Hi everyone,

I'm still in the process of getting insurance approval, and have appts on the books to consult with 2 different surgeons...so I'm on my way to making this happen. During this process, I've been doing a lot of self-reflection, and therapy, etc. and I'm trying to cover all my bases emotionally. I know that the surgery will lead to weight loss, one way or the other. However, I also know that I will have to follow a strict diet and exercise program post-op to see results. So, the question is, why can't I do that now? Without going through surgery?

I've been on dozens of diets and lost hundreds of pounds...and gained back hundreds more. I'm tired of the cycle, and I look at my mom and aunts, and even younger sister, and see all the things I don't want my life to look like. I'm young, I'm only 31, but I have 2 kids now, and I want to be an active, healthy mom for them, and a hot, sexy me for me. I'm so over this whole "fat" thing, and it has never felt like the inner me matches the outer me.

Really, I know for sure that at some point on the other end of this (post-op), I will say to myself "what the f@#* did I do?!" and "why couldn't you have done this without cutting yourself open" ... So the question is, did anyone else feel this way? And how did you get past it? I know that even if you could snap your fingers and have a lean, skinny physique, that doesn't fix the mental/emotional piece of how you got there in the first place, and how you couldn't fix it on your own without extreme intervention (surgery). So, once I'm hit with that issue post-op, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it. All I can venture to guess is, that from a more confident place (having lost weight and feeling better about my physical self), I'll be in a better position to deal with the emotional stuff that may come up?

Believe me, I'm perfectly clear on how I got here, emotionally, physically, genetically, etc. But I struggle with the question of "why can't I fix this myself?" why do I need surgery as my catalyst?

Any insights you may have are GREATLY appreciated.

Thanks,

E

I read a story of a vet sleeve patient that I could relate to all too well. I leaned on her for support as a mentor.

She posted her reflections and it clicked for me. She told me that her choice to have surgery was like ending a toxic marriage. Kind of like divorcing that abusive, inconsiderate, doucehbag of a husband who was a person she loved to hate. The relationship was toxic, but they had good years similar to the good years we have with dieting/exercising/doing it the "old fashioned" way, and then those toxic behaviors, issues in the marriage would pop up again, and the marriage would go to pot, AGAIN. That made perfect sense to me, I could lose weight, I could diet and exercise, I knew the cause of my weight gain after each diet attempt and why I couldn't keep the weight off. I had a toxic relationship with food, quantity and my love of food with no consequence other than being fat were my issues. I wasn't an emotional or compulsive eater, volume was my issue.

I just knew that I couldn't do it without surgical intervention. Just like some people can not leave a marriage/relationship without intervention from family, or a major trigger to make them see that they need to get out.

I hope all of that makes sense. I never had any issues post-op with the acceptance of having to have surgery to be successful. I'm not one of those that believe this is the easy way out, it's easier because I had surgery, but so is driving to the store instead of walking.

When I started this process I was of the mindset that I would NOT have surgery. However, I knew that everything that I had tried - all the "fad" diets out there were not working for me. I needed something else. So, I searched out a weight loss doctor who was not just a weight loss surgeon - but worked with patients via non-surgical methods. That's when I found my surgeon. After going to his seminar and talking to some of his staff there, I discovered that while I could see him for non-surgical methods, that surgery would most likely be a better option for me to keep the weight off permanently - and they provided me with some information. However, they told me to research it and decide for myself. I did. I saw through my research that WLS is not the easy way out as most think. It also is not the cure to obesity or magic pill or whatever. It was a tool to help me learn a new lifestyle. It also was not as dangerous as I was lead to believe.

I really had to think it through. If I did not have the surgery, would I be able to "stick with the diet" that would lead to permanent weight loss. I knew myself and the answer is no - I would not have been able to stick with it. That's why every diet that I tried in the past failed. I would get discouraged when I saw a plateau and "fall off the wagon" or I would get tired of having certain foods only, or get cravings for sweets that I would cave into, etc. That was true even when I saw other improvements like looser clothing and health improvements. The stopping of the weight loss would override any positives that I had seen and I would give up. It was also true when I did see a weight loss doctor in the past - I couldn't stick with the diet he gave me (optifast).

