Four months out and reality has kicked in

[Estrellita 6]

I think this thread goes on this forum, not wher I posted before...

Hi all! Tomorrow marks my fourth month post surgery. What has this journey been like? Well...

1. No leakage or any other serious complication- thank God!

2. I never expected the post surgery experience I had. Anxiety and depression, like I've never witnessed in myself or anyone else. kicked in about two weeks post. Uncontrollable, snowballing, unexplainable, irrational fear, sadness, and regret. I went on tranquilizers, developed a mild dependecy on the benzo, had to follow a tapering process, but all ended well. This experience is unforgettable to me and my family! Everyone entering this surgery process should be aware that this is a possible reaction to surgery. I'm not sure if only to this type of surgery, or all. The more the time passes, the more I see posts that relate to my experience. So far I've contacted six people with less, exact, or worse anxiety and depression after the sleeve. Be aware of this possibility. Know that it can debiliate you, thus you need a safety net. However, also be aware that it passes. Thank God, all that is in the past. But the experience I don't think I will ever forget.

3. Because of #2, an improved appreciation for God, life and for all my loved ones.

4. Weight loss: forty pounds down- yay!

5. Besides #2, the most impacting part of this experience is accepting the fact that the surgery did not rid my addiction to food, nor my unhealthy eating habits. I completed a mandated five month program before surgery. The instructor endlessly stressed to start working on our eating patterns and habits before surgery, to ease the transition and have more success with the procedure. As much as this was emphasized, I didn't do it. It was also emphasized that the surgery didn't cure our addiction and relationships to food, this too I ignored. To me, surgery would cure my addiction to food, would for ever change my eating patterns, and never again would I experience the vicious cycle of binging, guilt, shame, weight gain, etc. etc. etc. In my mind I figured I'd be forced to change because my body wouldn't tolerate overeating. I ached for a change, and surgery would force the change on me....problem solved! I awaited surgery with glee and faith. Well, the story goes otherwise.

I have changed some of my eating patterns and you will find plenty healthy veggies and fruits, plus lean meats in my fridge. I joined the gym for the first time in my life, and through therapy am trying to sort out my relationship with food.

However, surgery hasn't forced a change on me. You know those stories of having to induce vomit (or it naturally occuring) due to overeating? NEVER happens to me, NEVER! I cannot eat as much as before, but defenitley more than I expected. I can eat a full cup of spaghetti with cheese and sour cream in one sitting. I'll finish it, feel full, and stop eating. But thirty minutes later my pouch has made room, and I can take some more in. This especially happens when I eat out and we usually sit around chatting for a while. Time passes and I'll start nibling at my food again. I can eat about half a cup more--without being hungry. Why do I do it? I'm working on understanding it.

Those stories of no longer tolerating fatty, sugary, lactose, or other foods- not I. I can eat EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING.

Dumping syndrome? I don't even know what that is.

Having to chew food to mushy consistency- not I. I chew, but never to the consistency I thought I'd have to.

Taste buds change post surgery- not mine. Not one of the billions of taste buds have changed- at all!

Bottom line, this surgery didn't force any change on me. I have gone up and down in weight, and can't seem to break the 40 pounds mark. It's been this way for the past five weeks. I still experience the disappointment in myself over food choices and behavior. The shame and guilt sneak up, and soon I'm angry and feel defeated. All the emotions, habits, and challenges I faced with food and weight pre surgery I face now too. I thought I'd be facing these issues two years after surgery when my pouch has relaxed and expanded a bit, and many regain the weight. I thought that by that time my life would be extraordinarily wonderful- that I'd never regain the weight and give up my success and joy. Well, it's only been four months and I'm facing reality already. Everyone considering surgery needs to know this. I think those who've had success with the sleeve have had it because they've made changes that have yielded the success. The sleeve itself will not yield it. Maybe everyone already knows this, but I have been known to be a late bloomer.

