Experts - Does it go away? Get easier?

[Soon2BMiniMommy 92]

First off, sorry for the long post. I had my surgery 10/20. Am one of the very, very lucky ones and had no complications, almost no pain, eating just fine, healed fast, etc, etc. So I'm only two and a half weeks out. But I'm already finding I'm having food issues. Big surprise...none of would be obese if we didn't :wink1: But there's a couple things going on and I need your input....please! I really didn't think I would have this issue since I was so freakin' prepared for so long and did so much reading and research about this. I honestly thought I would happy and free from food and wouldn't want it anymore and would savor and enjoy my little sleevie amounts and be satisfied. Pshaw.....yeah right.

First off, whenever I eat, I notice a feeling of pressure in my lower esophagus. I thought at first it was cause I was really tight. My leak/swallow test showed that the contrast wasn't going anywhere and it was just sitting in my esophagus right after surgery. I had to sit, walk around, sit, etc, for 20 minutes before some of it moved through. But my surgeon wasn't concerned....normal swelling, etc, etc. Was sent home with no problems, drinking got easier, etc, but the pureeds thing always felt pressure, tight and thought it was that. But now I think I'm just overeating. In fact, I'm sure of it.

The main problem is that my actual tummy never feels ’full’. I don’t know if, since they cut out the stretchy part of the stomach (fundus), that they cut out the ‘stretch receptors’ that tell you when you’re full, but my tummy itself doesn’t feel full, but I know I’m full when there is food in the lower part of my esophagus. This is not good since I’m now using this as a guide to feel full.

Now, bring in the emotional, head hunger part of it. It is hard to stop eating at only a 1/3 or ½ cup of food, especially when it tastes good. We all know that, we all overeat when food is really good and poke it in till we are full, that’s why the obese get obese! But in a way this is worse, because I only get a couple of nibbles in and then I HAVE to be done. Which means I MENTALLY feel unsatisfied and incomplete. My head's like, "Yah, really? So where's the rest of it? That was over way too fast. I'm waiting!!!" I really, really need to get a grip on this because I have started ‘grazing’, or what I call ‘topping off’. Like, I’ll eat a scrambled egg for Breakfast, and I’ll have that full feeling (up top, not in my tummy), then in about 15 – 20 minutes, the pressure feeling goes away, then I’ll go take a couple more bites of something, seafood or chicken salad, or refried Beans, till that pressure feeling comes back, etc, etc, all day!! This is DISASTROUS!! It’s been proven time and again that bariatric patients fail and gain back weight because they learn to graze to overcome the loss of bingeing. They can’t eat huge amounts, so they eat little amounts constantly. The other downside of this, is that because I’m always topping off, I can’t drink my fluids like I’m supposed to. You’re not supposed to drink until ½ hour, 45 minutes after a meal, but I never let my little pouch empty like it should. So, I’m not getting in enough Water, either. *SIGH* This really is a transition and you really, really have to get over the fact that you will not feel mentally satisfied or replete at first, for a while, until this becomes the new normal. At least, I HOPE it’s temporary. I’m also hoping it will get better when I can eat more substantial food, then food will stay in my tummy longer and hopefully I’ll feel fuller longer. But again, most of it is mental and I need to overcome that full feeling with satisfaction and overall well-being. I just need to eat to nourish myself and not for pleasure or comfort. I will be able to enjoy wonderful food again, just not a lot, and I need to be okay with that. I know I will be, but it’s tough right now! Like an alcoholic with just a couple of drops of wine three times a day

So, I know I need to get on track with a routine and a schedule, and drink my water, and I've pretty much done that the last day or two. I don't really need advice on what to do (although it's always welcome!), since I know what I'm supposed to do, and I will do it.....but my questions are this:

1. Does the dissatisfied feeling ever really go away? Do you start to feel satisfied and complete mentally once you get used to your new 'normal'? I know everyone's different, but this really is mental for me since I just WANT more food, the taste, the texture, but my body is satisfied. I know this a huge adjustment - I'm just wondering if this is something I will always struggle with, or if it gets better. Did most of you feel this way at first? After your tummy healed, anyway, and you were on your way to regular food? Was your head a little messed up cause it was waiting for more?

