messin up

[green 6]

My advice to you, Cloe, would be slightly different. While you may need to be on antidepressants it is possible that Effexor is the wrong one for you. I found it very difficult to be on. I used to be on Prozac and for many years this worked out really well. Then I crashed big time. Now I am on Celexa and Wellbutrin and a coupla other things, and I am in much better shape. Effexor may simply be the wrong antidepressant for you. You should talk to your doc about this and be prepared to be insistant that you be allowed to try different meds. Drugs that are close relatives of each other chemically speaking can have surprisingly different effects on the human brain chemistry. The human brain is such a finely tuned item. I have tried out many different meds over this past 3 and a half year period, and I have been assessed by many specialists down here in Toronto. I have been told more than once that finding the right drugs is a hit and miss thing and that I will have to be patient. Oh, how this has been true! For sure you must run with your own feelings and hunches and not with what those who stand outside are telling you what you should be feeling. I refer to it as taking my mental temperature.

[kimmason 0]

Excellant advice Green. I found that effexor other than the nightly dreams which were soooo vivid and real i felt exhausted when i woke up, that i also lost any sexual desire at all. I mean beign depressed doesn't help that at all, but when you feel that a part of you is taken away completly , well it feels like you lose more of yourself. Yes the meds are soo specific, and what works for one, can do nothing or wreak havoc with another. Unfortunetly these psychotropic meds are not like pain killers where one size fits all, and it is on may occasions a trial and error situation. Imust say thoguh that other than the supportive banding stuff it is nice to feel not so alone with this feeling of a dark cloud over my head sometimes. For the most part I have pretty well pushed away some friends, and my parents and brother have been supportive but they don't know what I go through and of course none of them are fat. My relationships with men if not gone the way of the Dodo are pretty well extinct and so coming here has been a refuge for me.

[CLOE 0]

boy, you two are over-flowing with info on meds. I think you guys no more than my docter!!

[green 6]

Kimmason, it just filtered through to me that you might have to have your dog put down today. I am so sorry to hear this. I am also sorry that I didn't respond earlier but I was distracted by an appt that I had to make it to. You must be feeling dreadful! The loss of an animal is very, very painful to bear. You have all my sympathy at this time.

[green 6]

Yah, being fat and depressed can be pretty hideous at times. The ruined sex life is difficult, too. I feel guilty about that because my better half is neither fat nor especially depressed (although he has had his moments), and he still has a sex drive. He is pretty understanding though, and I go through the motions complete with sound effects! LOL!

This site is a real find, and I love Canuck Corners. In my real life I do have a couple of friends who are post-menopausal fatties and we do excercise our sense of black humour by joking about it. It's the only thing you can do, right? But everyone wants to be able to buy the pretty clothes and to look elegant or cute or whatever. The weight-thang hurts us as women on a deep level. Society is very lookist when it comes to us chicks. We tend to disappear to all but a few when we get old and when we get fat. Life is a little kinder to men unless they are morbidly obese or short; then they've got their own horrid crosses to bear.

My appointment today was with my psychologist (oh yah, I've been pretty deep into depression and I have a lot of issues) and we spent the entire time talking about my surgery this Thursday. She wanted to know all the mechanical details. We also talked about the negative feedback about this that I have been getting from some people who know me. By the time I left the office she was totally for the operation and this left me feeling like a million bucks. Woohoo!!

Kimmason, I am glad that you are on this site. It is nice talking with you and it sounds as though you are plowing through much the same sh*t as I am for sure, and probably most of us are. I have grudges that go back to my early childhood that have to do with my body. These have left me with a lot of grief and rage. Perhaps you are dealing with this kind of material, too. At anyrate, it is good that we have a place where we can come, eh.

[angel bear 2]

Hi Kim,

We all have weak moments and falling off the wagon so to speak is part of our process(but lets save the little kids at the library - I hear they have tiny bones that you might choke on - LOL). I haven't had a fill yet and I'm starving but I asked the doc what to do and they said to add another Ensure and some pureed food - I made pureed carrots and that seemed to satisfy the hunger. My fill isn't scheduled until Oct so it may not be enough. I've stopped losiing but I'm feeling better.

It's ok to feel down but you have to pick yourself back up and start again. One day at a time - baby steps to get to your goal. YOU can DO IT! It may seem a long ways away but if you set smaller goals and add small rewards to it - you will succeed. Look at all those pulling for you.

In your past posts you have encouraged and kept others on track. That's what friends do.... support and guide now it's our turn to support you. Good luck this week and keep us posted.

[kimmason 0]

Hey there angel bear and green

Green I read your e mail about the sounds effects etc...lol, quite a visual there and yes been through that too, in fact when i complained to my doc I wasn't feeling. well you know she said..." do what the rest of us do"""...."fake it"" honest to God, she did! anyway yes i had to put my dear newf sophie down and was greif stricken for sure....the weird thing is within a half hour of coming home, I got a call from York University,, with whom I did a last min application, thinking maybe I would take a course this winter, lol well they accepted me and faster than you can say jack rabbit, I am now a full time student,, can u believe it? I can't. I am taking a full course load on tuesay and wed,,,,,, so we'll see how that goes, but it was soo strange that i got the call when i was sitting at home thinking abotu sophie and BOOM, I don't undersatnd it. I am not nor have I got weighed. I get my first fil lnext week, before school. lol, so we'll see how that goes, AND I can say that I have taken my larger than life fat ass to the gym and I don't care what anyone says or thinks, at least it is there trying to huff and puff it's way on the treadmill. So I must get going, first class this afternoon at 4 and i am there til 10 pm so long day and even longer tomorrow.

thanks for your support and you keep me hanging on .

