pro's / con's to being honest about having surgery

[newmefeb8 1]

My surgery is in early Feb .. just wondering what people's experience has been about the benefits / disadvantages about "coming" out to friends and family about "going under the knife". I can see both sides ... great to have support .. but you might get so many negative opinions. I am certainly doing this for myself ... but am not good at lying. Your thoughts?

[YOLANDA240 13]

It's been 3 months since I was sleeved and prior to surgery I only told two co-workers and I did not tell my mom or sisters until I was in my room recovering at the hospital only because I knew my family was going to be very negative and I only wanted positive thoughts going into surgery. Like you I'm a terrible liar so I thought after surgery if any would ask about my weight I would tell them the truth. So back to your question, my mom was more supportive then I thought she would be and my sisters were very happy for me so I wish I would have told them sooner. My disadvantage came when I returned to work and one of the co-workers I told about my surgery spread it through out the office, I thought I could trust her. Now I'm the topic of conversation at work with statements "like she cheated" and "she was not that big in the first place." So my advice would be tell your family and friends when your comfortable, but expect everyone to have an opinion positive and negative.

Hope this helped, good luck with your upcoming surgery

My surgery is in early Feb .. just wondering what people's experience has been about the benefits / disadvantages about "coming" out to friends and family about "going under the knife". I can see both sides ... great to have support .. but you might get so many negative opinions. I am certainly doing this for myself ... but am not good at lying. Your thoughts?

[newnatalie 20]

Hi Newmefeb8,

Who you choose to tell is really up to you! I did not shout it to the roof top, but I did tell those who were closest to me. Some objected and others were supportive, It really didn't matter because my mind was made up, but prepared for some negative reactions.

I did vow that I would not keep my surgery a secret. If people ask, I tell them the truth. So many times I would see poepl who lost weight and ask how they did it. They would lie about some fad diet, knowing they had surgery! This use to tick me off. I have a Blog about it on this site. Feel free to check it out!

Bottomline. is weight loss surgery is not taboo. You are taking the neccessary steps to become healthier. If people don't agree than pooh on them! You have to do what's best for you! Congrats on taking steps to a better future.

Take care!

NewNatalie

[newmefeb8 1]

Thanks so much the 2 responses. Any advice / feedback you can share with me about your experiences would be SO APPRECIATED!!!!!! How long were you in hosp? How long until you were up and about? What was recovery like? How was your pain level? Just thinking about the days and week (s) post-op and how I will manage with my kids / home, etc....

Thanks so much!

My surgery is in early Feb .. just wondering what people's experience has been about the benefits / disadvantages about "coming" out to friends and family about "going under the knife". I can see both sides ... great to have support .. but you might get so many negative opinions. I am certainly doing this for myself ... but am not good at lying. Your thoughts?

[Margaret 4]

Mine will be in March or April, and I told my closest friends. I just figured honesty was best and I can't lie. So, it's in my nature to be a realist and once I knew this was right for me; i. e. to have the surgery, I was totally comfortable with the facts. I had lots of questions, lots of naysayers, and lots of indifference. I asked for it by clarifying for some what it was all about, but I told them NOW I'm not going to mention it any more. I have a support group on this website and at the hospital, and I've had enough negative backlash that I'm just going about my business and not mentioning it at all. At least that's my plan! In many ways, I wish I hadn't told anyone! Interestingly enough, those who work on their weight and are walking or in other diet programs were clearly the most supportive. Lots of people don't have the courage or conviction to change. It's their problem, not mine! Good luck to you-----and to me, too!

My surgery is in early Feb .. just wondering what people's experience has been about the benefits / disadvantages about "coming" out to friends and family about "going under the knife". I can see both sides ... great to have support .. but you might get so many negative opinions. I am certainly doing this for myself ... but am not good at lying. Your thoughts?

