OK, people. I know we are all used to having me be the fattest one in the group, but times have changed and you HAVE TO GET OVER IT!!!

For those of you who now outweigh me, Yes, I do weigh less than you now. And I'm taller than you so my BMI is lower, but we won't talk about that. Please pull your face back into a look that approaches normalcy. I promise I will never bring up my weight or yours. I did this for my health, not so I could lord it over those who are still struggling with weight. I realize you have spent years patting yourself on the back because you are not as big as me, but those days are past. Pull up your big person panties and move on.

And for many others, yes, my goal weight is less than what you currently weigh. No, I will not be anorexic at a healthy BMI of 22. Please don't compulsively ask how much I now weigh each time you see me and then calculate how much I have to lose before I weigh less than you. Please see the notes above for how I prefer you to handle this brave new world.

Best wishes,

Lynda

I'm not sure how to read some of my old friends yet.. they are not being mean or anything, but a few of them really don't say anything at all. They don't mention that I have lost any or I look good... just a couple of them. One Is bigger than me now for sure, and the other one for many years weighed less than me, and now we are pretty close in weight... Other friends just say how nice I look, and even if they are a little jealous, they wouldn't ever say it out loud. A couple of friends have said they are jealous, but not in a mean way... just they wish they could lose the weight too. I know how that is... I had a friend lose a bunch of weight at one time, and I had a really hard time facing up to her... She didn't change on the inside, I just couldn't face myself looking at her. I never was proud of that, but it was true. I have talked to her about the sleeve and she is interested. (she gained the weight back, naturally) She is looking into it... if she decides it is the right thing for her, I will be there for her this time for sure.... or even if she decides not to go there....

Amen, sister!

I think our true friends and loving family just need time to adjust and learn to deal with our new realities. True friends and loving family will be there for us, but it is a change for them too. For acquaintances and friends who can't learn to deal- hasta la vista baby!

I posted this not because I expect my true friends to start shunning me, but just because I needed to vent about things they are saying and doing. For me, I'm happier with the ones who don't say anything. It beats obsessing over it!

I'm dreading the "you look too skinny now" comments that I am expecting as my BMI enters the normal range. I've tried to head those off a bit my mentioning stuff like "You are used to seeing me at this weight so I know it will be a bit of a shock to see me at a normal BMI, but I'm really looking forward to feeling healthier and stronger." We'll see when that day comes. Right now my BMI is 29. I've got 26 more lbs. to lose before hitting normal. I'm pretty average sized for the BMI charts, unlike some on our boards, who have a higher BMI but are still small and look great. So I am still "pudgy" now and wearing a large top and size 14 pants.

Lynda

I'm dreading the "you look too skinny now" comments that I am expecting as my BMI enters the normal range. I've tried to head those off a bit my mentioning stuff like "You are used to seeing me at this weight so I know it will be a bit of a shock to see me at a normal BMI, but I'm really looking forward to feeling healthier and stronger." We'll see when that day comes.

My mother saw me last winter at 150-155 and then again this summer at 135-140. This time, she told me I actually looked better and healthier than back in the winter; she said that in the winter, I looked haggard and my face was emaciated - even though I weighed at least 15 lbs more! It's quite possible that maybe we DO look more tired and sick while we are rapidly losing weight.

My mother saw me last winter at 150-155 and then again this summer at 135-140. This time, she told me I actually looked better and healthier than back in the winter; she said that in the winter, I looked haggard and my face was emaciated - even though I weighed at least 15 lbs more! It's quite possible that maybe we DO look more tired and sick while we are rapidly losing weight.

Last night my mom and dad came by for a visit, they were raving about the wight loss (they only saw me last week!) My 83 year old dad said I looked sexy! Dad!!!

Congrats feedyoureye! And thanks for the tip blackberryjuice. I can tell people my weight is stabilizing and I won't look the same in a couple of months.

Lynda

I know she is jealous of me losing weight, she hates being fat. I believe that she not only feels bad when we go out and she gets no attention (she used to get hit on constantly and craves male attention) but women have a social order that men don't. There is almost always the one female that the others protect, the queen bee to say, and now there has been a big shift in dynamics.

This is very astute. I clearly haven't lost the amount of weight (even % wise) that a lot of you have, but I HAVE lost enough where it is noticeable. I've already been struck by the "who" of my friends/family/acquaintences who make comments...and even the ones who don't. It's very revealing. I'm not sure WHAT it reveals yet... because we really can't judge their silence without a lot of clues, but nonetheless, it's very interesting. The people I thought who would most make comments, haven't said a word. Others blow me away with their kindness.

The HCG diet is the big thing around where I live right now....seems like "everyone" is doing it...even those that have very little to lose. I can't help but wonder if others are just assuming that I'm on it too (I haven't told anyone about my surgery). Regardless, it is an interesting thing to watch unfold. I don't want to spend too much time wondering what others are actually thinking...I've heard it's none of my business! lol

If I were a betting gal, I'd wager I'm the one who doesn't gain it back!

