Crying Inwardly, Can't Believe He Said This!

[coops 1,790]

Thin,

I can't really add anything as it has already been said. What I do want to say though, is that you are an amazing woman, a strong, kind and inspirational lady who has given me a lot of hope and support over the last 20mths. Please don't internalise this stupid comment - ok, easier said than done - but, my friend, you are not fat anymore... you've lost another person!

Sometimes we just need time to lick our wounds when we get hurt... and that is ok... take your time and then remember that you are a success and you DO NOT need permission from others to be YOU - regardless of your weight.

Hugs from across the pond my lovely x

[arj1016 57]

Men have "a dumb stick". Something women don't have! I agree with many others! This is his problem and his insecurity. Take time to discuss it with him and use "I" language tell him how you feel not what He said or he may become defensive! This site is a great place to vent instead of dieting. The sleeve is for you not him. Good luck and hugs!

[Sleeved&Hopeful 182]

I am just going to give you a big hug. Tell him you've only gained a few lbs and he must be a moron. I am sorry, but you have to tell him the truth. Let him know you have NOT gained "a lot of weight". I personally feel strongly about this. This is what causes eating disorders. Once he realizes he's an idiot, he will probably shut his mouth. I am almost as mad as you and it didn't even happen to me! Bless your heart, seriously! You have done a fantastic job with your weight loss and your husband obviously is being an idiot in this situation. Seriously I think he must be a bit insecure or something. Maybe he thinks putting you down will keep your self-esteem a little low so you won't go looking elsewhere. I really don't know. I just know you need to tell him he's dead wrong about a big weight gain ! OK, I will stop ranting. I wish you all of the best. I know how it feels to be hurt by someone you love on this sensitive subject.

[thinoneday 445]

How I love you all! Thank you so much for your support! Well I did tell him yesterday that he really hurt my feelings. . . he got all stupid over that and started with "Well I'm never going to tell you anything ever again. . from now on i'm going to keep quiet and let you do what you want" (he always goes grade 1 on me when i confront him about stuff) . . . i told him point blank, "babe, you dished it out, so now you better be able to take some too" and that was it. . . argue city. . . telling me that i can't take criticism and that he just laughes things off. . (well fool, laugh this off! middle finger flies up) . . .i must be overly sensative when it comes to weight. . . what a jackass. . . oh well, 34 years of arguing has never bothered us before, and it won't now either, plus i'm too lazy and tired to retrain another man. . LOL. . . like alot of you say, he's a guy, no clue. . . lol . . . sorry to Brandon! But it did open my eyes to the fact that maybe I have gained weight, so this morning I weighed myself and nope, lost 3 lbs. . . ahhhhh whatever. . . i think he's basically just upset over something else (usually its work) ,. . . i was thinking this morning, as I was driving to work, i'm a good wife, work every day at my job (no I don't miss unless it's holiday time or I'm 1/2 dead which is never) come home work in the yard, tending to flowers and making sure the yards are watered and weed free, do all the housework, etc. . . don't gamble, don't drink, don't smoke, don't spend money, don't shop, just hausfrau (housewife) me. . . . so whatever, I'll continue on my path and in the end, I'll be the one receiving my blessing and he'll have to answer to the "why did this happen?". . . . .

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Print out Queen of Crop's post and memorize it! She nailed it. And I am going to take a tac here that may get me flamed but ... Listen to allllll these ladies here (hmm no men I noticed) making alllllll these excuses for men. Oh they are men, the need special consideration for being stupid! Oh, they are limited, it's not their fault! Oh that's just how they are, beef headed and insensitive! f**k. that. ****. (excuse me) We get what we tolerate, as someone on VST once said. Men hold posts as diplomats, politicians, lawyers, therapists, bomb-diffusion experts - don't tell me they don't know how to be thoughtful, have foresight, use their words. But they are also infamous for taking advantage of our pity and sympathies and are notoriously lazy.

Also, you've been married for 34 years? So, this guy should know you a little bit, yeah? And vice versa? He knows what buttons to push, he knows how to hurt you. Step back and assess the situation, he had to have known how comments like that would affect you, so in a sense, he did it "on purpose". Now, it could genuinely have been subconscious, but still. So what is going on in his life, that he feels the need to make himself feel better by hurting you? Is this typically how he expresses his anxiety, by making bald statements to get you to react, so that you have the emotions for the both of you? Where you aware of the 10 pounds before he said something? Where you already fretting over them?

Lastly, as we all know, 85% of this journey is in the head and just like we wouldn't perform our own VSG's, there are professionals out there to help us with our heads and they are crucial members of our village.

Thin - I believe in you, you have been here for my entire journey, we've all got your back.

[SkinnyOnMe 81]

He may not have said it the right way... but I agree with his point. No 7pounds is not a lot and I am surprised he noticed but it was a lot of money and you should maintain it. Atleast he is supportive of your weight loss. But he has seen you gain massive amounts of weight in the past.... My ex just tried to feed me and make me fat, he said because he thought it was sexy... I think just to keep other guys from looking. The point is- he had his own agenda which was the oppisite of mine. You guys are on the same page... just different paragraphs. Talk to him about your feelings but listen to his comments. Nobody knows you better than him!

Sorry I'm hubby's side!

Oh yea, and no crash, starvation diets.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Ha ha Thin, we posted at the exact same time! It looks like you've got this well in hand, *hugs!*

[PdxMan 4,292]

As a guy ... I wouldn't go near this post with a 10 foot pole ...

[SkinnyOnMe 81]

LOL PdxMan.... I don't blame you!! Smart man.

[thinoneday 445]

Thank you! Everyone is great ! Pdxman, don't worry, we all love you too! Shadayo, no offense taken, all comments are very welcome. . .it's the support everyone is showing that makes me feel better about myself. . . and yes, $15,500.00 cash (I was self pay) is alot of money and I guess the kook is trying to maintain his investment. . (if only i wasn't an investment LOL) but oh well only 7,900.00 left on that loan! I'm so much better today because of all of you! Everyone here has totally made my day and I appreciate it so much! Thank you!

[Queen of Crop 1,103]

@ PDXMan....you're not just cute....you're smart!

I would like to say one thing in defense of men.....poor guys; they often do say things that come out wrong; but how many men out there have been supportive of us through this weight loss journey and loved us through all of our weight gains? Speaking for myself; I was very defensive in the beginning and very much in denial and had every excuse in the world for not losing weight (some of the valid mind you). Still, my guy stood by me and loved me at 223 lbs, and was there every moment on the way down (with some really really intense talks along the way). Does he love me more now that I am thinner? I'm not sure, but I do know this experience has brought us much closer because we are so much more open now than we ever were.....I guess I'm just saying, that we're not perfect either and that opening up to each other in a loving, non-defensive way is a good thing; men and women are wired differently, but look at the big picture.

[thinoneday 445]

hear hear Queen of crop! I agree with you, guys do have feelings just like us, only different. . . I understand what your saying too. . . all is well on the homefront here. . . I am better and am just going to dismiss the comment as a "bad day" Thanks all once again!

[mamasez 9]

Why is it ok to go from supporting a sleeve sister here to all out man bashing? All men are NOT "notoriously lazy" stupid, unable to expess themselves, evil a-holes! Wow! I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, thinoneday, but some of the nasty responses about "men" here have been ugly and harsh. None of us knows what your husband really meant or why he made that comment. But to condemn "men" is NOT fair. All men are not the same.

[thinoneday 445]

i'm fine now and thanks again!

[Queen of Crop 1,103]

This was a great thread.....in so many ways....but, it sounds like WE'RE DONE HERE!!!!