Do I regret having had surgery? Honestly, there is nothing to regret. I had (and pray that it continues) zero complications, I still enjoy food, have a very active social life, have gone down a size in clothes, and experience no pain, vomit, nausea, or anything of the sort. I feel blessed that my surgery has gone so smooth, pain free, and complication free. I pray that it continues to do so. I prefer to deal with my current issues, than any physical complication.

There really is nothing to regret. On the contrary, I believe this surgery has a higher purpose in my life. It isn't yielding the weight success I imagined, but it is forcing me to look deep into myself and work with what is out of balance. I can't run away from it anymore. I refuse to have gone through this experience and continue on the road of addiction, caught in that endless dark cycle. This is the change my sleeve had brought to my life. My progress comes in baby steps, but I'll get there.

God bless you all!

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

Interesting! Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you are able to overcome some of these roadblocks that have popped up.

[trudat 0]

I think this thread goes on this forum, not wher I posted before...

Hi all! Tomorrow marks my fourth month post surgery. What has this journey been like? Well...

1. No leakage or any other serious complication- thank God!

2. I never expected the post surgery experience I had. Anxiety and depression, like I've never witnessed in myself or anyone else. kicked in about two weeks post. Uncontrollable, snowballing, unexplainable, irrational fear, sadness, and regret. I went on tranquilizers, developed a mild dependecy on the benzo, had to follow a tapering process, but all ended well. This experience is unforgettable to me and my family! Everyone entering this surgery process should be aware that this is a possible reaction to surgery. I'm not sure if only to this type of surgery, or all. The more the time passes, the more I see posts that relate to my experience. So far I've contacted six people with less, exact, or worse anxiety and depression after the sleeve. Be aware of this possibility. Know that it can debiliate you, thus you need a safety net. However, also be aware that it passes. Thank God, all that is in the past. But the experience I don't think I will ever forget.

3. Because of #2, an improved appreciation for God, life and for all my loved ones.

4. Weight loss: forty pounds down- yay!

5. Besides #2, the most impacting part of this experience is accepting the fact that the surgery did not rid my addiction to food, nor my unhealthy eating habits. I completed a mandated five month program before surgery. The instructor endlessly stressed to start working on our eating patterns and habits before surgery, to ease the transition and have more success with the procedure. As much as this was emphasized, I didn't do it. It was also emphasized that the surgery didn't cure our addiction and relationships to food, this too I ignored. To me, surgery would cure my addiction to food, would for ever change my eating patterns, and never again would I experience the vicious cycle of binging, guilt, shame, weight gain, etc. etc. etc. In my mind I figured I'd be forced to change because my body wouldn't tolerate overeating. I ached for a change, and surgery would force the change on me....problem solved! I awaited surgery with glee and faith. Well, the story goes otherwise.

I have changed some of my eating patterns and you will find plenty healthy veggies and fruits, plus lean meats in my fridge. I joined the gym for the first time in my life, and through therapy am trying to sort out my relationship with food.

However, surgery hasn't forced a change on me. You know those stories of having to induce vomit (or it naturally occuring) due to overeating? NEVER happens to me, NEVER! I cannot eat as much as before, but defenitley more than I expected. I can eat a full cup of spaghetti with cheese and sour cream in one sitting. I'll finish it, feel full, and stop eating. But thirty minutes later my pouch has made room, and I can take some more in. This especially happens when I eat out and we usually sit around chatting for a while. Time passes and I'll start nibling at my food again. I can eat about half a cup more--without being hungry. Why do I do it? I'm working on understanding it.

Those stories of no longer tolerating fatty, sugary, lactose, or other foods- not I. I can eat EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING.

Dumping syndrome? I don't even know what that is.

Having to chew food to mushy consistency- not I. I chew, but never to the consistency I thought I'd have to.

Taste buds change post surgery- not mine. Not one of the billions of taste buds have changed- at all!

