Support Groups in Real Life

[LindaS 316]

Tonight I'm going to my second support group that is face to face. My first one was before my surgery, which was over a month ago.

I have to admit that I do not look forward to going to these meetings. It is probably why tonight will be the first one I've gone to since my surgery. I enjoyed my first support group meeting, but I haven't wanted to go back. I think the distance to a meeting is part of my problem. They range anywhere from 45 minutes to 75 minutes away from me. It is just the last thing I want to do on a busy weekday night when I am already hauling my kids all over the place. I wish there were groups closer to me.

I don't think the idea of a support group is so bad. I come to this forum almost every day, and I love it. I know there are studies that have showed people who attend the support groups lose more weight, but I wonder if online support groups have the same impact.

My local meetings are only an hour long, and if I chose just one of the four possible locations it would be just once a month. It just seems to be hard to do when I factor in the drive. Who wants to spend 3 hours to attend a meeting after working all day?

OK. I'm whining, and I liked the support group meeting I went to and this forum. So what's my problem? Why am I dreading tonight? I suspect it is the 1 hour and 15 minute drive home after. I hate getting home after 9 p.m.

[sasicas 194]

I do believe the support is a wonderful thing to have but if I had a drive that far, I wouldn't go, I would just spend more time on here Thankfully my group is 5 minutes from my house.

[Tiffykins 672]

I personally HATE most support group meetings. I'm pretty sure it's because of all the coddling and people wondering why they're not losing while shoveling cheesecake lemon bars in their mouths, and complaining about "I can only eat 3oz of meat, but I can eat 1 cup of ice cream." I just don't feel that is support for everyone to commiserate over slow weight loss, or struggling patients when the problem is obviously behavior/habit issues. I was the same way with Weight Watcher meeting. I definitely would not be going with that long drive. The closest one for me is a 40 minute drive. I've made a couple of meetings in 2 years and decided to not go back because I caught flack for my success. I must be one of the lucky ones who didn't need or want face to face support to lose all of my weight.

[kellyw74 258]

I am with you on that Tiffy. I originally wanted to join a support group because I was "told to" and also thought I should. I have lost over 100lbs on my own and really don't need to hear people complain either. I know what to do and how to do it!

At my 6 week check up my dr. told me NOT to go to group meeting and to stay off of these forums. There were too many people that thought they were dr.'s!! LOL He said I obviously didn't need anyone's help (besides his) and that me and my sleeve were doing just fine on our own.

I enjoy this forum, but really don't think group meetings are for me either.

Kelly

I personally HATE most support group meetings. I'm pretty sure it's because of all the coddling and people wondering why they're not losing while shoveling cheesecake lemon bars in their mouths, and complaining about "I can only eat 3oz of meat, but I can eat 1 cup of ice cream." I just don't feel that is support for everyone to commiserate over slow weight loss, or struggling patients when the problem is obviously behavior/habit issues. I was the same way with Weight Watcher meeting. I definitely would not be going with that long drive. The closest one for me is a 40 minute drive. I've made a couple of meetings in 2 years and decided to not go back because I caught flack for my success. I must be one of the lucky ones who didn't need or want face to face support to lose all of my weight.

[sasicas 194]

I personally HATE most support group meetings. I'm pretty sure it's because of all the coddling and people wondering why they're not losing while shoveling cheesecake lemon bars in their mouths, and complaining about "I can only eat 3oz of meat, but I can eat 1 cup of ice cream." I just don't feel that is support for everyone to commiserate over slow weight loss, or struggling patients when the problem is obviously behavior/habit issues. I was the same way with Weight Watcher meeting. I definitely would not be going with that long drive. The closest one for me is a 40 minute drive. I've made a couple of meetings in 2 years and decided to not go back because I caught flack for my success. I must be one of the lucky ones who didn't need or want face to face support to lose all of my weight.

Good grief, that would drive me insane too! The group at our hospital is like that and it has doctors and nutritionists in it that really just go off of books instead of real life experience. The group I go to, thankfully, doesn't allow medical professionals and if you work in the med field you aren't allowed to say so. It's lead by all of us, and all of us have had surgeries. The "main" person in the group who has been there the longest is so straight forward and sarcastic that she scares off the idiots haha!

Half the time we just have a good time talking, instead of focusing on WLS stuff. It's a great excuse for me to be around adults hehe.

[Tiffykins 672]

I am with you on that Tiffy. I originally wanted to join a support group because I was "told to" and also thought I should. I have lost over 100lbs on my own and really don't need to hear people complain either. I know what to do and how to do it!

At my 6 week check up my dr. told me NOT to go to group meeting and to stay off of these forums. There were too many people that thought they were dr.'s!! LOL He said I obviously didn't need anyone's help (besides his) and that me and my sleeve were doing just fine on our own.

I enjoy this forum, but really don't think group meetings are for me either.