2. Will I feel more satisfied when I eat more solid food? Deli meats, harder cheeses, etc. I seem happy now with what I'm eating (chicken salad, scrambled eggs, tuna fish, refried beans) I'm not missing food, but maybe I don't feel full as long because I'm eating mushies? But that really doesn't make sense cause chicken salad is pretty dense and Protein packed.

3. Does your actual tummy start to feel full, or is this just me who can't feel it because I've done so much damage and overeating over the years, lol?? I don't want to keep using the pressure/esophagus litmus test to know when I'm full.....

Thanks so much, everyone. I hope you all know how important you are to all of us....I am so grateful I have my sleevie family on here!

[Lissa 2,631]

Mini, I'm only 9 weeks out, so I may be able to offer some hope. I also wondered if I'd ever feel "full" without hitting that overfull feeling. I had to back off of mine, though, because my overfull feeling was making my shoulders hurt. Now I definitely know when my tummy is full..and I get some warning before I hit that point. One thing that helped me was realizing that our bodies have a new way of telling us we're done. Mine is a burp. After I eat a few bites, I'll burp. If I listen to my tummy, then I stop eating. If I don't listen to my tummy, then I get to the hurt point.

I've read that others have a hiccup, or a burp, or even a sneeze when their tummy is full.

The only suggestion I'd make is that you measure your food before you start eating. If you are having a problem with getting too full quickly, then slow down on your eating and just take a bite or two of your pre-measured amount. Then give yourself a break for a few minutes before you take another bite.

Getting the Water in, as you know, will help with the feeling of fullness and satiety when you eat.

You know what you have to do. Once you're back on track, things will feel much better.

[Imlosing big 112]

You are not alone when I first had my surgery I craved food. I would lick things I couldn't have just to get that taste in my mouth. After a week I was tired of liquids. For a month I ate only hot and sour Soup or chili. You get tired of eating the same thing. i was always trying to stretch my sleeve to see what I could handle sometimes it caused me great pain. I remember being two months out and craved a burger so bad I took two bites and it felt like my stomach was about to cave in I threw it all up. It gets better after about four and half months out. Up until I was about three and half weeks out i could barely get down a bottle of Water without feeling really tight and full. I was scared to take my medicine because of the size of the pill and it hurt to get them down at first. Now I'm 7 months out and I look at the plate size at a restaurant and think DAMN that's a lot of food. I know my limits now although I still try to push because my mind is bigger than my stomach.

[smallgirlsxthree 23]

I'm 3 1/2 weeks out, and I've been finding myself having the same problems. Not really knowing that I'm full and wanting to or eating all the time. I hope this goes away!! I'm like you though, keep waiting to feel "full". All I feel is the lower esophagus stuff, and I've been getting reflux pretty bad too. I'm craving answers too Chris!!

[St. Louis Sarah 0]

Ladies it looks like i am part of the club. I was sleeved same day as you Chris. I do get the pain feeling. I just feel like i need to eat more. I want more. I dont eat Breakfast until 10:30, my lunch hour. Then i eat again at 2:30 b/c i am hungry. Then i eat dinner at 5 and snack at 8. But today and realized i have only lost 2 ppunds the last week. I felt sorry for myself and ate a cookie. Went down awesome. sad. But i think we need to realize we can not break a lifetime of poor eating in 3.5 weeks. We must struggle now to get control. I didnt cut my stomach out to be fat anymore. Aaahhh! I am going to try to skip having my pb and crackers snack tomorrow. But it is the only texture i get all day and sadly look forward to it. Surely after we can eat more foods we will do better.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I can't answer that because I was still on liquids at the point you are. I did 10 days of clear liquid and 10 days of full liquids before progressing to mushie food.

I do remember when I first moved to mushie food that I could only eat about 3 bites. It took quite awhile to be able to eat more than that. I still had Protein drinks because 3 bites of food did not satisfy me. Eating was more of an experiment at that point. The Protein Drinks really did satisfy me. If I made them in the blender with crushed ice, they were like a milkshake.