Bottom line, this surgery didn't force any change on me. I have gone up and down in weight, and can't seem to break the 40 pounds mark. It's been this way for the past five weeks. I still experience the disappointment in myself over food choices and behavior. The shame and guilt sneak up, and soon I'm angry and feel defeated. All the emotions, habits, and challenges I faced with food and weight pre surgery I face now too. I thought I'd be facing these issues two years after surgery when my pouch has relaxed and expanded a bit, and many regain the weight. I thought that by that time my life would be extraordinarily wonderful- that I'd never regain the weight and give up my success and joy. Well, it's only been four months and I'm facing reality already. Everyone considering surgery needs to know this. I think those who've had success with the sleeve have had it because they've made changes that have yielded the success. The sleeve itself will not yield it. Maybe everyone already knows this, but I have been known to be a late bloomer.

Do I regret having had surgery? Honestly, there is nothing to regret. I had (and pray that it continues) zero complications, I still enjoy food, have a very active social life, have gone down a size in clothes, and experience no pain, vomit, nausea, or anything of the sort. I feel blessed that my surgery has gone so smooth, pain free, and complication free. I pray that it continues to do so. I prefer to deal with my current issues, than any physical complication.

There really is nothing to regret. On the contrary, I believe this surgery has a higher purpose in my life. It isn't yielding the weight success I imagined, but it is forcing me to look deep into myself and work with what is out of balance. I can't run away from it anymore. I refuse to have gone through this experience and continue on the road of addiction, caught in that endless dark cycle. This is the change my sleeve had brought to my life. My progress comes in baby steps, but I'll get there.

God bless you all!

I know exactly how you feel. I don't have any food aversions and I can eat anything without any negative side effect. I still love all the same old things I used to--cake batter, Cookies, candy, etc. It really is struggle on a daily basis to make the right food choices and to deal with food addiction. Plus, I have young kids who all eat "regular food" so I have to avoid constant temptations.

I would have never gotten anywhere without the sleeve, but even with it, it is hard work and constant attention to diet and exercise.

Good luck in your journey. I know exactly how you feel!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,280]

Very inspiring post estrellita. Yes, when it comes down to it, the only thing our sleeve will do is prevent us from gorging. Everything we put in it though still comes from our own willpower.

Do not stress that you have ONLY lost 40 Lbs. That right now is STILL 10 Lbs lost per month, and is really very good. Take this time to realize that we are human, and are not super human. You did the right thing by admitting you could have done better, and you are doing all you can to do just that. I admire you so much for that!

Hang in there!!

[Filosophia Scandinavia 1]

This is one of the best post, I have read. Thank you so much for decribing everything!

I have read a lot of hormones stored in fat, when fat is broken down, the hormones are released in the blodstream, causing depression and anxiety. Many people experience the same with RNY. Maybe that has been a factor as well?

Also - the thing you describe about the eating patterns are so informative and interesting. I know have a much more realistic view on this operation. And now thinking, that this will not help me as much as I hoped. (op in 20 days).

But will do it and work with my eatingpatterns the rest of my life. It is a bit like alcoholism, my addiction to sugary foods.

[Maddie 9]

It is wonderful that you are addressing your issues and not hiding from them. I wish you the very best of luck. Gratz on losing 40 lbs!

[therealme 0]

I actually had to go back and double check that I hadn't written this post because this decribes me EXACTLY!!! and i'm also 4 months post-op!! thank you so much for writing this and expressing everything that i've been feeling! it's been very hard trying to understand why i am sabotaging the effects of this amazing surgery by still grazing and eating all the time! i've also started going to overeater anonymous meetings to help me deal with this-i had to come to terms with the fact that food still controls my life. i'm also trying to be more aware and recognize when i'm grazing and it's due to stress.

i also do not get any side effects from eating high fat or surgary foods. and i don't believe i've ever had dumping syndrome....the only thing that has happened to me was that after consuming a dinner of very overdone and dry ham (which i did not chew well or slow) and 1 brussel sprout, i then exprerienced the most horrific abdominal pain and ended up in emerg. the cause of the pain remains unknown but i suspect it was due to the above food items. has anyone else ever had this??