Kelly

Good grief, that would drive me insane too! The group at our hospital is like that and it has doctors and nutritionists in it that really just go off of books instead of real life experience. The group I go to, thankfully, doesn't allow medical professionals and if you work in the med field you aren't allowed to say so. It's lead by all of us, and all of us have had surgeries. The "main" person in the group who has been there the longest is so straight forward and sarcastic that she scares off the idiots haha!

Half the time we just have a good time talking, instead of focusing on WLS stuff. It's a great excuse for me to be around adults hehe.

There was a meeting last month that they called a Meet and Eat ! ! ! YES, they did ! ! ! NO, I did not attend HA. They chose one of the most digusting eateries in our area, I would venture to guess that 80% of the menu is fried, or slathered in "butter" to broil the seafood. Least to say, I haven't been in over a year.

I mainly went to one meeting to speak with the plastic surgeon they brought in, the other meeting was supposed to be about "how to get on and stay on track". Unfortunately, it was a bunch of wallowing in the cheesecake pool of self-pity. And, well, y'all know that is just not my thing!

[KaitlynnHughes 9]

LOL I was required to go to support groups that consisted of pre and post ops at my hospital!! It was an open forum and the first gentlemen to get up and speak was a post op with the sleeve and he hadn't lost all that much weight in my opinion but within a few minutes of answering questions he was describing how to add sauces (high calorie ones at that) to anything to make it "slide" on down...i was appalled and in disbelief that the program i was going through actually forced us to sit through something like that!!! Needless to say, i went to my two required for the insurance and haven't been back since!!! Although part of me wants to go speak and share my success from following the rules!!!!

[RickM 1,747]

Perhaps there is a support group meeting that is closer to you, one from another surgeon maybe? The group I go to, which is a local meeting for the practice that's 6 hours away, attracts people from other practices including a couple of RNYers who don't like their doc's group or have time conflicts with it (my doc doesn't do RNY's) and the group leader is from another surgeon who is too far away. I don't see a lot of the coddling and agonizing over slow loss for obvious reasons, as Tiffy notes, in this group, though at this point much of this local group are long term post-ops 5-10+ years out, so their issues are somewhat different than initial post-ops. Much or their emphasis is on nutrition, supplements (which forms and subgroups are most useful and bioavailable, etc.) and Probiotics. The local group leader likes keeping up on the latest research on these topics, and the program director occasionally recruits him to present at the main practice meeting up in San Francisco. I've been going to it for about eight years now, first as pre-and post-op support for my wife and then for my own surgery. There's usually something worthwhile to pick up from it. It's also about an hour away, but is at a restaurant that serves decent fare (not one we would go to on our own, but acceptable) so it makes as worthwhile night out with my wife and semi-friends (as we've known most of them long enough!)

I would certainly try to find a group that has a lot of other VSGers in it as one from a doc who mostly does bands or RNYs will probably not be as helpful.

[sasicas 194]

There was a meeting last month that they called a Meet and Eat ! ! ! YES, they did ! ! ! NO, I did not attend HA. They chose one of the most digusting eateries in our area, I would venture to guess that 80% of the menu is fried, or slathered in "butter" to broil the seafood. Least to say, I haven't been in over a year.

I mainly went to one meeting to speak with the plastic surgeon they brought in, the other meeting was supposed to be about "how to get on and stay on track". Unfortunately, it was a bunch of wallowing in the cheesecake pool of self-pity. And, well, y'all know that is just not my thing!

Bwahaha! I can't help but laugh at the idea of a Meet and Eat hahaha! Now we do have potlucks monthly but they are strictly WLS friendly foods and we are not allowed to bring dessert Gotta keep some people in check ha! Can't imagine meeting in some fried food kind of place, that is just too warped! lol.

Dealing with the self-pity isn't my thing either. Now I have seen some of the "jealousy" that can go on and had some comments from slow losers and that drives me insane. I finally had to sit down one lady and explain that I am half her age, I have little children at home that I chase around all day and I don't work outside of the home so I have more options all day and less temptation to eat out than her. Now we are cool again and she (hopefully) got why I hit goal already.

[Caliblonde 25]

I went through the Options program through Kaiser and met some wonderful ladies that also had surgery (everyone else had RNY), but we started our own support group. There are 6 of us that meet every other week. I attended one of the "mandatory" Kaiser support groups and it was horrible. Everyone just whined about how horrible everything about surgery has been. The support group that I started with the other ladies is nothing like that. It's like the support that I get on here, very helpful and caring, and I know that these ladies will become lifelong friends. If you know others in your area who have had surgery I would highly recommend trying to form your own little group.

[Rainydayz 27]

I'm very lucky that my local group is small and very friendly and supportive. We have started meeting at a local gym and have exercise as part of the meeting. It's really great. I haven't been to one at a hospital yet but I might do it just to see.