[tjharmon 11]

i was told for the first 6 weeks to measure everything and not rely on my body to tell me it was full--i did it for about a month--now i know by looking if it is the right amount--plus i know three bites is plenty and four will make me miserable--i also sneeze when full or when i take to big a drink.

be sure you are taking your acid reducer to avoid feeling hungry--i haven't been hungry since surgery and am really loving it!! you have to get over the head hunger!!! it is hard but every time you reach for food ask yourself if you REALLY want it or are you bored, stressed, etc. if you do that consistently you will be able to tell yourself that it is only head hunger and it will stop--

[Becca 108]

Once you start to eat solid Protein (chicken, beef, etc), you will feel the restriction. I had a hard time feeling it on the mushy diet. Even at ten months out, if I want restriction, I have to eat my protein first.

[GetInMyBelly 80]

So is that when u really began to adapt and change your habits? Is that when u really began dropping weight?? I'm having the same major concern on this thread topic

Once you start to eat solid Protein (chicken, beef, etc), you will feel the restriction. I had a hard time feeling it on the mushy diet. Even at ten months out, if I want restriction, I have to eat my protein first.

[Shae 44]

I am feeling the same way as you Chris (I was sleeved 10/19/11). I feel like I am being deprived of food. I was supposed to be on clears for 7 days, liquids for 7 days, and mushies for three weeks. I made it to day 4 on clears and felt like I was starving (in my head not physically) so I decided to move on to full liquids. That did the trick for about 4 days so I moved on to mushies on day 10. Here I am 10 days later and I find myself "topping off" as often as I can because of the head hunger. I fight with myself, I drink Water or a Protein shake, I occupy myself, but none of these things work. I am only 20 days out from surgery and already considering solid foods. I know this is bad and potentially dangerous so I have not seriously considered it yet. I am just saying what I feel.

Sometimes I think that I will never succeed in beating this addiction. In the past, I have "beaten my addiction", or so I thought. I learned that I simply transferred my addiction to something else and ultimately, I transferred it to food. I agree with your alcoholic analogy. I was able to stop other things because I simply don't touch them but you can't just stop eating.

I would take any advice on how to conquer my food addiction so that I do not sabotage my sleeve. Heck, I would love advice on how to transfer the addiction to something healthy like exercising or volunteering or anything.

Just a thought... Can a person have their tastebuds removed? LOL! That would do the trick!

[thinoneday 445]

Wow can I totally relate with you. . . yes this happens to me alot and I'm 2 years out. . I guess this is where we have to divert our thoughts to other things. . . after dinner (around 6 pm) I love to sit down with the TV on and my laptop on my lap computering away and listening to the TV all at the same time. . . I play majhong or solitiare and that keeps me very busy. . . at around 7:30 pm or so I have my fluids, still sip with a straw (lol) and finish off 2 glasses of Water by 8:30 pm then at about 9:15 pm I take my shower, come back and have a piece of string cheese or hard chedder, go brush teeth and head for bed. . . the head hunger is always there, it doesn't go away. . . this is where our "addictive" nature is. . . we are the ones who have to battle it. . . it really sucks. . . and this is the part that we can NEVER be ready for no matter how prepared for surgery you are. . . this is the crazy part. . . and so many people don't understand that. . .

My moms friend's daughter had surgery and she didn't realize the mental preparedness needed for this surgery, she ended up committing suicide. . . it was so sad, she was only 47. . . but her mom said that she couldn't bear the thought of giving up her food like. . she felt like she was only tasting her meals and not truly eating them. . . poor thing. . . when my mom told me about that i felt bad for her. . .

it's hard, it's not easy and when people say "oh you took the easy way out" I want to so slap them into reality. . . hehehe . . . but of course I don't. . .

good luck, get into maghong or something interesting to you and work at it with all your might to try to beat that hunger monster. . . we are here for you and know to love yourself enough to overcome this problem. . . good luck

[Lissa 2,631]

Shae,

You're actually doing really well from looking at your ticker. It does take a little while for the weight to start dropping, and some people lose more slowly than others. You may lose slower than someone like me because you have less weight to lose than I do.

Taking your acid reducer will help with the not full feeling you're having. As for topping off, that's not good. Pre-measure your food amounts for meals and wait afterwards before you start drinking. That lets the Protein sit in your tummy longer and helps me with feeling satisfied. I usually try to walk or move around during the 30 minute wait after eating. If I get involved in something else, it helps me to not think about food...and I think it aids my digestion.

Having denser Protein helped me get through the first few weeks. My doc allows scrambled eggs, cottage cheese and refried Beans on mushy foods, so I ate a lot of those things. And, I drank a LOT of broth because the warmth felt good in my tummy. It also helped me get my protein in when I just couldn't stand another Protein shake.

