He insisted I stay home so he could ake care of me and my kid. But nothing has been cleaned. Dishes a week old and I am only six days out still with a lot of muscle pain I feel a emotional break coming and him as my focus for letting me down. I want to be patient and not go crazy on him but admit not even trash has gone out in four days my normaly clean house and I can't even invite people over.

PDX, I wondered what you'd have to say here. You're probably a guy who can handle a list. My STB-ex hated it when I asked for anything, in writing, in person, or in full voice scream. Maybe that's why his status will soon be ex and you're still married to your wife!

Lol @ Lisa....my husband kept telling me "just give me a list and I will get it done, whatever it is"....well I was being stubborn and didn't think I should have to give him a list so I didn't. And it went on round and round for a couple of yrs...neither one of us were happy. When I finally broke down and decided it was time for some internal changes I started writing the man lists and I'll be darned if he didn't do everything and then some..LOL

I'm usually objective to a fault, so is there any other perspective from his side that might lend a different way to see things? Maybe he's been busy and trash isn't his prioroty, or maybe he forgot, or maybe he sees this as an opportuity for some down time for himself and hasn't yet realized how "backed up" things are getting, or...

Not trying to defend, nor justify anyone or anything. Just throwing it out there that you have a lot of stuff going on physically & emotionally, and maybe this is a mole hill that suddenly seems like a mountain.

My DH pretty much insists on a list. "Clean the kitchen" means nothing, but if I can itemize the steps in "clean the kitchen" he does fairly well.

In defense of men.....I have a saint for a husband, and I thank God for him daily. We take care of my Dad and and Mom, with Dad needing changing, lifting in and out of bed, etc. While I was recovering, he did all this, took care of me, did the laundry, etc., etc. Perhaps this comes from being a bachelor, but I give his Mom much credit, as she raised her boys to be self-sufficient. Having said this, I realize it all men were raised this way! It boils down to communication. It is nice to see men chime in here, too!

@Jswilbur...that man is a keeper!!

I went through the same thing. My big issue was the cat litter. I clean it three to four times a day. he cleans it once a day. This drove me crazy. Finally I got up and did it myself. He made a comment about me not being able to bend and I respond that if would do what he said he would, I wouldn't be bending. It took me doing the dishes once and he finally got it. Most men are not like women when it comes to keeping things clean. Right now I have three days of dishes that need washing and I'm ready to scream. He said he would clean them tonight. We will see. I say you need to loose it. Not sure his response, but saying because you ask him to do it, he won't is a cop out. F***** that. It took a week or so, but my husband finally got it. Of course, I flipped out. It doesn't help that our emotions are going through changes and it's like the worst PMS they have ever seen. Good luck.

I just have to say something I made this post 6 days out and three days home from surgery I was cranky and just moody I ended up breaking down later that night in the shower and things have been fine since. This is a women's room I figured most women would understand the need to vent emotionally only driven thoughts and frustrations my guy is wonderfully carrying and a great friend and parent to my son. He looks after us and has been cooking what ever I want and helping me a lot but in his own time with the dishes still.... Can't win them all lol

Ellyana I understand completely...Its good to have people to vent to...it seems to make things better when I vent! Vent away!!

Ya know! You just never know what kind of man you will end up with. My ex husband did some b.s after I had carpal tunnel surgery and couldn't use my hands. Bejeezus it was crazy! Everyone thought he was such a sweetheart because most times he was but most times isn't enough. He had to go. Lol if is had been the one caring for me after WLS, I would be dead. No joke. My boyfriend now of 3 years does the dishes without me ever having to ask. He cooks and clean. Lol Of course you take the good with the bad as we have our issues. I don't usually have to ask but when I do, it's annoying because I suspect he has read my mind because he claims to know me so well. See how this can turn into a vicious circle. I am responsible for my own well being no matter how secure I feel in my relationship. I realize after my ex, just smile, suck it up and do it myself and don't get mad but be glad it's being done right!

I causally mentioned it and his response is if I don't ask him to do dishes or trash he won't ... But when I run the house he's good at saying when it needs clean grr sorry first day where I've felt edges ready to be better

You poor sweetie I would have flipped my lid and told him where he could go you know full well we women take care of everything but when we are down a few days they can't do crap I would be pissed you just go in your room watch TV relax and let them be in the mess but you RELAX and take care of YOU :-)

Just make a list and tell him, I cannot do these, it hurts me... If you can that's mean a lot.... Men will jump loops for the phrase it hurts me coming from someone they live. The list goes on fridge and he can check off at liberty