This started out as just a reply to someone who repied to another post I made on another topic but thought I'd ask those here...I'm leaning more towards the sleeve everyday but still have trouble making decisions. I know in the long run it's best but I'm just having anxious feelings on what to say to those close to me (like co-workers or close friends) who ask if I've had surgical weight loss. My first reaction would be that it's none of their business. But knowing my relatives who might find out, they never can keep a secret (sad to say, one of them is my hubby, lol) so if & when the word gets out, what do I say to those who ask? I REALLY REALLY wanna keep my private matters private but those who are close to me will know something went on. Another issue I have with making a final decision on the sleeve is 'what' I can eat. I'm just so afraid that I'll end up at someone's home for dinner or get invited to stay for dinner & not be able to eat what they provide or end up having to stop somewhere to eat on a roadtrip & wonder what I'll get to eat. I think eating out won't be a problem b/c most places have things to choose from but sometimes I'll go to a friends house to visit & they always have me stay for dinner. I feel terrible at having to say "I'm sorry, I can't eat that" b/c I want to keep the surgery to myself, what do I say to them? These are people that actually fill my plate before they give it to me even saying "that's plenty thanks" they just keep putting more on there then I feel wasteful if I can't eat it all. I don't want to appear to just be 'picking' at my food. That's my actual problem on deciding, does anyone here have any advice?? Should I just say I'm just cutting back on what I eat? Funny I know asking strangers but I think this is a great support group, everyone here seems so supportive & helpful!! Thanks, in advance, for any replies!!

--SK.

Hi, I feel uncomfortable about lying if someone asks about my weight loss all those years trying what someone else did to lose the weight and failing have been so demoralizing I won't want someone else to go through that even strangers. I also don't give a sh*t if someone thinks I took the "easy" route I know better and seriously would those same people think better of me if I had stayed obese? I also have these set answers in my head in response to the *why?* I will say about it the first I tell them the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results and for me it was time after decades of dieting and never getting anywhere to do something sane. I also say that I felt I have a choice go in for elective WLS or end up in the hospital through the ER due to some obese related crisis. I'll ask them this if your doctor were to tell you you have a tumor that in time will probably make you sick and eventually kill you would leave the tumor there or be proactive and have it removed> For me eating out was a bit of a challenge early on I'd put a small amount of food on the plate or share a plate a part of me would stress that it wasn't enough food it is easier for me to leave food on the plate. When I am eating with a group I slowly pick at my food protein first. Except for carbonation there is nothing I can not eat. As far as eating at someone else's home there is always something I can eat it helps early on to find out beforehand what is on the menu that way you can mentally plan what you will eat. Hope this helps.

I've pretty much told all the major family members, most of my good friends, and my co-workers all know (because you know how you tell one person and suddenly everyone knows). I have found for people who have asked about my surgery to just say I have a smaller stomach. Once I go into the sleeve, they think it is some kinds of device on my stomach and it takes forever to explain. I just say yes, my stomach is smaller and I can much less than I used to. It's been working well for me, especially at work since it is obvious I can't eat like I used to. I really feel like people will know something is up once you start losing lots of weight anyway, so why hide it? If I can help someone, I don't mind talking to them about it.

I told my immediate family before surgery and my co-workers because they all wanted to know why i was going to be out of work for a month. It was innocent. They thought I was going on a awesome vacation. I didn't have to tell them, but of course they would have noticed when I came back that i was shrinking fast and not eating and that would have just felt like lying to me. Since I have had surgery I have had a lot of people ask me what diet I am on and I am honest about WLS. I have lost 76 pounds in six months. People will definitely notice that. I don't scream it from the roof tops, but if it comes up, I don't hide it. People will eventually find out and be hurt that you lied to them and for what? It just isn't worth trying to be sneaky.

As for eating, there are limitations initially. I am four months out and there are still a lot of things I can't eat. Even what I can eat is really just a few bites. If everyone around you knows, it isn't awkward. Thanksgiving and Christmas felt a little strange, but that was just me. My family acted like it was totally normal that I wasn't eating. I can certainly eat in restaurants. I just take 90% of it home with me

Thank you, I just had surgery on Jan 17th so I have not lose a lot of weight yet so I am rolliong around this same question in my head everyday. I have only told 2 really close co-workers and my husband only because I have been on a weight yo-yo for over 4 years now. On a daily basis some one in my life asks me about my weight so I have decided that I am going to start going back to weight watcher next week before I return back to work. So when everyone asks me how I am losing my weight I can say am on weight watchers and it will be the truth. No one will ever doubt me because I lose over 125 pounds with weight watchers 4 years ago. I am sure that no one will come ask me directly if I had WLS. When and if the time comes that I want to tell people about my WLS then it will be when I am ready.