If the head hunger is a BIG issue for you, it might be wise to find a support group or even a counselor to help you deal with it. For lots of us, food has been our best friend, confidante, and sole support system for years. It's tough to have to give up or reduce that influence on our day to day life. But, we CAN and will do it. We had the courage to get sleeved, so we will definitely find the way to work that sleeve.

I think a lot of the sleeve process is sleeving our heads to go along with our tummies. We have to find a way to work through the issues underlying why we let our weight get out of control in order to be successful with the sleeve. There are tons of success stories here, and I want to be one of them!

Good luck!

[Soon2BMiniMommy 92]

Thank you all so much. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this journey (not like I doubted it before ). I wish I had a sneeze, or a hiccup, or something to alert me as it's really hard to learn your new body/tummy cues. All day yesterday I premeasured my food, MADE myself quit taking trips to the fridge/kitchen to have 'just one more bite or two' of crab or chicken salad as my tummy slowly emptied out. I did good.....it's so true that you can't learn new habits in 3 weeks.....I'm just scared that I will not be able to overcome the constant 'wanting' and will keep grazing. Before my surgery I would read other's posts about their fear of failure with the sleeve and I remember thinking 'that's crazy'....you can't fail with this tool - you just physically can't eat like before! That's true, you can't eat like before, but you can sure find ways to eat around it, like topping off all the time and constantly eating small amounts. I just want reassurance that it will get better, easier....that it will settle into normalcy and I won't be so consumed by food eventually. I did this to be mostly free of food and the power it has always had over me. I know that some of it will always be there, of course....just want to see some kind of rainbow that it will settle and it will get better and that I'm just in some kind of freak-out adjustment phase....I don't want to fight this forever

[feedyoureye 3,087]

The hunger hormone is still in your body... your stomach is injured and in healing mode.. your fat is unloading estrogen that makes you crazy for a while (if your a gal)...Your stomach can't yet feel if its full or not because a bunch of nerves were cut during surgery... you could possibly have acid if not taking a ppi..that can mimic hunger... and you are BOARD out of your gourd because you are restricted to what you can eat and how much after years of eating whatever however much food you want to distract and comfort. All huge changes from our old norm. Soon the swelling will go down, the stomach will relax, The hunger hormone will subside, and your food choices will get broader. Things will look more like normal pretty soon. You MUST measure your food and eat the right foods for a little longer... you do not want to tempt a leak or strain that raw staple line at this point! One thing you can do is measure, then eat extra small bites, stretch the meal time out to 30-45 minutes for a 1/4 cup... not kidding here! It helps the brain to appreciate the food a little longer... if you are going too crazy suck on a sugar free mint, or drink mint tea. Write everything down you eat, even if you slip up and graze. Its good to be accountable for what goes down the hatch. Perhaps 7 small meals would work better than 3 meals and a snack. I eat from boredom sometimes too... but I write it down and adjust later to keep in line. Many people go into the infamous 3 week stall too... Mine lasted I think 4 weeks and started around 2 1/2 weeks... this can mess with your head too... just keep doing what the Doc ordered and you will get though it. Minutes go slowly, the the year will fly by... do what you need to do now, work on it, find things you can do to help get you over the few minutes a day that can lead to ruin. drink you Water, save a bite from your measured meal to "cheat" with later... use those Protein Shakes as medicine... they help you get in liquid, Protein and fill you up for a while without grating on the stomach line. Remember, your stomach is not healed as much as it will until AFTER 6 weeks. Hang in there, its so worth it!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

First off, sorry for the long post. I had my surgery 10/20. Am one of the very, very lucky ones and had no complications, almost no pain, eating just fine, healed fast, etc, etc. So I'm only two and a half weeks out. But I'm already finding I'm having food issues. Big surprise...none of would be obese if we didn't :wink1: But there's a couple things going on and I need your input....please! I really didn't think I would have this issue since I was so freakin' prepared for so long and did so much reading and research about this. I honestly thought I would happy and free from food and wouldn't want it anymore and would savor and enjoy my little sleevie amounts and be satisfied. Pshaw.....yeah right.