I have only been sleeved for a month. I have definitely thought in the last month why the heck did I do this? I have wanted to "give up" on the diet and start eating the way I used to - but I literally CAN'T. My stomach will not allow me to go back to the way I was before surgery. It's forcing me to keep on track and stick with the program. Even with this plateau that I was just on (it lasted a week and half, but it finally broke) and I got discouraged, I still could not give up on the plan because it was impossible for me to do so. Now, I am loosing weight again. Still not where I was before this plateau - but closer (I had gained 4 pounds - in the last 3 days, I have lost 3 pounds - so I'm still up by 1). Had I not had the surgery, I would not have lost these 3 pounds again - instead I would have gone back to my very bad habits that I had before and would have gained back all 15 pounds that I had lost to that point and probably would have gained even more. This despite the fact that my clothes are fitting looser and I was feeling better - I have more stamina now and can actually walk again without it "killing me". So, even though I had these positives to help reinforce that I was doing the right thing and to stick with it - I know I would not have - I never had in the past. But with this tool, I had to stick with it. While I know that I am in the "honeymoon" phase with the sleeve and it won't function exactly this way forever, it is giving me the time I need to change my habits permanently.

Now that I'm starting to lose the weight again, I'm grateful for my sleeve for not allowing me to give up. I still have issues to work through obviously, but it's nice to know I have this "friend" who will keep me on track no matter what at this point and give me the time I need to literally change my mindset and habits. None of my other friends could do for me what the sleeve has in the last 2 weeks.

I don't know if that is helpful to you, it's just been my experience.

Research is starting to show that after you have reached the obese range of weight, your physiology changes, and it is not like a regular sized person who wants to lose a couple of pounds anymore. It is probably true that you could eat like you have the sleeve for a year and take off lots of weight... but that would be crazy! I ate 350 cals a day for the longest time, then slowly popped up to 800, 900 and now 1100 at 8 months. I will probable stay pretty close to this for the next year I am guessing. Without the sleeve and Drs supervision, that is pretty much an eating disorder! With a regular sized stomach, could you really eat this way for the rest of your life? That is why my diets failed in the past... I just couldn't keep it up. I couldn't fight the hunger, the small portions, or really HUGE portions of no calorie foods....no feeling of satisfaction...skipping meals, trying to stay away from the foods I loved. Well with the sleeve, I am satisfied with much less, I do watch protein intake and when I drink my liquids... but I can eat a little abnormally for long enough to get the weight off, and then eat pretty normally to keep it off without getting killed by those couple of weeks of birthday parties, holidays or vacations that make it sooo easy to bust the diet and spin out of control again. I just can't eat enough at this point to spin very far out of control, and the next day I just don't even want to eat crap. I say this at 8 months, and I see statistics show some folks have some weight gain between 1-3 years... I may not have met that challenge yet, but I am working on it right now changing habits before I get there.

My story is much different. I have almost changed my mind about having an invasive procedure because of my success on my 6 month supervised diet. I do have what I want sometimes but generally eat a healthy well rounded diet. My pcp has suggested that I could do it on my own. I decided to have surgery because I want to finish/win the battle. I don't want to just lose 50 or 60 pounds and be satisfied. I have made up in my mind that I must eat right most of the time and have managed my portions without being sleeved. Even now, I realize that if I overeat, I could possibly become out of control again.

My mind and attitude about food and eating was a "must" for me because I don't want to gain the weight back. Other peoples opinions of me don't matter to me but it really matters what my husband thinks of me. He has loved me at whatever size for 27 years! It would disappoint me to gain the weight back because even though he would accept me either way, I would feel he was disappointed.