Jen

I'm still fat so when I eat in public and people see me choosing small portions of healthful foods, they say nothing about it - it probably looks simple enough, fat girl chooses small portions of healthy food, she must be on a diet. When I was on vacation and going out to restaurants, I chose fancier places that serve tiny portions, or sushi restaurants, or tapas bars. Going out with friends to upscale bars meant tiny appetizers & cocktails. All in all, I find it perfectly manageable. Now, when I am no longer noticeably obese or fat, people might get curious over my diet-like portions, I'll probably make some joke about having a birdy appetite. I have found that nobody notices how much you eat, so long as you don't call attention to it.

How about just giving them a wide-eyed, incredulous look, saying "WOW." and finding a reason to walk in another direction? They won't know if the answer was yes, or if you were insulted that they'd be so bold to ask, or what, but they'll definitely get the idea that they were out of line asking in the first place.

I am in the same boat as you are. I didn't want my co-workers to know because I work with lots of nurses and doctors, and I didn't want to have to explain over and over and over again about what I am doing and hearing all their opinions and concerns. It is just to hard. So, I have begun telling my co workers I have started new eating habits, cutting down on my portions, watching what I eat, trying to be good. I have also told them about going to Belly Dancing class and the fact I just purchased the new Zumba DVD set. I have also told them I will be going on a vacation in June or July, just don't know when yet, so when I am gone for 2 weeks, they won't think anything of it. So after my surgery (I can't wait to get my date) when I start losing weight, they will think it is because of that. I will tell them the truth, I am watching what I eat closely and exercising more. Honestly, I do not think it is anyone's business but my own about how I am losing weight.

In order to have support, I have told only a few close people to me. My husband of course, my daughter, my best friend, my husband let it slip to his best friend who has been sworn to secrecy and one co-worker who figured it out one day. She knows if she ever told anyone I would never speak to her again and she can't have that because she relies on me way to much as it is. I have also told my manager because I have to have permission to be away for the surgery. Other than that, no one else knows. I want my weight loss to be a big surprise to my family back home in Texas and Oklahoma. And my husband's family in Vancouver, well they are such petty people, we are just going to show up on day and have me all thin and see what they say.

Good luck with your decision. You tell whomever you want and the rest of the people can be kept wondering why you are looking so gorgeous.

Just my two cents worth.

Sheila

I was SO worried preop about what the guys at work would think, since we eat lunch together every day and then pizza on fridays! As it turned out, men's hearing switches off if you mention that you're on a diet so apart from some grumbling about me not ordering lunch with them (I take mine now), I just said that I was gaining too much weight and spending too much money eating out for lunch each day. Now I say I am on a high Protein, low carb diet - which I am.

Of course now I am 6 months postop I can eat more, but still eat small portions - a small container of salad with chicken, some greek yoghurt, the insides of a tuna sandwich or chicken taco. They don't notice a thing (except the weight loss but they don't even mention that... they are men's men who don't talk about personal things!)

I haven't had surgery, but I think a lie is hard and confusing to people and some people may become frightened for you as they see you loose a ton of weight (is she sick?).

If you really really want to be private, then you will have to lie. But, maybe decide not to be so private. Maybe tone it down a bit, *i've had WLS and I totally changed my diet, it is a helpful TOOL". then you get out of the whole "cheating" mentality. You may have to answer questions from the curious and ignorant. When you are at someone's house, just serve yourself/stop the servin. You don't have to be 100% open with everyone, maybe just restrained?

It is not true that if you don't want to disclose your surgery that you will have to lie. I am quite happy to say "I don't really feel comfortable discussing my weight with you" if someone asks what I've been doing. I just think it's SO RUDE to ask people that - I would never do that! It's one thing to say "Gee, you're looking great", but to interrogate someone about how they lost their weight.. ugh.