backing out

[tjharmon 11]

ok--i got my date september 8th with Dr Kelly--I have been wanting this surgery for several years now--finally convinced hubby--got the money together and am ready to go...NOW I am so scared I am shaking and sitting here crying. I am actually thinking about backing out--I don't know what I am doing. I have a great hubby and wonderful kids--what if something happens? I don't have to have the surgery...Why am I doing this to myself--I guess I could exercise and watch what I eat--I guess it really doesn't matter if I loose weight or not--I have a great life at this weight--I don't know what I am doing to myself...

[Soon2BMiniMommy 92]

Oh, honey. From what I've seen on here, EVERYONE gets the case of the bad, bad jitters. You made this decision with tons of research and you know deep down it's the right thing to do for you AND your family.

As for being able to 'do it yourself', if you could have, you would have already. I also have a little boy, a wonderful husband, but every day I am dying by being fat. I have no guarantees I will even see my son married or enjoy my grandkids if I remain morbidly obese. And if you've done research, you know there is such a little, rare chance of anything happening. Most horrible outcomes from the surgery are from a blood clot, or anesthesia complications, which can happen with a knee replacement or gallbladder removal or tooth extraction! And like I said, the risk is so very, very low.....you probably have more chance of getting hit by a bus than not coming home to your family!!

I can't remember who said it, but this statement will stick with me forever.....as for those who say, why couldn't you 'do it on your own', he would reply, "Can you hold your breath for 30 seconds? Well, can you hold it for an hour". You may be able to lose weight, but it will almost surely come back, with extra, as it has our whole lives

If you really think you need to cancel, that is what you need to do, but just slow down, listen to your heart, and remember all the reasons why you wanted this and worked for it in the first place!

I know one thing that helped me. I made a list of 100 reasons why I wanted to lose weight - to be able to play on the floor with my son, to be able to fit in a bathtub, to not have my seatbelt ride up over my stomach and lay against my neck, etc, etc, etc. Maybe that will help you refocus?? All the pros of being able to LIVE again??

[Gaylebco 11]

I cried going into surgery because of the fear of "but what happens if I don't wake up" It's a mostly irrational fear as the doc/nurse/everyone else there do this all the time and how many of their patiens have issues let alone die. I checked the stats and yet still cried. I remember the moment i opened my eyes and all i could think was...hey i'm not dead. I can't stop you from feeling bad...but know this i'm an RN and know all the stats on dying on the table...i'm not going in blind, i know these things...i know how most people live and have no major complications..."but what happens of i don't wake up"...

Please know so many of us are scared...we save money up adn go through hell to get to this point to be healthier and live longer...but we are still scared. Your not alone and you have to beleive this is for the very best for the longivity of your life. Good luck, never give up on who you can be, and push forward to get past year fears!

Gayle

[Rebel 9]

Hello there,

I have been lurking the past couple of weeks on here but it was your post that made me register. I too am having the sleeve surgery but on September 6th. I am on day two of my 2-week pre-op diet and have had some of the same feelings you are experiencing. I did the research, went to the seminar, did ALOT of praying and every step of the way God has removed any obstacles. I was approved 2 weeks to the day after attending the seminar and for me, at least, it seems as if this is God's will.

It is difficult maintaining this pre-op diet and I had horrible headaches yesterday. But, I am praying for God to give me relief from them and the strength to continue because I know it will all be worth it. I have a young child as well and can already see the things that I am missing out on with him. Before kids I dreamed of taking them to amusement parks and Water parks and playing ball in the yard but with my present weight I am not able to go to amusement parks and I am too tired to play ball in the yard.

I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in January and also have diabetes. For me, this surgery will offer me the tool I need to control the amount I eat and help me to get healthy again. It won't take away my arthritis but I can imagine that the weight loss will definitely help my joints, etc.

Some days I wake up excited, raring to go and others I think what in the heck am I doing? For me, I just continue to pray about it and take one day at a time.

I don't know if this helps or not, I hope it does. But, you have to make the decision for yourself. My doctor said it best, it is scary to have surgery, bad things can happen but what's even scarier is to do nothing at all. Because then, bad things will happen. Just pray about it and go with your heart.

Take care.

[Ducker 59]

I agree that what you are experiencing is probably most normal, like with any big life decision. I remember signing the final papers when purchasing my condo. I was shaking like a leaf, my daddy had to hold my hand, and I was so nauseous that I nearly threw up. I realized how heavy the contract I was entering. This contract that you are about to enter to reclaim your health is just as serious. If you did not feel such a case of nerves I would question whether or not you are taking this seriously.

