Tough Texan/scared to death

[ybnormal 21]

Tomorrow starts the countdown to my goals of a longer and healthier life. This forum is a blessing.

First, know that you are never alone. Second, all these emotions are totally normal. I went from Moaning Myrtle and crying a lot to Evil Renee / stark raving mad biatch in the blink of an eye. I was scared, nervous, terrified and second guessing myself thinking "omg this is STUPID! I can do this on my own! I'm strong enough, right?! Wrong. I've had many chances and I wasn't strong enough...I wanted it bad enough, I just couldn't do it. I just made a video on Youtube about this actually, the many emotions I went through before it all. Because one of the hardest parts for me was admitting that I needed help. I don't know why but that was very hard for me to admit.

I went into surgery thinking 'omg I could die!' and then thinking 'i'm dying anyway...the weight is killing me' and once I got my head wrapped around that, I knew that I had to have the surgery and that I had to give myself another chance at really living. I'm now down 37 pounds and feel so much better. I have a long way to go still but I know now that I'll get there. I have hope and that's something that I haven't had in a very long time.

I know you can do this! You owe it to yourself and your family to give yourself another shot at really living!

Renee`

p.s. I used to live on Galveston Island...loved Texas!

[Tex 1]

Thank you Renee. Under the doubt is true excitement. Spent a lot of summer vacations on that island.

[Jane_J 117]

You kind ladies are appreciated more than you know. My fear is very simple. I'm afraid something is going to go wrong and I'm never gonna see my kids again over elective surgery. Get up off your lazy rear end and exercise and eat right and do it yourself. I guess a little part of me feels bad for needing help. Help that although has a low risk could be the end of me.

I understand exactly what you are saying but at the end of the day you aren't going to do it on your own because you would already have done it. And if you have sleep apnea you have a serious medical condition that can be life limiting, so playing the numbers game of weighing one risk against another you are probably safer having this elective surgery while you are fit enough to bear it andyou will stand more chance of being around for your kids and their kids too in the future years!

Jane x

[Jane_J 117]

Preop diet starts Thursday. One more day of eating as I wish. I'm not gonna sugar coat it. I'm second guessing myself. I feel depressed, alone, hopeful, determined and a mix of about 10 other emotions. I'm a successful guy. Self made and used to getting what I want. I've earned everything I have with years and years of hard work and risk taking and I don't like the idea of giving up control over anything. This is going to test every Fiber of my being. Took the family for Mexican food tonight and was so depressed I couldn't eat. I know I know I'm whining like a big baby. That's how I feel right now. My 5 year old smiled at me during dinner and I damn near started crying. This is nuts.

I get this too, I am successful by my own efforts and not being able to fix myself on my own was a pisser! Console yourself with the thought that you will be able to eat what you want in a years time, you just won't want to overdo it, the eating imperative changes completely. It is as easy as falling off a log!

Jane x

[FindingReneeAgain 2]

Hi Tex,

I understand the feeling of being fearful about your kids. I'm a single mother of two and that thought crossed my mind as well, then I came to realization that after all of these years if I haven't already succeeded on my own then I wasn't going to and the only way to be here for my kids was to have the surgery and become healthy. This surgery was for me and my children. Once I resolved my mind to becoming a healthy, active individual that was going to be around for years to come the anxiety left and I never looked back or had another doubt about my decision. With your medical issues you are doing what needs to be done to keep you here as a healthy and happy person. Good luck to you.

[Redheadedone 3]

Hi Tex, just thought I'd put my two sense in. I'm 41 and have been obese my entire life. About five years ago I worked for a company that would have paid for me to have gastric bypass so I started the process. About mid way through I knew in my heart that God was telling me not to do it. Now mind you, while I am a Christian and LOVE the Lord but I am not a person who goes around claiming God tells me what to do all the time. In this case I knew as sure as Monday follows Sunday, gastric bypass was not for me. Fast forward 5 years later and I am back up to my heaviest weight once again. I am an ultrasoud tech and was scanning a patient who has a lap band. God bless her she was so open to talking to me about it and because it was something I considered, after she left I started to pray about it and do as much research as possible. I have since decided to do a sleeve and will be getting mine on July 26th, also in Mexico but with a different physician. Everything has fallen into place beutiful during the planning stage and while I am not God, I do believe that when things fall into place well God is cool with it. I don't know where you stand as far as faith but it is time to trust God and put yourself in His hands. As much as we all want to be blessed, God wants that even more for us. Think about your love for your children and how deep that is. Now think of the fact that you are a child of God and when He has a blessing for His kids, nothing can block it. It is not my goal to beat you over the head with God but He is able to not only remove your fear but keep you safe. I will be praying for you and wish you the absolute best in your journey!