It's not the losing weight that's my problem. It's the keeping it off. If any of us could do that then we wouldn't be on this forum right now. Sure we could get in the mindset and maybe keep it off for many years. BUT...when you get too old for exercise or have an injury that keeps you from exercising and the pounds start creeping on, what will you do? This is the possibility for permanent weight loss if you use the tool correctly. Something to think about.

Hi everyone,

I'm still in the process of getting insurance approval, and have appts on the books to consult with 2 different surgeons...so I'm on my way to making this happen. During this process, I've been doing a lot of self-reflection, and therapy, etc. and I'm trying to cover all my bases emotionally. I know that the surgery will lead to weight loss, one way or the other. However, I also know that I will have to follow a strict diet and exercise program post-op to see results. So, the question is, why can't I do that now? Without going through surgery?

I've been on dozens of diets and lost hundreds of pounds...and gained back hundreds more. I'm tired of the cycle, and I look at my mom and aunts, and even younger sister, and see all the things I don't want my life to look like. I'm young, I'm only 31, but I have 2 kids now, and I want to be an active, healthy mom for them, and a hot, sexy me for me. I'm so over this whole "fat" thing, and it has never felt like the inner me matches the outer me.

Really, I know for sure that at some point on the other end of this (post-op), I will say to myself "what the f@#* did I do?!" and "why couldn't you have done this without cutting yourself open" ... So the question is, did anyone else feel this way? And how did you get past it? I know that even if you could snap your fingers and have a lean, skinny physique, that doesn't fix the mental/emotional piece of how you got there in the first place, and how you couldn't fix it on your own without extreme intervention (surgery). So, once I'm hit with that issue post-op, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it. All I can venture to guess is, that from a more confident place (having lost weight and feeling better about my physical self), I'll be in a better position to deal with the emotional stuff that may come up?

Believe me, I'm perfectly clear on how I got here, emotionally, physically, genetically, etc. But I struggle with the question of "why can't I fix this myself?" why do I need surgery as my catalyst?

Any insights you may have are GREATLY appreciated.

Thanks,

E

I agree with that. I have bad knees and cannot circuit train or taebo like I used to. Bike riding is out to because of the friction it would cause in my knee from a bone spur. My knee specialist has limited my exercise to walking but has also said it is imperitive that I relieve my knees of some of the weight. He said he wants my knees to last 10 more years.

At this point, I believe I can lose the weight but I want to get it all off and keep it off. I feel that this procedure will help me maintain as well as lose it.

This was a huge question for me too, but there were a couple of things that changed my mind. First, was something the doctor said at the info session. He said that your body fights against you to lose weight. He said your body will let you gain, but will not let you lose for long. It goes into shutdown mode, or causes cravings to force you to eat again. He said this surgery actually releases you from that "set point" for a period of time, allowing you to lose without fighting your body. Also, there are hormonal changes that occur also and that is why so many people are cured of diabetes, PCOS and the like. Secondly, one of the main reasons why I cannot lose weight easily is because I am diabetic and have very high insulin with PCOS. If the surgery has a good chance of curing it - that alone is a good enough reason for me. Third) I looked at statistics I found that something like 95% of people who diet and exercise to lose weight do not maintain the loss for more than 2 years, while weight loss surgery is successful (in that people lose and keep the weight off for years) something like 85% of the time.

Anyway, this is what helped me make the decision.

Everyone has some really good point that they are sharing with you. Ulitmately it is your decision and you have to decide what is right for you. I can bet that most people who have WLS don't get a consult after failing one or two diets. They get a consult when they have tried so many diets they lose count. There are many thing that we can't accomplish on our own and need help for. I consider this the same thing. I have a goal but I need some help to get there. I need someone to remove the biggest roadblock I have (volume) and then working on those other roadblocks I hope will be a whole lot easier. My surgery is tomorrow! Good luck in your decision.

