The cause of Flame Wars

[PdxMan 4,292]

Occassionally I post a link to this article, The Secret Cause of Flame Wars. It speaks to mis-interpreting emails, but any electronic medium used in communication applies, whether it be email or text messaging, but I think it is especially relevant in forums like ours where we are more emotionally attached to the subjects and our postitions on them.

The bottom line is, since we are not speaking directly, face-to-face with someone, we do not know the emotional state of the poster at the time it was written. Was it said tongue-in-cheek? Often, we interpret the message with whatever emotional state we are currently in. If we're in a pissy mood when we read a message, there is a very good chance we will read a message as if the poster was also in that same mood and a flame war sets in.

It is difficult to do and I know I am guilty of doing this, so I do try to read messages from a more objective position. If I assume I am mis-interpreting the message, then I can go back and read it more objectively.

Next time your temperature goes up after reading a message, pause. Take a deep breath and read it as if it was written by someone you truly love and who truly loves you.

[joatsaint 2,814]

I can't believe you would be so mean as to post something like this! It's on NOW!

[No game 14,436]

Good point, good article PDXMAN...

So true about our tendency to misread the posters intent when we can't see each other face to face. Or even misinterpret something because OUR mood!

But I also want you to know PDXMAN when I write something to you you should always assume its "snarky"

Hehehe

[PdxMan 4,292]

Good point, good article PDXMAN...

So true about our tendency to misread the posters intent when we can't see each other face to face. Or even misinterpret something because OUR mood!

But I also want you to know PDXMAN when I write something to you you should always assume its "snarky"

Hehehe

Trust me ... I do!

[No game 14,436]

What's that supposed to mean?! I was joking!!

My god some people don't have a sense of humor...

And that my folks, is what he's talking about

Ps. Luv u PDXMAN man (just in case there's any doubt out there still).

[Nicolanz 1,484]

Haha!!! Laura means to be snarky! Don't let her fool you!

[No game 14,436]

Shhhhhh........

[Lander 74]

I know I've looked at some of my posts and thought, Wow that sounds snippy, though it wasn't intended that way, I think sometimes when people ask for advice and we get into, Well MY surgeon says... It can sound like we think ours is right and all the rest must be wrong. ( We feel that way don't we? LOL)

[gmanbat 5,889]

I have a cat that I insult constantly. I say, "Tigger, you are just a cat and not a very good one. Your fur flies in the air, you lick yourself, you smell bad, and your voice sounds like a mosquito." He just comes over and rubs up against me. I guess it's because I use tender tones when I'm ripping him and his kitty heart knows that I really do like him.

It takes a lot to comunicate so that others get what we mean and for us to interpret what is coming at us. Tigger is great at sensing, not so hot at English. He probably picks up signals that we miss. I understand his messages to me, though. I'm his bestest buddie.

[kyllfalcon 768]

PDXMan and gmanbat - always the voices of reason.

[PdxMan 4,292]

It takes a lot to comunicate so that others get what we mean and for us to interpret what is coming at us.

This is a good point, too. When you are writing a post, re-read it before hitting the Post button. Look for ways where you could be mis-interpreted. Take the time to write concisely and realize 50% of the readers are going to get it wrong. They are going to post a response emotionally and then you are going to read it wrong, and then ...

And then Laura, Dean and Frye have to come hijack the thread and distract us for a while.

[FatMamaw 7]

Very good post pdxman. And Laura, you are always trying to help someone.

[fyre_storm 1,412]

I don't like your tones! At all! I think you all are way out of line and I have no idea what anyone is talking about cause I don't want to scroll down!