Day 20. Almost Human.

[crosswind 134]

I did this: I called a lady in Mexicali Mexico who made an appointment for me to come to a Mexican Hospital I had never seen, by myself, and get my stomach cut out under anesthesia and then I came home and I am still not dead.

I still can't quite get my head around my behavior. I spent from about January to March mulling it over but I can't say I really researched it. I didn't have insurance and was not going to get any and I was so fat, and I was truly at the end of something, some rope, some road.

My normal non-desperate self is, first of all, terrified to fly. I was just recently married to someone who was very keen on outlining how Mexico was falling apart and becoming an anarchic apocalyptic state. I am the woman who spends money on everybody else and not herself because frankly what difference does it make in the end? We all end up in pineboxes feeding the ecosystem, right? So who cares if you're fat, you're just an average human borg-ant marching around, what kind of hideous, vain, self-centered, irresponsible, recklesss, banana are you anyway?

So what I sort of had to do is not let the woman in the previous paragraph know what I was doing. I had to just shut the whole system down, all of it, anything and anyone who was going to tell me not to do it. This included: my family, the insurance borg, my ex-husband, and the rest of patriarchy and my own neurotic fear-stricken personality. I had to sneak around behind my own back. Because you know what the neurotic parts of your personality do with a thing like this. Hellfire. Volcanoes exploding. A crater appears in the hospital bed where you used to be. Your legs *fall off*. Etc.

I knew I wasn't gonna die. Everybody: you are not going to die. Fine, this is the most momentous, earthshattering medical decision you have probably ever made, but look on the other side of the operating table: the guy who is going to cut you open is *not* afraid you're going to die. He would not be doing it if he thought you were going to die, just from the malpractice alone it's a bad idea to kill people.

And I finally figured -- life is just not that easy. If I developed later complications no way in hell was I going to get off with just a checkout card from God, no way, I'd get *saved* and then be harnessed with a trillion dollar medical bill I'd running from for the rest of my life. And I also at one point looked all of this right in its smarmy, ratty little face and thought, can it really be worse than everything I've been through in the past five years? I think not.

It's almost three weeks later and I am still amazed at myself. I am not sure if I was desperate or if I was finished or if I just wanted a vacation or what. But I really did this. It was almost like I was doing something I had forgotten to do years ago. Reorganize the hall closet. Reallocate the 401K. Steamclean the couch. Get your stomach cut out.

One more week and I'll be a full human again who can eat food and order in restaurants. What a strange, strange, little known fact about myself.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Life only gets better from here!

Soon you'll be shocked when you try on clothes that you thought would be tight but they slide right on!

Soon you'll be living life almost forgetting that you have a tiny stomach

[Billy363627 15]

Your life will get better every day and when the NSV and the weightloss happens. You will be soo glad that you did this for yourself. It is very life changing for the good..

[Virginia S 13]

Day zero here (my surgeon calls tomorrow day one) and looking forward to being where you are. So glad you grabbed your courage and did this, and I love the way you're sharing your journey with the rest of us.

Now I gotta figure out how to update my ticker. Down another couple lbs today!

[meggiep 57]

It's almost three weeks later and I am still amazed at myself. I am not sure if I was desperate or if I was finished or if I just wanted a vacation or what. But I really did this. It was almost like I was doing something I had forgotten to do years ago. Reorganize the hall closet. Reallocate the 401K. Steamclean the couch. Get your stomach cut out.

`Oh I just love those words! That is just how I have been feeling...

It seems that after you are here on VST for a while it becomes the norm to have your stomach cut apart and not the exception.

So glad you are starting to feel human again!

[****** 12]

Because you know what the neurotic parts of your personality do with a thing like this. Hellfire. Volcanoes exploding. A crater appears in the hospital bed where you used to be. Your legs *fall off*. Etc.

Reorganize the hall closet. Reallocate the 401K. Steamclean the couch. Get your stomach cut out.

One more week and I'll be a full human again who can eat food and order in restaurants. What a strange, strange, little known fact about myself.