Thanks so much for all your thoughtful responses. I'm just trying to figure out what my "problem" actually is. I don't believe it's volume, i believe it's bad choices and bad timing. Right now, I am lucky if i have anything to eat before 1pm...I know I know, that's insane and really bad for me. Then, when I eat, I'm usually desperate and make bad choices (drive thru, carbs, etc) I usually have a pretty good dinner if I cook, but if I don't have time to cook or we're out all day, etc... then it's takeout. I don't really eat alot, i just sometimes eat poor food choices. I'm not sure if the sleeve will cure that issue. The other issue I have is exercise. I don't do it. The logistics of getting to the gym or going for a walk with 2 kids is just past the point of conceivable for me. It's not really hard, it's just hard enough that I don't do it. How will that change after VSG?

Argh. I'm lost.

My doctor told me some of the same things yesterday!! I don't eat enough food, I don't eat at regular times, and I don't eat often enough...

Those 3 things in themselves have caused me not to lose weight at all in the past month or so.... For me, I'm processing the whole situation.. I'm not a mother, but I am daughter of 2 elderly parents, a full-time educator, doctoral student and vocal artist (with a project to finish this month.. ugh!!)... With all of that on my plate, plus I'm a total perfectionist and very hard on myself because I have a medical background.. I feel I should know and do and yada, yada, yada....

Well, yesterday, as my doctor and dietician were both telling me how great I was doing w/ eating Breakfast lately, I had an epiphany... I can't get there for my loved ones or do the things that I aspire to do without being healthy and wise!! I know I need to eat and choose good food, not just for my taste buds but for my LIFE.... Ultimately, if I get sick, I will join my parents in needing medication for the rest of my life, being on dialysis and insulin and at the mercy of my caregivers.. That's not the life I want.. I'm only 36 years old...

Now, I know that I must do something.. and that something has to be a tool to help me get ahead of the 8-ball instead of playing behind it ALL the time.. WLS, diets, trainers, nutritionist, etc... are only tools to help me come to know that I have to think more of myself, my quality of life and my future.. There is no cure for food addiction, there is no magic bullet or pill that I can take and wake up healthy mind, body and soul from this thing that has plagued me all of my life.. I'm not naive!! Neither am I naive about the ramifications of not doing anything about it now...

For me, it's very difficult to accept that I can't do this on my own.. I struggle w/ feeling inadequate and impotent because I have not been able to maintain a significant weight loss ever... I don't like feeling vulnerable and neither do I like conceding to defeat... But I find freedom in saying, without the help of WLS and the group of professionals that I am working with, my food addiction, hormone imbalance and insulin resistance will cause me to have an early death or a quality of life that is not really life at all!!!

Now that I think about it, it's not defeat at all to need help.. I tell my students that the most noble thing is to admit you need help and not fail because you are trying to save face and do it on your own...

I'm not sure if you have someone who can help you for a few hours a week.. or just maybe one hour... During that time, I suggest you take a walk in the park or to your favorite quiet place and reflect on the kind of life you want to live, the kind of life you would have if you got sick from some weight-related illnesses and finally the kind of life your family would have if you died from an obesity-associated disease....What legacy do you want to leave for your children??

After that, set small goals.. and Celebrate each accomplishment.. It will help you remember and look forward to the next one.. My goal this week is to eat breakfast each day... So far, so good!!! I'm going to celebrate this weekend by purchasing a new blender!!

As far as exercise, housecleaning or walking around the house is a start... Don't feel like you have to have everything down to a science!! One thing at a time, one day at a time, one step at a time!! I was freaking out when I started doing 3 meals a day and I gained 5 lbs!! I stopped eating again.. DUH!!.. I was too scale-conscious.. though my body felt great, more energy, finally sleeping, etc... I could get passed the numbers on the scale creeping up...

Today, I'm planning my small goal for next week... drinking the appropriate amount of Water.... So, I understand the thinking and processing that must be done when considering WLS or any other major life-changing action.. Just know this, small successes build us up to have larger ones... you will get addicted to accomplishing your small goals and before you know it, your decision will be made, your life will be changed and you will be able to help someone else through the process...

Sorry this is so long, your post really helped me put some things into perspective for myself.. So, maybe I needed to write this for me!! LOL... Blessings to you!!!