[BZButterfly79 19]

I chose to tell my husband and that's it, I am a firm believe of the "it's none of your business" statement. If I come across someone who is obese and wants to listen I will tell them-simply because otherwise I would consider it selfishness. I was in the hospital for one night, I was up and about the same day(went to the bathroom etc), after 2 days on pain meds I was off of them and 5 days later I was cleaning the house. The pain right after the procedure for me was a mix of nausea and vomiting and feeling like someone was standing on my stomach. If it helps you any I have three kids and a husband who is frequently deployed and I would never go back if I could, this I believe saved my life, gave me back my life, has enhanced my self-esteem and also the relationships around me, if I had to deal with pain for a month straight I would have done it still. Good Luck. By the way I do an hour of cardio daily and hadn't done that in years! What I always tell people is...what's the other option? For me it was a lifetime of eating and starving eating and starving and that's no life while the scale only wants to move up!

[dcoates 0]

Mine is also in early Feb.

i told a few people and none were negative about it!

and if they were i wouldnt give a fig anyways!!!

I'm doing this for me and my family.

To me, it don't matter what anyone else thinks, they don't know what we go through being fat for so long.

Cheating my ass! going through major surgery is cheating???

someone needs to put the pipe down and come back to reality!

thats just me...

[Rootman 1,101]

I'd advocate ALWAYS being honest, it's just a rule of mine. It's hard to remember a lie too.

Now WHO you tell I'd advise being judicious about. And if there is someone that is a real naysayer that might try and make you miserable then I'd think about not telling them YET, or not telling them at all and just never bring up the suject.

[Cheri B 1]

I'll tell anyone who asks, or even before they ask;-)

I'm so excited about finally taking this step that I really don't care what anyone else thinks.

People are going to know anyway. Their either going to think you had weight loss surgery or have cancer. People do not lose weight this rapidly on a regular diet program. I know a couple of people who insist that they are just on a good diet plan, uh-huh. Okay, maybe they found the miracle diet plan but realistically I doubt it.

Don't let anyone tell you what to do or make you feel bad about your decision. Why anyone else thinks that they have the right disparage you and your decision is beyond me.

It's really is a very personal decision to tell or not to tell. Whatever your decision is, be strong and good luck!

[k8bwalsh 1]

When I first started going thru the process (June 2010), I only told my immediate family. I also told my closest friend along with 2 friends that had also had a weight loss surgery. I asked everyone to keep it confidential, since I wasn't sure if I was going to actually do it or if I was just seeing what my options were. Why tell 'everyone' if I didn't actually go thru with it? (I have a very large family - lots of cousins, etc.) Everyone was extremely supportive, especially since they all know my 2 friends that had the surgery and the benefits they were experiencing. Plus my cousin, who I rarely see as she lives in another state, had it 18 years ago - so I guess I knew how everyone felt about her and supported her decision already. Gradually, I brought other family and friends 'up to speed' as the process moved along. I just told some co-workers within the past month. My surgery is in 5 days (January 26th). I have to say, I'm grateful that my family, friends, and most of co-workers have all been exteremely supportive! I did have three bad experiences, though - a couple of my co-workers immediately wanted to tell me 'so-and-so' (in another deparment) had it done and she lost a lot, but gained it ALL back. (Really? I want to hear this?????) That kind of bothered me, because I know they'll be gossiping about me the same way. I just pray I'm not a 'she gained it all back' story - and hopefully I will be the 'she lost it and looks fantastic' story! LOL!! Another experience, I had to tell the nurse at my ENT's office my weight, after telling her, I confided that I was having surgery in 6 weeks. She looked despondant, and exclaimed, "So many people have that and just gain it all right back," while shaking her head. REALLY???? BI-OTCH! You need to tell me that?! Lastly, I was at a jewelery counter at Christmas time and the sales person overheard me discussing it with my mother, and jumped into the middle of our conversation, "Why are you having surgery? Have you tried to change your eating habits? I can help you - I can provide you with a holtistic way to lose weight." Seriously? I wanted to say, "Go away! Who asked you???" Uggghhh!! On a postive note, I told my GYN office, (this happened before my ENT appointment so I guess I was thinking all medical staff would be supportive) - and that particular nurse could not have been MORE supportive. "Good for you. Really. Good luck. You should be proud of yourself. Really, good for you." So - bottom line - this is a decision that YOU need to be comfortable with and commit to. You cannot worry about what others may do or say about it. If they are supportive, fantastic! But if they are neutral or negetive - who cares? It does set you back when it happens, but as long as you have strong support in your house, and you become comfortable with your decision, it will make it much easier to shake off the negetivity. Hope you found my experiences helpful, and Good Luck!!