[Texasmom65 23]

Redheadedone, you said it perfectly.

Tex, I know how you are feeling. I'm 46 have 3 children, 26, 25 and 7. Also 4 grandchildren. I want to be around to see my little boy get married and have children and be able to keep up with my grandchildren as well. When I think "Oh my, I'm going to have most of my stomach removed", I do get kinda freaked out.....but....it doesn't last for long. I'm more excited than anything else. And just as Redheadedone said, I know this is the right thing for me at this time in my life. I've been searching for something like this since 2008. Wanted the lapband, so I thought. Went to seminars, tried to get approved....but it just didn't feel right to me. So I didn't think about it anymore, until earlier this year. This time I heard about the sleeve and once I decided that is what I wanted (which didn't take long), everything just fell into place and very quickly. I know this is meant to be. I know this is the right thing to do for me. I know I will be ok and God will take care of me.....so I can take care of my family.

You can do this Tex. Stop worrying so much and start making plans for your future. Think how next summer will be for you and your kids. It's going to be wonderful.

[Tex 1]

Stress test tomorrow. 7/21 draws nearer. I have planned a relaxing mountain vacation from 8/5-8/12 post op. Dr kims office says I should be fine to go on vacation that soon after surgery. Any thoughts on that would be appreciated.

[lovemyboys 3]

Hey Tex, is Dr Kim having u to do a sleep apnea test? I've got to have one for Dr Barker next Wednesday.

[Tex 1]

No but I've had fairly severe sleep apnea for years. It's one of the reasons I'm doing this. Passed stress test and pre op app is tomorrow. I write a check for 12 grand also. This damn sure better work. Lol.

[ybnormal 21]

ya know what? I just decided that you don't need the surgery but I DO need to go shopping. You can just send that check over to me!

I'm excited for your surgery and YES take a much needed vacation, after all the stress you've been under you deserve it!

xoxo, Renee`

[lovemyboys 3]

I'm also self pay and I just called mine in yesterday. Mine is 12,500. So I've been wondering, if we are self pay will they just push us outa there asap? My surgery is at forest park medical center on the 20th. I did some research on the place and found a lady that said she was not self pay and they charged her insurance 140,000! Since they aren't making as much off of us will they even let us stay 2 nights??? To me the longer I stay the better because I live 2.5 hrs away!

[Tex 1]

Mine is at forest park the day after yours. I had my pre-op today at forest park and man was I impressed. It's a private hospital and I was just blown away by everyone I encountered. Due to how I was treated there today I'm actually feeling better about this for the first time. Top notch service folks. I felt like I was in a 5 star hotel. I made a comment before leaving how impressed I was and a young girl that did my chest xray said that working there is wonderful and not easy to pass the requirements. She said they will have to close if obamas health plan stands. I'm not trying to start a political discussion but for gods sake do the libs have to make all of us miserable? Geez. Anyway 1 week ago I was very close to bailing on this and as of today I'm feeling much better.

[Jane_J 117]

Mine is at forest park the day after yours. I had my pre-op today at forest park and man was I impressed. It's a private hospital and I was just blown away by everyone I encountered. Due to how I was treated there today I'm actually feeling better about this for the first time. Top notch service folks. I felt like I was in a 5 star hotel. I made a comment before leaving how impressed I was and a young girl that did my chest xray said that working there is wonderful and not easy to pass the requirements. She said they will have to close if obamas health plan stands. I'm not trying to start a political discussion but for gods sake do the libs have to make all of us miserable? Geez. Anyway 1 week ago I was very close to bailing on this and as of today I'm feeling much better.

Don't bail out Tex. Stand firm, you will succeed. And get the op while you can before the system is dismantled. We have a national health service here and it never helped me with my weight problems, I had to self pay and go to the Czech Republic to get my VSG done, but it was completely worth it. I suppose that is the equivalent of you going to Mexico from Texas. In fact I was so impressed with the care in the Czech Republic I am going back in October for a bit of cosmetic work as I have never really liked my boobs!

[Tex 1]

Lol. That's great Jane. You got more "guts" than I do.