Kim

[green 6]

Kimmason, that's fabulous news about York Uni. I went there (Glendon campus) a very, very long time ago back in the sex, drugs and rock&roll era. My grades were fairly dismal as a result. Some of what I learned must have stuck however because I now help my niece out with writing some of her papers. She is in our situation, overweight and suffers from depression. She also has a young child and so she has a lot on her plate.

(Actually she started to putting on weight at a younger age than I did and she is bigger than I am. She is now carefully watching how lap-banding will affect me.)

Well, I had the operation on Thursday and now it's Tuesday. My gut still looks like it is housing twins - baby elephants, that is - though my husband says that my face looks thinner. I have been living on nothing but Water, broth, and apple juice, and crushed up Vitamins, Gas-X, and pharmaceuticals and I am starving. I am desparate for Pasta and filet mignon done rare. :hungry: I don't hurt but I get tired quickly - no food, eh - and my temper is very, very short. Ask my husband. The gas pains finally seem to be going away. :clap2: I am so looking forward to Soup time.

Excuse me for venting but I really had to get that last bit off my big chest! I know that you will enjoy university and congratulations!

[CLOE 0]

WOW Kim, look at you go!!!! Your life is changing so fast. It must be so exciting for you!! It sounds like your doing fantastic, you must be so proud of yourself.....I, for one am very proud of you!! Your threads have gotten more and more positive, you should go back and read a few, I betcha you won't even recognize yourself!!:hug:

Green, hang in there!! Your appetite will slowly start to rear it's ugly head. I remember bumping up from Clear liquids to Tomato Soup made with milk and a tinch of parm cheese.............ohhhhh..it was orgasmic:rolleyes (oops, did I say that)

[kimmason 0]

Hi there cloe and green

Wow I am soo glad to ear from you guys. I am busier than a one armed paper hanger. I have only two pririties this year...school and the gym. I am about to go to the gym now. I can't say i have lost loads of weight. Since this thing started I am approx now about 293-5...it fluctuates like crazy. yesterday it said 300. I don't get it, but I don't care I feel better. I never followed the post op diet as to instructions and I find sometimes stuff pops out of me like a toaster..ie eating LAMB ( not yours cloe) but I need to chew better it seems.

Cloe thanks for being proud and being there for me , you have been supportive to me and everyone from the get go and obviously are one hell of a person. i hope to meet you one day at a tblc thngy or somewhere since you don't live too far away.

Green I can relate to you soo completly it is frightening and you have held me up inthe last little bit. Yup, life is changing at a tremendous pace and not sure I AM KEEPING UP. I have still made seeing my shrink a priority and see her thursdays, although she is off to portugal for two weeks and i have my classes full time tuesday straight through til 10 pm and wed also til 10pm so those days are long and tiring. I have so much to read and catch up on and I don't know if i will be able to do it, but what the hell.... I will try. I haven't written an essay in years and must follow the APA guide lines so that will be interesting ( gulp) and my math sucks so I can't wait for Stats to start winter term.

This tuesday will be crazy and they won't do it any other day. i am to go for my first fill on Tuesday then get to class. I am not sure what to take or how to eat at school as even trying to eat a sandwich i guess I sometimes get that stuck feeling if that is what it is ,,( no restriction yet) so I come home and eat when I get here..but that is late and i am famished, so I will have to figure out something.

Green , how are you doing and feeling? I know you have gone through alot and I think about you. It feels like i have known you or lived the same life..funny huh?

anyway my priority this morning was to get up and go to the gym but I knew that you had written a post here to me as well as cloe and I just had to make the time to get back and keep you posted and see how you are. So off I go to fit city where they are young, slender and then there is me...but I really do not care anymore. I tell you, the first day at york I had to walk forever ( not really) but it felt like it, now I am a little fitter so not so bad,but from parking in god knows where to buildings. it is a large campus so I have to try to stay at the gym so i will be able to tolerate the hours and hopefully this will make it easier and less tiring and a bit more stamina and maybe my immune system will not catch flu etc like crazy with me taking a little better care.

Take care you guys and hope to hear from you...lol cloe waiting to hear when you are havng a lamb roast!:hungry:

Love kim

[neenagh 0]

Hi Kim! wondering where you were! Glad your busy in a good way! Don't forget to keep us updated now and again.

[green 6]

Better to be too busy than not busy enough, sez Green. This will help distract you from your depression and from your desire to eat. Or at least that is how it works in theory, isn't it? One of the best forms of exercise is walking and that main campus is a big one. You will certainly be getting some workout just by being there. And as for the food issue, you may wish to pack some of those boxes of apple juice, the ones that I am coming to hate, as these will give you the vita C and the fruit sugars will give ya a little boost. Along with these you could carry some packs of yogurt and some bananas. This crap is boring, I know, but it is healthy and easy to digest. This means that you won't PB. Pre-lapband I would have told anyone who suggested such a diet to me to F**k off! :puke: In fact, I myself am one of those fat people who has almost no sweet tooth at all. I hate fruit but love vegetables bathed in such things as butter, cheese and olive oil. But now we are lapbanders and serious folk and so this morning I started the day with a box of apple juice and a bunch of crushed up pharmaceuticals. Now I am drinking skim milk and planning on my nuked Soup lunch.

Anyhow, do keep writing, eh. I love reading yer posts.

[neenagh 0]

I hate fruit but love vegetables bathed in such things as butter, cheese and olive oil. sez green

Me too! no sweet tooth at all! i love anything really savory...olive oil....mmmmmm

[Leanie 0]

I haven't even had surgery yet (band), and am eating like no tomorrow - especially diet coke which wires me and increases my appetite. Any posts would help. Thanks -

Leanie

[neenagh 0]

hey leanie

i started a thread about it a while back, "preband and eating like crazy" take a look there. good luck!