[WolfLady 19]

I am new to the forum and am in the process of preop testing and evaluation. Thank you for posting this. It definitely gives me a better sense of changes I need to consider. I have my mental health consult this will and after reading this will take it more seriously and not try to gloss over the impact food has on my life.

[Becca 108]

Thanks for the honesty. It is so helpful to those of us that are starting this journey.

[sleeveorbust 11]

Thanks for your post!... I have had no negative side effects with eating foods just like you! I thought maybe I would be intolerant to some foods but i feel so lucky that im not!... As for me eating bad foods, I have seized that behaviour. My thought process in not eating bad foods is the thought of putting that food in my body and not getting the proper nutrients from it. Due to the fact that we are unable to eat alot of food the little food that we sleevers put in our mouths is very important as far as nutrients go. I really want to treat my body like a temple because at the end of the day its all that we have! I always tried before hand but my LARGE appetite stopped my from making the best choices that i could make... now that i have more control it is alot easier! Good luck Estrellita! And congrats on your continuous weight loss!

[Jane_J 117]

This is one of the best post, I have read. Thank you so much for decribing everything!

I have read a lot of hormones stored in fat, when fat is broken down, the hormones are released in the blodstream, causing depression and anxiety. Many people experience the same with RNY. Maybe that has been a factor as well?

Also - the thing you describe about the eating patterns are so informative and interesting. I know have a much more realistic view on this operation. And now thinking, that this will not help me as much as I hoped. (op in 20 days).

But will do it and work with my eatingpatterns the rest of my life. It is a bit like alcoholism, my addiction to sugary foods.

I guess I am lucky because the surgery completely broke my bad eating patterns into a million pieces. My tastes are completely different and I don't like carbs much any more.

I think its in the lap of the Gods how your body responds to this procedure, so good luck.

Jane x

[Georgia 2,908]

As I read this, I feel sad - really sad for those of you who have not had the expected changes you anticipated and have experienced depression, etc.

For me, the experience has been just the opposite - no (or very little) hunger, quick weight loss results, and only some light headedness at times.

I was already on a low dose of an anti-depressant for menopause prior so that might have helped with any feelings I might have experienced otherwise.

I just want all of you to know that I truly feel for each of you and do believe that the overall effects you will experience as to gradual weight loss, and healthier living will be of great benefit to you. I know for me, it was all about trying to be healthy. Watched my Mom die last Christmas day from a stroke - she took 13 meds a day and had a host of ailments. That made up my mind for me.

I had the sleeve done June 2nd and have lost 83 lbs. I am only 17 lbs from goal weight now. Started at 250 lbs.

Hang in there! God bless!

[GayleSBennett 0]

My struggles are not with the food, but with my brain. I know my body does not like rice, Pasta, potatoes, cake, Cookies, candy, ice cream anymore. I tried them all and became super high and my body felt out of whack. So I now choose to not have any. BUT my brain will say, "OooH I want Chinese." I won't order it but then I'm fixated on Chinese food for a few days. I know I can't eat the rice or wontons. But the thought of Chinese food drives me insane.

I'm 8 weeks out.

[Sarah Elsekhawy 42]

Thank you very much for your post.You really said what I exactly feel about myself and my surgery

I have experienced all this but with vertical plication

I'll start to address my issues and food addiction

This has been very helpful

Thank you once again

[Filosophia Scandinavia 1]

I guess I am lucky because the surgery completely broke my bad eating patterns into a million pieces. My tastes are completely different and I don't like carbs much any more.

I think its in the lap of the Gods how your body responds to this procedure, so good luck.

Jane x

Hi Jane

I am so glad to hear, that it is possibel for some to breake their bad eating habits.

INTO a MILLION PIECES.

Fantastic.

If I just could reduce half of my crappy intake of crappy carbs after my operation, I know I will never get overweight again. I have come a long way - but know, that I must be aware of my eating the rest of my lie. But it will be so much easier.

Thank you - inspirational!

Hugs from Copenhagen . 13 days!