To be honest with you it is more UNCOMMON to get that "I dont want to eat" sensation post opt than TO get it. I hope everyone new sees this, so they will do their very best to go in as prepared as possible. This is why I urge all new folks to work on their food issues BEFORE surgery. Not doing this is placing way too much hope in the tool and not the self. YOU are doing the work. ie, a hammer does not build the house... the human does. See what I mean?

I'd also like to add that the craving for food COMES BACK TOO. It does not stay gone forever. Eventually every single one of us will have to face our demons, that being gluttony of food. Now or later, you will be facing this in the mirror. You will want to be as prepared for it when it does arrive. Have your best gear on because its a war not a battle. If you want to win the war, you need to be ready for a fight.

First off, whenever I eat, I notice a feeling of pressure in my lower esophagus. I thought at first it was cause I was really tight. My leak/swallow test showed that the contrast wasn't going anywhere and it was just sitting in my esophagus right after surgery. I had to sit, walk around, sit, etc, for 20 minutes before some of it moved through. But my surgeon wasn't concerned....normal swelling, etc, etc. Was sent home with no problems, drinking got easier, etc, but the pureeds thing always felt pressure, tight and thought it was that. But now I think I'm just overeating. In fact, I'm sure of it.

The main problem is that my actual tummy never feels ’full’. I don’t know if, since they cut out the stretchy part of the stomach (fundus), that they cut out the ‘stretch receptors’ that tell you when you’re full, but my tummy itself doesn’t feel full, but I know I’m full when there is food in the lower part of my esophagus. This is not good since I’m now using this as a guide to feel full.

The only way to get over this is to pre-measure your food. One third cup right out of surgery is the standard. This is done by volume. They sell little ziploc containers at pretty much any store you might shop at, in fact they always have little coupon deals in the sundays papers for them. Buy a bunch in one third servings. Make yourself something you are allowed to eat and fill those containers, eat one and store the rest. When your container is empty... STOP! Do not go back for a few more bites.

Then wait your 30 minutes and start your drinking ritual. ALWAYS have Water lying around. If you don't like water... well sorry tough love coming here... get used to it. Know this, you are not getting enough fluids from your foods anymore. 64 oz per day total should be your minimum. Remember too, the more Water or fluids (non caffeinated) you drink, the more weight you will lose. Fluids flush out all the retention and fat cells our bodies store. You will always retain water when your body is in distress somehow. You just had a major surgery, so that definitely counts.

You have to put yourself on a rigid schedule. Eating whenever I wanted or whatever I wanted is what always got me in trouble. Now, I eat Breakfast always at the same time per day. I make sure I get 32 Oz of water by 10 AM. So I have to fit all that in by lunch time. Then lunch is at noon and I have to drink another 32 Oz. Water by 4 PM. So all that to get through dinner. I get in another 16 Oz by 7 PM. I try not to drink later than that so I don't have to get up to go potty in the middle of the night.

I do even fit more water in if I'm doing my workouts, which I'm can't right now. That's just my schedule at this moment in time. I always have to change it up to fit my immediate needs.

Now, bring in the emotional, head hunger part of it. It is hard to stop eating at only a 1/3 or ½ cup of food, especially when it tastes good. We all know that, we all overeat when food is really good and poke it in till we are full, that’s why the obese get obese! But in a way this is worse, because I only get a couple of nibbles in and then I HAVE to be done. Which means I MENTALLY feel unsatisfied and incomplete. My head's like, "Yah, really? So where's the rest of it? That was over way too fast. I'm waiting!!!"

You are not alone for sure in this feeling. You simply have to overcome this though. Angels and Devils on your shoulder... who do you listen to? I call them "Skinny Me" and "Fat Me". I'm sure you can guess who's who... LOL :smile1: Well, when I listen to Skinny Me, I lose enormous amounts of weight and fat. I do all good things, do my workouts, eat healthy and no cheating. When I listen to Fat Me, I stop losing weight and fat and have even gained some at one point. Gah! Shouldn't have listened to Fat Me... right? Well I did, and I paid for it too. I have put a sock in her mouth with Gorilla Tape over it now. She just sounds like those Peanuts Parents in the background really... haha! If you don't know what Gorilla Tape is, you should Google it. Good stuff to have around when you need some serious binding to happen.

