! My husband was supportive and as the time got closer he would make comments to me about not going! I took my step mom with me as a companion! My dad was devastated, he told me I was crazy.No one was opposed to the surgery, only to the fact it was MEXICO!!!! I received phenomenal care, better than the US, my step mom was very impressed an thinking about going herself now. Girl, make yourself happy. Do something for you! You cannot allow others to hold you from your dream, this is a huge step and it was huge to actually make a date and buy a ticket. So many times I've said I was going to do something about my weight and health and then become fearful of change! Follow through, or you will regret it later!

Also, my anti going father sent me a text message as I was getting ready to board the plane, and he told me, " I care about you and I love you so much, and I just want you to come home safely". He knew tat I wanted his blessing, but he also knew that I was going wether he gave it or not! Good luck

Being married 16, four small children, I did it for myself because If I would have let anybody hold me, they would have had so much bad attitude and shut down that they would've been putting me on the nxt plane....five Weeks out 30 pounds down no issues....people pleasing only goes so far... And many of us have dealt with the same issues as you...you can post ALL day amd gather different opinions, but in,the end its up to you....its nothing like the losers bench amd there comes a time when you cant wait another week.ijs.

Yes' date=' I will. However, it is not easy to go against the three most important people in my life. I can always do the surgery later, like over the summer. They want me to exhaust other avenues first and I think I can compromise. I am feeling better about the entire thing actually. It's not a perfect situation, but it is a workable one [/quote']

think about where you can ne by the summer....more energy, confidence better health or controlled...the most important person at this point in time should be you, how can you sacrifice for others all the time, and not sacrifice for yourself this one time?

I made an appointment at a medical group where they specialize in women's health so they can run a million tests and see if I'm fit for surgery. I think it will ease the minds of my family if I have a place in the USA for pre and post op care.

I made an appointment at a medical group where they specialize in women's health so they can run a million tests and see if I'm fit for surgery. I think it will ease the minds of my family if I have a place in the USA for pre and post op care.

May I be so bold as to suggest counseling for your hubby and you too? Obviously his heart was in the right place, but leading you to believe he was supportive and then going behind your back and betraying your confidence shouldn't be ignored. I don't mean he should be "reprimanded" for it, just that its a big deal and maybe should be explored... Since statistics show marriage suffer post WLS, especially when there are pre-WLS issues it may be smart to handle it now.

Amanda Rae

I'm a huge self proclaimed advocate for MX and wholeheartedly recommend the surgeons there. BUT... Right now, I believe you need to wait on the fact that no one, anywhere, should consider major surgery with the added stress you have. That is not a healthy choice. Unfortunately, your husband has caused unnecessary problems for you in your journey to a healthier you.

Arrggh.. To your family!

Thank you for all of the support. I'll stick around the forums and keep you guys updated.

DH is aware that we are gonna have to work some stuff out, but we've been through worse and come out okay. I'm not feeling resentful or anything, so that should help the reconciliation.

I made an appointment at a medical group where they specialize in women's health so they can run a million tests and see if I'm fit for surgery. I think it will ease the minds of my family if I have a place in the USA for pre and post op care.

Maybe this all happened for a reason. It sounds like your husband was scared to death for your safety. Maybe he felt like that was his last resort to keep you safe. If something had happened to you, and he did nothing to prevent it he probably couldn't live with himself. You're doing the right thing by continuing on with the process a different route. Feel blessed you have people who truly care about you and good luck!

Everyone is going to have a different opinion on this, but it's your life. Don't let ANYONE bully you into a choice, them or us!!

If my entire support system was begging me to wait and offering to help in any way they could for an alternative, I would wait as well. This surgery is a huge life change and the transition will be so much easier when your support people have your back. Hopefully you can find some other options that will work for all of you.

I am self pay in MX, but I know on the self pay boards, some people have talked about self pay in the states closer to only $10K. I recall one specifically in Las Vegas and remember some in the south as well. Perhaps your parents would help with the difference and keep you in the country since that seems to be their main objection. Best of luck!!!

Would it help them/you if you spoke to someone who had been there/done that? If it makes them/you feel better you can call me, I can give you my number, or I can even skype and show you/them my scars on camera to prove I've had it, I know I didn't go with your surgeon but I went to Mexico too and I think it's normal that people who haven't done the research freak out about it.

Who is your Mx surgeon? Maybe you can connect with someone on here who's used your surgeon who can help ease everyone's anxiety? When/if the time comes.

Amanda Rae

I know. I am just so emotionally drained. It's hard to see and hear your mother cry like that. I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond. I'm just going to have to put my plans off for a short while. I'll try it her way and when it doesn't work, she can go with me to MX.

I'm glad that you've come to a decision that brings you peace. That is all you really can ask for. You have to do what is right for you. Wishing you the best of luck.

I'm glad that you've come to a decision that brings you peace. That is all you really can ask for. You have to do what is right for you. Wishing you the best of luck.

I agree. She's the only one who has to live her life. I hope it all works out for the best.

Amanda Rae

I've told my mother and my younger daughter that I plan to do this. My daughter was somewhat concerned about the whole thing. She said, "Isn't it a bit dangerous?" I just told her flat out, I'm afraid of dying. And if I keep putting on weight my health will cause me to die." She understood it from that perspective.