Take comfort in the fact that this is weighing on you so heavily. Also, realize that some of your feelings are probably due to "breaking up with food" similar to breaking up with a long term bad boyfriend or the dissolution of some other comforting yet destructive relationsship. Also, subconsciously you are probably also battling with fears of failure.

Now, I don't mean to sound like an expert, and I probably have no real right to comment since my surgery date is not unitl September 28. But, I have the gift of being able to look at things from a very alternative perspective, and I for one, am proud of you that you are taking this so seriously. It tells me that you are a perfect candidate for success! So, look for me when I am crying and sobbing ready to back out on September 27th. I hope you will be right there to offer the same words of wisdom and support to me!

Much Love!

[KellyL 173]

It is very natural to be afraid before this surgery. I know I went through this too. I was more afraid to not have the surgery than to have it. My health, mobility, and self esteem was suffering and getting worse everyday. My weight was not just holding me back, it was affecting my whole family. I couldn't do a lot of things, and family trips like amusement parks didn't happen because I wasn't physically able to do that. Just simple grocery shopping was almost impossible!! I was disabled by my weight. A prisoner in my home. A prisoner of fat.

I am so glad I found the courage to be sleeved. I am far from goal, but I love my sleeve!! The quality in my life has improved dramatically in a short amount of time. My type 2 duabetes seems to be gone. I can walk a lot and shop all day at the mall with my kids. I am not as self conscious of how I look. I feel like I have reclaimed my life. I am worth it and deseeve to be healthy and happy. It's ok to love and take care of myself.

Bottom line though, you have to feel ready to do this and comfortable with the process. We're here for you and know exactly what you're goin thru.

[DrMommy 4]

I'm not clear....what is the fear about? The actual surgery? Not being able to eat the way you did before? You say you have a wonderful life at your current weight...will you have the same quality of life in 10 or 20 years at the weight? Do you want to extend your life to be with family? I am 4 weeks post op. The surgery is no joke...but each day is better and I am almost back to "normal" now. I would encourage you to explore your fears and see what they are really about and weight that agains the long term benefits.

[tjharmon 11]

I am scared of the surgery itself--everyone I talk to starts talking right away about people who have died from this surgery--all my family keeps saying things like, what if you die, what about your family, things like that--

I am not afraid of the changes it makes to what I eat, I am not afraid of the pain of surgery, I am just afraid of not waking up--

I paid my deposits, so no backing out now, I am just terrified...

[Driver Deb 10]

I know that feeling all too well... 4 years ago I did back out a week before surgery and here I am, back at Kaiser trying to get another surgery date, by the way, I am 40 pounds heavier than I was the first time... I was scared and I talked myself out of it. Now I am heavier than ever and very disappointed with myself. Don't self sabotage like I did.

[Coookies 12]

Do the surgery!!! I was so scared that as soon as my plane landed, i imagined walking up to the ticket counter and getting the next flight home... There is only 1 reason i didn't, my sister... She has told me numerous times that she hates the idea that we wont grow old together and watch our grandchildren play together cuz I'm going to die from my obesity..... now there is no worry of that... She was my motivation... Find yours....

Oh, and this was the best decision i've ever made... my only regret is not doing it earlier...

[peacequeen 434]

I don't know how old you are but I'm 46 and I have about a dozen different illnesses. Half are due to my weight. I have 3 kids, 3 stepkids and 4 grandbabies. I have missed out on so much and so have they because I'm too fat to do things with them that I want to do. My weight has flucuated my whole life,,my niece made a joke once,,she said,,Karen, I never know what I'm gonna see when I see you,,you are always on a diet and you're a different size each time I see you. And I'm now bigger than I've ever been,,if that tells you the direction all those diets took me. Do yourself a favor and tell your family to stop talking smack about the surgery. YOU have to make the decision not them. I've had my share of surgeries so this part doesn't really make me nervous. I worry about failure so I understand..sort of. I'll need all the support when my time comes. This is your time, don't let worry and negative talk ruin it. Savor it.