Bumping this because it's great. I have a friend who is ACTUALLY a good friend and not jealous, but she has a bit of a hard time that my goal weight is about 15 kg under what she currently weighs, and about 10 kg under what she thinks she should weigh. But she is around 5'6" and I am 4'11" and it is just so odd. She doesn't have a problem with the goal I have set for ME, but she seems to use it to beat herself about the head a bit.

And I know that my mother will get jealous when I weigh less than she does. She is 5'2" and weighs around 59 kg (130 lb) and my goal is to weigh 50 kg, but again, she is taller than me, and she is not as slim as I would really prefer to be. And my mother is very competitive. I just think I won't tell her my actual weight, so I don't have to deal with it.

And yes, I have a looooong way to go.

This is so true. I can sense the jealousy and dislike about my now smaller size around my family and friends. In fact, this past weekend I went to my moms for a Memorial Day cookout/pool party. And for the first time in my life I was the smallest person at the pool!! Normally I have been the fattest which makes everyone else feel better about themselves. So yes I finally get to see what it is like to be a normal size and not everyone is as happy about it as I am!

I can relate. My sister has always been smaller than me (except for when I was a teenager and she was married and just had a baby). She's gained some weight here or there, but always could diet successfully. There have been times when I have asked for her help, if we could diet together or workout together, but sh never really supported me. Recently her weght has been creaping up closer to mine (pre-op I was 244 she is probably 220) but she is also 5 inches taller that han me. Since I was approved for the surgery, she has been dieting like crazy. She's also made comments about our yearly family trip to Florida in Sept that its clear to me she does not like the idea of being "the fat one". but its perfectly ok for me to fill that rollyear after year. Not this year!

It is really funny how anxious successful weight loss makes other people. I'm not sure if it is because of the premium put on appearance fitting a narrow (pun intended) mold, or if it is because we revere success and goal achievement so much, but I can be in a group of people of both or either sexes and they will inevitably start talking about weight fitness and eating. I never bring it up, they always do. And the way they do it is interesting too, they do it in a sort of anxious way, turning to me for ... what? advice? approval? They look at me like they are start-ups and I'm Warren Buffet. I think the biggest creepy thing though has been the fitness girls who I have never sought out, who I do not seek out now, but who have come out of the wood work. As though I have passed some gauntlet/secret handshake and they are admitting me to the secret circle, it's wierd to go running with them, I'm paranoid like - do they have me along just so passing strangers will see one fitness queen and one chubbette?

Do you ladies notice how much women bond around body loathing and dieting? Get a group of women together and it is bound to come up. It has always made me feel uncomfortable as the biggest person in the room but I imagine it is equally weird for a person who is at goal and weight is not the center of their life anymore. Also I kind of feel like this journey is so different that I would never have any advice to offer anyone anyway.

I very much can relate to this. I have always been the biggest in any group of friends I have had ever since highschool. I have moved away since I have had surgery so it's not so bad. But before I moved my best friend would "surgery drop" whenever we were out. She was always the skinny one....We would be out to eat or at a bar and she would be like "she had surgery" ALOT....I know it's stupid but I always try to reassure her...I'm taller and about 10-15 lbs heavier (but as bmi and clothing size goes i'm smaller then her.) So I usually say stuff like at least your under 200 lbs...That way maybe she is less likely to surgery bomb me when we are together. I just want people to see me for who I am. Not who I was or what I had to do to get here. Damn women are so catty.

OK' date=' people. I know we are all used to having me be the fattest one in the group, but times have changed and you HAVE TO GET OVER IT!!!

For those of you who now outweigh me, Yes, I do weigh less than you now. And I'm taller than you so my BMI is lower, but we won't talk about that. Please pull your face back into a look that approaches normalcy. I promise I will never bring up my weight or yours. I did this for my health, not so I could lord it over those who are still struggling with weight. I realize you have spent years patting yourself on the back because you are not as big as me, but those days are past. Pull up your big person panties and move on.

And for many others, yes, my goal weight is less than what you currently weigh. No, I will not be anorexic at a healthy BMI of 22. Please don't compulsively ask how much I now weigh each time you see me and then calculate how much I have to lose before I weigh less than you. Please see the notes above for how I prefer you to handle this brave new world.

Best wishes,

Lynda[/quote']

Amen sister!!!!

Perfectly said...... Some of my own friends are like that

Love Love Love this......I feel that way at the gym....I have heard ppl talking about the "fad" diet I went on ( i just found out last week I am doing a fasting 3 days a week,in order to Lose my weight)....HaHa, guess that was News to me..LOL, I just say Keep on Talking Cause I am gonna Lose MORE!!!