I really, really need to get a grip on this because I have started ‘grazing’, or what I call ‘topping off’. Like, I’ll eat a scrambled egg for breakfast, and I’ll have that full feeling (up top, not in my tummy), then in about 15 – 20 minutes, the pressure feeling goes away, then I’ll go take a couple more bites of something, seafood or chicken salad, or refried Beans, till that pressure feeling comes back, etc, etc, all day!! This is DISASTROUS!! It’s been proven time and again that bariatric patients fail and gain back weight because they learn to graze to overcome the loss of bingeing. They can’t eat huge amounts, so they eat little amounts constantly. The other downside of this, is that because I’m always topping off, I can’t drink my fluids like I’m supposed to. You’re not supposed to drink until ½ hour, 45 minutes after a meal, but I never let my little pouch empty like it should. So, I’m not getting in enough water, either. *SIGH* This really is a transition and you really, really have to get over the fact that you will not feel mentally satisfied or replete at first, for a while, until this becomes the new normal. At least, I HOPE it’s temporary. I’m also hoping it will get better when I can eat more substantial food, then food will stay in my tummy longer and hopefully I’ll feel fuller longer. But again, most of it is mental and I need to overcome that full feeling with satisfaction and overall well-being. I just need to eat to nourish myself and not for pleasure or comfort. I will be able to enjoy wonderful food again, just not a lot, and I need to be okay with that. I know I will be, but it’s tough right now! Like an alcoholic with just a couple of drops of wine three times a day

I can see you are recognizing all you are doing wrong. May I make one suggestion though, make a list of everything you have or are doing right? You need some balance here, or even get it to where the sunshine and rainbows far outweigh the dark clouds and doomsday scenarios. That is Fat You talking. She has no say in your life anymore... so she needs to put a sock in it. If you keep letting her feed you drama, then you will simply let her keep FEEDING YOU. Don't let her win anymore. She left you terrified for your future, miserable, fat, etc. Would you let your friends treat you like that? Your family? I hope not, because that is not love. Start listening to Pollyanna Skinny You more. Appreciate what she has to say. Feel good about YOU and your ACCOMPLISHMENTS. They are there, you only need to seek them out.

So, I know I need to get on track with a routine and a schedule, and drink my water, and I've pretty much done that the last day or two. I don't really need advice on what to do (although it's always welcome!), since I know what I'm supposed to do, and I will do it.....but my questions are this:

1. Does the dissatisfied feeling ever really go away? Do you start to feel satisfied and complete mentally once you get used to your new 'normal'? I know everyone's different, but this really is mental for me since I just WANT more food, the taste, the texture, but my body is satisfied. I know this a huge adjustment - I'm just wondering if this is something I will always struggle with, or if it gets better. Did most of you feel this way at first? After your tummy healed, anyway, and you were on your way to regular food? Was your head a little messed up cause it was waiting for more? Yes... once you stop listening to Fat You. Is it really that simple? No... it's a war, remember? Put on that battle gear!

2. Will I feel more satisfied when I eat more solid food? Deli meats, harder cheeses, etc. I seem happy now with what I'm eating (chicken salad, scrambled eggs, tuna fish, refried beans) I'm not missing food, but maybe I don't feel full as long because I'm eating mushies? But that really doesn't make sense cause chicken salad is pretty dense and Protein packed. Absolutely yes. Once you get to more solid foods, you will feel more satisfied. Keep in mind too that your stomach is still healing for the first few months. You're not going to get that old feeling of fullness. I'm not sure if it ever comes back. I'm almost 15 months out and I still don't ever feel that full signal from before my sleeve. I've just learned to slow it down and really REALLY listen to what my body is telling me.

3. Does your actual tummy start to feel full, or is this just me who can't feel it because I've done so much damage and overeating over the years, lol?? I don't want to keep using the pressure/esophagus litmus test to know when I'm full..... Revert to questions 1 and 2...

Thanks so much, everyone. I hope you all know how important you are to all of us....I am so grateful I have my sleevie family on here!

HTH!! :smile1: This journey is really really tough! Try to remember that anything worth having or doing is never easy. Know this, this is NOT the easy way out by any means. You were given a second chance (possibly third fourth or fifth... only you know that) so take full advantage of it. You are living in the best part of the post op period where you will lose the most weight. Don't sabotage it by grazing and cheating. This is kind of a OTO deal here.

Best of luck and many blessings!