[Fusilli66 22]

I think feeling nervous is very natural. But please don't listen to people and have them put that fear into you. I would guess that most of these people are uninformed about this particular surgery and probably don't know anyone who died from this surgery. Of course there can be complications, but they seem to be very minimal and considering that it is laproscopic and you are not being open up like traditional surgery, the risks are even less. And it sounds like this Dr. Kelly has done soooo many of these (it seems so many people on here have used him) that he could probably do it in his sleep. Think positive thoughts and realize that the ends justify the means. The truth is if you have 120 lbs to lose you are putting your life at greater risk by staying heavy than you are by having surgery. And if you have little kids imagine how much better it will be to be a healthy active mother than one who is so overweight. I can't wait to read your posts in 6 months and a year when you are saying it is the best thing you have ever done! Good luck to you!

[Lissa 2,631]

TJ, I am being sleeved on Tuesday, 8/30/11 and I've been through the thought process you're having right now. Two weeks ago, I was telling myself that I have so many health problems right now that doing this surgery on top of those health problems is dangerous. Now, I'm at the Bull*#@( stage on that!! If I don't have surgery, those health problems are going to get worse and worse until they kill me. With the laundry list I've got, I figure it will take a couple of years, but they will kill me. I have an aunt whose health has steadily declined as the result of obesity and diabetes. She's 80% blind (after a dozen eye surgeries), incapable of walking from the house to the car without assistance, can't drive, needs someone to help her prepare her food and eat it...and she's missing out on seeing the faces of her grandchildren or being able to play with them. My aunt is 53.

In comparison, I'm 45, can't walk more than 1/3 of a block without gasping for breath, but I still have my eyesight and my independence. I can work and am a successful business owner. I have the opportunity RIGHT NOW to reverse almost all of my co-morbidities with nothing more than a small, laproscopic surgery and some redirection on how to eat properly. I'd be a FOOL to give up this chance because I'm a little scared.

I consider this a completely selfish thing. Something I'm doing so that I don't end up like my aunt. I want to see my grandchildren. I want to be able to walk through a mall without calculating which is the closest entrance to where I need to be, and without constantly looking for the next place I can sit and rest. I want to wear cute clothes again instead of my current "tents". If this surgery can help me do that, even with some risks, let's go!

I think you will get to the stage I'm at in a few days. Don't cancel your surgery yet. Give yourself a few days to consider what you're going to gain versus what you could possibly lose (some weight, maybe?). I keep thinking this is too long and wordy, but I'm hoping my thought process will help you get through the doubt and onto being excited at the thought of remakind your life!

[emmas mom 4]

hi there! I was sleeved 1 week and 1 day ago! I was so excited about the surgery! My family were against the sleeve and wanted me to get the lapband. I was set on the sleeve, even though my surgeon only did like 4!!!! But the proccess went SO quick and here i was in the room admitting myself for surgery. I couldnt stop crying! I too wanted to get dressed and run. I had all these scary thoughts. Even fears of what its gonna be like after surgery. I have a 2 yr old at home! Luckily the nurses were so nice and I asked lots of questions and the anestheseolgist gave me somthing that he said was liquid courage! then they started to wheel me out and give my the stuff to put me to sleep and i woke up in recovery. Everything went well! They fixed a hyatal hernia too. recover has been rough, lots of lower left abdomen pain were they cut the muscle. but, my incision sites never hurt at all. I just started puree and and its hard to figure out what to eat and menus and all that! I had a puree banana today and my 2 year old stole it from me. but, I am down 41 lbs total since my pre op. 26 before surgery and 15 after.

I too said to myself, why would i choose to do this to myself. my husband loves me the way I am. I could join a gym. I am relatively a happy person! But, I just did it and prayed for the best and now, I am getting used to this whole proccess! I am sure I will be so happy in a few weeks when I have completely adapted to the changes. But, I am not hungry at all and feel pretty good. Just scared that I am gonna have a leak! Thats my paranoia! But, so far so good! I wish you lots of luck on your journey and these women and men on this sight will help you through it!

[Angela Sims 0]

Hi, I completly understand.. But what if you die from being overweight? The last thing I remember before I went to sleep

was wiping tears because I was crying.. I had gone to MX (Dr. Kelly) alone.. I had no one.. I did fine and am early out but

I think this is the best thing I have ever done for myself.. I am a married mom to 3 one of which has Down Syndrome so I had alot to think about but I have to take care of her for the rest of my life and was not doing a very good job at it because of my weight.. I was always so tired.. I also had lapband and hated it.. I vomited every time I ate or drank.

Good Luck and relax.. Take a deep breath..

Angela