[BZButterfly79 19]

I must say I know plenty of people who dropped a crazy amount of weight on the HCG protocol, now...they never took time off for surgery so it is possible they eat 500cals/day.

[srwright66 1]

People may not agree with me but here's my two cents. It disturbs me to see people that want to keep this a secret. I try to skip over those posts.

I have been very open about having this done. I was embarrassed at first and ashamed that I let myself get this way. I wasn't sure what their reactions were going to be. It really didn't matter, this is for me and no one else. My family was OK with it, but not big on me going to Mexico. They got over it. My co-workers are excited for me and have invited me to work out with them after I have my surgery. My boss is now seriously considering it. His wife had gastric bypass and he didn't want any part of that. So maybe my positive input will help him.

For so long I looked in the mirror and lied to myself, I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I made empty promises to myself, tried every diet, even damaged my heart with phen-fen.

Ask yourself this: Do you think anybody will believe you are just eating healthy and dieting? Really? REALLY? If you say this and it is found out that you really had surgery, then everyone will see you as a liar. I'm an honest person and am not ashamed that I am having this surgery.

If someone doesn't like the surgery I'm having and give me any negativity, I only have one thing for them and that is a big fat WHATEVER!

Be proud of what you are doing for yourself.

[DENISE 0]

People may not agree with me but here's my two cents. It disturbs me to see people that want to keep this a secret. I try to skip over those posts.

I have been very open about having this done. I was embarrassed at first and ashamed that I let myself get this way. I wasn't sure what their reactions were going to be. It really didn't matter, this is for me and no one else. My family was OK with it, but not big on me going to Mexico. They got over it. My co-workers are excited for me and have invited me to work out with them after I have my surgery. My boss is now seriously considering it. His wife had gastric bypass and he didn't want any part of that. So maybe my positive input will help him.

For so long I looked in the mirror and lied to myself, I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I made empty promises to myself, tried every diet, even damaged my heart with phen-fen.

Ask yourself this: Do you think anybody will believe you are just eating healthy and dieting? Really? REALLY? If you say this and it is found out that you really had surgery, then everyone will see you as a liar. I'm an honest person and am not ashamed that I am having this surgery.

If someone doesn't like the surgery I'm having and give me any negativity, I only have one thing for them and that is a big fat WHATEVER!

Be proud of what you are doing for yourself.

I totally and completely have to agree with you!!!!!!! I will not let obesity shame me anymore! I have told EVERYONE and have explained the procedure because a lot of people dont even know that there is a difference. Everyone has seen my struggles and since I have such a positive approach on this topic, I haven't received any negativity. I have no room or time in my life for that anyways! Honesty is the best policy because ALL secrets come out of the closet and then where does that leave your the integrity at ? All in all it's a personal matter, but secrecy just promotes the taboo and prejudice of WLS!

[Kriss 0]

I am so happy to hear everyone's opinion ! I too have been almost ashamed by admitting I am going to have the surgery. I have told my husband, my mother, my son and 2 friends so far. But Denise I have to agree with you. Why keep it a secret ! I have struggled with every diet known to mankind, diet pills the whole shabang. Everybody I know has watched me struggle. I am doing this for me. I could stay weighing 320 lbs (being embarassed to even walk out my door) or I can do something and be proud of it. I don't think this is the easy road .. surgery never is. I am so looking forward to my new "lighter" life !

[Gipsprettyface 1]

I am a horrible liar, so I plan on telling the truth. My biggest fear is that I will be one of those "who gains it back" but I am hoping to use that fear to keep me on track with eating choices and working out At first I was only going to tell family and friends (even my gorgeous skinny-minny ones!). Since then I have decided realistically if I do lose weight that fast and take 2 weeks off, won't it be pretty obvious what I have had done? Better to be upfront about it, if someone has something they disagree with me about then that's their opinion. I'd rather be able to face them and their opinion than have it said behind my back. My surgery won't be scheduled until March, but everyone I have told about it has been positive and just wants the best for me