CW:

For a moment there I thought you had snuck into my crazy mixed up neurotrap (brain) and read my to do list! I absolutely love your wit and your writing (which makes me laugh all the way down to the last lucid lane in my goofy thought synapsis turnpike -- sort of like a mental macarena for me). I'm so looking forward to being on the flip side of the stomach obliteration dance. For me, however, I doubt will ever approach "human" as I consider myself more abbie something --- oh yeah -- abbie normal!

So glad to hear you're doing well. I so look forward to regular installments of The World According to Crosswind! They always make my day.

E

[crosswind 134]

Thanks all and YOU GO Virginia S!

You know, every time I post I keep wanting to mention that I think eventually this surgery is going to be as common, affordable and undramatic as a blepharoplasty. However brave and lucky we all feel, I betcha anything ten years from now people will just shrug and nod when they hear yet another person has divorced her stomach. People aren't getting any thinner, diabetes is not going away, and if some yahoo from nebraska can hop a plane and get this done over a weekend without a hitch for less than ten thousand bucks AND financing...Jenny Craig is freakin doomed.

[meggiep 57]

Thanks all and YOU GO Virginia S!

You know, every time I post I keep wanting to mention that I think eventually this surgery is going to be as common, affordable and undramatic as a blepharoplasty. However brave and lucky we all feel, I betcha anything ten years from now people will just shrug and nod when they hear yet another person has divorced her stomach. People aren't getting any thinner, diabetes is not going away, and if some yahoo from nebraska can hop a plane and get this done over a weekend without a hitch for less than ten thousand bucks AND financing...Jenny Craig is freakin doomed.

It totally rung true to me when someone (maybe you?)posted in your thread about obesity that our stomachs have evolved to be this large from a time when we didn't always know where our next meal was comng from, when we had to eat a lot to hold us over, and when we also worked hard doing chores, hunting food all of it. We don't need stomachs this big, that is a fact. I really do think this surgery will become more and more common. And them maybe someday people will evolve to have smaller stomachs, naturally.

[groovearmada 14]

It totally rung true to me when someone (maybe you?)posted in your thread about obesity that our stomachs have evolved to be this large from a time when we didn't always know where our next meal was comng from, when we had to eat a lot to hold us over, and when we also worked hard doing chores, hunting food all of it. We don't need stomachs this big, that is a fact. I really do think this surgery will become more and more common. And them maybe someday people will evolve to have smaller stomachs, naturally.

I so hope you guys are right about this. Although everything went great for me and I am doing well, i keep thinking that in a few years medics will be dissing this procedure and it will get banned or something. The rest of us left with very little stomach, nothing we can do!

[Nicole W 0]

I agree. It's comical to me how often I have to explain exactly what the VSG is any time someone asks me what surgery I've had. I mean, one of the girls I know had news crews asking if they could film everything about her surgery before and after- how crazy is that! It's like we've discovered a new life form or something. I can't wait until a few years down the road when people start really accepting the surgery... I still can't even believe that I did it two weeks ago! What a crazy notion.. My stomach is forever smaller and I love it!

[groovearmada 14]

I agree. It's comical to me how often I have to explain exactly what the VSG is any time someone asks me what surgery I've had. I mean, one of the girls I know had news crews asking if they could film everything about her surgery before and after- how crazy is that! It's like we've discovered a new life form or something. I can't wait until a few years down the road when people start really accepting the surgery... I still can't even believe that I did it two weeks ago! What a crazy notion.. My stomach is forever smaller and I love it!

Stunning pic Nicole, you're gorgeous!

[happy2behere 2]

Thank you for sharing VST! I too think , AM I NUTS??? I am going to have my stomache cut out in less than a week!??!?! I can't sleep at night and am literally sick with worry! I keep telling myself, this is my last chance at actually becoming thin and I am sticking to my guns and look at this surgery as a second chance at life.

Again, thanks for sharing with us and happy to hear you are starting to feel human AGAIN!!!! Best if luck to you in your journey.

Vanessa

[Nicole W 0]

Stunning pic Nicole, you're gorgeous!

Thanks!